Cloud Walking
Page 22
Fuck me! I wanted her back in my life so badly I thought I'd explode. But things had changed so drastically between us I didn't think that would ever happen. I had lost one of my best friends because of my own stupidity. Because I was too scared to risk following my heart and perhaps getting something even better in the process.
Because I loved Rachel Marie Bradfield. I realize now that I had loved her for a long time. At one time, I was certain she had felt the same. But now...I wasn't so sure. She was so angry and bitter. And I felt sure I was the cause.
So, yeah...I was losing one best friend because I was too scared to admit out loud that I loved her. I was too scared of the possible rejection and fall out. And I was losing my other best friend because her love was eating her alive.
Love definitely sucked.
I found myself going a bit overboard to try to make up for the fact that I was miserable inside. I was too drunk. Too loud. My jokes too forced.
Then my phone rang. And it was Kylie. She'd been calling me for days. I had been stupid and let her come over last week. She'd tried to hook up again but I had smacked that possibility firmly into the ground. I thought she would have gotten the hint after the dance but she was anything if not tenacious.
I was sure her attempts at getting me back had more to do with the fact that I wasn't as easily accessible as I had been in the past. The whole wanting something you can't have thing. I had been trying to be nice about it, but my patience had grown considerably thin.
So after the shitty day I had had, I was ready to nail this coffin shut. I excused myself from the group to answer the call, prepared to end this once and for all.
“Kylie. Seriously, this is getting old,” I said in way of greeting.
Kylie sighed on the other end. “Please, Danny. I've been so stupid. I just want another chance. With everything going on with my parents, it made me realize how great we are together,” she pleaded. She was coming at me with all of her ammo. But I wasn't having it.
“We've been over this already. What you and I had is over. I'll always care about you, but I'm done. If you need to talk about your parents, I'm here. As friends,” I told her shortly. Having this same conversation over and over again was exhausting. I wanted to get back to my friends. To the good time I had been trying to have.
I could tell Kylie had started to cry and that made me feel like total shit. Until I remembered that Kylie used tears like a weapon. She knew I was a sucker for them, so she was going in for the kill. “Kylie, come on. Stop crying. You'll be fine. You'll get through this stuff with your folks. But us...together...that didn't work so well. So let's just shoot it and put it out of its misery,” I said, trying for humor to lighten things.
That only made Kylie cry harder. “But I need you, Danny!” she wailed. I rolled my eyes. She was laying it on pretty thick. I blew out a breath and decided enough was enough.
“Give it a rest, Kylie. You know as well as I do that the only reason you're putting so much effort into getting me back is because for the first time, I'm not running to you with my f**king tail between my legs. You don't care about me. It's the fact that I'm not grabbing the carrot you're dangling that's the problem. So suck it up and move on.” My voice rose and I could feel the surge of anger.
The crying stopped instantly. “You are a complete ass**le, Daniel Lowe. With everything I've got going on, I can't believe you're treating me like this. I wasted so much time with you. And just so you know, I've been sleeping with Logan for the last year and a half,” she threw at me.
It wasn't like her words were exactly a surprise. I knew she wanted them to hurt. Too bad for her, I couldn't give a crap. “Well, go blow up his phone then,” I said just before I hung up. I smiled down at the dark screen. Damn, that felt good. I shoved the phone in my pocket and headed back to the living room just in time to see Rachel heading toward the hallway.
“Where are you going? We've got a game to win,” I said jokingly, not wanting Rachel to leave. I could tell she was upset and call it a hunch, but I knew that I was the reason. I wanted to reach out and hold her. To tell her to stop being so silly because I wanted her and only her. But I was so damned scared to take that step. To screw up things even more than I already had.
But Rachel was beyond angry. Beyond upset. “You know what, Daniel. I'm f**king done.” And that made me angry. Because I didn't want her to be “done.” I wanted to hear, from her, why she was so mad at me all the time. I was sick of the games. Sick of the drama. I just wanted everything to quiet the f**k down so I could think around this crazy buzzing in my head.
Maggie immediately intervened but I cut her off. “No, Maggie. Let her say what she wants to say. Obviously I've pissed her off, again.” Okay, so I sounded like a dick. I didn't mean to sound like an insensitive ass but I just didn't know what else to do.
Rachel got up in my face. Her mouth was an inch from mine and we were both breathing heavily. I couldn't stop myself from looking down at her lips and thinking about tasting them. God, I wanted to taste them.
“Damn straight you pissed me off! I'm so sick of watching you go back and forth with that skank!” I was tired of her throwing Kylie in my face. Particularly when it was a complete moot point. If she'd just let me explain, for once... But I was pissed too and I didn't handle that well.
