Cloud Walking
Page 24
She took in a sharp breath. My fingers pressed into her skin and I wanted desperately to pull her forward that fraction of an inch so I could kiss her. But not yet. Not until I heard what she had to say.
“Danny,” she said in an agonized groan, pulling away from me. My stomach lurched. This is what I had been scared of. Her rejection. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to lose my shit right here. And by lose my shit, I mean cry like a little baby.
“Danny,” she said again, this time more forcefully. I opened my eyes and she was frowning at me. Never a good sign. “What do you expect me to say?” she asked me, her voice hurt and angry. Her face started to flush and I saw the red creeping up her neck. I knew I was in for it.
I opened my mouth to answer her but she cut in. “How dare you come in here, after everything and lay that crap out like that! What about Kylie? What about the millions of times I practically handed myself over only to have you push me away like I didn't f**king matter!” she screeched. Oh man, she used the f-bomb. Rachel rarely cussed. I wondered if it was too late to duck for cover.
“Rachel. I'm...”
“Sorry? You're sorry? Well that's not good enough, Daniel!” she yelled, jumping to her feet. My mouth hung open as she started to pace around the room. She gripped her hands into fists as she let out everything she was feeling. I could admit I was freaked out. But I was also perversely turned on by it. Because she was hot when she was pissed. There was something seriously wrong with me.
“I have loved you since I was five, Danny! Five! And for the last twelve years, I have had to sit back and watch you date these girls that were never good enough for you. When all I wanted was for once! Just once, for you to look at me the way you looked at them! And now here you are, after all this time...telling me you want me? And you think I'm just going to jump into your arms and count my lucky stars that you deign me worthy of your attention? Well tough luck, buddy! I want more for myself than to be someone's...AFTERTHOUGHT! I deserve some cloud walking, darn it!” Her words while started off strong, ended in a quiet kind of confession.
Cloud walking? What the hell was that?
But then I thought about what she had just told me. And I knew I had to make this right. Now.
I got to my feet and moved until I was standing directly in front of her. I carefully and ever so slowly put my hands on her shoulders. “Rachel. Just listen to me for a second,” I told her, waiting for her to settle down so I knew she was listening.
Rachel took a deep breath and looked up at me. Tears coated her lashes and made her big, brown eyes look even larger. “I have had my head so far up my own ass I couldn't see anything. Kylie was a mistake. Every other girl who wasn't you was a mistake. But Rachel, I think I've loved you just as long,” I admitted. She snorted and shook her head in disbelief.
“Give me a break. Sure, you loved me...while you were screwing Kylie, right?”
Ouch. Okay, I deserved that.
“I was looking for something. At first, I thought it was just the sex. Hell, I'm a guy and I make bad choices where my dick is concerned. But the truth is, I've never felt that thing with Kylie. Sure, I liked being with her some of the time. I even thought it might be love. But looking at it now, with clear eyes, I know that was never the case. I never once lost sleep at night when she was mad at me. Yeah, I always tried to make things right, but it more about making my life easier than making her happy. But I never agonized over ways to make her feel better when she was sad. I never thought of a million ways to make her smile.” Rachel's eyes were shiny again and I knew it was a matter of time until she was crying again. So I needed to make this quick.
“But Rachel, every time you hurt, I hurt. Particularly, when I'm the cause of it. I've been an insensitive jerk. But I need you to know that you are all I can think about. That you give me freaking butterflies in my stomach. That when we're together I feel like...”
“Cloud walking.” Rachel grinned.
“Huh?” I asked, cocking my eyebrow at her.
Rachel sniffed and shook her head. “It's just something my mom said. You know that feeling when you're on top of the world, like you could walk on the clouds,” she explained.
I nodded and cupped her face with my hand. “Cloud walking. I like that. And yeah, that's exactly how you make me feel. Like my feet will never touch the ground.”
Rachel's entire body seemed to relax. Maybe, just maybe she wasn't going to kick me in the balls.
“So what do you say? Should we give this thing between you and me a try? Just give me a chance. You're already the best thing in my life...I just want you to be the best thing in my life as my girlfriend.” I was being super cheesy but I couldn't help it.
Rachel's answering grin made my heart speed up. “Your girlfriend, huh?” Then her eyes shadowed over. “What if it all ends badly? What if we ruin our friendship?” she asked with worry.
And then I just couldn't wait any longer to taste her. I leaned forward and put my lips to hers. She held absolutely still until my mouth slanted over hers again and my tongue began to tease its way inside her sweet lips. God, she was more delicious than I had imagined.
I pulled away just as she started to kiss me back. Our foreheads touched and I looked into her eyes. “How could you and me end badly? We're already the most amazing thing ever.” I could see her melt and as I took her mouth with mine again, I knew I was right. This was the most amazing thing ever.
