Craving Absolution
Page 52
I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on Poet. I knew about the property; I’d been the one to find it and check it out, but it made my stomach turn that I hadn’t been able to figure out if they’d kept women there. It was the one thing that worried me about the entire situation.
In a perfect world, the women would cower or hide and wouldn’t be a problem. We didn’t live in a perfect world. If there was anything I’d learned after living in the clubhouse with old ladies for the past three months, it was that most of them were as hard as their men. They had to be to survive. If the McCafferty women were anything like ours, they’d be in the middle of the fucking fight, and fuck me, but I didn’t want to shoot a goddamn woman.
“Leave your cuts in your rooms and head into the armory to suit up. Not leaving anyone behind if shit goes south, but we sure as hell don’t wanna leave any evidence either. Patches and leather tend to get left behind fighting hand-to-hand, and if it gets to that, we ain’t searching for your shit before we leave,” Slider informed us.
“Smokey and Doc,” he went on, “you’re backup. You’ll stay close but out of things in case we need you. You’re in the Jeep Cherokee in bay two. Grease and Poet, you’re in the piece of shit Toyota Brenna used to drive. Grab Samson, Tweak, and Gump. Let them know we’re going, but don’t fill them in until we get there. Dragon and Casper, you’re with me. Pack up the van parked out back and let Ramon and Goliath know they’re riding up with us. Same goes for information. Confiscate all phones.”
He looked around the room, his face emotionless. “Only the men in this room have open communication. You take those phones. You find a phone on any man—shoot him. We’re flyin’ fuckin’ blind here, still don’t know who’s feeding these fuckers information. I don’t care if the man was calling his mother. He has a phone, he’s dead.”
I swallowed hard and stood from the table as the men exited the room. I only had a couple of hours to prepare before we left, and I needed to get in the right headspace. It wasn’t the first time I’d been part of a fight, but the entire dynamic was different from anything I’d ever experienced. It felt as if we weren’t sure who was loyal and who wasn’t. Add on to that the women we might have to deal with, and I was sweating.
Fuck.
“Casper,” Slider called quietly.
“Yeah?”
Our relationship was cool, and he’d never invited Farrah back or made any mention of the way he’d fucked her over. I couldn’t stand him.
“Sit,” he ordered calmly and I immediately dropped back down. It didn’t matter if I respected him as a man; I sure as hell respected his strength.
“Before we head out and I’m counting on you to have my back, I wanted to get a few things straight with you,” he said. “Your loyalty’s not in question, and the minute this shit is over, we’ll be voting you in.”
I let that sink in. It was the culmination of everything I’d been working for, but with one thought of Farrah, I no longer wanted it. So I said nothing.
“I know you’re still hot about the shit that went down with my daughter.”
My jaw clenched against the words bubbling in my throat. Fuck him for all of a sudden remembering he even had a daughter.
“I want to get one thing clear with you. I don’t give a fuck about how you feel about me. You hate me? Fuck you. I’m twice your age and got more experience in this life than you’ll ever have.” His eyes never left mine. “I fucked up with Farrah and I knew it right away. I’ve known it since I stopped fucking searching for her twenty years ago. But three months ago when I made her leave with your grandmother, I knew what the fuck I was doing.”
My heart started thumping in my chest, my hands in tight fists beneath the table.
“You’re pissed I fuckin’ kicked her out? You think she don’t mean shit to me? Good.” He gave a slow nod. “Everyone else got that same feeling. You get what I’m sayin’ to you?”
What?
“She’s safer where she’s at than she’d be here. That girl’s my fuckin’ weakness. Anyone who knew me then, anyone that’s seen me in the last coupla years knows that. I know Vera can take care of herself—don’t have to worry about her much—she’s got bigger balls than most a my boys. Farrah’s different. Fuckin’ softer. Too soft for this shit.” He stood from the table. “She can fuckin’ hate me. Long as she’s breathing, long as she’s safe, I don’t give a fuck how she feels about me.”
Slider walked toward the door and spoke quietly to my back as he reached it. “In all the time you been here, you ever known me to yell, boy?”
He left the room while I sat dumbfounded, staring at the scarred wooden table in front of me.
Holy fuck. The man had played us. He’d fucking played everyone.
Chapter 27
Farrah
I didn’t move from the floor of the attic for a long time after Cody hung up on me. Something wasn’t right; there was just a little something off, and his “I love you” was a little too adamant. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I instinctively knew that after months of waiting, it was all coming to a head. And that terrified me.
For the first time in months, I stood and walked downstairs to my room, intent on finding the perfect outfit. It was the only thing I could think of as I started to feel panicky, my emotions all over the place. I needed my things. I needed the comfort of preparing my hair and face, as if perfection on the outside would create calm on the inside.
