Craving Redemption
Page 20
When we pulled up to the house, I felt the blood drain out of my face as I noticed a large black SUV sitting in the carport behind Gram’s little Mazda. Asa’s hand went back to mine as we rolled to a stop, watching as Gram and four scary looking men walked out her front door to stand on the little porch. It took me just seconds to realize that they were wearing the same leather vest as Asa, but that didn’t calm my anxiety at all when I saw the way they were standing around my grandmother.
Asa lifted his chin to the men as he turned off the bike and the two men with us climbed off of theirs. He sat patiently, waiting for me to climb down so he could follow me, but I didn’t move except to push my face into the leather on his back. I didn’t think I could face any more, I’d reached my limit hours before and I was barely hanging on to any semblance of sanity.
I didn’t see Gram take a step toward me, or the man with the long silver beard put his hand on her arm to stop her. I didn’t see him lean down to whisper something in her ear, and I didn’t see her glare at him but stay where she was. The only thing I was aware of, the only thing I could focus on, was the man in front of me gently petting my hand and talking in a low voice before he tried to climb off the bike.
He pried my fingers from his shirt and swung off the bike before I could grab a hold of him again. I wasn’t prepared to lose the connection, and I made a desperate noise deep in my throat as he moved away. I reached for him, scrambling for purchase as I scratched the leather of his vest, but it was only seconds before he turned and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me toward him. In my haste to get to him, I pushed off on the bike, almost tipping it over before his dark haired friend caught it. I was oblivious to the chaos I was causing in my rush.
By the time I was wrapped securely around him, my heart had stopped beating in my ears like a drum, and I felt like I could breathe again. I hated myself for being so afraid, but there was nothing I could do about it. It was so overpowering that I couldn’t feel anything else. I wanted Gram so badly. I wanted her to rock me and tell me that everything was okay, but the thought of going anywhere near those men surrounding her made me feel like I might lose control of my bladder again.
Thankfully, Asa must have known that going any closer would completely unhinge me, so he stayed standing by the bike, rubbing my back and speaking softly in my ear.
“I know you’re scared, baby, but those are my guys. Nobody here is gonna hurt you. They’re here to protect you. Understand, Sugar? You’re safe. Safer than you’ve ever been,” he soothed me, never moving except to nuzzle his nose against my ear. “You wanna go inside, sweetheart?”
I tightened my legs around his waist in reply, and he used one hand to boost me higher on his chest before speaking again.
“I won’t put you down. But you gotta tell me what you need. Can’t stand here all night, sweetheart.” He paused, waiting for a reply. “What d’you wanna do, Callie?”
“I want my Gram,” I whimpered, understanding what he was telling me but still unable to let go of him and go to her myself.
“Okay, baby. You just hold on to me. I’ll bring you to your Gram,” he assured me, squeezing once before starting toward the front door.
“Poet!” he called out above my head. “You’re scaring the fuck outta her. Take a step back so I can get her in the house, would ya?”
I felt him moving, but refused to open my eyes as he carried me into the house. His chin bumped into my head as he nodded at someone, and before I knew what was happening, he had unwound my legs from his waist and flopped down hard on the couch so I was straddling him. When the couch shifted, telling me that someone had sat down beside us, I lifted my head and met the eyes of my grandmother just inches from mine.
I fucking lost it.
I was off Asa and between the two of them in an instant, my head buried in my Gram’s chest and my arms wrapped around her waist, sobbing like a child. I was so filled with relief that I was finally with her that I couldn’t even catch my breath. I knew then that everything would be okay. She was the comfort I needed when my entire world was falling apart, and as much as I was thankful to Asa, he could never give me what I gained in one second with her. I was her baby and she loved me without reservation, giving me the strength to finally all at once snap out of the fog I’d been in.
“Gram—” I moaned into her chest.
“It’s all going to be okay, darlin’. Everything’s gonna be just fine now. I’ve got you, sweet girl. I’ve got you,” she told me as she rocked, tears streaming down her face.
When I’d finally calmed and was resting quietly in Gram’s arms, I let my mind wander to where I hadn’t let it go all day. I’m not sure how I’d kept myself from rolling it over and over in my head, but I think, maybe, the human brain can only take so much before it just stops. It’s a defense mechanism that when available, can stop a person right at the edge of sanity, keeping them from falling off the edge. Once I’d selfishly given Gram some of my grief, there was finally room for me to think of it. There was finally enough courage for me to wonder and ask for answers.
“Gram,” I called, my body bracing as if preparing for a blow, “is Cody okay?”
