Craving Absolution
Page 25
I caught Gram’s eye as I moved past her back into the house. We both knew Brenna was trying to get me alone, and a small shake of Gram’s head indicated she wanted me to stay calm. Easy for her, I thought, as I braced for the confrontation; she wasn’t the one in enemy territory.
“Here, let me set it all out on the counter and we can just dish up in here,” Brenna said as she leaned into the fridge. “It was nice of you to bring something, you didn’t have to.”
“I didn’t,” I replied flatly. “Gram made it.”
“Oh.” She looked surprised to find me standing right behind her, still wearing my sunglasses inside the house.
I moved past, careful not to brush against her as I grabbed Gram’s bowl and set it on the counter behind her. I wasn’t going to play into her shit or give her an inch. She’d asked me to go inside with her for a reason, and I just wanted her to get to the point.
“Look, I know you don’t know me, and I almost didn’t say anything, but I just wanted to tell you that Casper is really important to me. To us. I know you’re friends with his sister and her loyalty is probably split, which complicates things . . .”
“Stop right there,” I ordered coldly. “You don’t get to say anything to me about Cody . . . or Callie, for that matter.”
“Actually, I think I do. He almost died trying to protect me. We’re close. So I just wanted to warn you that we’re behind him one hundred percent. I’m not sure what game you’re playing, but he showed up at the club last night, and there was obviously something wrong . . .”
My blood ran cold and I slid my hands into my pockets to hide the way they shook. Her insinuation that he’d been complaining about me was like a bucket of ice water thrown in my face. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Cody knew how I felt about them, and how uncomfortable I was with the entire situation.
“You don’t know shit about our relationship. Nothing. You call him Casper, for Christ’s sake.” I worked hard to keep my voice from breaking, but I felt like I’d been blindsided. “Keep your fucking opinions to yourself. You got him shot, but I’m the one fucking him. You don’t have shit on me—”
“Farrah!” Casper’s angry voice cut me off, and it was the impetus I needed to snap my shield of complacency back into place.
I stood silently, getting my emotions in check as he walked around me. Thank God he’d come in when he had, before I’d really lost my cool and did something stupid. I almost sighed in relief as I waited for him to back me up, to stand up for me, but as he stepped close to Brenna and glared at me, my heart sank.
“Take those fucking sunglasses off. What the fuck?”
No.
No.
And just like that, I was done.
I reached up and pulled my shades off, calmly folding them and tucking them into the neck of my shirt before I raised my eyes to his face and looked right through him.
Fuck him and fuck her and fuck the entire thing. I’d been so worried about how much I’d let him see in the last week, my shields dropping more and more as I desperately tried to reinforce them. I really should have thanked him because he’d finally done what I couldn’t. He’d built them back up for me. Standing there in Brenna’s kitchen, I was once again a blank slate, my armor fully in place.
His eyes grew wide with comprehension. “Farrah—” he whispered.
“Thank you for inviting me over,” I told Brenna coldly, my eyes meeting hers. “But I just remembered I had something else planned today.”
With a small nod of concession in her direction—she’d won, after all—I slowly turned and walked back out the back door. They would not see how bad it hurt for him to take her side, especially right after I’d told her that I was more important to him. I was an idiot and I’d let her get to me. Damn it, I’d let them both get to me.
I’d never let it happen again.
I returned to the backyard and made my way toward the women, catching Callie’s stricken look when she saw me. I shook my head at her. She needed to fit in with these people; I couldn’t pull her into the drama.
“Gram, can I use your car?” I asked woodenly, stopping next to her. “I need to get out of here.”
Her worried eyes searched my face, glancing between me and the house before she answered me.
“Sure, baby. I’ll go with you,” she replied.
Gram rose from the chair before I could stop her, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Slider and his wife walked out the back door with Cody and Brenna.
“I wanna go now, Gram,” I told her under my breath.
Then I called out to Will across the yard. As anxious as I was to get away from there, I couldn’t leave him without saying good-bye. He came running toward me dripping from the kiddie pool and I swung him up in my arms, unconcerned that his wet shorts were soaking my clothes.
“Hey, Wilfred. I’m gonna go, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” I said, rubbing his nose with mine. “Be good.”
We left without any fanfare; the group watching us go without a word, assuming I was dodging Slider. I let them think it. But the truth was, I could have faced him. I could have made nice, been respectful to his wife who probably hated me, and kept things civil. As long as I had Cody there, I was sure I could have done it.
