Craving Redemption
Page 91
“Dude, you’re like the Hulk; you’re busting out of that shit. We need to at least buy you some bigger regular shit—people are already staring because you look like an after school special. No need to look white trash, too,” Farrah told me seriously as she climbed off the bed.
“I’m not white,” I commented drolly as I followed her out of my room.
“Half-white trash then!” she called as she walked into her room and slammed the door behind her.
“It’s nice to have her back,” I said quietly to Gram, putting my arm around her shoulder as we reached the living room.
“It is, but don’t think that girl is all healed up just because she came in all smiles this morning. Nothing’s ever that easy,” she warned. “I’m going to go get my billfold from the house and let Cody know where we’re going.”
I brushed my teeth and hair, but didn’t bother with anything else before sitting down on the couch to wait for Gram and Farrah. I needed a moment, just a moment, to let everything from the last twenty-four hours sink in. The pendulum of my emotions had swung widely the day before, from worry over Asa to complete awe of our son, and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.
I hadn’t realized how much I still depended on Asa to feel safe until Poet had told me that he was locked away from me. The entirety of my need for him had come crashing down and I hadn’t known how to deal with it, so I’d picked a fight with Farrah. Our argument had been a long time coming, but I didn’t delude myself into thinking that I’d been angry with her. She was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, not the solid chunk below the surface.
I felt lost knowing that Asa was unavailable to me, and scared that he was in jail worried out of his mind. I knew he could take care of himself, he’d made that clear on several occasions, but I hated that he’d missed our appointment and was probably beating himself up about it. I desperately wanted him with me.
“Okay, I’m beautiful! You ready?” Farrah called cheerily as she came down the hallway, slinging her purse over her shoulder.
“Who are you?”
“Your cool-as-shit best friend. Now get off your ass and let’s go,” she answered with a smirk.
“Gram got to you, didn’t she?” I asked suspiciously, narrowing my eyes at her.
“She ripped me a new one. It still hurts to sit down,” she told me with a grimace as I laughed. “That old broad knows just how to twist the knife.”
“Ha! You haven’t seen anything yet,” I told her as we walked out of the house and locked the door behind us. “She’s a freaking virago.”
“The hell is that?”
“Callie, stop jabbering and let’s go,” Gram called as if I hadn’t just been waiting on her. I shook my head and smiled as she started down the stairs.
“You need to read more,” I told Farrah teasingly as we jogged down the stairs behind Gram, only pausing slightly as we hit the bottom step. We’d gotten better about ignoring the spot where Echo had been killed, but I knew both of us still felt that jolt of fear whenever we reached the bottom. We could have moved into another place that didn’t make us cringe, but for some reason those shitty-ass apartments made us feel safe. They felt like home.
“Shotgun!” Farrah called as she ran toward my car.
“Fuck you! I’m the pregnant one!” I bitched back as I waddled after her.
God, I’d missed her. Even with my mind swirling with worry over Asa, I was still almost giddy at the thought of shopping for baby things.
And I refused to feel guilty about it.
Gram had been right when she’d spoken her words of wisdom at the doctor’s office the day before.
These moments would only happen once, and I could either let outside forces overshadow the joy I felt about my baby boy, or I could revel in the feeling despite those forces.
I was going to have a son. I chose to revel.
Chapter 62
Callie
Monday came and went with no word from Poet or Asa.
So did Tuesday and Wednesday.
On Thursday, I threw up twice from nerves, and still no word.
I finally got a call on Friday.
“Asa!” I answered the phone excitedly, feeling like I was taking a deep breath for the first time in a week. “Hello?”
“Hey, Sugar,” he answered quietly.
“I missed you! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. How are things with you and baby?”
His voice sounded off, and my stomach churned.
“We’re both fine. The doctor said everything on the ultrasound looks great!” I answered with false cheer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it, sweetheart. I really wanted to fuckin’ be there.”
“I know, baby,” I told him quietly. “I wished you were there, too. You want to know what we’re having, or do you want to wait until I see you?”
“Better tell me on the phone, Callie. Not sure when I’ll be able to make the trip down there.” He paused for almost a full minute. “I can’t leave the state.”
“Well, I’ll just come to you, then!” I promised, still hanging on to my false cheer. “I can leave now and be there by tonight!”
“That’s not gonna work, Calliope,” he answered vaguely, and as I listened to him, my legs started to tingle as if they were falling asleep.
