Count on Me
Page 81
But Shep had a lot of other stuff to plow through at that moment, so he didn’t need to know it all right then. And she needed to talk to Royal to get his opinion on how much to let her brother know.
The bottom line was having a relationship with her siblings. That he now saw the truth about their father was wonderful, but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to turn his back on anyone either. He had a different relationship than she did with her grandparents for a whole host of reasons. He had enough to deal with right then so she’d be judicious as always.
“Anyway, the Mendozas had not only lost our mother, who they loved a great deal, but their son to death row. And I came out and they took me in and raised me and tried to deal with my anger and my grief and my utter certainty that our father did not kill our mother. They tried to see you. They hired an attorney. But, Shep, you and Mindy were so small and the Lassiters had been a regular part of your life. The Lassiters wanted the Mendozas to make no mention of our father or their belief in his innocence. They didn’t want you and Mindy to leave Petal so they did come to visit you here several times. But our abuela was getting more and more frail, and it became really hard for her to travel. Danny, that’s one of Dad’s brothers, he came out here a few times but he and Grandma butted heads a lot. Anyway in the end, they backed off because they were worried about you and Mindy getting caught in the middle.”
“You don’t think Grandma would stop them from seeing us. She told us they never made an attempt.”
“Grandma is a super strong personality, but she’s also a fraidy cat. Know what I mean?”
He shook his head.
“She’s so afraid of anyone around her believing in things she doesn’t. It’s turned her into a person who will stop at nothing to keep her life free of things she doesn’t like. Which is why she and I have such a complicated relationship. She truly sees any contact with Dad’s family as a threat to her. I’ll let them tell you if you decide you want to meet them. Our abuela is getting older though. I don’t want to pressure you, but I don’t know if she’ll be around in a year or two.”
“Abuela?”
“Spanish for grandmother. Just another kind of nana or gran. There’s so much stuff for you to see and learn and experience with people who love you and Mindy. It’s an open wound that they haven’t been able to see you. I’m sorry, this is making you feel guilty, and they wouldn’t want that and neither do I.”
“I’ve always been curious about them. We don’t have all our history. It makes me mad.”
Caroline nodded. “I get that, and I can’t blame you for that at all. It’s been kept from you to protect you. I want to underline that. I don’t agree with what Grandma and Grandpa have done, but they did it because they love you and Mindy.”
“And what about you?”
“I have plenty of love in my life. I can’t beg them for it. I don’t even want to. But they loved Mom and they love you guys and somewhere in their hearts they love me too. They’re old school. Interracial marriage was hard for them to accept then and I expect it is now too.”
“Fuck that.” He continued despite the look she gave him at his language. “They don’t get to love the fairer kids and pretend the darker one doesn’t exist and use your opinion about our father’s innocence as a reason to keep you back.”
She laughed. “Sure they can. They do. It doesn’t mean I have to validate them for it. It’s racism, yes. But let’s move around this and back to the situation with the case. Yes, it’s connected. There’s no reason to think otherwise. Which means we need to keep pushing. We have a little momentum after so many years of nothing. My investigator is on it. He monitors the tip lines and all that. He’ll follow up on stuff we feel is worth it.”
“Can I make calls or anything? Make copies? Go with you when you talk to people?”
“I want you to keep out of this. I’m happy to update you, answer your questions, whatever. But someone is out there trying to hurt me because I’m making noise and drawing attention. He’s not going to be the only one out to hurt me.”
Royal growled but kept his tongue.
“What do you mean?”
“Shep, I’m taking something people truly believed and I’m ripping it from under them and announcing how wrong they’ve been. Most people will accept that and be glad the real killer gets caught and put in jail. They’ll be sad they thought wrong but in the big picture they’ll understand Enrique Mendoza was innocent and move on. It won’t cost them anything really. But some people like Grandma and Garrett? They’ve invested a lot of negative emotion into this and how they believe. It’ll seem like an attack to them. Those people are going to feel really defensive and angry at me.”
“Nah. I don’t think so. People will be fine.”
“You have no idea. You’re totally outside all the hostility because Grandma’s opinion protects you. You’re not seen as an outsider so I want you to think carefully about what you say and how you say it. I’ve had sixteen years to get used to it, but this will be new.”
Royal broke in. “I stopped a full-grown man from punching your sister in the temple. In the Pumphouse at prime time. And before that, this same person nearly started a fight at the Tonk. I’ve seen people treat her badly once they know who she is.”
