Confess
Page 10
I look around the room and begin counting the paintings when she interrupts and says, “There are twenty-two.” She almost seems embarrassed that she knew how many paintings there were, because she glances away and clears her throat. “I counted them earlier . . . while you were in the shower.” She takes the scissors from my hands and begins cutting the paper. “Do you have a black marker?”
I retrieve one and set it down on the counter. “Why do you think I need confessions on my business cards?”
She continues to meticulously cut the squares while she answers me. “The confessions are fascinating. It sets your studio apart from all the rest. If you have confessions on your business cards, it’ll pique interest.”
She’s right again. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of that yet. She must be a business major. “What do you do for a living, Auburn?”
“I cut hair at a salon a few blocks away.” Her answer lacks pride and it makes me sad for her.
“You should be a business major.”
She doesn’t respond, and I’m afraid I may have just insulted her profession. “Not that cutting hair is something you shouldn’t be proud of,” I say. “I just think you have a brain for business.” I pick up the black marker and begin writing numbers on the squares, one to twenty-two, because that’s how many paintings she said are hanging and I believe her enough not to recount them.
“How often are you open?” She completely ignores my insult/compliment regarding her profession.
“First Thursday of every month.”
She looks at me, perplexed. “Only once a month?”
I nod. “I told you it’s not really an art gallery. I don’t show other artists, and I’m rarely open. It’s just something I started doing a few years back and it took off, especially after I got a front-page feature last year in the Dallas Morning News. I do well enough the one night I’m open to make a living.”
“Good for you,” she says, genuinely impressed. I’ve never really tried to be impressive before, but she makes me a little bit proud of myself.
“Do you always have a set number of paintings available?”
I love that she’s so interested.
“No. One time, about three months ago, I opened with only one painting.”
She turns and faces me. “Why only one?”
I shrug, playing it off. “I wasn’t very inspired to paint that month.”
This isn’t entirely the truth. It was when I first began seeing Palindrome Hannah, and most of my time was spent inside of her that month, attempting to focus on her body and ignore the fact that I didn’t connect as much with her mind. Auburn doesn’t need to know any of that though.
“What was the confession?”
I look at her questioningly, because I’m not sure what she’s talking about.
“The one painting you did that month,” she clarifies. “What was the confession that inspired it?”
I think back to that month and back to the only confession I seemed to want to paint. Even though it wasn’t my confession, it somehow feels like it was now that she’s asking me to tell her what my only inspiration was for that entire month.
“The painting was called When I’m with You, I Think of All the Great Things I Could Be If I Were Without You.”
She keeps her focus on me and her eyebrows are furrowed as if she’s trying to get to know my story through this confession.
Her expression relaxes and keeps falling until she looks disturbed. “That’s really sad,” she says.
She glances away, either to hide that this confession bothered her or to hide that she’s still trying to decipher me through the confession. She glances at some of the paintings closest to us so that she’s not looking directly at me anymore. We’re playing a game of hide-and-seek and the paintings are home base, apparently.
“You must have been extremely inspired this month, because twenty-two is a big number. That’s almost a painting a day.”
I want to say, “Just wait until next month,” but I don’t.
“Some of these are old paintings. They weren’t all made this month.” I reach around her again, for the tape this time, but it’s different. It’s different because I accidentally touch her arm with my hand, and I haven’t actually touched her until now. But we definitely just made contact, and she’s absolutely real, and I hold on extra tight to the tape because I want more of whatever that was she just unintentionally delivered.
I want to say, “Did you feel that, too?” but I don’t have to because I can see the chills run up her arm. I want to put down the tape and touch one of those tiny bumps I just created on her skin.
She clears her throat and takes a quick step back into the expansiveness of the room and away from the closeness of us.
I breathe, relieved by the space she just put between us. She seems uncomfortable, and honestly, I was becoming uncomfortable, because I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s actually here.
If I had to guess, I would say that she’s an introvert. Someone who isn’t used to being around other people, much less people who are complete strangers to her. She seems a lot like me. A loner, a thinker, an artist with her life.
