Craving Constellations
Page 30
My chest started to burn when I realized they were singing to each other. They were actually dancing around the fuckin’ kitchen and singing to each other. Trix looked at Brenna like she was the best thing she’d ever fuckin’ seen, and I was wondering if that was the look other people saw on my face when I looked at them. The song said something about belonging to each other and calling each other sweetheart with the last word dragging out as they smiled.
I’d seen Brenna doing the Mom thing now for the last couple of days. I fuckin’ loved watching her do all of the simple things, like helping Trix brush her teeth. I loved the way she rested her hand on the top of Trix’s head when they were standing together, like she didn’t even know she was doing it. And I loved that she took the time to listen to every single one of Trix’s long-ass rambles about nothing in particular. But this? This totally carefree dancing-in-the-kitchen thing? It blew all of that other shit out of the water.
I fucked up five years ago. Honest mistake, but there it was. Then, I was fuckin’ sneaky and didn’t say shit about it. If I woulda just listened to Grease and not gone down that road, life would have been fuckin’ easy for me right now. A couple of times this afternoon, I asked myself if I’d do it again, if it was really fuckin’ worth it. Seeing them acting like goofs dancing around the kitchen gave me my answer.
They were the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my entire goddamn life, and they worth every fuckin’ bruise I had.
I was dancing around the kitchen with Trix when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I glanced over toward the front door, and just as I was about to scream, I heard Dragon’s voice from the other side of the screen.
“It’s just me, Brenna,” he said quietly as he swung the screen open.
Trix paused mid-dance, staring at my face, waiting for the all clear. It broke my heart that she picked up on the smallest body language as if she were just waiting for something bad to happen. When she heard Dragon’s voice, she spun around and ran straight for him.
“Papa!” she screamed excitedly, but as soon as she was about a foot away from him, she slammed to a halt and tilted her head up at him. “Why are you hurt? Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.” And then, she gingerly wrapped her arms around his thighs.
I didn’t notice anything off about Dragon until Trix had said something. Then, I noticed how he was holding his body. He wasn’t standing straight. His shoulders and back were slightly hunched over as if protecting the front of his body.
I knew that stance.
I looked up into his face and found myself walking closer as I noticed bruising around his jaw and a split in his bottom lip. I couldn’t read the look on his face.
“Trix, it’s time to get ready for bed,” I told my girl who was still gingerly holding Dragon’s legs and was now soothingly rubbing her hand up and down the back of them. “Put your PJs on, get a book, and climb into bed. I’ll be in there in a few minutes to tuck you in. You can brush your teeth in the morning.” I waited for her to follow my instructions, but before she did, she tilted her head way back to look at Dragon.
“I’m sorry you’re hurt, Papa,” she whispered, and I could tell my tenderhearted girl was about to cry.
“Papa’s fine, little warrior. Don’t be gettin’ upset.” Dragon ran his fingers through her hair. “You better go get ready for bed like your mom told ya.” He started to bend over as if to give her a kiss, but he winced and straightened back up.
I knew that if he couldn’t even bend over, something was seriously wrong, and I felt my palms start to sweat.
As soon as Trix ran down the hallway, Dragon reached out and braced his hand against the wall. His entire body slumped as if exhausted. I had started to freak out when I knew he was hurt, but once he braced himself on the wall, I became completely calm. I remembered feeling something like this when Trix was a baby and started choking on a piece of fruit. I’d known I had to get it out, and I immediately did the baby Heimlich maneuver even though I hadn’t ever done it before. It wasn’t until after, when she was happily playing with her toys again, that I’d broken down. The same thing happened to me as I walked toward Dragon and reached my hand out to him. As soon as he grabbed hold, I led him into the bedroom.
“Can you take off your shirt?” I asked him, surprised at how strong my voice sounded.
“It’s fine, Brenna. Doc looked at it earlier. I just need to get some sleep.”
He started to turn toward the bed, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“I didn’t ask if Doc had seen it. I asked if you could take off your shirt.”
He got a weird look on his face, but he tried to reach behind his neck to grab his T-shirt. He didn’t get far before he dropped his hand down in pain. He didn’t say anything; he just lifted his chin and looked over my shoulder at the door. I felt my eyes fill with tears when I realized he wasn’t going to be able to get it off. Suddenly, looking at his wounds wasn’t nearly as important as taking off his damn shirt. Looking at it gave me a strange case of claustrophobia. I needed it off.
“Okay, it’s fine. Just stay right there. I’ll be right back,” I told him as I spun around.
I quickly checked on Trix, who was looking at a book, as I rushed down the hallway to grab some scissors from the top of the fridge. When I got back to the bedroom, Dragon was sitting down carefully on the bed.