Chapter 12
Callie
Once Gram had calmed my immediate fears about Cody, I was able to pull myself together a little and sit up. I hadn’t consciously realized that Asa had pulled my legs onto his lap as I was cuddling Gram, but when I pulled away to set my feet on the floor, I was instantly aware of the absence of his hands rubbing my calves.
Asa lifted his chin to the men as he turned off the bike and the two men with us climbed off of theirs. He sat patiently, waiting for me to climb down so he could follow me, but I didn’t move except to push my face into the leather on his back. I didn’t think I could face any more, I’d reached my limit hours before and I was barely hanging on to any semblance of sanity.
I didn’t see Gram take a step toward me, or the man with the long silver beard put his hand on her arm to stop her. I didn’t see him lean down to whisper something in her ear, and I didn’t see her glare at him but stay where she was. The only thing I was aware of, the only thing I could focus on, was the man in front of me gently petting my hand and talking in a low voice before he tried to climb off the bike.
He pried my fingers from his shirt and swung off the bike before I could grab a hold of him again. I wasn’t prepared to lose the connection, and I made a desperate noise deep in my throat as he moved away. I reached for him, scrambling for purchase as I scratched the leather of his vest, but it was only seconds before he turned and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me toward him. In my haste to get to him, I pushed off on the bike, almost tipping it over before his dark haired friend caught it. I was oblivious to the chaos I was causing in my rush.
By the time I was wrapped securely around him, my heart had stopped beating in my ears like a drum, and I felt like I could breathe again. I hated myself for being so afraid, but there was nothing I could do about it. It was so overpowering that I couldn’t feel anything else. I wanted Gram so badly. I wanted her to rock me and tell me that everything was okay, but the thought of going anywhere near those men surrounding her made me feel like I might lose control of my bladder again.
Thankfully, Asa must have known that going any closer would completely unhinge me, so he stayed standing by the bike, rubbing my back and speaking softly in my ear.
“I know you’re scared, baby, but those are my guys. Nobody here is gonna hurt you. They’re here to protect you. Understand, Sugar? You’re safe. Safer than you’ve ever been,” he soothed me, never moving except to nuzzle his nose against my ear. “You wanna go inside, sweetheart?”
I tightened my legs around his waist in reply, and he used one hand to boost me higher on his chest before speaking again.
“I won’t put you down. But you gotta tell me what you need. Can’t stand here all night, sweetheart.” He paused, waiting for a reply. “What d’you wanna do, Callie?”
“I want my Gram,” I whimpered, understanding what he was telling me but still unable to let go of him and go to her myself.
“Okay, baby. You just hold on to me. I’ll bring you to your Gram,” he assured me, squeezing once before starting toward the front door.
“Poet!” he called out above my head. “You’re scaring the fuck outta her. Take a step back so I can get her in the house, would ya?”
I felt him moving, but refused to open my eyes as he carried me into the house. His chin bumped into my head as he nodded at someone, and before I knew what was happening, he had unwound my legs from his waist and flopped down hard on the couch so I was straddling him. When the couch shifted, telling me that someone had sat down beside us, I lifted my head and met the eyes of my grandmother just inches from mine.
I fucking lost it.
I was off Asa and between the two of them in an instant, my head buried in my Gram’s chest and my arms wrapped around her waist, sobbing like a child. I was so filled with relief that I was finally with her that I couldn’t even catch my breath. I knew then that everything would be okay. She was the comfort I needed when my entire world was falling apart, and as much as I was thankful to Asa, he could never give me what I gained in one second with her. I was her baby and she loved me without reservation, giving me the strength to finally all at once snap out of the fog I’d been in.
“Gram—” I moaned into her chest.
“It’s all going to be okay, darlin’. Everything’s gonna be just fine now. I’ve got you, sweet girl. I’ve got you,” she told me as she rocked, tears streaming down her face.
When I’d finally calmed and was resting quietly in Gram’s arms, I let my mind wander to where I hadn’t let it go all day. I’m not sure how I’d kept myself from rolling it over and over in my head, but I think, maybe, the human brain can only take so much before it just stops. It’s a defense mechanism that when available, can stop a person right at the edge of sanity, keeping them from falling off the edge. Once I’d selfishly given Gram some of my grief, there was finally room for me to think of it. There was finally enough courage for me to wonder and ask for answers.
“Gram,” I called, my body bracing as if preparing for a blow, “is Cody okay?”
Chapter 12
Callie
Once Gram had calmed my immediate fears about Cody, I was able to pull myself together a little and sit up. I hadn’t consciously realized that Asa had pulled my legs onto his lap as I was cuddling Gram, but when I pulled away to set my feet on the floor, I was instantly aware of the absence of his hands rubbing my calves.