Her brother looked so miserable. She got up to fetch him an ice cream bar and returned with one for herself and Royal too.
The bottom line was having a relationship with her siblings. That he now saw the truth about their father was wonderful, but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to turn his back on anyone either. He had a different relationship than she did with her grandparents for a whole host of reasons. He had enough to deal with right then so she’d be judicious as always.
“Anyway, the Mendozas had not only lost our mother, who they loved a great deal, but their son to death row. And I came out and they took me in and raised me and tried to deal with my anger and my grief and my utter certainty that our father did not kill our mother. They tried to see you. They hired an attorney. But, Shep, you and Mindy were so small and the Lassiters had been a regular part of your life. The Lassiters wanted the Mendozas to make no mention of our father or their belief in his innocence. They didn’t want you and Mindy to leave Petal so they did come to visit you here several times. But our abuela was getting more and more frail, and it became really hard for her to travel. Danny, that’s one of Dad’s brothers, he came out here a few times but he and Grandma butted heads a lot. Anyway in the end, they backed off because they were worried about you and Mindy getting caught in the middle.”
“You don’t think Grandma would stop them from seeing us. She told us they never made an attempt.”
“Grandma is a super strong personality, but she’s also a fraidy cat. Know what I mean?”
He shook his head.
“She’s so afraid of anyone around her believing in things she doesn’t. It’s turned her into a person who will stop at nothing to keep her life free of things she doesn’t like. Which is why she and I have such a complicated relationship. She truly sees any contact with Dad’s family as a threat to her. I’ll let them tell you if you decide you want to meet them. Our abuela is getting older though. I don’t want to pressure you, but I don’t know if she’ll be around in a year or two.”
“Abuela?”
“Spanish for grandmother. Just another kind of nana or gran. There’s so much stuff for you to see and learn and experience with people who love you and Mindy. It’s an open wound that they haven’t been able to see you. I’m sorry, this is making you feel guilty, and they wouldn’t want that and neither do I.”
“I’ve always been curious about them. We don’t have all our history. It makes me mad.”
Caroline nodded. “I get that, and I can’t blame you for that at all. It’s been kept from you to protect you. I want to underline that. I don’t agree with what Grandma and Grandpa have done, but they did it because they love you and Mindy.”
“And what about you?”
“I have plenty of love in my life. I can’t beg them for it. I don’t even want to. But they loved Mom and they love you guys and somewhere in their hearts they love me too. They’re old school. Interracial marriage was hard for them to accept then and I expect it is now too.”
“Fuck that.” He continued despite the look she gave him at his language. “They don’t get to love the fairer kids and pretend the darker one doesn’t exist and use your opinion about our father’s innocence as a reason to keep you back.”
She laughed. “Sure they can. They do. It doesn’t mean I have to validate them for it. It’s racism, yes. But let’s move around this and back to the situation with the case. Yes, it’s connected. There’s no reason to think otherwise. Which means we need to keep pushing. We have a little momentum after so many years of nothing. My investigator is on it. He monitors the tip lines and all that. He’ll follow up on stuff we feel is worth it.”
“Can I make calls or anything? Make copies? Go with you when you talk to people?”
“I want you to keep out of this. I’m happy to update you, answer your questions, whatever. But someone is out there trying to hurt me because I’m making noise and drawing attention. He’s not going to be the only one out to hurt me.”
Royal growled but kept his tongue.
“What do you mean?”
“Shep, I’m taking something people truly believed and I’m ripping it from under them and announcing how wrong they’ve been. Most people will accept that and be glad the real killer gets caught and put in jail. They’ll be sad they thought wrong but in the big picture they’ll understand Enrique Mendoza was innocent and move on. It won’t cost them anything really. But some people like Grandma and Garrett? They’ve invested a lot of negative emotion into this and how they believe. It’ll seem like an attack to them. Those people are going to feel really defensive and angry at me.”
“Nah. I don’t think so. People will be fine.”
“You have no idea. You’re totally outside all the hostility because Grandma’s opinion protects you. You’re not seen as an outsider so I want you to think carefully about what you say and how you say it. I’ve had sixteen years to get used to it, but this will be new.”
Royal broke in. “I stopped a full-grown man from punching your sister in the temple. In the Pumphouse at prime time. And before that, this same person nearly started a fight at the Tonk. I’ve seen people treat her badly once they know who she is.”
Her brother looked so miserable. She got up to fetch him an ice cream bar and returned with one for herself and Royal too.
