Cold Days
Page 103
Titania did a statue impersonation for a long moment. Then she turned her head to one side and stared out toward the lake. "I do not know." She gave me an oblique look. "I have not exchanged words with my sister since before Hastings."
The next-best thing to a millennium's worth of estrangement. Dysfunction on an epic scale. This was exactly the kind of family tension into which sane people do not inject themselves.
"I'm going to inject myself into your family business," I said. "Because I'm scared to death of what could happen if I don't, and because it needs to be done. I understand that you're Mab's enemy. I understand that if she says black, you say white, and that's the way it is. But we're all in a southbound handbasket together here. And I need your help."
Titania tilted her head the other way and took a step toward me. I almost flinched back out of the circle. I didn't want to do that. I didn't think it would keep me safe for long if she decided she wanted to come at me, but as long as it was there, it meant that she would have to spend at least a little time bringing it down-time in which I could attack her. It also meant that if I took the first swing, I'd be sacrificing the circle's protection, and my only current advantage. She looked down at my feet and then back up at me expectantly.
"Uh," I said. "Will you please help me?"
Something flickered over her face when I said that, an emotion that I couldn't place. Maybe it wasn't a human one. She turned abruptly away and seemed to consider her surroundings for the first time. "We shall see," she said. She turned back to me, her eyes intent. "Why did you come here for the summoning?"
"It's a bird sanctuary," I said. "A natural place, intended to preserve life and beauty. And birds seem kind of Summery to me. Following summer to the south over the winter and then returning. I thought that it might be close to some of Summer's lands in Faerie. That you'd have an easier time hearing me."
She turned her head slowly, as if listening. There was no sound but the constant, muffled white noise of thousands of wings beating. "But this place is more than that. It is a location for . . . unapproved liaisons."
I shrugged. "It's just you and me. I figured if you wanted to kill me, you could do it here without hurting anybody else."
Titania nodded, her expression turning thoughtful. "What think you of the men who come here to meet with one another?"
"Uh," I said, feeling somewhat off balance. "What do I think of g*y guys?"
"Yes."
"Boink and let boink, more or less."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning it doesn't have a lot to do with me," I said. "It's none of my business what they do. I don't go over in their living room and get my freak onwith women. They don't come over and do whatever they do with other guys at my house."
"You don't feel that they are morally wrong to do so?"
"I have no idea if it's right or wrong," I said. "To me, it mostly doesn't matter."
"And why not?"
"Because even if they are doing something immoral, I'd be an idiot to start criticizing them for it if I wasn't perfect myself. Smoking is self-destructive. Drinking is self-destructive. Losing your temper and yelling at people is wrong. Lying is wrong. Cheating is wrong. Stealing is wrong. But people do that stuff all the time. Soon as I figure out how to be a perfect human being, then I'm qualified to go lecture other people about how they live their lives."
"An odd sentiment. Are you not 'only human'? Will you not always be imperfect?"
"Now you're catching on," I said.
"You do not see it as a sin?"
I shrugged. "I think it's a cruel world. I think it's hard to find love. I think we should all be happy when someone manages to do it."
"Love," Titania said. She had keyed on the word. "Is that what happens here?"
"The guys who come here for anonymous sex?" I sighed. "Not so much. I think that part's a little sad. I mean, anytime sex becomes something so . . . damned impersonal, it's a shame. And I don't think it's good for them. But it's not me they're hurting."
"Why should that matter?"
I just looked at Titania for a second. Then I said, "Because people should be free. And as long as something they want to do isn't harming others, they should be free to do it. Obviously."
"Is it?" Titania asked. "It would not seem to be, judging from the state of the mortal world."
"Yeah. A lot of people don't get that," I said. "They get caught up in right and wrong. Or right and left. But none of that stuff matters if people aren't free."
Titania studied me intently.
"Why are you asking me about that, of all things?" I asked.
"Because it felt appropriate. Because my instincts told me that your answers would tell me something about you that I needed to know." Titania took a deep breath. "What think you of my sister?"
I debated for a second: polite answer or honest one?
Honest. It's almost always best to go with honest. It means you never have to worry about getting your story straight. "I thought Mab's wrath was pretty bad until I found out what her affection was like."
At that, I think Titania almost smiled. "Oh?"
