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“It’s my job,” he whispered softly.
“You know what I mean.”
Cooper nodded, because he did.
“It wasn’t your fault. I’ve said it before, but I don’t think you’ll ever truly be able to move forward until you accept that. Do you think that kid you saved could have gotten you out of the house? He’s just a kid, man, and so were you. Their death wasn’t your fault. Everything is not your responsibility. Just like dealing with my crap when we were kids wasn’t, and making your uncle happy, isn’t. You can’t control everyone’s feelings and be what everyone else wants you to be, baby. And…,” Noah squeezed his hand. “No matter what I said to you. When I told you if we moved forward you were mine, staying with me isn’t something you have to do either. If you’re not ready, then—”
“No.” Cooper winced, the force of the word making his throat burn. Noah was right about most of it. He understood that, but not when it came to how he felt about the other man. Those weren’t the same. “I love you.” He wished like hell he could speak louder.
“I know. I’m pretty irresistible.” Noah winked, at him but when Cooper didn’t smile, he continued. “That doesn’t mean you’re ready. I pushed you when I shouldn’t have.”
“Fuck…you…” If Noah thought Cooper didn’t know his own mind, that he would let Noah talk him into moving forward if he wasn’t ready, he was going to kick his ass. “You know me,” he cleared his throat. “Better than that.”
“You didn’t even tell them I was back. Is it because I’m gay? If so, we’re in a whole lot of trouble, baby, because for a while now, you’ve been with me.”
That’s where this was coming from. Cooper tried to sit up but struggled. Noah smiled before hitting the button so the head of the bed would go up.
“Stop getting all worked up. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Cooper shook his head.
“I’m serious. I shouldn’t have brought it up right now.”
“Then, I would have.” Coop thought for a second, trying to figure out how to say this. “Vernon was angry when you left. At your whole family.” It drove him crazy how slowly he had to speak.
“I didn’t understand it. That was part of it. I know it’s wrong but I did feel like I would be letting him down, not just because I loved you, but because it was you. I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you.”
The set of Noah’s jaw, told him he’d done just that. “Why? I could tell he was angry at me when I tried to see you, but it doesn’t make sense.”
Cooper took a deep breath. Jesus, this would kill Noah. But he knew Noah better than to lie to him. He’d already done it on a smaller scale and anymore, Noah wouldn’t be able to forgive. Not after his mother’s lies, and David’s.
Cooper pulled on Noah’s arm until he sat next to him, and didn’t let go. “Your mom… and Vernon… .”
Noah turned to stone.
“I just found out…”
“Christ. That’s why we left?” Noah tried to pull away but Cooper wouldn’t let him. Not that Noah couldn’t pull out of his one arm grasp, but he didn’t. “That must have killed Autumn. How could she do that? She knew how much I loved you.”
The pain in Noah’s voice broke Cooper’s heart. “So my mother slept with your uncle, and then I show up, and seduce their straight nephew?”
“Thinking awfully high of yourself, aren’t you? If I didn’t want to be with you, I wouldn’t be.”
But, they both knew that’s how Vernon, and maybe even Autumn, saw it. Even when Autumn had come back into the room just before Noah the other day, she still struggled with it. She explained the whole story to Cooper. How Noah’s father found out and they’d left. That his aunt hadn’t known until they got home that weekend, and Vernon confessed. She’d wanted time alone, so Vernon had taken Cooper camping.
That it had been hard, but she’s forgiven Vernon. That she knew her husband loved her. That what he’d done was wrong, but he’d tried every day to make it up to her.
It wasn’t that easy for Cooper to forgive. Not when it hurt his aunt, had taken Noah from him, and shattered his vision of the man he respected.
“Your family treated me like I belonged. I practically lived with you. I was happy in Blackcreek. I begged my parents never to make us have to move, and she slept with your uncle knowing it would cause me to lose everything that was important to me?”