Craving Absolution
Page 65
“Oh no, that was a slipup. It’s hard calling babies ‘it’ when you’ve been doing this as long as I have. I’m normally not the one who does these ultrasounds, and I guess I’m not very good at watching my words,” he told us ruefully. “Okay, let’s see if we can figure out the gender.”
The wand moved across my belly and I tensed in pain, but I didn’t stop him. I was on pins and needles, waiting to hear if we were having a girl or a boy. When the doctor finally paused, he clicked a couple things on the little keyboard in front of him, typing out a little message across the top of the screen.
“You see those three little lines?” he asked, a smile in his voice as the words on the screen finally formed a sentence.
I’m a girl!
Holy shit. We were having a girl. My face felt like it was going to split in two as I turned my head to Cody.
His gaze was frozen on the screen.
“We’re having a girl,” I told him, squeezing his hand in mine. He took a deep breath, and his eyes moved to mine for just a second before he bent almost completely in half so he could push his face into the side of my neck.
“Hey? Hey, baby, we’re fine,” I whispered, my eyes glancing to the people surrounding us.
They must have read the message in my gaze, because the nurse wiped my belly quickly and pulled up my blankets before they all left the room in a rush. When it was just us, I gingerly scooted my body away from Cody to give him more room on the bed.
“Come on, lay down with me,” I ordered, using the hand not trapped between us to rub over his head.
“You could have died,” he said softly, aligning his body with mine as he lay down beside me. “I left you there and you both could have died.”
“We didn’t,” I whispered back.
“I left you.” He leaned up until we were nose to nose, still whispering.
“You came back.”
“I didn’t make it farther than the parking lot.”
“Of course you didn’t.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I knew you were sorry before you did.”
He dropped his head and ran his nose up the side of mine, and I couldn’t stop the sob that rose in my throat.
“I love you so much, Ladybug.” He still whispered, but his voice seemed stronger somehow. “I can’t believe we made a baby.”
“Me either. I was freaking clueless for months.”
“No shit? I thought you just waited to tell me.” He chuckled softly.
“Yeah, I just thought I was getting fat.”
“You’re not fat.”
“Well, I know that now.”
We smiled at each other for a moment, reveling in our news and the fact that we were finally lying in a bed together—even if it was a hospital bed—before his face fell again.
“I’ll make it up to you,” he told me earnestly. “I promise. I won’t ever leave you again.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath of relief as he leaned down to rest his head next to mine on the pillow.
Did I forgive him? How could I not? I knew what it had looked like, what he’d walked in on. The truth was that sometimes in life, there was just too much history to get past. He’d seen too much and been through too much with me to ever fully trust me again, and I completely understood it.
I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. But that didn’t mean that someday, something like this wouldn’t happen again.
I’d forgive him then too.
I’d never hold it against him, because I knew without a doubt that at some point in our future, he was going to run again. It was what he did when things got to be too much for him.
So I couldn’t fault him for not trusting me, because I didn’t trust him either.
Chapter 35
Farrah
My phone blew up the next day as I was leaving the hospital.
Cam: Hey u ok?
Cam: Farrah?
Cam: Its me Cam
Cam: Are u there?
Cam: Hello?
Farrah: Hey dude, what’s up?
Cam: R u ok?
Farrah: Yeah. Small problem with the appendix so they took the sucker out. No worries.
Cam: Dad wuldnt let me go 2 hospital last night with grease. Srry
Farrah: Grease was here? I didn’t even see him. No worries, bud.
Cam: Ya. Vera called grease cuz slider was freaking out
Farrah: Crotchety old man. Why was he freaking out?
Cam: Because you were in the hospital. Duh
Cam: What does crotchty mean?
Farrah: Grumpy.
Cam: O ya. That fits lol
Farrah: Did Grease take care of it?
Cam: Think so. Didn’t here anything else
Farrah: Good. How have you been? Sorry, dude, you were supposed to come over yesterday.
Cam: Ha. Im fine. Maybe dad will let me come over in a couple days. Prob not tho
Farrah: Everything okay?
Cam: Ya. Hes a dick
Farrah: Careful, bud. Don’t get in trouble
Cam: Ill erase my texts
Farrah: Not what I meant—but that’s probably a good idea
Cam: Wish I didn’t have to listen to him
Farrah: He’ll come around. You guys are dealing with a lot.
Cam: I wish he would have died not my mom
Farrah: Don’t say that, dude.
Cam: K
Cam: I gotta go help brenna talk 2 u l8r
Farrah: Okay. Stay out of trouble so you can come hang out.
