Considering Kate
Page 48
"There are a lot of factors here besides two people who enjoy and respect each other." And love each other, he thought. God, he loved her. But he needed to know what they wanted for the future—separately, together, as a family. There were things they were just going to have to set straight, once and for all.
"Of course there are," she began. "But—"
"Let's start with you. Right now, you're free to pick up your dance career any time you want. There's nothing stopping you from going back to New York, back on stage."
"My school is stopping me. I made that decision before I met you."
"Kate, I saw you. I watched you up there, and you were a miracle. Teaching's never going to give you what that gave you."
"No, it's not. It's going to give me something else, the something else I want now. I'm not a person who makes decisions lightly, Brody. When I left the company to come back here, I knew what I was doing. What I was leaving behind, what I was moving toward. If you don't trust me to make a commitment, then stand by it, you don't know me."
"It's not a matter of trust. But I wanted to hear you say it, to me, just like that. You say you mean to stay, you mean to stay. I've never known anybody as focused on a goal as you." He'd thought, moments before, he'd known how he would handle this. The steps he'd take toward asking her to share his life. Building on that foundation. Now the woman had finished nailing on the trim and wanted a wreath for the door.
She was going to have to back up a few steps, because he built to last. "I've got something more than a career decision to consider. I've got Jack. Everything I do or don't do involves Jack."
"Brody, I'm perfectly aware of that. You know I am."
"I know he likes you, but he's secure the way things are, and he needs to be sure of me. Kate… God, he's only ever had me. Connie, she got sick when he was only a few months old. Between doctors and the treatments and the hospitals…"
"Oh, Brody." She could imagine it too well. The panic, the upheaval. The grief.
"She couldn't really be there for him, and I was just trying to hold it all together. The world was falling apart on us, and I had nothing extra to give Jack. The first two years of his life were a nightmare."
"And you've done everything you can to give him a happy and normal life. Don't you see how much I admire that? How much I respect it?"
Flustered, he stared at her. He'd never thought of parenting as admirable. "It's what I'm supposed to do. Thinking of him first, that's how it has to be. It's not just you and me, Kate. If it were… but it's not. A change like this—a life-altering one—he has to be in on it."
"And who's saying differently?" she demanded.
"Well, damn it. I can't just go tell him I'm getting married, just like that. I need to talk to him about it, prepare him. So do you. That's the kind of thing you'd be taking on. He needs to be as sure of you as he is of me."
"For heaven's sake, O'Connell, don't you think I've taken all of that into account? You've known me for months now. You ought to be able to give me more credit."
"It's not a matter of—"
"It was Jack who asked me to marry you in the first place."
Brody stared into her flushed and furious face, then held up his hands. "I have to sit down." He backed up, dropped down on a flattened stump. Because the dog was shoving the rope into his lap, Brody tossed it. "What did you just say?"
"Am I speaking English?" she demanded. "Jack proposed to me yesterday. Apparently he doesn't have as much trouble making up his mind as his father. He asked me to marry you, both of you. And I've never had a lovelier offer. Obviously, I'm not going to get one from you."
"You would have if you'd waited a couple of days," he muttered under his breath. "So are you doing this to make Jack happy?"
"Listen up. However much I love that child, I wouldn't marry his bone-headed father unless I wanted to. He happens to think we'd all be good for each other. I happen to agree with him. But you can just sit there like a—like a bump on that log."
Not only had Kate beat him to the punch, Brody thought, his six-year-old son had crossed the finish line ahead of him. He wasn't sure if he was annoyed or delighted. "Maybe I wouldn't be if you hadn't snuck up on me with this."
"Snuck up on you? How could you notsee! I've done everything but paint a heart on my sleeve. Why haven't I moved my things out of storage and into that apartment, Brody? An organized, practical woman like me doesn't ignore something like that unless she has no intention of ever living there." He got to his feet. "I figured you just wanted… I don't know."
"Why have I squeezed every minute I could manage out of the last few months to spend with you, or with you and Jack? Why would I come here like this, toss away my pride and ask you to marry me?
Why would I do any of those things unless I loved you? You idiot." She whipped around and stomped off toward her car while tears of hurt and fury sparkled in her eyes. There was a fist squeezing his heart. Brutally. "Kate, if you get in that car, I'm just going to have to drag you out again. We're not finished."
She stopped with her hand on the door. "I'm too angry to talk to you now."
"You won't have to do that much talking. Sit," he said, and gestured to the stump.
"I don't want to sit."
"Kate."
She threw up her hands, stalked over and sat. "There. Happy?"
"First, I don't intend to marry anyone just to give Jack a mother. And I don't intend to marry anyone who can't be a mother to him. Now let's put that aside and deal with you and me. I know you're mad, but don't cry."
"I wouldn't waste a single tear over you."
He pulled out his bandanna and dropped it in her lap. "Get rid of them, okay? I'm having a hard enough time."
She left his bandanna where it was and dashed tears away with her fingers.