In a perfect world, the women would cower or hide and wouldn’t be a problem. We didn’t live in a perfect world. If there was anything I’d learned after living in the clubhouse with old ladies for the past three months, it was that most of them were as hard as their men. They had to be to survive. If the McCafferty women were anything like ours, they’d be in the middle of the fucking fight, and fuck me, but I didn’t want to shoot a goddamn woman.
“Leave your cuts in your rooms and head into the armory to suit up. Not leaving anyone behind if shit goes south, but we sure as hell don’t wanna leave any evidence either. Patches and leather tend to get left behind fighting hand-to-hand, and if it gets to that, we ain’t searching for your shit before we leave,” Slider informed us.
“Smokey and Doc,” he went on, “you’re backup. You’ll stay close but out of things in case we need you. You’re in the Jeep Cherokee in bay two. Grease and Poet, you’re in the piece of shit Toyota Brenna used to drive. Grab Samson, Tweak, and Gump. Let them know we’re going, but don’t fill them in until we get there. Dragon and Casper, you’re with me. Pack up the van parked out back and let Ramon and Goliath know they’re riding up with us. Same goes for information. Confiscate all phones.”
He looked around the room, his face emotionless. “Only the men in this room have open communication. You take those phones. You find a phone on any man—shoot him. We’re flyin’ fuckin’ blind here, still don’t know who’s feeding these fuckers information. I don’t care if the man was calling his mother. He has a phone, he’s dead.”
I swallowed hard and stood from the table as the men exited the room. I only had a couple of hours to prepare before we left, and I needed to get in the right headspace. It wasn’t the first time I’d been part of a fight, but the entire dynamic was different from anything I’d ever experienced. It felt as if we weren’t sure who was loyal and who wasn’t. Add on to that the women we might have to deal with, and I was sweating.
Fuck.
“Casper,” Slider called quietly.
“Yeah?”
Our relationship was cool, and he’d never invited Farrah back or made any mention of the way he’d fucked her over. I couldn’t stand him.
“Sit,” he ordered calmly and I immediately dropped back down. It didn’t matter if I respected him as a man; I sure as hell respected his strength.
“Before we head out and I’m counting on you to have my back, I wanted to get a few things straight with you,” he said. “Your loyalty’s not in question, and the minute this shit is over, we’ll be voting you in.”
I let that sink in. It was the culmination of everything I’d been working for, but with one thought of Farrah, I no longer wanted it. So I said nothing.
“I know you’re still hot about the shit that went down with my daughter.”
My jaw clenched against the words bubbling in my throat. Fuck him for all of a sudden remembering he even had a daughter.
“I want to get one thing clear with you. I don’t give a fuck about how you feel about me. You hate me? Fuck you. I’m twice your age and got more experience in this life than you’ll ever have.” His eyes never left mine. “I fucked up with Farrah and I knew it right away. I’ve known it since I stopped fucking searching for her twenty years ago. But three months ago when I made her leave with your grandmother, I knew what the fuck I was doing.”
My heart started thumping in my chest, my hands in tight fists beneath the table.
“You’re pissed I fuckin’ kicked her out? You think she don’t mean shit to me? Good.” He gave a slow nod. “Everyone else got that same feeling. You get what I’m sayin’ to you?”
What?
“She’s safer where she’s at than she’d be here. That girl’s my fuckin’ weakness. Anyone who knew me then, anyone that’s seen me in the last coupla years knows that. I know Vera can take care of herself—don’t have to worry about her much—she’s got bigger balls than most a my boys. Farrah’s different. Fuckin’ softer. Too soft for this shit.” He stood from the table. “She can fuckin’ hate me. Long as she’s breathing, long as she’s safe, I don’t give a fuck how she feels about me.”
Slider walked toward the door and spoke quietly to my back as he reached it. “In all the time you been here, you ever known me to yell, boy?”
He left the room while I sat dumbfounded, staring at the scarred wooden table in front of me.
Holy fuck. The man had played us. He’d fucking played everyone.
Chapter 27
Farrah
I didn’t move from the floor of the attic for a long time after Cody hung up on me. Something wasn’t right; there was just a little something off, and his “I love you” was a little too adamant. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I instinctively knew that after months of waiting, it was all coming to a head. And that terrified me.
For the first time in months, I stood and walked downstairs to my room, intent on finding the perfect outfit. It was the only thing I could think of as I started to feel panicky, my emotions all over the place. I needed my things. I needed the comfort of preparing my hair and face, as if perfection on the outside would create calm on the inside.