Cam: Ill try
My stomach was in knots when he stopped texting. Cameron was usually pretty easygoing, and he’d never complained to me before. I wondered if it was the anonymity of texting that had him so chatty, or if things were getting worse for him.
The wand moved across my belly and I tensed in pain, but I didn’t stop him. I was on pins and needles, waiting to hear if we were having a girl or a boy. When the doctor finally paused, he clicked a couple things on the little keyboard in front of him, typing out a little message across the top of the screen.
“You see those three little lines?” he asked, a smile in his voice as the words on the screen finally formed a sentence.
I’m a girl!
Holy shit. We were having a girl. My face felt like it was going to split in two as I turned my head to Cody.
His gaze was frozen on the screen.
“We’re having a girl,” I told him, squeezing his hand in mine. He took a deep breath, and his eyes moved to mine for just a second before he bent almost completely in half so he could push his face into the side of my neck.
“Hey? Hey, baby, we’re fine,” I whispered, my eyes glancing to the people surrounding us.
They must have read the message in my gaze, because the nurse wiped my belly quickly and pulled up my blankets before they all left the room in a rush. When it was just us, I gingerly scooted my body away from Cody to give him more room on the bed.
“Come on, lay down with me,” I ordered, using the hand not trapped between us to rub over his head.
“You could have died,” he said softly, aligning his body with mine as he lay down beside me. “I left you there and you both could have died.”
“We didn’t,” I whispered back.
“I left you.” He leaned up until we were nose to nose, still whispering.
“You came back.”
“I didn’t make it farther than the parking lot.”
“Of course you didn’t.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I knew you were sorry before you did.”
He dropped his head and ran his nose up the side of mine, and I couldn’t stop the sob that rose in my throat.
“I love you so much, Ladybug.” He still whispered, but his voice seemed stronger somehow. “I can’t believe we made a baby.”
“Me either. I was freaking clueless for months.”
“No shit? I thought you just waited to tell me.” He chuckled softly.
“Yeah, I just thought I was getting fat.”
“You’re not fat.”
“Well, I know that now.”
We smiled at each other for a moment, reveling in our news and the fact that we were finally lying in a bed together—even if it was a hospital bed—before his face fell again.
“I’ll make it up to you,” he told me earnestly. “I promise. I won’t ever leave you again.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath of relief as he leaned down to rest his head next to mine on the pillow.
Did I forgive him? How could I not? I knew what it had looked like, what he’d walked in on. The truth was that sometimes in life, there was just too much history to get past. He’d seen too much and been through too much with me to ever fully trust me again, and I completely understood it.
I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. But that didn’t mean that someday, something like this wouldn’t happen again.
I’d forgive him then too.
I’d never hold it against him, because I knew without a doubt that at some point in our future, he was going to run again. It was what he did when things got to be too much for him.
So I couldn’t fault him for not trusting me, because I didn’t trust him either.
Chapter 35
Farrah
My phone blew up the next day as I was leaving the hospital.
Cam: Hey u ok?
Cam: Farrah?
Cam: Its me Cam
Cam: Are u there?
Cam: Hello?
Farrah: Hey dude, what’s up?
Cam: R u ok?
Farrah: Yeah. Small problem with the appendix so they took the sucker out. No worries.
Cam: Dad wuldnt let me go 2 hospital last night with grease. Srry
Farrah: Grease was here? I didn’t even see him. No worries, bud.
Cam: Ya. Vera called grease cuz slider was freaking out
Farrah: Crotchety old man. Why was he freaking out?
Cam: Because you were in the hospital. Duh
Cam: What does crotchty mean?
Farrah: Grumpy.
Cam: O ya. That fits lol
Farrah: Did Grease take care of it?
Cam: Think so. Didn’t here anything else
Farrah: Good. How have you been? Sorry, dude, you were supposed to come over yesterday.
Cam: Ha. Im fine. Maybe dad will let me come over in a couple days. Prob not tho
Farrah: Everything okay?
Cam: Ya. Hes a dick
Farrah: Careful, bud. Don’t get in trouble
Cam: Ill erase my texts
Farrah: Not what I meant—but that’s probably a good idea
Cam: Wish I didn’t have to listen to him
Farrah: He’ll come around. You guys are dealing with a lot.
Cam: I wish he would have died not my mom
Farrah: Don’t say that, dude.
Cam: K
Cam: I gotta go help brenna talk 2 u l8r
Farrah: Okay. Stay out of trouble so you can come hang out.
Cam: Ill try
My stomach was in knots when he stopped texting. Cameron was usually pretty easygoing, and he’d never complained to me before. I wondered if it was the anonymity of texting that had him so chatty, or if things were getting worse for him.