“What the hell is it to you?” I growled as I watched Maggie and Clay try to lead Rachel away. I was goading her, I knew that. But I wanted to hear what she'd say. I wanted to know what she was thinking, more than I wanted anything.
Because I loved Rachel Marie Bradfield. I realize now that I had loved her for a long time. At one time, I was certain she had felt the same. But now...I wasn't so sure. She was so angry and bitter. And I felt sure I was the cause.
So, yeah...I was losing one best friend because I was too scared to admit out loud that I loved her. I was too scared of the possible rejection and fall out. And I was losing my other best friend because her love was eating her alive.
Love definitely sucked.
I found myself going a bit overboard to try to make up for the fact that I was miserable inside. I was too drunk. Too loud. My jokes too forced.
Then my phone rang. And it was Kylie. She'd been calling me for days. I had been stupid and let her come over last week. She'd tried to hook up again but I had smacked that possibility firmly into the ground. I thought she would have gotten the hint after the dance but she was anything if not tenacious.
I was sure her attempts at getting me back had more to do with the fact that I wasn't as easily accessible as I had been in the past. The whole wanting something you can't have thing. I had been trying to be nice about it, but my patience had grown considerably thin.
So after the shitty day I had had, I was ready to nail this coffin shut. I excused myself from the group to answer the call, prepared to end this once and for all.
“Kylie. Seriously, this is getting old,” I said in way of greeting.
Kylie sighed on the other end. “Please, Danny. I've been so stupid. I just want another chance. With everything going on with my parents, it made me realize how great we are together,” she pleaded. She was coming at me with all of her ammo. But I wasn't having it.
“We've been over this already. What you and I had is over. I'll always care about you, but I'm done. If you need to talk about your parents, I'm here. As friends,” I told her shortly. Having this same conversation over and over again was exhausting. I wanted to get back to my friends. To the good time I had been trying to have.
I could tell Kylie had started to cry and that made me feel like total shit. Until I remembered that Kylie used tears like a weapon. She knew I was a sucker for them, so she was going in for the kill. “Kylie, come on. Stop crying. You'll be fine. You'll get through this stuff with your folks. But us...together...that didn't work so well. So let's just shoot it and put it out of its misery,” I said, trying for humor to lighten things.
That only made Kylie cry harder. “But I need you, Danny!” she wailed. I rolled my eyes. She was laying it on pretty thick. I blew out a breath and decided enough was enough.
“Give it a rest, Kylie. You know as well as I do that the only reason you're putting so much effort into getting me back is because for the first time, I'm not running to you with my f**king tail between my legs. You don't care about me. It's the fact that I'm not grabbing the carrot you're dangling that's the problem. So suck it up and move on.” My voice rose and I could feel the surge of anger.
The crying stopped instantly. “You are a complete ass**le, Daniel Lowe. With everything I've got going on, I can't believe you're treating me like this. I wasted so much time with you. And just so you know, I've been sleeping with Logan for the last year and a half,” she threw at me.
It wasn't like her words were exactly a surprise. I knew she wanted them to hurt. Too bad for her, I couldn't give a crap. “Well, go blow up his phone then,” I said just before I hung up. I smiled down at the dark screen. Damn, that felt good. I shoved the phone in my pocket and headed back to the living room just in time to see Rachel heading toward the hallway.
“Where are you going? We've got a game to win,” I said jokingly, not wanting Rachel to leave. I could tell she was upset and call it a hunch, but I knew that I was the reason. I wanted to reach out and hold her. To tell her to stop being so silly because I wanted her and only her. But I was so damned scared to take that step. To screw up things even more than I already had.
But Rachel was beyond angry. Beyond upset. “You know what, Daniel. I'm f**king done.” And that made me angry. Because I didn't want her to be “done.” I wanted to hear, from her, why she was so mad at me all the time. I was sick of the games. Sick of the drama. I just wanted everything to quiet the f**k down so I could think around this crazy buzzing in my head.
Maggie immediately intervened but I cut her off. “No, Maggie. Let her say what she wants to say. Obviously I've pissed her off, again.” Okay, so I sounded like a dick. I didn't mean to sound like an insensitive ass but I just didn't know what else to do.
Rachel got up in my face. Her mouth was an inch from mine and we were both breathing heavily. I couldn't stop myself from looking down at her lips and thinking about tasting them. God, I wanted to taste them.
“Damn straight you pissed me off! I'm so sick of watching you go back and forth with that skank!” I was tired of her throwing Kylie in my face. Particularly when it was a complete moot point. If she'd just let me explain, for once... But I was pissed too and I didn't handle that well.
“What the hell is it to you?” I growled as I watched Maggie and Clay try to lead Rachel away. I was goading her, I knew that. But I wanted to hear what she'd say. I wanted to know what she was thinking, more than I wanted anything.
