Craving Absolution
Page 61
“No.”
“Had to make it look like I didn’t give a shit.”
“No.”
“Stop saying no, goddamn it. I did what I had to do, and you’re fuckin’ standin’ here lookin’ at me, which means it worked.”
I stepped forward to grab the edge of the bed to steady myself, and watched in horror as Slider tried to climb from the bed, pulling at his IVs.
“Stop! What are you doing?” I hissed.
“Sit the fuck down before you fall down!” he ordered. He was scowling, but it didn’t hide the fear in his eyes.
“Fine!” I snapped back, taking a deep breath as I rounded the bed and sat in the chair Vera had been sitting in.
“This is so fucking confusing,” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead with the tips of my fingers. My head had begun to pound, and my stomach was getting more and more upset the longer I was in the room.
“It ain’t confusin’, baby girl,” he told me quietly. “I’ve loved ya since before you were born, and I’ll love ya after I’m six feet under. Only thing you gotta think about is what you wanna do with that.”
“I don’t . . .” I shook my head, trying to untangle my thoughts. “I’m not calling you Dad.”
Slider burst out laughing. “Don’t expect ya to.”
“I just—this is a lot to deal with. Okay? And shit, I mean, I know you’re hurt and everything, and I know you’re hoping for some father and daughter dance through the wildflowers.” I met his eyes and put my hand on my rounded belly. “I’ve got a lot of my own shit I have to deal with. I don’t have room for you.”
His face fell, and I knew then that he’d been hoping for a different outcome. I just couldn’t give it to him.
“Thank you for telling me . . . all this,” I said, standing from my chair. “Maybe I’ll stop by after you’ve broken out of here.”
“You’d be welcome,” he replied gruffly.
I turned around and reached for the door, but I couldn’t help but turn back one last time as I opened it. The look on his face killed me. He’d laid himself bare, something I instinctively knew he’d never done before, and I’d rejected him.
“Sign the papers and get your leg fixed, old man.”
He nodded and looked away. That was my cue to leave.
“Take me home,” I ordered Cody as I strode out of the room and straight for the elevators. Before I could reach them, wiry arms were wrapped around my waist, halting my progress.
“Farrah!”
I jerked to a halt and looked at Cameron in confusion, and then for the first time that day I felt a wide smile stretch my face. Man, he was a sight for sore eyes.
“Hey, dude! How’ve you been?”
He shrugged. “Bored as hell.”
“Watch your mouth.” There was no heat in my words. Shit, I’d missed that boy. We’d talked a few times while I was gone, but never for very long. There was something going on with him, something I couldn’t pinpoint, and it had almost seemed like each time we’d spoke he was choosing his words very carefully to say what I wanted to hear.
“Are you going home? Can I come with you?” His arm tightened around my waist as the elevator doors opened, and I glanced at Cody to see his face completely emotionless.
My attention was brought back to Cameron when his arm bumped my belly deliberately, and as his brow creased in question, I shook my head once at him in warning. Shit, at this rate, everyone was going to know about the baby before Cody.
“I’ll come get you tomorrow. Okay, bud? We’ll hang out then.”
Cody walked into the elevator and held the door as Cameron’s face fell.
“Yeah, okay,” he answered quietly.
“Tomorrow, bud. I promise,” I whispered, giving him a squeeze. “I need to talk to Cody tonight.”
I let go of Cameron and made my way into the elevator, but as we rode it to the first floor, Cody and I didn’t say anything. We didn’t speak the entire way home, and nervousness was like a pit of snakes in my belly, making me so nauseous that I’d broken out in a cold sweat by the time we walked into my apartment.
The place smelled musty, but someone must have come in and took out the garbage, because thankfully it didn’t stink to high heaven. I dropped my purse on the kitchen table and turned to say something to Cody, but he’d set my quilt on the back of the couch and wasn’t moving into the room.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Gonna run to the club for a bit.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, baby. Got some shit to do.”
My shoulders dropped, disappointment feeling like a heavy weight on my chest. I hadn’t seen him in months. What the hell was he doing?
“Will you be back later?” I asked awkwardly, trying to think of some reason I could ask him to stay without blurting out the news of our upcoming delivery or vomiting on the floor. My stomach was seriously turning by that point, and I could feel my face beginning to sweat. Shit, this wasn’t how our reunion was supposed to go.
“Yeah, Ladybug. I’ll come back later tonight.”
Cody didn’t come to kiss me good-bye, but at that point I wouldn’t have welcomed his face anywhere near mine. I was taking deep breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to keep the bile in my throat from erupting.
He turned and walked out the door, and I could hear him locking it from the outside as I stood frozen in place. As soon as his footsteps faded away, I grabbed my purse and rushed into the bathroom.
