Cold Days
Page 171
"No wound now," I noted.
"Yeah. Started closing up the minute she was done. But you remember the time he got beaten so badly in his bar? Why didn't his injuries regenerate then?"
I shook my head. "Maybe because he was conscious then."
"He did turn down the painkillers. I remember it seemed odd at the time," Karrin murmured. "What is he?"
I shrugged. "Ask him."
"I did," she said, "right before he passed out."
"What'd he say?"
"He said, 'I'm out.'"
I grunted.
"What do you think it means?" she asked.
I thought about it. "Maybe it means he's out."
"We just let it go?" she asked.
"It's what he wants," I said. "Think we should torture him?"
"Point," she said, and sighed. "Maybe instead we just let him rest."
"Maybe we should let him make beer," I said. "What about Thomas?"
"Woke up. Ate." She frowned and clarified, "Ate soup. Been asleep for a couple of hours. That big bone thing really clobbered him."
"There's always someone bigger than you," I said.
She gave me a look.
"More true for some than others," I clarified.
She rolled her eyes.
"So," I said, a moment later.
"So," she said.
"Um. Should we talk?"
"About what?"
Mouse looked back and forth between us and started wagging his tail hopefully.
"Quiet, you," I said, and rubbed his ears. "Bad guy made of bones and he gets the drop on you? Charity giving you too many treats or something? That fight should have been like Scooby-Doo versus the Scooby Snack Ghost."
Mouse grinned happily, unfazed, still wagging his tail.
"Don't be so hard on him," Karrin said. "There's always someone bigger." Then she shook her head and said, "Wow, we are such children. We'll grab at any excuse not to talk about us right now."
My soup did a little flip-flop. "Um," I said. "Yeah." I swallowed. "We . . . we kissed."
"There's a song about what that means," Karrin said.
"Yeah. But I don't sing."
She paused, as if her soup had just started doing gymnastics, too.
Then she spoke very carefully. "There are factors."
"Like Kincaid," I said, without any heat or resentment.
"He's not one of them," she said. "Not anymore."
"Oh," I said, a little surprised.
"It's you, Harry."
"Pretty sure I'm supposed to be a factor."
"Yeah," she said. "Just . . . notagainst." She took my hands. "I've seen things in you over the past day that . . . concern me."
"Concern you."
"They scare the holy loving f**k out of me," she said calmly, by way of clarification. "This Winter Knight thing. You're not changing. You've already changed."
I felt a little chill. "What do you mean? Tonight? Hell, Karrin, when haven't we done monsters and mayhem?"
"We've done it a lot," she said. "But you've always been scared of it before. You did it anyway, but you thought it was scary. That's the sane thing to think."
"So?" I asked. "What was different about it tonight?"
"The way your erection kept pressing into my back," she said wryly.
"Uh," I said. "Really?"
"Yeah, a woman kind of notices."
I hadn't.
Gulp.
"It's just . . . Karrin, look, that thing hardly ever does something that isn't ill-advised. Doesn't mean it's going to make the calls."
"I will never understand why men do that," she said.
"Do what?"
"Talk about their genitals like they're some other creature. Some kind of mind-controlling parasite." She shook her head. "It's just you, Harry. It's all you. And part of you was really loving everything that was going on."
"And that's bad?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. Then she made a short, frustrated sound. "No. Maybe. It's a change."
"Do changes have to be bad?"
"Of course not. But I don't know if this one is bad or not yet," she said. "Harry . . . you are the strongest man I know, in more than one sense of the word. And because you are . . . it means that if you do change . . ."
"You think I'd be some kind of monster," I said.
She shrugged, and squeezed my hands with hers. "I'm not saying this right. It's not coming out right. But I felt you, when we were with the Hunt. I knew what was driving you, what you were feeling. And in the moment, I was down with it-and that scares me, too."
"So am I too much of a monster or are you?" I asked. "I'm getting confused."
"Join the club," she said.
"You're saying that the problem is, you think I could go bad," I said.
"I know you could," she said. "Anyone can. And you've got more opportunity than most. And maybe you shouldn't be rocking your emotional boat right now. When Susan broke your heart, right after she was changed? You went into a downward spiral. If that happened now, with the kinds of things you're facing . . . Harry, I'm afraid you might not be able to pull out of it."