“I got some scissors. I don’t want to try to pull it over your head, so I’m just going to cut it, okay?” I asked quickly.
I’d seen Brenna doing the Mom thing now for the last couple of days. I fuckin’ loved watching her do all of the simple things, like helping Trix brush her teeth. I loved the way she rested her hand on the top of Trix’s head when they were standing together, like she didn’t even know she was doing it. And I loved that she took the time to listen to every single one of Trix’s long-ass rambles about nothing in particular. But this? This totally carefree dancing-in-the-kitchen thing? It blew all of that other shit out of the water.
I fucked up five years ago. Honest mistake, but there it was. Then, I was fuckin’ sneaky and didn’t say shit about it. If I woulda just listened to Grease and not gone down that road, life would have been fuckin’ easy for me right now. A couple of times this afternoon, I asked myself if I’d do it again, if it was really fuckin’ worth it. Seeing them acting like goofs dancing around the kitchen gave me my answer.
They were the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my entire goddamn life, and they worth every fuckin’ bruise I had.
I was dancing around the kitchen with Trix when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I glanced over toward the front door, and just as I was about to scream, I heard Dragon’s voice from the other side of the screen.
“It’s just me, Brenna,” he said quietly as he swung the screen open.
Trix paused mid-dance, staring at my face, waiting for the all clear. It broke my heart that she picked up on the smallest body language as if she were just waiting for something bad to happen. When she heard Dragon’s voice, she spun around and ran straight for him.
“Papa!” she screamed excitedly, but as soon as she was about a foot away from him, she slammed to a halt and tilted her head up at him. “Why are you hurt? Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.” And then, she gingerly wrapped her arms around his thighs.
I didn’t notice anything off about Dragon until Trix had said something. Then, I noticed how he was holding his body. He wasn’t standing straight. His shoulders and back were slightly hunched over as if protecting the front of his body.
I knew that stance.
I looked up into his face and found myself walking closer as I noticed bruising around his jaw and a split in his bottom lip. I couldn’t read the look on his face.
“Trix, it’s time to get ready for bed,” I told my girl who was still gingerly holding Dragon’s legs and was now soothingly rubbing her hand up and down the back of them. “Put your PJs on, get a book, and climb into bed. I’ll be in there in a few minutes to tuck you in. You can brush your teeth in the morning.” I waited for her to follow my instructions, but before she did, she tilted her head way back to look at Dragon.
“I’m sorry you’re hurt, Papa,” she whispered, and I could tell my tenderhearted girl was about to cry.
“Papa’s fine, little warrior. Don’t be gettin’ upset.” Dragon ran his fingers through her hair. “You better go get ready for bed like your mom told ya.” He started to bend over as if to give her a kiss, but he winced and straightened back up.
I knew that if he couldn’t even bend over, something was seriously wrong, and I felt my palms start to sweat.
As soon as Trix ran down the hallway, Dragon reached out and braced his hand against the wall. His entire body slumped as if exhausted. I had started to freak out when I knew he was hurt, but once he braced himself on the wall, I became completely calm. I remembered feeling something like this when Trix was a baby and started choking on a piece of fruit. I’d known I had to get it out, and I immediately did the baby Heimlich maneuver even though I hadn’t ever done it before. It wasn’t until after, when she was happily playing with her toys again, that I’d broken down. The same thing happened to me as I walked toward Dragon and reached my hand out to him. As soon as he grabbed hold, I led him into the bedroom.
“Can you take off your shirt?” I asked him, surprised at how strong my voice sounded.
“It’s fine, Brenna. Doc looked at it earlier. I just need to get some sleep.”
He started to turn toward the bed, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“I didn’t ask if Doc had seen it. I asked if you could take off your shirt.”
He got a weird look on his face, but he tried to reach behind his neck to grab his T-shirt. He didn’t get far before he dropped his hand down in pain. He didn’t say anything; he just lifted his chin and looked over my shoulder at the door. I felt my eyes fill with tears when I realized he wasn’t going to be able to get it off. Suddenly, looking at his wounds wasn’t nearly as important as taking off his damn shirt. Looking at it gave me a strange case of claustrophobia. I needed it off.
“Okay, it’s fine. Just stay right there. I’ll be right back,” I told him as I spun around.
I quickly checked on Trix, who was looking at a book, as I rushed down the hallway to grab some scissors from the top of the fridge. When I got back to the bedroom, Dragon was sitting down carefully on the bed.
“I got some scissors. I don’t want to try to pull it over your head, so I’m just going to cut it, okay?” I asked quickly.
