Cloud Walking
Page 26
I hate to admit how relieved I was. Did that make me a bad friend? That I'd rather see her miserable than with the guy she loved? Daniel and I talked a lot about it and he felt the exact same way. We had tried. Honest and truly tried to get behind their relationship. But witnessing the slow deterioration of your best friend was a hard thing to stomach.
Watching Maggie's love for Clay tear her apart, I couldn't help but draw comparisons to my own new and blossoming relationship. Sure, it had taken us a long time to get here, with our fair share of hurt feelings and tears. But now that we had found our way to each other, the miscommunication, insecurities and doubts had disappeared. Daniel and I were sure in the feelings we had for each other and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't know how much he cared about me.
I wanted that for Maggie so desperately. I wanted her to have that lighter than air feeling when she and Clay were together. Instead, she felt nothing but the weight of their dysfunction. Because that's what they were; dysfunctional. I wasn't sure why. Maggie would never say what Clay's deal was. Why he was so hot and cold, up and down. I had my theories but not ones that I shared with her. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Until then, Danny and I supported her as best we could. Even as she pushed us away.
Since that day we had cornered her, Maggie seemed to be trying. But her “trying” was really kind of pathetic. Because her heart wasn't in it. And she was still half of the person she used to be.
My mom stirred some more sugar into her coffee before taking a drink. “Laura says she's depressed. That ever since she and that boy she was dating broke up, she barely talks to either her or Marty. She stays in her room most of the time, and is barely eating. She's apparently having these nightmares where she wakes up screaming. Laura was a complete mess. I think it would be good if you guys try to get Maggie out of the house more often.”
Daniel and I traded glances again. My mom had no idea how much we badgered our friend. “Sure Mom,” I agreed, feeling like maybe we did need to step up our game a bit. After my mom finished her coffee, she went to go get changed for work.
Daniel stayed in the kitchen to help Kaitlin with her homework and I went back to my room to get my English notes for the essay I had to work on. I was rooting through my book bag when my mom stopped in my doorway, already changed into her scrubs.
“How late is Danny planning to stay?” she asked. I looked at her in surprise. His being at the house had never been an issue before. My mom rolled her eyes. “Please, Rach. I'm not an idiot. I can see you guys are dating. So, of course that changes how late he can stay. I don't need to be a grandmother before forty, thank you very much.”
I made a choking noise and my mom let out a gruff laugh. “I'm glad the two of you got everything figured out. And he's being good to you, right?” she asked, watching me closely. I felt a burst of warmth in the center of my chest. My mom loved me. Even though she had a hard time expressing it, she really did. And that made me feel extremely lucky.
I nodded. “Yeah, Mom. Everything's sort of great,” I told her, grinning. My mother gave me her own small smile.
“Good. I'm happy to hear it.” She turned to go then looked at me over her shoulder. “Eleven o'clock, Rachel Marie. And then he needs to go home. I'll see you in the morning.” With that, she turned and left.
After Mom was gone and Kaitlin was in bed, Daniel and I snuggled down on the couch to watch TV. Daniel's fingers traced circles up and down my arm and I never thought I would tire of the way I felt as he held me. I couldn't believe we were finally here. At this point. I truly never thought we would.
And the beautiful thing was I hadn't lost my best friend. In fact I felt as though that part of our relationship had only grown stronger.
“What are we going to do about Maggie?” I asked, laying my head on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear. It was a comforting sound. One that made me feel completely safe.
Daniel took a deep breath, causing my head to rise and fall with the motion. His arms came around me, holding me tight. He kissed the top of my head, his nose buried in my hair. He did that a lot - smell my hair, my neck. I had joked one of the first times I had noticed it, that I hoped he wasn't giving me a subtle hint that I needed to take a shower. He had only kissed me and explained that my scent was calming. He admitted with embarrassment that when we were kids, I had left a stocking cap at his house after playing in the snow one afternoon. He had kept the hat because it smelled like me. That there was something about the way I smelled that made him feel better.
After admitting that, Daniel had worried that I would think him a freaky stalker or something. But to me, that just proved that he had loved him as long as I had loved him. It just took him longer to realize that was what he was feeling.
“I'm not sure. I, uh...well...I talked to Clay the other day,” Daniel admitted. I looked up at him, my eyebrows raised.
“Really? When? I haven't seen him around in weeks.” I could only imagine how that conversation went. Daniel wasn't Clay Reed's biggest fan.
Daniel squeezed the back of his neck before returning his hand to my back. He started to rub the skin under my shirt and I relaxed into him again. “I waited for him in the parking lot at lunch. You know, because he's been cutting out of school so early. Figured it was time he and I had a little chat.”