“Danny,” she said in an agonized groan, pulling away from me. My stomach lurched. This is what I had been scared of. Her rejection. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to lose my shit right here. And by lose my shit, I mean cry like a little baby.
“Danny,” she said again, this time more forcefully. I opened my eyes and she was frowning at me. Never a good sign. “What do you expect me to say?” she asked me, her voice hurt and angry. Her face started to flush and I saw the red creeping up her neck. I knew I was in for it.
I opened my mouth to answer her but she cut in. “How dare you come in here, after everything and lay that crap out like that! What about Kylie? What about the millions of times I practically handed myself over only to have you push me away like I didn't f**king matter!” she screeched. Oh man, she used the f-bomb. Rachel rarely cussed. I wondered if it was too late to duck for cover.
“Rachel. I'm...”
“Sorry? You're sorry? Well that's not good enough, Daniel!” she yelled, jumping to her feet. My mouth hung open as she started to pace around the room. She gripped her hands into fists as she let out everything she was feeling. I could admit I was freaked out. But I was also perversely turned on by it. Because she was hot when she was pissed. There was something seriously wrong with me.
“I have loved you since I was five, Danny! Five! And for the last twelve years, I have had to sit back and watch you date these girls that were never good enough for you. When all I wanted was for once! Just once, for you to look at me the way you looked at them! And now here you are, after all this time...telling me you want me? And you think I'm just going to jump into your arms and count my lucky stars that you deign me worthy of your attention? Well tough luck, buddy! I want more for myself than to be someone's...AFTERTHOUGHT! I deserve some cloud walking, darn it!” Her words while started off strong, ended in a quiet kind of confession.
Cloud walking? What the hell was that?
But then I thought about what she had just told me. And I knew I had to make this right. Now.
I got to my feet and moved until I was standing directly in front of her. I carefully and ever so slowly put my hands on her shoulders. “Rachel. Just listen to me for a second,” I told her, waiting for her to settle down so I knew she was listening.
Rachel took a deep breath and looked up at me. Tears coated her lashes and made her big, brown eyes look even larger. “I have had my head so far up my own ass I couldn't see anything. Kylie was a mistake. Every other girl who wasn't you was a mistake. But Rachel, I think I've loved you just as long,” I admitted. She snorted and shook her head in disbelief.
“Give me a break. Sure, you loved me...while you were screwing Kylie, right?”
Ouch. Okay, I deserved that.
“I was looking for something. At first, I thought it was just the sex. Hell, I'm a guy and I make bad choices where my dick is concerned. But the truth is, I've never felt that thing with Kylie. Sure, I liked being with her some of the time. I even thought it might be love. But looking at it now, with clear eyes, I know that was never the case. I never once lost sleep at night when she was mad at me. Yeah, I always tried to make things right, but it more about making my life easier than making her happy. But I never agonized over ways to make her feel better when she was sad. I never thought of a million ways to make her smile.” Rachel's eyes were shiny again and I knew it was a matter of time until she was crying again. So I needed to make this quick.
“But Rachel, every time you hurt, I hurt. Particularly, when I'm the cause of it. I've been an insensitive jerk. But I need you to know that you are all I can think about. That you give me freaking butterflies in my stomach. That when we're together I feel like...”
“Cloud walking.” Rachel grinned.
“Huh?” I asked, cocking my eyebrow at her.
Rachel sniffed and shook her head. “It's just something my mom said. You know that feeling when you're on top of the world, like you could walk on the clouds,” she explained.
I nodded and cupped her face with my hand. “Cloud walking. I like that. And yeah, that's exactly how you make me feel. Like my feet will never touch the ground.”
Rachel's entire body seemed to relax. Maybe, just maybe she wasn't going to kick me in the balls.
“So what do you say? Should we give this thing between you and me a try? Just give me a chance. You're already the best thing in my life...I just want you to be the best thing in my life as my girlfriend.” I was being super cheesy but I couldn't help it.
Rachel's answering grin made my heart speed up. “Your girlfriend, huh?” Then her eyes shadowed over. “What if it all ends badly? What if we ruin our friendship?” she asked with worry.
And then I just couldn't wait any longer to taste her. I leaned forward and put my lips to hers. She held absolutely still until my mouth slanted over hers again and my tongue began to tease its way inside her sweet lips. God, she was more delicious than I had imagined.
I pulled away just as she started to kiss me back. Our foreheads touched and I looked into her eyes. “How could you and me end badly? We're already the most amazing thing ever.” I could see her melt and as I took her mouth with mine again, I knew I was right. This was the most amazing thing ever.