And it appears as though she’s afraid I’ll alter her canvas if she allows me too close.
She doesn’t need to worry. The feeling is mutual.
I retrieve one and set it down on the counter. “Why do you think I need confessions on my business cards?”
She continues to meticulously cut the squares while she answers me. “The confessions are fascinating. It sets your studio apart from all the rest. If you have confessions on your business cards, it’ll pique interest.”
She’s right again. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of that yet. She must be a business major. “What do you do for a living, Auburn?”
“I cut hair at a salon a few blocks away.” Her answer lacks pride and it makes me sad for her.
“You should be a business major.”
She doesn’t respond, and I’m afraid I may have just insulted her profession. “Not that cutting hair is something you shouldn’t be proud of,” I say. “I just think you have a brain for business.” I pick up the black marker and begin writing numbers on the squares, one to twenty-two, because that’s how many paintings she said are hanging and I believe her enough not to recount them.
“How often are you open?” She completely ignores my insult/compliment regarding her profession.
“First Thursday of every month.”
She looks at me, perplexed. “Only once a month?”
I nod. “I told you it’s not really an art gallery. I don’t show other artists, and I’m rarely open. It’s just something I started doing a few years back and it took off, especially after I got a front-page feature last year in the Dallas Morning News. I do well enough the one night I’m open to make a living.”
“Good for you,” she says, genuinely impressed. I’ve never really tried to be impressive before, but she makes me a little bit proud of myself.
“Do you always have a set number of paintings available?”
I love that she’s so interested.
“No. One time, about three months ago, I opened with only one painting.”
She turns and faces me. “Why only one?”
I shrug, playing it off. “I wasn’t very inspired to paint that month.”
This isn’t entirely the truth. It was when I first began seeing Palindrome Hannah, and most of my time was spent inside of her that month, attempting to focus on her body and ignore the fact that I didn’t connect as much with her mind. Auburn doesn’t need to know any of that though.
“What was the confession?”
I look at her questioningly, because I’m not sure what she’s talking about.
“The one painting you did that month,” she clarifies. “What was the confession that inspired it?”
I think back to that month and back to the only confession I seemed to want to paint. Even though it wasn’t my confession, it somehow feels like it was now that she’s asking me to tell her what my only inspiration was for that entire month.
“The painting was called When I’m with You, I Think of All the Great Things I Could Be If I Were Without You.”
She keeps her focus on me and her eyebrows are furrowed as if she’s trying to get to know my story through this confession.
Her expression relaxes and keeps falling until she looks disturbed. “That’s really sad,” she says.
She glances away, either to hide that this confession bothered her or to hide that she’s still trying to decipher me through the confession. She glances at some of the paintings closest to us so that she’s not looking directly at me anymore. We’re playing a game of hide-and-seek and the paintings are home base, apparently.
“You must have been extremely inspired this month, because twenty-two is a big number. That’s almost a painting a day.”
I want to say, “Just wait until next month,” but I don’t.
“Some of these are old paintings. They weren’t all made this month.” I reach around her again, for the tape this time, but it’s different. It’s different because I accidentally touch her arm with my hand, and I haven’t actually touched her until now. But we definitely just made contact, and she’s absolutely real, and I hold on extra tight to the tape because I want more of whatever that was she just unintentionally delivered.
I want to say, “Did you feel that, too?” but I don’t have to because I can see the chills run up her arm. I want to put down the tape and touch one of those tiny bumps I just created on her skin.
She clears her throat and takes a quick step back into the expansiveness of the room and away from the closeness of us.
I breathe, relieved by the space she just put between us. She seems uncomfortable, and honestly, I was becoming uncomfortable, because I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s actually here.
If I had to guess, I would say that she’s an introvert. Someone who isn’t used to being around other people, much less people who are complete strangers to her. She seems a lot like me. A loner, a thinker, an artist with her life.
And it appears as though she’s afraid I’ll alter her canvas if she allows me too close.
She doesn’t need to worry. The feeling is mutual.