“Had to make it look like I didn’t give a shit.”
“No.”
“Stop saying no, goddamn it. I did what I had to do, and you’re fuckin’ standin’ here lookin’ at me, which means it worked.”
I stepped forward to grab the edge of the bed to steady myself, and watched in horror as Slider tried to climb from the bed, pulling at his IVs.
“Stop! What are you doing?” I hissed.
“Sit the fuck down before you fall down!” he ordered. He was scowling, but it didn’t hide the fear in his eyes.
“Fine!” I snapped back, taking a deep breath as I rounded the bed and sat in the chair Vera had been sitting in.
“This is so fucking confusing,” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead with the tips of my fingers. My head had begun to pound, and my stomach was getting more and more upset the longer I was in the room.
“It ain’t confusin’, baby girl,” he told me quietly. “I’ve loved ya since before you were born, and I’ll love ya after I’m six feet under. Only thing you gotta think about is what you wanna do with that.”
“I don’t . . .” I shook my head, trying to untangle my thoughts. “I’m not calling you Dad.”
Slider burst out laughing. “Don’t expect ya to.”
“I just—this is a lot to deal with. Okay? And shit, I mean, I know you’re hurt and everything, and I know you’re hoping for some father and daughter dance through the wildflowers.” I met his eyes and put my hand on my rounded belly. “I’ve got a lot of my own shit I have to deal with. I don’t have room for you.”
His face fell, and I knew then that he’d been hoping for a different outcome. I just couldn’t give it to him.
“Thank you for telling me . . . all this,” I said, standing from my chair. “Maybe I’ll stop by after you’ve broken out of here.”
“You’d be welcome,” he replied gruffly.
I turned around and reached for the door, but I couldn’t help but turn back one last time as I opened it. The look on his face killed me. He’d laid himself bare, something I instinctively knew he’d never done before, and I’d rejected him.
“Sign the papers and get your leg fixed, old man.”
He nodded and looked away. That was my cue to leave.
“Take me home,” I ordered Cody as I strode out of the room and straight for the elevators. Before I could reach them, wiry arms were wrapped around my waist, halting my progress.
“Farrah!”
I jerked to a halt and looked at Cameron in confusion, and then for the first time that day I felt a wide smile stretch my face. Man, he was a sight for sore eyes.
“Hey, dude! How’ve you been?”
He shrugged. “Bored as hell.”
“Watch your mouth.” There was no heat in my words. Shit, I’d missed that boy. We’d talked a few times while I was gone, but never for very long. There was something going on with him, something I couldn’t pinpoint, and it had almost seemed like each time we’d spoke he was choosing his words very carefully to say what I wanted to hear.
“Are you going home? Can I come with you?” His arm tightened around my waist as the elevator doors opened, and I glanced at Cody to see his face completely emotionless.
My attention was brought back to Cameron when his arm bumped my belly deliberately, and as his brow creased in question, I shook my head once at him in warning. Shit, at this rate, everyone was going to know about the baby before Cody.
“I’ll come get you tomorrow. Okay, bud? We’ll hang out then.”
Cody walked into the elevator and held the door as Cameron’s face fell.
“Yeah, okay,” he answered quietly.
“Tomorrow, bud. I promise,” I whispered, giving him a squeeze. “I need to talk to Cody tonight.”
I let go of Cameron and made my way into the elevator, but as we rode it to the first floor, Cody and I didn’t say anything. We didn’t speak the entire way home, and nervousness was like a pit of snakes in my belly, making me so nauseous that I’d broken out in a cold sweat by the time we walked into my apartment.
The place smelled musty, but someone must have come in and took out the garbage, because thankfully it didn’t stink to high heaven. I dropped my purse on the kitchen table and turned to say something to Cody, but he’d set my quilt on the back of the couch and wasn’t moving into the room.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Gonna run to the club for a bit.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, baby. Got some shit to do.”
My shoulders dropped, disappointment feeling like a heavy weight on my chest. I hadn’t seen him in months. What the hell was he doing?
“Will you be back later?” I asked awkwardly, trying to think of some reason I could ask him to stay without blurting out the news of our upcoming delivery or vomiting on the floor. My stomach was seriously turning by that point, and I could feel my face beginning to sweat. Shit, this wasn’t how our reunion was supposed to go.
“Yeah, Ladybug. I’ll come back later tonight.”
Cody didn’t come to kiss me good-bye, but at that point I wouldn’t have welcomed his face anywhere near mine. I was taking deep breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to keep the bile in my throat from erupting.
He turned and walked out the door, and I could hear him locking it from the outside as I stood frozen in place. As soon as his footsteps faded away, I grabbed my purse and rushed into the bathroom.
