Crash
Page 44
Their sad faces watched me anxiously; in their heads they were making excuses for my rude behavior. I didn’t want excuses. I wanted to fight someone.
The dirty apartment only added fuel to my anger. There were crumbs on the floor and I knew she hadn’t vacuumed while I was gone. I looked at her round, blonde face and felt a stab of anger. “Couldn’t you have cleaned while I was gone?”
I left Jessica as she stammered a reply and entered my room, slamming the door shut. I buried myself under the covers of my soft bed and tried to close my eyes, but a vicious cycle of images passed through my head like a slideshow: the nude pictures, Ben, William in handcuffs, him breaking up with me, the paparazzi outside his apartment, and Jessica and Luke waiting for me in the kitchen with a bottle of champagne.
As I thought of them, I felt a fresh wave of remorse and shame. They had done nothing but support me. Luke posted bail for William and they planned to celebrate my new job with me, but how could I celebrate when William was suffering?
We bonded so much on the trip. It was the best time of my life, but reflecting on it now was like remembering someone who died. I bundled the thick comforter near my face and grimaced against the sadness thickening my throat. He did so much for me. He got me this job, he made me feel better about myself, and he helped me confront Ben.
I thought hard about what I had done for him in return, but couldn’t come up with anything. All I did was ruin his life. No wonder he broke up with me.
I wanted to help him, a desperate voice inside me insisted. Maybe I should have tried harder.
* * *
I woke up the next morning with my eyes swollen shut with dried tears. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone, hoping for a text from Will or a missed call—nothing. He really is done with me.
I hurled the phone to the carpeted floor, which absorbed the force of my throw harmlessly. A swell of rage burst through my limbs and I wanted to smash the phone with my feet. Ben was the one who deserved this. I took it and threw it across the room with a small scream but I only felt disappointment when it struck the wall, leaving a small dent in the plaster.
Jessica was in the kitchen when I emerged from my bedroom. Her delicate wisps of hair were caught into a severe ponytail and she looked at me and flinched, as if she expected me to throw her across the room, too. I couldn’t help but notice the spotless floor.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” I said baldly.
She nodded. “It’s fine. You’re pissed. I would be too.”
“I need to apologize to Luke, too. He’s been nothing but helpful to me.” I sank down at one of the metal chairs surrounding the kitchen table and heaved a great sigh. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on.”
“For starters, you could press charges against Ben.”
I snorted. “With what evidence? And money? The fucking bastard won. He got what he wanted, he drove us apart.”
It should have been easy to move on from a three-week relationship, but I grew way too attached to him during those weeks and there was the fact that I never been happier in my life. I never felt so completely satisfied with someone. Still, I tried to seize upon the advice that I always gave to other people.
Oh well, you’ll find someone else. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Only there weren’t any that interested me. I had done nothing wrong. It ended because of Ben.
No, it ended because of Will. He doesn’t want you.
“Maybe you should go back to his apartment,” she suggested.
I shook my head. “No, that’s pathetic. If he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me. Begging won’t help my cause.”
“I’m not talking about begging. I’m talking about just being there for him, even if you’re not in a relationship.”
“I don’t know.” I grabbed my laptop from my room and collapsed onto the couch, reading my work emails, which largely consisted an introduction from HR. I turned on the TV for a distraction.
Bury yourself in work. Don’t think about it.
The only reason I had this job was because of Will.
Jessica sat at the table. Every so often, she would give me an unhappy look as if my misery infected her.
I half-listened to the TV as I drafted a profanity-laden email to Ben that I probably wouldn’t send. There was something about an exclusive report and I almost wanted to change the channel. I’m so sick of the news.
“Natalie!” Jessica gasped.
A familiar voice spoke from the TV and I lifted my head from the laptop, bewildered. William stood in front of his apartment dressed in a suit. He looked—
“Oh my God. He looks terrible!” Jessica clapped her hands in front of her mouth and her face went red. “Sorry.”
He hadn’t shaved for at least five days and his face was skull-like. Bloodshot eyes looked directly into the camera without blinking.
“He looks like he’s going to throw up or collapse.”
“Shh!” I hissed.
“Several years ago I was involved in a fatal DUI accident. My friend, Daniel Martinez, was driving my car.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Three people were killed: Julian Metsky, Michelle Ramos, and James Ramos. I think of them every day. Words cannot express how much I regret my actions that night and if I could give up my life to return the victims back to their families, I would do it in a heartbeat.
“It has come to my attention that I am completely incapable of moving past the accident, and I would like to take this opportunity to give my resignation to Pardini Worldwide.”
With that, William turned around and reentered his apartment, ignoring the scream of questions that exploded the moment he stepped away from the microphones.
“Oh my God,” I moaned. “He’s resigning?”
Will, what are you doing?
Jessica removed her hands from her mouth. “His father won’t be happy.”
My heart pounded as I watched him disappear behind the door. “I can’t believe he just did that.”
It’s not your problem anymore.
But there was no way I could ignore what just happened. Maybe I needed to do something to ignore the pain building up in my chest. I didn’t want to think about Will retreating into his own misery and wasting away. I needed to do something.
“Wait! Where are you going?”