"Yeah. Started closing up the minute she was done. But you remember the time he got beaten so badly in his bar? Why didn't his injuries regenerate then?"
I shook my head. "Maybe because he was conscious then."
"He did turn down the painkillers. I remember it seemed odd at the time," Karrin murmured. "What is he?"
I shrugged. "Ask him."
"I did," she said, "right before he passed out."
"What'd he say?"
"He said, 'I'm out.'"
I grunted.
"What do you think it means?" she asked.
I thought about it. "Maybe it means he's out."
"We just let it go?" she asked.
"It's what he wants," I said. "Think we should torture him?"
"Point," she said, and sighed. "Maybe instead we just let him rest."
"Maybe we should let him make beer," I said. "What about Thomas?"
"Woke up. Ate." She frowned and clarified, "Ate soup. Been asleep for a couple of hours. That big bone thing really clobbered him."
"There's always someone bigger than you," I said.
She gave me a look.
"More true for some than others," I clarified.
She rolled her eyes.
"So," I said, a moment later.
"So," she said.
"Um. Should we talk?"
"About what?"
Mouse looked back and forth between us and started wagging his tail hopefully.
"Quiet, you," I said, and rubbed his ears. "Bad guy made of bones and he gets the drop on you? Charity giving you too many treats or something? That fight should have been like Scooby-Doo versus the Scooby Snack Ghost."
Mouse grinned happily, unfazed, still wagging his tail.
"Don't be so hard on him," Karrin said. "There's always someone bigger." Then she shook her head and said, "Wow, we are such children. We'll grab at any excuse not to talk about us right now."
My soup did a little flip-flop. "Um," I said. "Yeah." I swallowed. "We . . . we kissed."
"There's a song about what that means," Karrin said.
"Yeah. But I don't sing."
She paused, as if her soup had just started doing gymnastics, too.
Then she spoke very carefully. "There are factors."
"Like Kincaid," I said, without any heat or resentment.
"He's not one of them," she said. "Not anymore."
"Oh," I said, a little surprised.
"It's you, Harry."
"Pretty sure I'm supposed to be a factor."
"Yeah," she said. "Just . . . notagainst." She took my hands. "I've seen things in you over the past day that . . . concern me."
"Concern you."
"They scare the holy loving f**k out of me," she said calmly, by way of clarification. "This Winter Knight thing. You're not changing. You've already changed."
I felt a little chill. "What do you mean? Tonight? Hell, Karrin, when haven't we done monsters and mayhem?"
"We've done it a lot," she said. "But you've always been scared of it before. You did it anyway, but you thought it was scary. That's the sane thing to think."
"So?" I asked. "What was different about it tonight?"
"The way your erection kept pressing into my back," she said wryly.
"Uh," I said. "Really?"
"Yeah, a woman kind of notices."
I hadn't.
Gulp.
"It's just . . . Karrin, look, that thing hardly ever does something that isn't ill-advised. Doesn't mean it's going to make the calls."
"I will never understand why men do that," she said.
"Do what?"
"Talk about their genitals like they're some other creature. Some kind of mind-controlling parasite." She shook her head. "It's just you, Harry. It's all you. And part of you was really loving everything that was going on."
"And that's bad?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. Then she made a short, frustrated sound. "No. Maybe. It's a change."
"Do changes have to be bad?"
"Of course not. But I don't know if this one is bad or not yet," she said. "Harry . . . you are the strongest man I know, in more than one sense of the word. And because you are . . . it means that if you do change . . ."
"You think I'd be some kind of monster," I said.
She shrugged, and squeezed my hands with hers. "I'm not saying this right. It's not coming out right. But I felt you, when we were with the Hunt. I knew what was driving you, what you were feeling. And in the moment, I was down with it-and that scares me, too."
"So am I too much of a monster or are you?" I asked. "I'm getting confused."
"Join the club," she said.
"You're saying that the problem is, you think I could go bad," I said.
"I know you could," she said. "Anyone can. And you've got more opportunity than most. And maybe you shouldn't be rocking your emotional boat right now. When Susan broke your heart, right after she was changed? You went into a downward spiral. If that happened now, with the kinds of things you're facing . . . Harry, I'm afraid you might not be able to pull out of it."