"Okay, this is a box." He pointed at the ground. "Everything we've just said is going into this box, and I'm closing the lid. We can open it later on, but we start fresh right here and right now."
"Of course there are," she began. "But—"
"Let's start with you. Right now, you're free to pick up your dance career any time you want. There's nothing stopping you from going back to New York, back on stage."
"My school is stopping me. I made that decision before I met you."
"Kate, I saw you. I watched you up there, and you were a miracle. Teaching's never going to give you what that gave you."
"No, it's not. It's going to give me something else, the something else I want now. I'm not a person who makes decisions lightly, Brody. When I left the company to come back here, I knew what I was doing. What I was leaving behind, what I was moving toward. If you don't trust me to make a commitment, then stand by it, you don't know me."
"It's not a matter of trust. But I wanted to hear you say it, to me, just like that. You say you mean to stay, you mean to stay. I've never known anybody as focused on a goal as you." He'd thought, moments before, he'd known how he would handle this. The steps he'd take toward asking her to share his life. Building on that foundation. Now the woman had finished nailing on the trim and wanted a wreath for the door.
She was going to have to back up a few steps, because he built to last. "I've got something more than a career decision to consider. I've got Jack. Everything I do or don't do involves Jack."
"Brody, I'm perfectly aware of that. You know I am."
"I know he likes you, but he's secure the way things are, and he needs to be sure of me. Kate… God, he's only ever had me. Connie, she got sick when he was only a few months old. Between doctors and the treatments and the hospitals…"
"Oh, Brody." She could imagine it too well. The panic, the upheaval. The grief.
"She couldn't really be there for him, and I was just trying to hold it all together. The world was falling apart on us, and I had nothing extra to give Jack. The first two years of his life were a nightmare."
"And you've done everything you can to give him a happy and normal life. Don't you see how much I admire that? How much I respect it?"
Flustered, he stared at her. He'd never thought of parenting as admirable. "It's what I'm supposed to do. Thinking of him first, that's how it has to be. It's not just you and me, Kate. If it were… but it's not. A change like this—a life-altering one—he has to be in on it."
"And who's saying differently?" she demanded.
"Well, damn it. I can't just go tell him I'm getting married, just like that. I need to talk to him about it, prepare him. So do you. That's the kind of thing you'd be taking on. He needs to be as sure of you as he is of me."
"For heaven's sake, O'Connell, don't you think I've taken all of that into account? You've known me for months now. You ought to be able to give me more credit."
"It's not a matter of—"
"It was Jack who asked me to marry you in the first place."
Brody stared into her flushed and furious face, then held up his hands. "I have to sit down." He backed up, dropped down on a flattened stump. Because the dog was shoving the rope into his lap, Brody tossed it. "What did you just say?"
"Am I speaking English?" she demanded. "Jack proposed to me yesterday. Apparently he doesn't have as much trouble making up his mind as his father. He asked me to marry you, both of you. And I've never had a lovelier offer. Obviously, I'm not going to get one from you."
"You would have if you'd waited a couple of days," he muttered under his breath. "So are you doing this to make Jack happy?"
"Listen up. However much I love that child, I wouldn't marry his bone-headed father unless I wanted to. He happens to think we'd all be good for each other. I happen to agree with him. But you can just sit there like a—like a bump on that log."
Not only had Kate beat him to the punch, Brody thought, his six-year-old son had crossed the finish line ahead of him. He wasn't sure if he was annoyed or delighted. "Maybe I wouldn't be if you hadn't snuck up on me with this."
"Snuck up on you? How could you notsee! I've done everything but paint a heart on my sleeve. Why haven't I moved my things out of storage and into that apartment, Brody? An organized, practical woman like me doesn't ignore something like that unless she has no intention of ever living there." He got to his feet. "I figured you just wanted… I don't know."
"Why have I squeezed every minute I could manage out of the last few months to spend with you, or with you and Jack? Why would I come here like this, toss away my pride and ask you to marry me?
Why would I do any of those things unless I loved you? You idiot." She whipped around and stomped off toward her car while tears of hurt and fury sparkled in her eyes. There was a fist squeezing his heart. Brutally. "Kate, if you get in that car, I'm just going to have to drag you out again. We're not finished."
She stopped with her hand on the door. "I'm too angry to talk to you now."
"You won't have to do that much talking. Sit," he said, and gestured to the stump.
"I don't want to sit."
"Kate."
She threw up her hands, stalked over and sat. "There. Happy?"
"First, I don't intend to marry anyone just to give Jack a mother. And I don't intend to marry anyone who can't be a mother to him. Now let's put that aside and deal with you and me. I know you're mad, but don't cry."
"I wouldn't waste a single tear over you."
He pulled out his bandanna and dropped it in her lap. "Get rid of them, okay? I'm having a hard enough time."
She left his bandanna where it was and dashed tears away with her fingers.
"Okay, this is a box." He pointed at the ground. "Everything we've just said is going into this box, and I'm closing the lid. We can open it later on, but we start fresh right here and right now."
