Craving Absolution
Page 63
I loved her so much, and my determination to let her figure her own shit out was faltering. Maybe it was just a small setback. Maybe I’d misunderstood. No, no, I couldn’t think like that. I knew what I’d seen. But if I took care of her this time—from the very beginning, instead of cleaning up after her—maybe I could stop it before it got bad.
I shouldn’t have left her the day before. I’d been selfish, needing a little time to myself, and I’d spent the day on my bike instead of making sure she was okay. I’d known that whatever went on with Slider would mess with her head, but I’d been too stuck on my own shit that I hadn’t given it a second thought when I’d left her standing in the middle of her kitchen.
Had I done this? Had she needed me and I hadn’t seen it? She’d seemed okay when she’d left Slider’s room the day before, but I knew, I fucking knew how well Farrah hid her emotions. I should have taken better care of her. I should have looked below the surface.
Goddamn it.
I climbed back off my bike and froze as I watched Gram leave her apartment and run toward Farrah’s, her cell phone pressed to her ear.
Jesus Christ.
I started running.
Gram left the door wide open behind her, and I raced through the apartment, ignoring the mess as I made it back to Farrah’s bedroom.
She was on the floor and she wasn’t moving.
“Where the fuck were you?” Gram yelled, brushing Farrah’s tangled hair away from her face. “I asked you to check on her!”
“I did.” My mind spun as I tried to process what I was seeing. Farrah was on her side, breathing slowly, her skin clammy and pale, but that wasn’t what had caught my attention.
Her belly was rounded, thicker, and her tits were too.
No.
I dropped to my knees.
No!
“You left her like this? What the hell is the matter with you?”
“I didn’t—” I felt my chest heaving, unable to catch my breath. “I thought—”
“Goddamn it, Cody,” Gram said tersely as the sounds of an ambulance grew closer. “I warned you! I specifically warned you about taking off when she needed you.” Her voice rose with every word. “You can’t keep running off when shit gets hard!”
I made a noise in my throat, somewhere between a moan and a sob, and moved closer to Farrah. “You’re okay, Ladybug,” I whispered, ignoring Gram as I lifted Farrah from the floor, making her whimper. “You’re okay. I’ve got you, baby.”
We’d just climbed to our feet, Farrah in my arms, when the paramedics came through the front door. It felt like it took them hours to place her on the stretcher and strap her down, and she moaned deeply as they forced her body to flatten out. She’d been curled around our baby in the fetal position, and even though she wasn’t conscious, she was somehow aware that whatever protection she’d been providing to our child was being taken away.
“One person can ride with her,” the lady paramedic informed us.
Gram spoke up immediately. “I’ll go. Cody, your sister’s next door with Will. Go get her and follow us there.”
I wanted to be the one with Farrah, but I think I was still too shell-shocked to argue as they left the apartment—taking the love of my life with them.
Chapter 34
Farrah
I woke up slowly, memories of fading in and out of consciousness after Cody left me filtering into my mind.
Shit.
I barely remembered being in an ambulance with Gram, and then the bright lights and water-stained ceiling of the hospital before everything went blank. My hand automatically went to my waist, the IVs in my arm pulling at my skin as I reached it.
Thank God. My belly was still tight. That meant she was still in there, right? I would have felt it if she were gone.
My eyes opened slowly, and I took in the room around me. It looked a lot like Slider’s had, and I had the fleeting thought that we were in the same hospital, before movement from the side of my bed caught my attention.
“Hey, Ladybug.” Cody’s voice was quiet, and I squeezed my eyes shut at the pain in his voice. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“What happened?” My voice was scratchy as I tried to form the words, and my mouth was dry as hell.
“I’m going to tell the nurses you’re awake,” he said, unfolding himself from the chair.
“No. Just—the baby?” I asked, reaching out to grab his arm.
His face fell, his eyebrows drawing together over bloodshot eyes.
Oh God.
“The baby’s fine, Ladybug,” he finally rasped. “Let me go get the nurse.”
My breath left me in a huge whoosh, making pain radiate from my torso, and I froze as I tried to ride it out. Fuck, that had hurt. I was too afraid to lift the plain white blanket covering me to see what had caused the ridiculous amount of pain, so instead I just relaxed into the bed and waited for the door to open again.
“Dude, you could have just told me you needed some attention,” Callie called out as she walked in a few minutes later, a nurse and doctor following her into the room. “You didn’t need to be so dramatic.”
I gave her a small smile as they surrounded the bed, and her returning smile couldn’t hide her worry as she grasped my hand.