"She nursed me out of bed by trying to kill me every day for eleven weeks. She scares the hell out of me."
The next-best thing to a millennium's worth of estrangement. Dysfunction on an epic scale. This was exactly the kind of family tension into which sane people do not inject themselves.
"I'm going to inject myself into your family business," I said. "Because I'm scared to death of what could happen if I don't, and because it needs to be done. I understand that you're Mab's enemy. I understand that if she says black, you say white, and that's the way it is. But we're all in a southbound handbasket together here. And I need your help."
Titania tilted her head the other way and took a step toward me. I almost flinched back out of the circle. I didn't want to do that. I didn't think it would keep me safe for long if she decided she wanted to come at me, but as long as it was there, it meant that she would have to spend at least a little time bringing it down-time in which I could attack her. It also meant that if I took the first swing, I'd be sacrificing the circle's protection, and my only current advantage. She looked down at my feet and then back up at me expectantly.
"Uh," I said. "Will you please help me?"
Something flickered over her face when I said that, an emotion that I couldn't place. Maybe it wasn't a human one. She turned abruptly away and seemed to consider her surroundings for the first time. "We shall see," she said. She turned back to me, her eyes intent. "Why did you come here for the summoning?"
"It's a bird sanctuary," I said. "A natural place, intended to preserve life and beauty. And birds seem kind of Summery to me. Following summer to the south over the winter and then returning. I thought that it might be close to some of Summer's lands in Faerie. That you'd have an easier time hearing me."
She turned her head slowly, as if listening. There was no sound but the constant, muffled white noise of thousands of wings beating. "But this place is more than that. It is a location for . . . unapproved liaisons."
I shrugged. "It's just you and me. I figured if you wanted to kill me, you could do it here without hurting anybody else."
Titania nodded, her expression turning thoughtful. "What think you of the men who come here to meet with one another?"
"Uh," I said, feeling somewhat off balance. "What do I think of g*y guys?"
"Yes."
"Boink and let boink, more or less."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning it doesn't have a lot to do with me," I said. "It's none of my business what they do. I don't go over in their living room and get my freak onwith women. They don't come over and do whatever they do with other guys at my house."
"You don't feel that they are morally wrong to do so?"
"I have no idea if it's right or wrong," I said. "To me, it mostly doesn't matter."
"And why not?"
"Because even if they are doing something immoral, I'd be an idiot to start criticizing them for it if I wasn't perfect myself. Smoking is self-destructive. Drinking is self-destructive. Losing your temper and yelling at people is wrong. Lying is wrong. Cheating is wrong. Stealing is wrong. But people do that stuff all the time. Soon as I figure out how to be a perfect human being, then I'm qualified to go lecture other people about how they live their lives."
"An odd sentiment. Are you not 'only human'? Will you not always be imperfect?"
"Now you're catching on," I said.
"You do not see it as a sin?"
I shrugged. "I think it's a cruel world. I think it's hard to find love. I think we should all be happy when someone manages to do it."
"Love," Titania said. She had keyed on the word. "Is that what happens here?"
"The guys who come here for anonymous sex?" I sighed. "Not so much. I think that part's a little sad. I mean, anytime sex becomes something so . . . damned impersonal, it's a shame. And I don't think it's good for them. But it's not me they're hurting."
"Why should that matter?"
I just looked at Titania for a second. Then I said, "Because people should be free. And as long as something they want to do isn't harming others, they should be free to do it. Obviously."
"Is it?" Titania asked. "It would not seem to be, judging from the state of the mortal world."
"Yeah. A lot of people don't get that," I said. "They get caught up in right and wrong. Or right and left. But none of that stuff matters if people aren't free."
Titania studied me intently.
"Why are you asking me about that, of all things?" I asked.
"Because it felt appropriate. Because my instincts told me that your answers would tell me something about you that I needed to know." Titania took a deep breath. "What think you of my sister?"
I debated for a second: polite answer or honest one?
Honest. It's almost always best to go with honest. It means you never have to worry about getting your story straight. "I thought Mab's wrath was pretty bad until I found out what her affection was like."
At that, I think Titania almost smiled. "Oh?"
"She nursed me out of bed by trying to kill me every day for eleven weeks. She scares the hell out of me."
