Crash
Page 14
Christ, he practically begged me. I knew that he was embarrassed and my heart flew out to him.
“Just let me know.”
“Will, wait!”
He was in a hurry to leave but I caught up to him and he turned around with a resigned look on his face. I can’t let him leave like this. I just wanted him to know that it was okay, that I understood. I wanted to do for him what he had done for me at the restaurant. Suddenly, my hands were around his tie and I was yanking his body forward. His head dipped down and his dark eyes widened; my head lifted and that heat I so desperately sought was mine.
What the hell am I doing?
He kissed back hard, his lips bruising against mine. The hunger inside me swallowed him in. His hand swept up the thin fabric of my blouse and grabbed my breast. I gasped into his mouth. His frantic breaths matched mine. I was paralyzed for a moment, seduced by the delicate stroke of his fingers, his lips claiming me as though I belonged to him. My body shivered as I palmed his chest, wanting so badly to run my hands over every crevasse and that gorgeous dent under his throat.
When we broke apart, Will had that blazing look on his face and he stared at the table as if it would make a good bed.
My heart was hammering hard enough to make me feel dizzy. And we were only kissing.
I pushed against his chest. “Will, we’re in an office.”
“You started it.”
“I’ll do it,” I blurted as he swept down to kiss me again. I guess I’m going to Europe.
“That’s great,” he said with less enthusiasm than I expected. “We can talk about it over lunch, if you want.”
“Right now?”
He nodded.
I bit my lip hard. I have to see Ben after this. Will looked at me impassively without a smile, probably still upset over—whatever the hell it was that bothered him. It was alarming how fast his moods could change. As much as he intrigued me, he scared me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted someone that damaged in my life. Do I want all of that baggage? I thought almost longingly of Ben, who had his problems, but at least he was free of drama.
Then why did you kiss him?
“I can’t. I have to see Ben after this.”
A black look shrouded his face. “You’re going to go back to that loser?”
The insult set off something inside me. It was like he was talking directly to the dark corner of my mind that I tried to pretend didn’t exist. “You don’t even know him!” I shouted. “What is your problem?”
“Wow, that touched a nerve, didn’t it? I’m not the one getting upset.”
Piece of shit. Suddenly, I hated everything about him. Everything from his expensive suit to his handsome face and gloating smile
“What do you care if I get back together with him? It’s none of your business.”
His face flushed. “Then why the fuck did you just kiss me?”
It was my turn to be embarrassed. “’Cause I—I don’t know.”
The stab of hurt on Will’s face was visible only for a second. Then he lashed out like a viper.
“It’s pathetic that you’d go back to a man who treated you so badly. I know what he did,” his eyes bored into me. “You just want a man who makes you feel safe and warm, no matter how boring he is.”
He poisoned me with his words. I hung my mouth open stupidly. How could he know all that? Luke must have told him everything.
“You’re starting to bore me.” He let it hang in the air for a few seconds, calm detachment all over his face. “I’ll call you later with the details.”
Then he left the room. I stood there, stunned, still staring at the same spot on the wall. You’re starting to bore me.
It shouldn’t hurt so badly, but it did. That comment hurt more than Ben’s transgressions ever did. My shoulders shook and the tears cascaded down my face.
Am I boring? I would rather be described as an evil bitch. Anything was better than having no mark on the world.
* * *
No, I’m weak, I thought as I hugged Ben at the cafe and allowed him to steer me to a table. Seeing him for the first time in months didn’t exactly evoke the feelings I thought they would. There was nervousness, of course, but mostly my head was still pounding over what Will said. I was pissed that he hit the nail on the head on the head over Ben and I. It made me so angry that I wanted to throw myself into Ben’s arms, but doing that would give Will satisfaction in knowing that he was right.
I’m not boring!
Ben smiled at me from across the table. I willed myself to feel something. Anything. But there was only a weak rustling in my stomach, like I’d been vomiting for hours. I hated how Will managed to manipulate my emotions like this. How could I know how I was supposed to feel about Ben with all of this crap swimming in my head?
“So, how’ve you been doing?” Ben looked up at me from the round table. His hair had grown in a little. The blonde beard was cut at the same length. He still wore the same plaid shirt. I always harbored a fantasy that he would change—he would develop a dress sense.
How have I been? Horrible. “Well, I got laid off from the aquarium, but I’ve already got a new job.”
His light eyebrows lifted slightly. “Where?”
I wrapped my hands around the mug. “Well, it’s a contract for Pardini Worldwide.”
The blue eyes danced with excitement. “That’s great, Nat!”
My eyes narrowed a bit at the use of my pet name. I didn’t want him to act like nothing was changed between us. “Ben, what did you want to talk about?”
He flinched at my tone and I saw him retreat into himself. “I wanted to talk about us.”
“Were you thinking about us when you went out with those women?”
“I was trying to get over you,” he said with an edge in his voice. “Can you blame me for trying to move on?”
Fine. Didn’t mean I couldn’t be pissed about it. “It was pretty sudden. A couple weeks after we broke up, as if you couldn’t wait to get out there. And then you posted all those photos on Facebook, knowing that I would see them.”
“I didn’t do that,” he muttered.
“Oh, come on. You knew full well that I would see them.”
He shook his head stubbornly. “Maybe I was a bit pissed that you’d throw away our relationship over Jessica.”
“Are you serious? I didn’t dump you over her; I dumped you because you lied to my face. I tell you something in confidence and the first person you told was a journalist. Then you tried to deny it.”
