Cloud Walking
Page 15
As much as I craved something more with Danny, the thought of losing him all together because of my snippy and bitchy attitude was heart crushing.
But that didn't mean I couldn't speak my mind. Because playing doormat Rachel was getting a little tiresome. “Look, I was trying to have a good time. Clay was trying to have a good time. What's the big deal?” I asked shortly, looking over at Daniel.
Daniel sighed. “Well, apparently he's a recovering alcoholic or drug addict or something. Maggie said he has a snarly history with that stuff.” Well crap, that made me feel like a complete and total jerk. Not that I knew about it, but still. Why didn't I just put a darn crack pipe in his mouth?
“Well...jeesh,” I mumbled, sitting down heavily on the swing and began to pump my legs back and forth. Daniel dropped his head and sat down on the other swing, rocking himself a bit as I moved the swing at full force.
We didn't say anything for awhile and I finally slowed down until I was gently swaying beside him. “When did things get so screwed up?” I asked quietly, the sounds of the party seemed a million miles away. It was just Daniel and me and the multitude of unspoken things between us.
Daniel let out a noisy breath. “Good question, Rach,” was all he said and we drifted into silence again. After a few more moments, he turned to look at me. “I'm an ass**le. I know that. I haven't always treated you the way you should be treated. And I'm sorry for that. But I really love you, Rachel. You and Mags are my best friends. If I've ever made you feel less than crucial to my life, I apologize. Because you are important to me. Actually important doesn't even cover it. You are fundamental to who I am. There is no Daniel Lowe without Rachel Bradfield.”
I felt tears burn the back of my throat and I had to blink them away before they rolled traitorously down my face.
That was the thing about Danny. I could hate him so completely. Wish him a thousand painful deaths. But then he pulled out the big guns. Using that amazing sensitivity that was always there just below the surface to remind me of why I loved him so much in the first place. And while I truly wished his words were said in a “non-friend” way, I couldn't deny how wonderful they were all the same.
My anger fizzled out. There just wasn't a place for it in my heart at that moment. So I looked him straight in the eye and took a chance. “Danny. I love you too.” I tried to put every ounce of my feelings into those four words. Wishing him to see that I meant them in a way that was completely and totally life altering. For me. For him. For what we could be together.
Daniel's eyes darkened as we looked into each other's eyes. Maybe he did see it. Maybe this would be it. That moment when we could be that something else.
“Hey guys.” Daniel and I broke eye contact and looked up to see Maggie coming toward us. And then we looked back at each other. The air continued to hum with words unspoken. Our eyes clung to each other. Danny's mouth opened then closed. He seemed to be struggling with something to say. Then he gave himself a little shake before we turned to look at our friend.
Chapter Eight
~Daniel~
Things weren't so bad. Everything was coming together and for the first time in awhile I felt pretty damn good. Rachel and I had come to an unspoken understanding after Melissa's party. While we weren't close to having the old ease we were used to with one another, it was getting there.
Hey, she was looking at me without murderous rage, so I take that as a rounding success.
Kylie had backed off, moving onto her latest flavor of the day and for the first time since that crazy relationship began, I wasn't bothered by it. I welcomed it even.
My mom was out of town for the week with Stephen and my dad had phoned to let me know he'd be in town later this afternoon to finalize some paperwork from the divorce. I was stoked about spending time with him. Is it completely f**ked up to admit that I had a favorite parent? Because Dad was mine, hands down.
I had seriously considered going to live with him after he had moved. But as much as I disliked my mom most of the time, I didn't want to leave my friends and my school in the middle of my senior year.
Everything was going pretty freaking great.
Well...almost.
Because there was Maggie.
As satisfied as I was in other areas of my life, not everything was syncing up the way I wanted it to. Maggie was noticeably distant. She spent all of her time with Clay. Rachel and I barely saw her anymore.
I sat across from her and the tortured hero himself. Man, he played that deep and mysterious card well, I'd give him that. But I found the whole thing a little creepy. I couldn't get a read on the guy and that bugged me. I watched as Maggie and Clay made excuses to touch each other. She was practically drooling into her lunch as she listened to him talking about poetry, or art or something equally boring and meant to make girls drop their panties for him.
I wasn't sure this guy wasn't just one big act. Sure, he seemed all angst ridden, but who's to say that wasn't just a giant fishing line all set to lure unsuspecting girls into his trap. Yeah, I was being a bit paranoid, but like I've said, the dude bugged me.
I'm sure it had more to do with the fact that it was pretty freaking obvious that Maggie was ready to drop everyone and everything for him. Rachel and I barely registered for her anymore. And I was self-aware enough to know that I was feeling more than a little jealous.
Not because I liked Maggie like that or anything. No, it had more to do with my selfish desire to have my girls all to myself. Hey, I never pretended to be overly mature. But at least I can own it.