It wasn’t Slider I was running from as Gram drove us home; seeing him had actually seemed pretty anticlimactic. It was Cody that I had to get away from. He hadn’t said a word to me as I left the house, ignoring me completely as he’d chatted with the guys.
“Here, let me set it all out on the counter and we can just dish up in here,” Brenna said as she leaned into the fridge. “It was nice of you to bring something, you didn’t have to.”
“I didn’t,” I replied flatly. “Gram made it.”
“Oh.” She looked surprised to find me standing right behind her, still wearing my sunglasses inside the house.
I moved past, careful not to brush against her as I grabbed Gram’s bowl and set it on the counter behind her. I wasn’t going to play into her shit or give her an inch. She’d asked me to go inside with her for a reason, and I just wanted her to get to the point.
“Look, I know you don’t know me, and I almost didn’t say anything, but I just wanted to tell you that Casper is really important to me. To us. I know you’re friends with his sister and her loyalty is probably split, which complicates things . . .”
“Stop right there,” I ordered coldly. “You don’t get to say anything to me about Cody . . . or Callie, for that matter.”
“Actually, I think I do. He almost died trying to protect me. We’re close. So I just wanted to warn you that we’re behind him one hundred percent. I’m not sure what game you’re playing, but he showed up at the club last night, and there was obviously something wrong . . .”
My blood ran cold and I slid my hands into my pockets to hide the way they shook. Her insinuation that he’d been complaining about me was like a bucket of ice water thrown in my face. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Cody knew how I felt about them, and how uncomfortable I was with the entire situation.
“You don’t know shit about our relationship. Nothing. You call him Casper, for Christ’s sake.” I worked hard to keep my voice from breaking, but I felt like I’d been blindsided. “Keep your fucking opinions to yourself. You got him shot, but I’m the one fucking him. You don’t have shit on me—”
“Farrah!” Casper’s angry voice cut me off, and it was the impetus I needed to snap my shield of complacency back into place.
I stood silently, getting my emotions in check as he walked around me. Thank God he’d come in when he had, before I’d really lost my cool and did something stupid. I almost sighed in relief as I waited for him to back me up, to stand up for me, but as he stepped close to Brenna and glared at me, my heart sank.
“Take those fucking sunglasses off. What the fuck?”
No.
No.
And just like that, I was done.
I reached up and pulled my shades off, calmly folding them and tucking them into the neck of my shirt before I raised my eyes to his face and looked right through him.
Fuck him and fuck her and fuck the entire thing. I’d been so worried about how much I’d let him see in the last week, my shields dropping more and more as I desperately tried to reinforce them. I really should have thanked him because he’d finally done what I couldn’t. He’d built them back up for me. Standing there in Brenna’s kitchen, I was once again a blank slate, my armor fully in place.
His eyes grew wide with comprehension. “Farrah—” he whispered.
“Thank you for inviting me over,” I told Brenna coldly, my eyes meeting hers. “But I just remembered I had something else planned today.”
With a small nod of concession in her direction—she’d won, after all—I slowly turned and walked back out the back door. They would not see how bad it hurt for him to take her side, especially right after I’d told her that I was more important to him. I was an idiot and I’d let her get to me. Damn it, I’d let them both get to me.
I’d never let it happen again.
I returned to the backyard and made my way toward the women, catching Callie’s stricken look when she saw me. I shook my head at her. She needed to fit in with these people; I couldn’t pull her into the drama.
“Gram, can I use your car?” I asked woodenly, stopping next to her. “I need to get out of here.”
Her worried eyes searched my face, glancing between me and the house before she answered me.
“Sure, baby. I’ll go with you,” she replied.
Gram rose from the chair before I could stop her, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Slider and his wife walked out the back door with Cody and Brenna.
“I wanna go now, Gram,” I told her under my breath.
Then I called out to Will across the yard. As anxious as I was to get away from there, I couldn’t leave him without saying good-bye. He came running toward me dripping from the kiddie pool and I swung him up in my arms, unconcerned that his wet shorts were soaking my clothes.
“Hey, Wilfred. I’m gonna go, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” I said, rubbing his nose with mine. “Be good.”
We left without any fanfare; the group watching us go without a word, assuming I was dodging Slider. I let them think it. But the truth was, I could have faced him. I could have made nice, been respectful to his wife who probably hated me, and kept things civil. As long as I had Cody there, I was sure I could have done it.
It wasn’t Slider I was running from as Gram drove us home; seeing him had actually seemed pretty anticlimactic. It was Cody that I had to get away from. He hadn’t said a word to me as I left the house, ignoring me completely as he’d chatted with the guys.
