Craving Absolution
Page 34
He walked out the door, asking me over his shoulder to let Gram know he’d be out of town, and within a minute I heard his bike start up outside. Just like that, he was gone.
For a few moments, I’d turned back into that girl I’d been before—willing to let a man talk down to me just so I’d know that he was coming back. After Echo died, I promised myself that I’d never let anyone treat me like that again, yet I’d just let Cody do it. I’d even placated him, pretending I’d been mistaken so he wouldn’t stay mad at me.
What the hell was I doing? He left me shaking, sore, and close to crying in the middle of my bed. I’d let him use me like a random fuck, mistakenly thinking I was doing some selfless deed to comfort him.
He didn’t even ask me if he could borrow that fucking duffel bag.
I ran to the bathroom and barely made it to my knees before I started vomiting.
Chapter 15
Farrah
I took a little time to get myself together before walking over to Gram’s. I sure as shit wasn’t going to stay in the apartment, licking my wounds. I was both pissed as hell and disappointed in myself, frustrated that I’d seemed to have fallen back into old patterns. If it were three years ago, I would have found someone to party with after I’d gotten into it with whatever guy I was seeing. But since I hated the thought of that even more, I chose to play dice and eat Gram’s banana bread instead.
I tried talking Gram into hitting some garage sales despite what Cody had ordered, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She’d spent a lot of her life listening to her man and her sons tell her not to do things, and she told me she knew when to listen and when to ignore it, something about a feeling in her gut. Apparently this was one of the times her gut was telling her to listen.
We’d played a gazillion dice games called Ten Thousand and were hanging in the living room watching Matlock when Grease, Callie, and Will came in the front door. We rarely knocked at Gram’s, so the fact that they hadn’t didn’t surprise me, but the way they came in was just slightly off. It was too fast and loud for a normal visit, too urgent. The look of devastation on Grease and Callie’s faces had Gram and me jumping to our feet.
Oh God. Cody.
“Cody?” Gram croaked, her arthritic fingers rising to her mouth in horror.
“No! No, Gram. He’s fine!” Callie turned her head to Grease. “He’s fine, right?”
“Far as I know, Sugar,” Grease answered.
I didn’t like his answer.
“What’s going on?” It felt like déjà vu as I glanced back and forth between them, neither of them giving me a fucking thing. “Someone better tell me right now what the fuck is going on. Shit. Sorry, Wilfred.”
“Iss okay,” Will said, walking toward the toys Gram kept for when he came over.
“Now, Callie.” My voice was almost a growl as I glared at her.
Grease answered for her, pulling Callie into his side. “Tommy’s wife, Trish, and the kids were killed in a house fire this morning.”
“Oh shit.” I sat down hard on the couch, the morning’s events becoming so much clearer. Oh, Cody. Goddamn it, why hadn’t he said anything?
“I’m sorry, baby girl,” Gram said to Callie, walking over to wrap her in a tight hug. “I know she was one of your friends.”
“Yeah.” Callie sobbed quietly into Gram’s shoulder as I sat on the couch, stunned.
Grease stepped away as Gram ushered Callie away from Will and into the kitchen. He dropped down on the other end of the sofa and leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to say or if I sounded like an asshole, but this whole comforting-people-who-weren’t-Callie thing was hard.
“Thanks,” he replied, watching Will build a tower with Legos. “You saw Casper this morning? He seem okay?”
“No, he didn’t, and he wouldn’t tell me what was going on,” I said as I watched Will paw through the toy box.
“Yeah, he probably didn’t want to say anything until the rest of the brothers had called their families. We’ve spent the last two hours trying to calm Tommy down.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Been a shitty day.”
“I bet,” I whispered.
I’d liked Trisha. She’d seemed sweet as hell when I’d been around her, and her kids were freaking adorable, at least the ones I’d met. The oldest was a little too old to hang out with the little ones, so I’d never been around him. God, I couldn’t believe they were gone. Poof. Just like that.
“Why would Slider send people out on a run with all of this stuff happening? It seems like you should be circling the wagons or something.”
Grease looked at me in surprise. “We’re all staying pretty close to home, if we can. Don’t think anyone’s leaving.”
“Cody left this morning,” I replied slowly, trying to read him but his expression had gone blank. “So, not everyone is home. Where did he go?”
“Club business, Farrah.” He dismissed me with a flick of his hand, stood up, and walked away.
I should have known he wouldn’t give me a straight answer, but I was going to go crazy trying to figure it out on my own. Why would Slider send Cody out by himself? He was a prospect, could barely wipe his ass without one of the brothers telling him to do it. It just didn’t make sense.
