Cocky Bastard
Page 63
She forced a timid smile. “Hi.”
I gestured to the table behind me. “I already got us coffee and picked us up some breakfast.”
She sat. “What is all this?”
“It’s an Australian breakfast.”
“An Australian breakfast? Here at Starbucks?”
“I sort of brought it in. Melanie was good with it.”
Aubrey looked back over her shoulder at the register. Melanie and two others were blatantly watching us with huge smiles on their faces. She rolled her eyes when she looked back at me. “Tell me what you’re feeding me?”
I smirked. She frowned. “We need to set some ground rules.”
“You’re setting me up to fail then.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know if you set up rules, I won’t be able to help myself. I’ll need to break them.”
“Rule number one. No breaking the rules.”
“That’s a little extreme isn’t it? If I break rule number four then I’ve gone and broken two rules. You’re being difficult already.”
“I could leave.”
“Why would you do that? I like you best when you’re difficult.”
“You would.”
“Why don’t we get something in you? I think you’re extra cranky because you haven’t eaten yet.”
“Fine.” She looked at the food on the table and licked her lips.
Fuck me. This was going to be harder than I thought.
I lifted the toast to show it to her. “This is Vegemite. It’s an Aussie favorite.” My sister and I might have left Australia behind, but there were certain things we couldn’t part with.
“It sounds sort of…gross.”
“If you eat it alone, it could be. But when you slather it with butter, it’s fan-fucking-tastic.”
I offered her a bite of the toast. She attempted to take it from my hand. I pulled the offering back from her reach. “Australian tradition, you feed each other the Vegemite. It’s sort of a peace offering between new friends.” Okay, so that part, I totally made up. But I’d skipped the hello kiss, so I needed something.
She shook her head, but looked amused. “Fine.” Aubrey opened her mouth and closed her eyes.
Jesus Christ. This woman was going to be the death of me. Two years. Now I had to look at the woman I’d been dreaming about for all that time with her painted lips opened and eyes shut waiting for me. And I thought prison was a test of restraint.
Unlike most Americans, Aubrey liked the Vegemite. For some odd reason, I knew she would. Together we devoured everything I brought as we danced around real conversation with small talk. I knew in order to start to win back her trust, she needed to see what Adele meant to me. I also wanted to open myself up to her—transparency invites trust. Dr. Phil was one of the approved shows in prison.
“When Adele and I were kids, I used to like to play practical jokes on her. Saran wrap her body to the bed while she slept. Saran wrap the toilet bowl so she would pee on the floor. Hide under her bed until she got into it and turned the light off. Then I’d jump out and scare the crap out of her.”
“And I used to feel deprived for not having a sibling.”
“Yeah, well. She got even with me once.” I offered her the last bite of the toast, and she didn’t hesitate to open. Why did I love that she ordered salads with Dick and let me fill her with carbohydrates and empty calories?
“What did she do?”
“She was maybe eight or nine, so I was probably ten or soon to be eleven. I’d just found both soccer and girls. There was a girl I’d taken notice of, and she seemed to have noticed me, too. Izzy. She was on the sidelines of my practice one day, and I was showing off…bouncing the ball all over my knee and my head. Izzy was impressed. I had her just where I wanted her. Until I turned around.”
“What did Adele do?”
“She’d painted the back of my white soccer uniform with Vegemite. You ate it between two pieces of toast. But it’s not a pretty sight.”
She laughed. “I’m glad you told me that after we finished eating.”
“Izzy lost interest, and I became Chance dirty pants.”
We both cracked up. “And to think, years later, that dirty pants ass would become famous.”
“You know, that poster has my face on it, too. It’s only a little of my arse showing.”
“Trust me. It’s the ass that sold it.”
“Are you saying you like my ass better than my face?”
I gestured to the table behind me. “I already got us coffee and picked us up some breakfast.”
She sat. “What is all this?”
“It’s an Australian breakfast.”
“An Australian breakfast? Here at Starbucks?”
“I sort of brought it in. Melanie was good with it.”
Aubrey looked back over her shoulder at the register. Melanie and two others were blatantly watching us with huge smiles on their faces. She rolled her eyes when she looked back at me. “Tell me what you’re feeding me?”
I smirked. She frowned. “We need to set some ground rules.”
“You’re setting me up to fail then.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know if you set up rules, I won’t be able to help myself. I’ll need to break them.”
“Rule number one. No breaking the rules.”
“That’s a little extreme isn’t it? If I break rule number four then I’ve gone and broken two rules. You’re being difficult already.”
“I could leave.”
“Why would you do that? I like you best when you’re difficult.”
“You would.”
“Why don’t we get something in you? I think you’re extra cranky because you haven’t eaten yet.”
“Fine.” She looked at the food on the table and licked her lips.
Fuck me. This was going to be harder than I thought.
I lifted the toast to show it to her. “This is Vegemite. It’s an Aussie favorite.” My sister and I might have left Australia behind, but there were certain things we couldn’t part with.
“It sounds sort of…gross.”
“If you eat it alone, it could be. But when you slather it with butter, it’s fan-fucking-tastic.”
I offered her a bite of the toast. She attempted to take it from my hand. I pulled the offering back from her reach. “Australian tradition, you feed each other the Vegemite. It’s sort of a peace offering between new friends.” Okay, so that part, I totally made up. But I’d skipped the hello kiss, so I needed something.
She shook her head, but looked amused. “Fine.” Aubrey opened her mouth and closed her eyes.
Jesus Christ. This woman was going to be the death of me. Two years. Now I had to look at the woman I’d been dreaming about for all that time with her painted lips opened and eyes shut waiting for me. And I thought prison was a test of restraint.
Unlike most Americans, Aubrey liked the Vegemite. For some odd reason, I knew she would. Together we devoured everything I brought as we danced around real conversation with small talk. I knew in order to start to win back her trust, she needed to see what Adele meant to me. I also wanted to open myself up to her—transparency invites trust. Dr. Phil was one of the approved shows in prison.
“When Adele and I were kids, I used to like to play practical jokes on her. Saran wrap her body to the bed while she slept. Saran wrap the toilet bowl so she would pee on the floor. Hide under her bed until she got into it and turned the light off. Then I’d jump out and scare the crap out of her.”
“And I used to feel deprived for not having a sibling.”
“Yeah, well. She got even with me once.” I offered her the last bite of the toast, and she didn’t hesitate to open. Why did I love that she ordered salads with Dick and let me fill her with carbohydrates and empty calories?
“What did she do?”
“She was maybe eight or nine, so I was probably ten or soon to be eleven. I’d just found both soccer and girls. There was a girl I’d taken notice of, and she seemed to have noticed me, too. Izzy. She was on the sidelines of my practice one day, and I was showing off…bouncing the ball all over my knee and my head. Izzy was impressed. I had her just where I wanted her. Until I turned around.”
“What did Adele do?”
“She’d painted the back of my white soccer uniform with Vegemite. You ate it between two pieces of toast. But it’s not a pretty sight.”
She laughed. “I’m glad you told me that after we finished eating.”
“Izzy lost interest, and I became Chance dirty pants.”
We both cracked up. “And to think, years later, that dirty pants ass would become famous.”
“You know, that poster has my face on it, too. It’s only a little of my arse showing.”
“Trust me. It’s the ass that sold it.”
“Are you saying you like my ass better than my face?”
