Craving Constellations
Page 46
I didn’t want to move. Morning sex was awesome. It was the best way to wake up, but with Trix gone, I just wanted to sleep in a little longer and pretend that I didn’t have to face the day. I lay there like a limp noodle for a couple of minutes while we caught our breath until Dragon dragged me up next to him in bed.
“Haven’t talked about it…because I don’t care either way…but you gonna get pregnant if we keep going at it like we do?”
Well, that sure as shit woke me up. “I don’t think so. After I had Trix, I never got pregnant. I never got on birth control afterward, but nothing ever happened. I guess it could though. Will you pick up some condoms today?” I answered him, picking at the sheets with my fingers, unable to meet his eyes.
“After being with you, nothing between us, I’m not wearin’ a fuckin’ condom.”
“Well, I’ll try and get to the doctor this week then. But you’re not getting any until I do. We’ve played Russian roulette a little too much as it is.” I shook my head at him.
“You think so?” he asked me with a smile on his face as he quickly rolled us over, so he was lying between my thighs. “You think you’re gonna hold out on me? You got a headache tonight, baby?”
“I’m serious, Dragon! We can’t—”
My protests were cut off as he pushed back inside me, and I let out a low groan. I wasn’t ready for him yet, but the sticky wetness from our earlier encounter was enough to smooth his way a little. Once he was planted deep inside me, he held still until I felt my body softening around him. As he started to move, he also started to talk, but I only caught half of what he was saying.
“Gonna give me a son…fuckin’ condoms…whenever I want, however I want…beg me to fuck you…mine.”
And it was that last word that pushed me over the edge.
After we were done, Dragon got out of bed while I dozed. He had some errands to run, so he went to get ready, and he called Casper to sit outside the house. I figured Vera would call before she brought Trix over, so I still had time to sleep some more. Sleeping past nine in the morning felt decadent, and I didn’t want to give it up. I finally fell back into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up for hours.
When I woke up, I looked at the clock and jumped out of bed when I realized it was almost noon. I was surprised I’d slept so long and equally surprised that Vera and Trix hadn’t shown up or called yet. The house was silent as I got dressed, and it gave me an eerie feeling that I couldn’t shake. I was almost afraid to walk out of my bedroom, which was silly. I knew Dragon had places to be. Casper was outside, so I wasn’t there alone. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. I threw on a baggy sweatshirt before opening the door to my room and walking out. The house was already warm, but I was cold all the way to the bone, and I needed a little protection.
When I went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I almost screamed when I saw Dragon sitting at the table. He was looking at his hands sitting on top of a piece of paper, and I couldn’t see his expression, but I was relieved he was there. I laughed lightly to myself as I walked toward him, but the feeling of foreboding didn’t leave me.
“Hey, honey. I thought you had errands? Did you already leave and come back?” I asked as I walked toward the coffee pot sitting on the counter.
My back was to him as he spoke, and when I heard him, the dread in the pit of my belly intensified. His voice was deep, so deep it was almost guttural. He spoke in low but precise tones that I’d never heard from him before, every single word sounding as if it were a challenge to form.
“Sit. Down. Brenna.”
I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to face whatever it was that had him so angry that he wasn’t even yelling. The tone of his voice reminded me of Tony’s before the beatings, and it took all I had not to vomit all over the countertop.
I slowly turned around, a fight-or-flight response surging through my body. I wasn’t afraid of him, not really, but the tone of his voice and rigidity of his body brought all of my old instincts to the forefront. When I was finally facing him head-on, he moved his hands and carefully unfolded the paper lying on the table. I glanced at the paper and felt my face drain of blood as black spots danced in my vision.
“Something didn’t look right when I pulled this out. Club’s attorney needed it, so I went through your boxes. Took me a minute to figure out what looked different. Want to explain why this says Trix was a twin?”
I stood there, staring at him stupidly, while my mind raced. I didn’t know what to say or how to explain. The word twin had completely shut down my body, my muscles seized, and I had a hard time catching my breath. I hadn’t used that word in more than four years, and it brought back a rush of memories that I’d tried so hard to keep locked in a little chamber of my heart, only to be felt and wallowed in once a year.
He lost his patience with my silence. I knew he would. I knew he was waiting for an explanation. He was waiting for me to tell him it wasn’t true, that there had been a mistake. He wanted me to tell him that he hadn’t had another child that he would never know.
“Sit. Down. Brenna!” he screamed at me, slamming his hand so hard on the tabletop that the legs rattled against the floor.