“Just let me know.”
“Will, wait!”
He was in a hurry to leave but I caught up to him and he turned around with a resigned look on his face. I can’t let him leave like this. I just wanted him to know that it was okay, that I understood. I wanted to do for him what he had done for me at the restaurant. Suddenly, my hands were around his tie and I was yanking his body forward. His head dipped down and his dark eyes widened; my head lifted and that heat I so desperately sought was mine.
What the hell am I doing?
He kissed back hard, his lips bruising against mine. The hunger inside me swallowed him in. His hand swept up the thin fabric of my blouse and grabbed my breast. I gasped into his mouth. His frantic breaths matched mine. I was paralyzed for a moment, seduced by the delicate stroke of his fingers, his lips claiming me as though I belonged to him. My body shivered as I palmed his chest, wanting so badly to run my hands over every crevasse and that gorgeous dent under his throat.
When we broke apart, Will had that blazing look on his face and he stared at the table as if it would make a good bed.
My heart was hammering hard enough to make me feel dizzy. And we were only kissing.
I pushed against his chest. “Will, we’re in an office.”
“You started it.”
“I’ll do it,” I blurted as he swept down to kiss me again. I guess I’m going to Europe.
“That’s great,” he said with less enthusiasm than I expected. “We can talk about it over lunch, if you want.”
“Right now?”
He nodded.
I bit my lip hard. I have to see Ben after this. Will looked at me impassively without a smile, probably still upset over—whatever the hell it was that bothered him. It was alarming how fast his moods could change. As much as he intrigued me, he scared me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted someone that damaged in my life. Do I want all of that baggage? I thought almost longingly of Ben, who had his problems, but at least he was free of drama.
Then why did you kiss him?
“I can’t. I have to see Ben after this.”
A black look shrouded his face. “You’re going to go back to that loser?”
The insult set off something inside me. It was like he was talking directly to the dark corner of my mind that I tried to pretend didn’t exist. “You don’t even know him!” I shouted. “What is your problem?”
“Wow, that touched a nerve, didn’t it? I’m not the one getting upset.”
Piece of shit. Suddenly, I hated everything about him. Everything from his expensive suit to his handsome face and gloating smile
“What do you care if I get back together with him? It’s none of your business.”
His face flushed. “Then why the fuck did you just kiss me?”
It was my turn to be embarrassed. “’Cause I—I don’t know.”
The stab of hurt on Will’s face was visible only for a second. Then he lashed out like a viper.
“It’s pathetic that you’d go back to a man who treated you so badly. I know what he did,” his eyes bored into me. “You just want a man who makes you feel safe and warm, no matter how boring he is.”
He poisoned me with his words. I hung my mouth open stupidly. How could he know all that? Luke must have told him everything.
“You’re starting to bore me.” He let it hang in the air for a few seconds, calm detachment all over his face. “I’ll call you later with the details.”
Then he left the room. I stood there, stunned, still staring at the same spot on the wall. You’re starting to bore me.
It shouldn’t hurt so badly, but it did. That comment hurt more than Ben’s transgressions ever did. My shoulders shook and the tears cascaded down my face.
Am I boring? I would rather be described as an evil bitch. Anything was better than having no mark on the world.
* * *
No, I’m weak, I thought as I hugged Ben at the cafe and allowed him to steer me to a table. Seeing him for the first time in months didn’t exactly evoke the feelings I thought they would. There was nervousness, of course, but mostly my head was still pounding over what Will said. I was pissed that he hit the nail on the head on the head over Ben and I. It made me so angry that I wanted to throw myself into Ben’s arms, but doing that would give Will satisfaction in knowing that he was right.
I’m not boring!
Ben smiled at me from across the table. I willed myself to feel something. Anything. But there was only a weak rustling in my stomach, like I’d been vomiting for hours. I hated how Will managed to manipulate my emotions like this. How could I know how I was supposed to feel about Ben with all of this crap swimming in my head?
“So, how’ve you been doing?” Ben looked up at me from the round table. His hair had grown in a little. The blonde beard was cut at the same length. He still wore the same plaid shirt. I always harbored a fantasy that he would change—he would develop a dress sense.
How have I been? Horrible. “Well, I got laid off from the aquarium, but I’ve already got a new job.”
His light eyebrows lifted slightly. “Where?”
I wrapped my hands around the mug. “Well, it’s a contract for Pardini Worldwide.”
The blue eyes danced with excitement. “That’s great, Nat!”
My eyes narrowed a bit at the use of my pet name. I didn’t want him to act like nothing was changed between us. “Ben, what did you want to talk about?”
He flinched at my tone and I saw him retreat into himself. “I wanted to talk about us.”
“Were you thinking about us when you went out with those women?”
“I was trying to get over you,” he said with an edge in his voice. “Can you blame me for trying to move on?”
Fine. Didn’t mean I couldn’t be pissed about it. “It was pretty sudden. A couple weeks after we broke up, as if you couldn’t wait to get out there. And then you posted all those photos on Facebook, knowing that I would see them.”
“I didn’t do that,” he muttered.
“Oh, come on. You knew full well that I would see them.”
He shook his head stubbornly. “Maybe I was a bit pissed that you’d throw away our relationship over Jessica.”
“Are you serious? I didn’t dump you over her; I dumped you because you lied to my face. I tell you something in confidence and the first person you told was a journalist. Then you tried to deny it.”