“To see Ben,” I muttered as I ran into my room. I opened my laptop and clicked on the email Will sent me days ago. Attached to the email were screenshots. They weren’t damning evidence on their own, but if I had more information…
The dirty apartment only added fuel to my anger. There were crumbs on the floor and I knew she hadn’t vacuumed while I was gone. I looked at her round, blonde face and felt a stab of anger. “Couldn’t you have cleaned while I was gone?”
I left Jessica as she stammered a reply and entered my room, slamming the door shut. I buried myself under the covers of my soft bed and tried to close my eyes, but a vicious cycle of images passed through my head like a slideshow: the nude pictures, Ben, William in handcuffs, him breaking up with me, the paparazzi outside his apartment, and Jessica and Luke waiting for me in the kitchen with a bottle of champagne.
As I thought of them, I felt a fresh wave of remorse and shame. They had done nothing but support me. Luke posted bail for William and they planned to celebrate my new job with me, but how could I celebrate when William was suffering?
We bonded so much on the trip. It was the best time of my life, but reflecting on it now was like remembering someone who died. I bundled the thick comforter near my face and grimaced against the sadness thickening my throat. He did so much for me. He got me this job, he made me feel better about myself, and he helped me confront Ben.
I thought hard about what I had done for him in return, but couldn’t come up with anything. All I did was ruin his life. No wonder he broke up with me.
I wanted to help him, a desperate voice inside me insisted. Maybe I should have tried harder.
* * *
I woke up the next morning with my eyes swollen shut with dried tears. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone, hoping for a text from Will or a missed call—nothing. He really is done with me.
I hurled the phone to the carpeted floor, which absorbed the force of my throw harmlessly. A swell of rage burst through my limbs and I wanted to smash the phone with my feet. Ben was the one who deserved this. I took it and threw it across the room with a small scream but I only felt disappointment when it struck the wall, leaving a small dent in the plaster.
Jessica was in the kitchen when I emerged from my bedroom. Her delicate wisps of hair were caught into a severe ponytail and she looked at me and flinched, as if she expected me to throw her across the room, too. I couldn’t help but notice the spotless floor.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” I said baldly.
She nodded. “It’s fine. You’re pissed. I would be too.”
“I need to apologize to Luke, too. He’s been nothing but helpful to me.” I sank down at one of the metal chairs surrounding the kitchen table and heaved a great sigh. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on.”
“For starters, you could press charges against Ben.”
I snorted. “With what evidence? And money? The fucking bastard won. He got what he wanted, he drove us apart.”
It should have been easy to move on from a three-week relationship, but I grew way too attached to him during those weeks and there was the fact that I never been happier in my life. I never felt so completely satisfied with someone. Still, I tried to seize upon the advice that I always gave to other people.
Oh well, you’ll find someone else. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Only there weren’t any that interested me. I had done nothing wrong. It ended because of Ben.
No, it ended because of Will. He doesn’t want you.
“Maybe you should go back to his apartment,” she suggested.
I shook my head. “No, that’s pathetic. If he doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me. Begging won’t help my cause.”
“I’m not talking about begging. I’m talking about just being there for him, even if you’re not in a relationship.”
“I don’t know.” I grabbed my laptop from my room and collapsed onto the couch, reading my work emails, which largely consisted an introduction from HR. I turned on the TV for a distraction.
Bury yourself in work. Don’t think about it.
The only reason I had this job was because of Will.
Jessica sat at the table. Every so often, she would give me an unhappy look as if my misery infected her.
I half-listened to the TV as I drafted a profanity-laden email to Ben that I probably wouldn’t send. There was something about an exclusive report and I almost wanted to change the channel. I’m so sick of the news.
“Natalie!” Jessica gasped.
A familiar voice spoke from the TV and I lifted my head from the laptop, bewildered. William stood in front of his apartment dressed in a suit. He looked—
“Oh my God. He looks terrible!” Jessica clapped her hands in front of her mouth and her face went red. “Sorry.”
He hadn’t shaved for at least five days and his face was skull-like. Bloodshot eyes looked directly into the camera without blinking.
“He looks like he’s going to throw up or collapse.”
“Shh!” I hissed.
“Several years ago I was involved in a fatal DUI accident. My friend, Daniel Martinez, was driving my car.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Three people were killed: Julian Metsky, Michelle Ramos, and James Ramos. I think of them every day. Words cannot express how much I regret my actions that night and if I could give up my life to return the victims back to their families, I would do it in a heartbeat.
“It has come to my attention that I am completely incapable of moving past the accident, and I would like to take this opportunity to give my resignation to Pardini Worldwide.”
With that, William turned around and reentered his apartment, ignoring the scream of questions that exploded the moment he stepped away from the microphones.
“Oh my God,” I moaned. “He’s resigning?”
Will, what are you doing?
Jessica removed her hands from her mouth. “His father won’t be happy.”
My heart pounded as I watched him disappear behind the door. “I can’t believe he just did that.”
It’s not your problem anymore.
But there was no way I could ignore what just happened. Maybe I needed to do something to ignore the pain building up in my chest. I didn’t want to think about Will retreating into his own misery and wasting away. I needed to do something.
“Wait! Where are you going?”
“To see Ben,” I muttered as I ran into my room. I opened my laptop and clicked on the email Will sent me days ago. Attached to the email were screenshots. They weren’t damning evidence on their own, but if I had more information…