My body jolted, and half a second later, I spun on my heel and raced toward the bedroom, anxious to get a door between us. I needed a barrier that would hide the look on his face and would protect me and delay this conversation.
“Haven’t talked about it…because I don’t care either way…but you gonna get pregnant if we keep going at it like we do?”
Well, that sure as shit woke me up. “I don’t think so. After I had Trix, I never got pregnant. I never got on birth control afterward, but nothing ever happened. I guess it could though. Will you pick up some condoms today?” I answered him, picking at the sheets with my fingers, unable to meet his eyes.
“After being with you, nothing between us, I’m not wearin’ a fuckin’ condom.”
“Well, I’ll try and get to the doctor this week then. But you’re not getting any until I do. We’ve played Russian roulette a little too much as it is.” I shook my head at him.
“You think so?” he asked me with a smile on his face as he quickly rolled us over, so he was lying between my thighs. “You think you’re gonna hold out on me? You got a headache tonight, baby?”
“I’m serious, Dragon! We can’t—”
My protests were cut off as he pushed back inside me, and I let out a low groan. I wasn’t ready for him yet, but the sticky wetness from our earlier encounter was enough to smooth his way a little. Once he was planted deep inside me, he held still until I felt my body softening around him. As he started to move, he also started to talk, but I only caught half of what he was saying.
“Gonna give me a son…fuckin’ condoms…whenever I want, however I want…beg me to fuck you…mine.”
And it was that last word that pushed me over the edge.
After we were done, Dragon got out of bed while I dozed. He had some errands to run, so he went to get ready, and he called Casper to sit outside the house. I figured Vera would call before she brought Trix over, so I still had time to sleep some more. Sleeping past nine in the morning felt decadent, and I didn’t want to give it up. I finally fell back into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up for hours.
When I woke up, I looked at the clock and jumped out of bed when I realized it was almost noon. I was surprised I’d slept so long and equally surprised that Vera and Trix hadn’t shown up or called yet. The house was silent as I got dressed, and it gave me an eerie feeling that I couldn’t shake. I was almost afraid to walk out of my bedroom, which was silly. I knew Dragon had places to be. Casper was outside, so I wasn’t there alone. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. I threw on a baggy sweatshirt before opening the door to my room and walking out. The house was already warm, but I was cold all the way to the bone, and I needed a little protection.
When I went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I almost screamed when I saw Dragon sitting at the table. He was looking at his hands sitting on top of a piece of paper, and I couldn’t see his expression, but I was relieved he was there. I laughed lightly to myself as I walked toward him, but the feeling of foreboding didn’t leave me.
“Hey, honey. I thought you had errands? Did you already leave and come back?” I asked as I walked toward the coffee pot sitting on the counter.
My back was to him as he spoke, and when I heard him, the dread in the pit of my belly intensified. His voice was deep, so deep it was almost guttural. He spoke in low but precise tones that I’d never heard from him before, every single word sounding as if it were a challenge to form.
“Sit. Down. Brenna.”
I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to face whatever it was that had him so angry that he wasn’t even yelling. The tone of his voice reminded me of Tony’s before the beatings, and it took all I had not to vomit all over the countertop.
I slowly turned around, a fight-or-flight response surging through my body. I wasn’t afraid of him, not really, but the tone of his voice and rigidity of his body brought all of my old instincts to the forefront. When I was finally facing him head-on, he moved his hands and carefully unfolded the paper lying on the table. I glanced at the paper and felt my face drain of blood as black spots danced in my vision.
“Something didn’t look right when I pulled this out. Club’s attorney needed it, so I went through your boxes. Took me a minute to figure out what looked different. Want to explain why this says Trix was a twin?”
I stood there, staring at him stupidly, while my mind raced. I didn’t know what to say or how to explain. The word twin had completely shut down my body, my muscles seized, and I had a hard time catching my breath. I hadn’t used that word in more than four years, and it brought back a rush of memories that I’d tried so hard to keep locked in a little chamber of my heart, only to be felt and wallowed in once a year.
He lost his patience with my silence. I knew he would. I knew he was waiting for an explanation. He was waiting for me to tell him it wasn’t true, that there had been a mistake. He wanted me to tell him that he hadn’t had another child that he would never know.
“Sit. Down. Brenna!” he screamed at me, slamming his hand so hard on the tabletop that the legs rattled against the floor.
My body jolted, and half a second later, I spun on my heel and raced toward the bedroom, anxious to get a door between us. I needed a barrier that would hide the look on his face and would protect me and delay this conversation.
