Craving Constellations
Page 53
“What are you doing?” I griped as I tried to move against his hands.
“Baby, look at me?” he asked, but I shook my head as I pulled at his hands.
I couldn’t do this right now. I just needed him to fuck me. I couldn’t deal with anything more. My face was finally dry, my emotions in check. I just needed him to fuck me.
The first time was a question, but the next time was a demand. “Baby. Look. At. Me.”
I tried to shake my head again, but he ran his fingers up the uninjured side of my face and lightly tangled his fingers in the hair behind my ear, and I finally met his eyes.
“I am so goddamn sorry, Brenna. I’m sorry I lost it.”
“Okay,” I told him and tried to move my hips again, but he was holding me still.
“I’m sorry that I hit you. But I’m more sorry that I didn’t come for you.”
My breath whooshed out of me at those words.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to hold him, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to hold you, that I didn’t get to take care of you when you needed me. And I’m so goddamn sorry that you told me our son was dead, and I fuckin’ scared you and hit you, and I didn’t hold you tight and love you. I’m sorry.”
It was more than I could take. I leaned forward and rested my head against his neck below his ear and cried as he rubbed my back in slow circles, our bodies still connected. I finally lifted my head and nodded at him, wiping my nose on my dress, as I pulled it off.
“Okay,” I told him. And I was.
The last couple of days were a hell that I would never want to go through again. It was agony, all of it. But I loved him, and I needed him, and I didn’t want to be without him ever again. So, I would work through it; we would work through it.
As soon as my dress was off, he reached back and unsnapped my bra.
“Not supposed to wear a bra with that hippie dress,” he told me, rubbing the lines on my breasts from the seams of my bra.
“I don’t ever go without a bra. The girls are too big.”
“Good, nobody needs to be starin’ at your tits. You’re home with me and Trix though, you go without,” he grumbled as he took one of my nipples into his mouth.
He let it pop out with a small smack of his lips and then looked up at my face where I sat, unmoving.
“Not ten minutes ago, you were fucking me like you couldn’t get enough, and now, you just sit, not movin’. You need me to talk to you, baby?” he asked with a tender smile.
I hadn’t realized that I was frozen above him until he’d pointed it out. It was true. I had stopped. Normally, I needed that little bit of dominance from him. The little bit of direction helped me feel comfortable and safe. In our mad dash to be connected earlier, I hadn’t thought about it, but once the frenzy was over, I was still, too still. I felt my face burn with embarrassment.
“That’s okay, baby. I’ll give you what you need,” he told me before he took my nipple between his teeth.
He squeezed my ass in his hands, and I knew that he wanted to slap it, but with the day before looming above our heads, he was afraid to.
“Ride me, baby,” he growled at me, squeezing again.
When I didn’t move, he raised his head from my breasts to look me in the eye. I just looked at him, too afraid to say what I needed. I didn’t want this hanging over us, even in bed. I wanted him uninhibited, so I felt free to be uninhibited with him. I needed him to get past it.
So, I just waited, challenging him with my eyes, for him to do what we both needed. I knew the moment when he understood because his eyebrows raised and a small smirk lifted the side of his mouth.
“Okay, baby. I’ll give it to you.” Then, he slapped my ass once, barely enough to sting, but it was there. “Ride me, Brenna. Now.”
And I did.
We spent the rest of the day, lying in bed, talking. I told him all of the things I’d wanted to before, and he listened quietly while I laughed and cried. It was good for us. We planned on getting Trix the next day, and I really hoped that my face looked good enough to cover with makeup. The swelling went down considerably as the day went on, and Dragon frequently reached up to touch it softly as if reminding himself what a dick he’d been. We only left the bed for food and bathroom trips, preferring to spend our time cocooned together, away from the outside world. If Trix had been there, it would have been perfect.
I knew that it was going to be a process for us to put things behind us, but I was willing to be patient. When I looked at him, I saw everything I wanted. That was enough.
The next few days were a revelation. Trix came home the next day, and although she could tell something had happened, she never said anything. The swelling went down on my face pretty quickly after those first couple of days, and the bruising faded to a putrid yellow color I could cover with makeup. Tony hadn’t ever hit my face hard enough to bruise, but more than once, he’d grabbed it hard enough to leave fingerprints, which meant I was pretty damn good at covering things with a little foundation and some powder.
We slept late in the mornings, no morning sex, but Trix came in with the rising of the sun and snuggled up in bed with us. It was heaven. Dragon was able to take off a week of time that he spent mostly with us. There were a few times that he had to go out on club business, but for the most part, he was home with us all day. I knew my pop had a hand in that, and I was grateful.
We spent time getting to know each other on a level we never had before. Little things that other people took for granted, I relished. Dragon didn’t like any cereal that wasn’t sugary or didn’t have a cartoon character on the box, but he was really health-conscious otherwise. I’d always been pretty careful with what I fed Trix, but he took it to a whole new level, making sure she ate plenty of vegetables and nothing out of a box, except cereal.