“Ah, so you didn't have a lunch tutorial,” I said, pinching him in the side. Daniel squirmed.
Watching Maggie's love for Clay tear her apart, I couldn't help but draw comparisons to my own new and blossoming relationship. Sure, it had taken us a long time to get here, with our fair share of hurt feelings and tears. But now that we had found our way to each other, the miscommunication, insecurities and doubts had disappeared. Daniel and I were sure in the feelings we had for each other and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't know how much he cared about me.
I wanted that for Maggie so desperately. I wanted her to have that lighter than air feeling when she and Clay were together. Instead, she felt nothing but the weight of their dysfunction. Because that's what they were; dysfunctional. I wasn't sure why. Maggie would never say what Clay's deal was. Why he was so hot and cold, up and down. I had my theories but not ones that I shared with her. If she wanted to tell me, she would. Until then, Danny and I supported her as best we could. Even as she pushed us away.
Since that day we had cornered her, Maggie seemed to be trying. But her “trying” was really kind of pathetic. Because her heart wasn't in it. And she was still half of the person she used to be.
My mom stirred some more sugar into her coffee before taking a drink. “Laura says she's depressed. That ever since she and that boy she was dating broke up, she barely talks to either her or Marty. She stays in her room most of the time, and is barely eating. She's apparently having these nightmares where she wakes up screaming. Laura was a complete mess. I think it would be good if you guys try to get Maggie out of the house more often.”
Daniel and I traded glances again. My mom had no idea how much we badgered our friend. “Sure Mom,” I agreed, feeling like maybe we did need to step up our game a bit. After my mom finished her coffee, she went to go get changed for work.
Daniel stayed in the kitchen to help Kaitlin with her homework and I went back to my room to get my English notes for the essay I had to work on. I was rooting through my book bag when my mom stopped in my doorway, already changed into her scrubs.
“How late is Danny planning to stay?” she asked. I looked at her in surprise. His being at the house had never been an issue before. My mom rolled her eyes. “Please, Rach. I'm not an idiot. I can see you guys are dating. So, of course that changes how late he can stay. I don't need to be a grandmother before forty, thank you very much.”
I made a choking noise and my mom let out a gruff laugh. “I'm glad the two of you got everything figured out. And he's being good to you, right?” she asked, watching me closely. I felt a burst of warmth in the center of my chest. My mom loved me. Even though she had a hard time expressing it, she really did. And that made me feel extremely lucky.
I nodded. “Yeah, Mom. Everything's sort of great,” I told her, grinning. My mother gave me her own small smile.
“Good. I'm happy to hear it.” She turned to go then looked at me over her shoulder. “Eleven o'clock, Rachel Marie. And then he needs to go home. I'll see you in the morning.” With that, she turned and left.
After Mom was gone and Kaitlin was in bed, Daniel and I snuggled down on the couch to watch TV. Daniel's fingers traced circles up and down my arm and I never thought I would tire of the way I felt as he held me. I couldn't believe we were finally here. At this point. I truly never thought we would.
And the beautiful thing was I hadn't lost my best friend. In fact I felt as though that part of our relationship had only grown stronger.
“What are we going to do about Maggie?” I asked, laying my head on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear. It was a comforting sound. One that made me feel completely safe.
Daniel took a deep breath, causing my head to rise and fall with the motion. His arms came around me, holding me tight. He kissed the top of my head, his nose buried in my hair. He did that a lot - smell my hair, my neck. I had joked one of the first times I had noticed it, that I hoped he wasn't giving me a subtle hint that I needed to take a shower. He had only kissed me and explained that my scent was calming. He admitted with embarrassment that when we were kids, I had left a stocking cap at his house after playing in the snow one afternoon. He had kept the hat because it smelled like me. That there was something about the way I smelled that made him feel better.
After admitting that, Daniel had worried that I would think him a freaky stalker or something. But to me, that just proved that he had loved him as long as I had loved him. It just took him longer to realize that was what he was feeling.
“I'm not sure. I, uh...well...I talked to Clay the other day,” Daniel admitted. I looked up at him, my eyebrows raised.
“Really? When? I haven't seen him around in weeks.” I could only imagine how that conversation went. Daniel wasn't Clay Reed's biggest fan.
Daniel squeezed the back of his neck before returning his hand to my back. He started to rub the skin under my shirt and I relaxed into him again. “I waited for him in the parking lot at lunch. You know, because he's been cutting out of school so early. Figured it was time he and I had a little chat.”
“Ah, so you didn't have a lunch tutorial,” I said, pinching him in the side. Daniel squirmed.