“What? Why? I can be right there. I’ll even take Gram with me, if that’s what you’re worried about. Or Cody! I can bring Cody!” I was racing through the words frantically, trying to convince him that it was a good idea.
“I’m not white,” I commented drolly as I followed her out of my room.
“Half-white trash then!” she called as she walked into her room and slammed the door behind her.
“It’s nice to have her back,” I said quietly to Gram, putting my arm around her shoulder as we reached the living room.
“It is, but don’t think that girl is all healed up just because she came in all smiles this morning. Nothing’s ever that easy,” she warned. “I’m going to go get my billfold from the house and let Cody know where we’re going.”
I brushed my teeth and hair, but didn’t bother with anything else before sitting down on the couch to wait for Gram and Farrah. I needed a moment, just a moment, to let everything from the last twenty-four hours sink in. The pendulum of my emotions had swung widely the day before, from worry over Asa to complete awe of our son, and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.
I hadn’t realized how much I still depended on Asa to feel safe until Poet had told me that he was locked away from me. The entirety of my need for him had come crashing down and I hadn’t known how to deal with it, so I’d picked a fight with Farrah. Our argument had been a long time coming, but I didn’t delude myself into thinking that I’d been angry with her. She was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, not the solid chunk below the surface.
I felt lost knowing that Asa was unavailable to me, and scared that he was in jail worried out of his mind. I knew he could take care of himself, he’d made that clear on several occasions, but I hated that he’d missed our appointment and was probably beating himself up about it. I desperately wanted him with me.
“Okay, I’m beautiful! You ready?” Farrah called cheerily as she came down the hallway, slinging her purse over her shoulder.
“Who are you?”
“Your cool-as-shit best friend. Now get off your ass and let’s go,” she answered with a smirk.
“Gram got to you, didn’t she?” I asked suspiciously, narrowing my eyes at her.
“She ripped me a new one. It still hurts to sit down,” she told me with a grimace as I laughed. “That old broad knows just how to twist the knife.”
“Ha! You haven’t seen anything yet,” I told her as we walked out of the house and locked the door behind us. “She’s a freaking virago.”
“The hell is that?”
“Callie, stop jabbering and let’s go,” Gram called as if I hadn’t just been waiting on her. I shook my head and smiled as she started down the stairs.
“You need to read more,” I told Farrah teasingly as we jogged down the stairs behind Gram, only pausing slightly as we hit the bottom step. We’d gotten better about ignoring the spot where Echo had been killed, but I knew both of us still felt that jolt of fear whenever we reached the bottom. We could have moved into another place that didn’t make us cringe, but for some reason those shitty-ass apartments made us feel safe. They felt like home.
“Shotgun!” Farrah called as she ran toward my car.
“Fuck you! I’m the pregnant one!” I bitched back as I waddled after her.
God, I’d missed her. Even with my mind swirling with worry over Asa, I was still almost giddy at the thought of shopping for baby things.
And I refused to feel guilty about it.
Gram had been right when she’d spoken her words of wisdom at the doctor’s office the day before.
These moments would only happen once, and I could either let outside forces overshadow the joy I felt about my baby boy, or I could revel in the feeling despite those forces.
I was going to have a son. I chose to revel.
Chapter 62
Callie
Monday came and went with no word from Poet or Asa.
So did Tuesday and Wednesday.
On Thursday, I threw up twice from nerves, and still no word.
I finally got a call on Friday.
“Asa!” I answered the phone excitedly, feeling like I was taking a deep breath for the first time in a week. “Hello?”
“Hey, Sugar,” he answered quietly.
“I missed you! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. How are things with you and baby?”
His voice sounded off, and my stomach churned.
“We’re both fine. The doctor said everything on the ultrasound looks great!” I answered with false cheer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it, sweetheart. I really wanted to fuckin’ be there.”
“I know, baby,” I told him quietly. “I wished you were there, too. You want to know what we’re having, or do you want to wait until I see you?”
“Better tell me on the phone, Callie. Not sure when I’ll be able to make the trip down there.” He paused for almost a full minute. “I can’t leave the state.”
“Well, I’ll just come to you, then!” I promised, still hanging on to my false cheer. “I can leave now and be there by tonight!”
“That’s not gonna work, Calliope,” he answered vaguely, and as I listened to him, my legs started to tingle as if they were falling asleep.
“What? Why? I can be right there. I’ll even take Gram with me, if that’s what you’re worried about. Or Cody! I can bring Cody!” I was racing through the words frantically, trying to convince him that it was a good idea.