For a few moments, I’d turned back into that girl I’d been before—willing to let a man talk down to me just so I’d know that he was coming back. After Echo died, I promised myself that I’d never let anyone treat me like that again, yet I’d just let Cody do it. I’d even placated him, pretending I’d been mistaken so he wouldn’t stay mad at me.
What the hell was I doing? He left me shaking, sore, and close to crying in the middle of my bed. I’d let him use me like a random fuck, mistakenly thinking I was doing some selfless deed to comfort him.
He didn’t even ask me if he could borrow that fucking duffel bag.
I ran to the bathroom and barely made it to my knees before I started vomiting.
Chapter 15
Farrah
I took a little time to get myself together before walking over to Gram’s. I sure as shit wasn’t going to stay in the apartment, licking my wounds. I was both pissed as hell and disappointed in myself, frustrated that I’d seemed to have fallen back into old patterns. If it were three years ago, I would have found someone to party with after I’d gotten into it with whatever guy I was seeing. But since I hated the thought of that even more, I chose to play dice and eat Gram’s banana bread instead.
I tried talking Gram into hitting some garage sales despite what Cody had ordered, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She’d spent a lot of her life listening to her man and her sons tell her not to do things, and she told me she knew when to listen and when to ignore it, something about a feeling in her gut. Apparently this was one of the times her gut was telling her to listen.
We’d played a gazillion dice games called Ten Thousand and were hanging in the living room watching Matlock when Grease, Callie, and Will came in the front door. We rarely knocked at Gram’s, so the fact that they hadn’t didn’t surprise me, but the way they came in was just slightly off. It was too fast and loud for a normal visit, too urgent. The look of devastation on Grease and Callie’s faces had Gram and me jumping to our feet.
Oh God. Cody.
“Cody?” Gram croaked, her arthritic fingers rising to her mouth in horror.
“No! No, Gram. He’s fine!” Callie turned her head to Grease. “He’s fine, right?”
“Far as I know, Sugar,” Grease answered.
I didn’t like his answer.
“What’s going on?” It felt like déjà vu as I glanced back and forth between them, neither of them giving me a fucking thing. “Someone better tell me right now what the fuck is going on. Shit. Sorry, Wilfred.”
“Iss okay,” Will said, walking toward the toys Gram kept for when he came over.
“Now, Callie.” My voice was almost a growl as I glared at her.
Grease answered for her, pulling Callie into his side. “Tommy’s wife, Trish, and the kids were killed in a house fire this morning.”
“Oh shit.” I sat down hard on the couch, the morning’s events becoming so much clearer. Oh, Cody. Goddamn it, why hadn’t he said anything?
“I’m sorry, baby girl,” Gram said to Callie, walking over to wrap her in a tight hug. “I know she was one of your friends.”
“Yeah.” Callie sobbed quietly into Gram’s shoulder as I sat on the couch, stunned.
Grease stepped away as Gram ushered Callie away from Will and into the kitchen. He dropped down on the other end of the sofa and leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to say or if I sounded like an asshole, but this whole comforting-people-who-weren’t-Callie thing was hard.
“Thanks,” he replied, watching Will build a tower with Legos. “You saw Casper this morning? He seem okay?”
“No, he didn’t, and he wouldn’t tell me what was going on,” I said as I watched Will paw through the toy box.
“Yeah, he probably didn’t want to say anything until the rest of the brothers had called their families. We’ve spent the last two hours trying to calm Tommy down.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Been a shitty day.”
“I bet,” I whispered.
I’d liked Trisha. She’d seemed sweet as hell when I’d been around her, and her kids were freaking adorable, at least the ones I’d met. The oldest was a little too old to hang out with the little ones, so I’d never been around him. God, I couldn’t believe they were gone. Poof. Just like that.
“Why would Slider send people out on a run with all of this stuff happening? It seems like you should be circling the wagons or something.”
Grease looked at me in surprise. “We’re all staying pretty close to home, if we can. Don’t think anyone’s leaving.”
“Cody left this morning,” I replied slowly, trying to read him but his expression had gone blank. “So, not everyone is home. Where did he go?”
“Club business, Farrah.” He dismissed me with a flick of his hand, stood up, and walked away.
I should have known he wouldn’t give me a straight answer, but I was going to go crazy trying to figure it out on my own. Why would Slider send Cody out by himself? He was a prospect, could barely wipe his ass without one of the brothers telling him to do it. It just didn’t make sense.