“Baby, look at me?” he asked, but I shook my head as I pulled at his hands.
I couldn’t do this right now. I just needed him to fuck me. I couldn’t deal with anything more. My face was finally dry, my emotions in check. I just needed him to fuck me.
The first time was a question, but the next time was a demand. “Baby. Look. At. Me.”
I tried to shake my head again, but he ran his fingers up the uninjured side of my face and lightly tangled his fingers in the hair behind my ear, and I finally met his eyes.
“I am so goddamn sorry, Brenna. I’m sorry I lost it.”
“Okay,” I told him and tried to move my hips again, but he was holding me still.
“I’m sorry that I hit you. But I’m more sorry that I didn’t come for you.”
My breath whooshed out of me at those words.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to hold him, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to hold you, that I didn’t get to take care of you when you needed me. And I’m so goddamn sorry that you told me our son was dead, and I fuckin’ scared you and hit you, and I didn’t hold you tight and love you. I’m sorry.”
It was more than I could take. I leaned forward and rested my head against his neck below his ear and cried as he rubbed my back in slow circles, our bodies still connected. I finally lifted my head and nodded at him, wiping my nose on my dress, as I pulled it off.
“Okay,” I told him. And I was.
The last couple of days were a hell that I would never want to go through again. It was agony, all of it. But I loved him, and I needed him, and I didn’t want to be without him ever again. So, I would work through it; we would work through it.
As soon as my dress was off, he reached back and unsnapped my bra.
“Not supposed to wear a bra with that hippie dress,” he told me, rubbing the lines on my breasts from the seams of my bra.
“I don’t ever go without a bra. The girls are too big.”
“Good, nobody needs to be starin’ at your tits. You’re home with me and Trix though, you go without,” he grumbled as he took one of my nipples into his mouth.
He let it pop out with a small smack of his lips and then looked up at my face where I sat, unmoving.
“Not ten minutes ago, you were fucking me like you couldn’t get enough, and now, you just sit, not movin’. You need me to talk to you, baby?” he asked with a tender smile.
I hadn’t realized that I was frozen above him until he’d pointed it out. It was true. I had stopped. Normally, I needed that little bit of dominance from him. The little bit of direction helped me feel comfortable and safe. In our mad dash to be connected earlier, I hadn’t thought about it, but once the frenzy was over, I was still, too still. I felt my face burn with embarrassment.
“That’s okay, baby. I’ll give you what you need,” he told me before he took my nipple between his teeth.
He squeezed my ass in his hands, and I knew that he wanted to slap it, but with the day before looming above our heads, he was afraid to.
“Ride me, baby,” he growled at me, squeezing again.
When I didn’t move, he raised his head from my breasts to look me in the eye. I just looked at him, too afraid to say what I needed. I didn’t want this hanging over us, even in bed. I wanted him uninhibited, so I felt free to be uninhibited with him. I needed him to get past it.
So, I just waited, challenging him with my eyes, for him to do what we both needed. I knew the moment when he understood because his eyebrows raised and a small smirk lifted the side of his mouth.
“Okay, baby. I’ll give it to you.” Then, he slapped my ass once, barely enough to sting, but it was there. “Ride me, Brenna. Now.”
And I did.
We spent the rest of the day, lying in bed, talking. I told him all of the things I’d wanted to before, and he listened quietly while I laughed and cried. It was good for us. We planned on getting Trix the next day, and I really hoped that my face looked good enough to cover with makeup. The swelling went down considerably as the day went on, and Dragon frequently reached up to touch it softly as if reminding himself what a dick he’d been. We only left the bed for food and bathroom trips, preferring to spend our time cocooned together, away from the outside world. If Trix had been there, it would have been perfect.
I knew that it was going to be a process for us to put things behind us, but I was willing to be patient. When I looked at him, I saw everything I wanted. That was enough.
The next few days were a revelation. Trix came home the next day, and although she could tell something had happened, she never said anything. The swelling went down on my face pretty quickly after those first couple of days, and the bruising faded to a putrid yellow color I could cover with makeup. Tony hadn’t ever hit my face hard enough to bruise, but more than once, he’d grabbed it hard enough to leave fingerprints, which meant I was pretty damn good at covering things with a little foundation and some powder.
We slept late in the mornings, no morning sex, but Trix came in with the rising of the sun and snuggled up in bed with us. It was heaven. Dragon was able to take off a week of time that he spent mostly with us. There were a few times that he had to go out on club business, but for the most part, he was home with us all day. I knew my pop had a hand in that, and I was grateful.
We spent time getting to know each other on a level we never had before. Little things that other people took for granted, I relished. Dragon didn’t like any cereal that wasn’t sugary or didn’t have a cartoon character on the box, but he was really health-conscious otherwise. I’d always been pretty careful with what I fed Trix, but he took it to a whole new level, making sure she ate plenty of vegetables and nothing out of a box, except cereal.