But that didn't mean I couldn't speak my mind. Because playing doormat Rachel was getting a little tiresome. “Look, I was trying to have a good time. Clay was trying to have a good time. What's the big deal?” I asked shortly, looking over at Daniel.
Daniel sighed. “Well, apparently he's a recovering alcoholic or drug addict or something. Maggie said he has a snarly history with that stuff.” Well crap, that made me feel like a complete and total jerk. Not that I knew about it, but still. Why didn't I just put a darn crack pipe in his mouth?
“Well...jeesh,” I mumbled, sitting down heavily on the swing and began to pump my legs back and forth. Daniel dropped his head and sat down on the other swing, rocking himself a bit as I moved the swing at full force.
We didn't say anything for awhile and I finally slowed down until I was gently swaying beside him. “When did things get so screwed up?” I asked quietly, the sounds of the party seemed a million miles away. It was just Daniel and me and the multitude of unspoken things between us.
Daniel let out a noisy breath. “Good question, Rach,” was all he said and we drifted into silence again. After a few more moments, he turned to look at me. “I'm an ass**le. I know that. I haven't always treated you the way you should be treated. And I'm sorry for that. But I really love you, Rachel. You and Mags are my best friends. If I've ever made you feel less than crucial to my life, I apologize. Because you are important to me. Actually important doesn't even cover it. You are fundamental to who I am. There is no Daniel Lowe without Rachel Bradfield.”
I felt tears burn the back of my throat and I had to blink them away before they rolled traitorously down my face.
That was the thing about Danny. I could hate him so completely. Wish him a thousand painful deaths. But then he pulled out the big guns. Using that amazing sensitivity that was always there just below the surface to remind me of why I loved him so much in the first place. And while I truly wished his words were said in a “non-friend” way, I couldn't deny how wonderful they were all the same.
My anger fizzled out. There just wasn't a place for it in my heart at that moment. So I looked him straight in the eye and took a chance. “Danny. I love you too.” I tried to put every ounce of my feelings into those four words. Wishing him to see that I meant them in a way that was completely and totally life altering. For me. For him. For what we could be together.
Daniel's eyes darkened as we looked into each other's eyes. Maybe he did see it. Maybe this would be it. That moment when we could be that something else.
“Hey guys.” Daniel and I broke eye contact and looked up to see Maggie coming toward us. And then we looked back at each other. The air continued to hum with words unspoken. Our eyes clung to each other. Danny's mouth opened then closed. He seemed to be struggling with something to say. Then he gave himself a little shake before we turned to look at our friend.
Chapter Eight
~Daniel~
Things weren't so bad. Everything was coming together and for the first time in awhile I felt pretty damn good. Rachel and I had come to an unspoken understanding after Melissa's party. While we weren't close to having the old ease we were used to with one another, it was getting there.
Hey, she was looking at me without murderous rage, so I take that as a rounding success.
Kylie had backed off, moving onto her latest flavor of the day and for the first time since that crazy relationship began, I wasn't bothered by it. I welcomed it even.
My mom was out of town for the week with Stephen and my dad had phoned to let me know he'd be in town later this afternoon to finalize some paperwork from the divorce. I was stoked about spending time with him. Is it completely f**ked up to admit that I had a favorite parent? Because Dad was mine, hands down.
I had seriously considered going to live with him after he had moved. But as much as I disliked my mom most of the time, I didn't want to leave my friends and my school in the middle of my senior year.
Everything was going pretty freaking great.
Well...almost.
Because there was Maggie.
As satisfied as I was in other areas of my life, not everything was syncing up the way I wanted it to. Maggie was noticeably distant. She spent all of her time with Clay. Rachel and I barely saw her anymore.
I sat across from her and the tortured hero himself. Man, he played that deep and mysterious card well, I'd give him that. But I found the whole thing a little creepy. I couldn't get a read on the guy and that bugged me. I watched as Maggie and Clay made excuses to touch each other. She was practically drooling into her lunch as she listened to him talking about poetry, or art or something equally boring and meant to make girls drop their panties for him.
I wasn't sure this guy wasn't just one big act. Sure, he seemed all angst ridden, but who's to say that wasn't just a giant fishing line all set to lure unsuspecting girls into his trap. Yeah, I was being a bit paranoid, but like I've said, the dude bugged me.
I'm sure it had more to do with the fact that it was pretty freaking obvious that Maggie was ready to drop everyone and everything for him. Rachel and I barely registered for her anymore. And I was self-aware enough to know that I was feeling more than a little jealous.
Not because I liked Maggie like that or anything. No, it had more to do with my selfish desire to have my girls all to myself. Hey, I never pretended to be overly mature. But at least I can own it.