“What’s up, Doc?” I asked dryly, causing Callie to snicker next to me.
“Looks like you’re feeling better,” the doctor answered with a smile.
I shouldn’t have left her the day before. I’d been selfish, needing a little time to myself, and I’d spent the day on my bike instead of making sure she was okay. I’d known that whatever went on with Slider would mess with her head, but I’d been too stuck on my own shit that I hadn’t given it a second thought when I’d left her standing in the middle of her kitchen.
Had I done this? Had she needed me and I hadn’t seen it? She’d seemed okay when she’d left Slider’s room the day before, but I knew, I fucking knew how well Farrah hid her emotions. I should have taken better care of her. I should have looked below the surface.
Goddamn it.
I climbed back off my bike and froze as I watched Gram leave her apartment and run toward Farrah’s, her cell phone pressed to her ear.
Jesus Christ.
I started running.
Gram left the door wide open behind her, and I raced through the apartment, ignoring the mess as I made it back to Farrah’s bedroom.
She was on the floor and she wasn’t moving.
“Where the fuck were you?” Gram yelled, brushing Farrah’s tangled hair away from her face. “I asked you to check on her!”
“I did.” My mind spun as I tried to process what I was seeing. Farrah was on her side, breathing slowly, her skin clammy and pale, but that wasn’t what had caught my attention.
Her belly was rounded, thicker, and her tits were too.
No.
I dropped to my knees.
No!
“You left her like this? What the hell is the matter with you?”
“I didn’t—” I felt my chest heaving, unable to catch my breath. “I thought—”
“Goddamn it, Cody,” Gram said tersely as the sounds of an ambulance grew closer. “I warned you! I specifically warned you about taking off when she needed you.” Her voice rose with every word. “You can’t keep running off when shit gets hard!”
I made a noise in my throat, somewhere between a moan and a sob, and moved closer to Farrah. “You’re okay, Ladybug,” I whispered, ignoring Gram as I lifted Farrah from the floor, making her whimper. “You’re okay. I’ve got you, baby.”
We’d just climbed to our feet, Farrah in my arms, when the paramedics came through the front door. It felt like it took them hours to place her on the stretcher and strap her down, and she moaned deeply as they forced her body to flatten out. She’d been curled around our baby in the fetal position, and even though she wasn’t conscious, she was somehow aware that whatever protection she’d been providing to our child was being taken away.
“One person can ride with her,” the lady paramedic informed us.
Gram spoke up immediately. “I’ll go. Cody, your sister’s next door with Will. Go get her and follow us there.”
I wanted to be the one with Farrah, but I think I was still too shell-shocked to argue as they left the apartment—taking the love of my life with them.
Chapter 34
Farrah
I woke up slowly, memories of fading in and out of consciousness after Cody left me filtering into my mind.
Shit.
I barely remembered being in an ambulance with Gram, and then the bright lights and water-stained ceiling of the hospital before everything went blank. My hand automatically went to my waist, the IVs in my arm pulling at my skin as I reached it.
Thank God. My belly was still tight. That meant she was still in there, right? I would have felt it if she were gone.
My eyes opened slowly, and I took in the room around me. It looked a lot like Slider’s had, and I had the fleeting thought that we were in the same hospital, before movement from the side of my bed caught my attention.
“Hey, Ladybug.” Cody’s voice was quiet, and I squeezed my eyes shut at the pain in his voice. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“What happened?” My voice was scratchy as I tried to form the words, and my mouth was dry as hell.
“I’m going to tell the nurses you’re awake,” he said, unfolding himself from the chair.
“No. Just—the baby?” I asked, reaching out to grab his arm.
His face fell, his eyebrows drawing together over bloodshot eyes.
Oh God.
“The baby’s fine, Ladybug,” he finally rasped. “Let me go get the nurse.”
My breath left me in a huge whoosh, making pain radiate from my torso, and I froze as I tried to ride it out. Fuck, that had hurt. I was too afraid to lift the plain white blanket covering me to see what had caused the ridiculous amount of pain, so instead I just relaxed into the bed and waited for the door to open again.
“Dude, you could have just told me you needed some attention,” Callie called out as she walked in a few minutes later, a nurse and doctor following her into the room. “You didn’t need to be so dramatic.”
I gave her a small smile as they surrounded the bed, and her returning smile couldn’t hide her worry as she grasped my hand.
“What’s up, Doc?” I asked dryly, causing Callie to snicker next to me.
“Looks like you’re feeling better,” the doctor answered with a smile.
