Damnable Grace
Page 44
I stared after her for fuck knows how long. I ran my hand down my face. My head was spinning. I reached down and tucked my flaccid cock back into my jeans. I could still taste her pussy on my lips. I could still see her on the ground before me, letting herself come. But I could also still see those tears streaming down her face. Who haunts you?
I took out a new bottle of beer and downed the amber liquid in three swallows. Then I chased it with the bottle of tequila under my chair. I drank until I blacked the fuck out.
When I woke up, still in the chair, the night still black, I stared at the people parading before me. The fuckers who never, ever left me alone. I lifted my head as my drunken eyes took in the bleeding forms walking toward me, getting in my face. Their black eyes were soulless pits as they stared me down, never letting me move on.
I closed my eyes, trying to block them from my sight. “Them,” I said hoarsely. I took a shuddering breath, feeling my own tears running down my cheeks. “I was trying to save them . . . but it never works . . . nothing ever works. They’ll never leave me alone.”
I fell back to sleep, feeling Phebe’s hands on my face and her lips on my mouth. I see it in your eyes . . . I see . . . me.
And Christ, but I saw her too.
Chapter Twelve
AK
I pulled my bike to a stop outside my cabin. I lowered the scarf from my face and wiped two days’ worth of dirt from my cheeks. I kicked my leg off the bike and pounded through the door to my cabin and into the kitchen. “You’re back,” Ash said as he came into the room. I arced my hand to the back of his head and brought him in to my chest.
“You good?”
“Yeah,” he replied nonchalantly, then ducked his head shyly like he always did. I pulled a smoke from my pack and offered one to him. He took it and I lit up, waiting for him to say whatever it was he was building up to.
“I’ve been to Flame’s the past two nights,” he eventually said. I looked up at the little fucker’s face. You’d think my psycho brother had just given this kid the world.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He tried to hide his smile. “I stayed over last night. Madds made up a bed for me in the spare room, before I even had a chance to say I’d just come back here.”
“Flame good with that?”
He nodded. “Even stayed up with me for a bit after Madds had gone to bed. He didn’t say much, but he showed me all his knives. He even had a drink with me.” He shrugged. “We mostly sat in silence, but . . .” He took a deep breath. “It was . . . good. You know?”
“I do,” I said and felt my fucking still-tight chest loosen some. Flame had fucking listened to me, the asshole.
“You get the drop done?” Ash moved to the fridge and pulled me out a beer. I took it, then went to my liquor cabinet for my bottle of bourbon—I needed something stronger. But it wasn’t there. “You took my bourbon?”
“No,” he replied. I raised my eyebrow. “You lying?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’d tell you if I did.” I frowned when I saw my new bottle of Patrón was also missing. “Tequila’s gone too.”
I grabbed the bottle of Jack and took a few sips. I closed my eyes as it burned going down.
“Maybe Vike took it?” Ash offered as I slumped down at the table. “He was around here some when you were gone.” He blushed. “He was pissed you left without him. So was Flame.” I nodded, knowing that would be true. I never went on any drop without Flame and Vike. But . . . shit . . . after the mindfuck that was two nights ago, I needed some alone time on the road.
I got to my feet, about to go shower when my cell vibrated in my pocket. “Fuck!” I snarled. “Can’t I get a fucking minute?”
I opened the screen as I entered my bedroom. There was a text from Ky.
KY: You back yet?
ME: Just.
KY: You might wanna get to the clubhouse. Right the fuck now.
What the fuck had happened? A second text came through.
KY: Your cold-turkey shit seems to have backfired.
I stared at the text, and my stomach lurched.
Phebe.
ME: On my way.
Throwing on a fresh shirt, I flew out of my bedroom, down the hallway and into the kitchen. “I need to get to the clubhouse,” I said to Ash.
The kid jumped up and grabbed the truck’s keys off the counter. “I’ll drive.”
I slammed out of my front door, wondering what the fuck had happened to Phebe. What the hell did Ky mean by “your cold-turkey shit seems to have backfired”?
Ash slid into the driver’s seat and switched on the engine. Clearly sensing my urgency, he gunned it out of our cabins’ clearing and onto the dirt path. “Everything okay?” Ash asked as we raced up the hill.
“No fucking idea,” I replied, my hands fisting on my lap. I tried to think about what the hell Phebe could have been doing in two days. Vike and Flame hadn’t said shit, but then again, those fuckers weren’t speaking to me on account of the fact I took off without them.
We pulled in at the back of the clubhouse. The place was packed—usual weekend shit. Rows of bikes stood outside, and loud music pumped from the main bar.
I smashed through the back door, following the music. The bar was thick with smoke, sluts and drink. I scanned the room and saw a hand waving in the air. Ky was up on his feet in the far corner. I pushed a fuck-ton of hangers-on out of my goddamn way as I plowed to where he stood.
As my path cleared, I saw Styx and Mae around a table. Lilah sat nursing a glass of wine, a fucking horrified look on her face. A chair slammed back, and suddenly Flame was in my face. The brother smashed his hands on my chest and pushed me back. I steadied myself. I knew I’d get this shit from him.
“What the fuck?” he snarled. Maddie reached up to grab his hand. Smiler, Tank and Bull looked on from the next table. Beauty and Letti were watching something across the bar, ignoring Flame. Solomon and Samson—the brothers Rider had brought from the cult—were there too. They always were lately.
I held up my hands. “I get it. You’re pissed.”
Flame’s head twitched in response. I stepped closer. “I just . . .” I shook my head. “Fuck, I just needed to be alone for a couple days. Okay?”
Flame’s focus was on the floor, not meeting my eyes, but I saw his shoulders lose some of their tension. “Don’t do it again. Prick.” He moved out of my way, and I passed him to get to Ky. Styx had appeared by his side.
I took out a new bottle of beer and downed the amber liquid in three swallows. Then I chased it with the bottle of tequila under my chair. I drank until I blacked the fuck out.
When I woke up, still in the chair, the night still black, I stared at the people parading before me. The fuckers who never, ever left me alone. I lifted my head as my drunken eyes took in the bleeding forms walking toward me, getting in my face. Their black eyes were soulless pits as they stared me down, never letting me move on.
I closed my eyes, trying to block them from my sight. “Them,” I said hoarsely. I took a shuddering breath, feeling my own tears running down my cheeks. “I was trying to save them . . . but it never works . . . nothing ever works. They’ll never leave me alone.”
I fell back to sleep, feeling Phebe’s hands on my face and her lips on my mouth. I see it in your eyes . . . I see . . . me.
And Christ, but I saw her too.
Chapter Twelve
AK
I pulled my bike to a stop outside my cabin. I lowered the scarf from my face and wiped two days’ worth of dirt from my cheeks. I kicked my leg off the bike and pounded through the door to my cabin and into the kitchen. “You’re back,” Ash said as he came into the room. I arced my hand to the back of his head and brought him in to my chest.
“You good?”
“Yeah,” he replied nonchalantly, then ducked his head shyly like he always did. I pulled a smoke from my pack and offered one to him. He took it and I lit up, waiting for him to say whatever it was he was building up to.
“I’ve been to Flame’s the past two nights,” he eventually said. I looked up at the little fucker’s face. You’d think my psycho brother had just given this kid the world.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He tried to hide his smile. “I stayed over last night. Madds made up a bed for me in the spare room, before I even had a chance to say I’d just come back here.”
“Flame good with that?”
He nodded. “Even stayed up with me for a bit after Madds had gone to bed. He didn’t say much, but he showed me all his knives. He even had a drink with me.” He shrugged. “We mostly sat in silence, but . . .” He took a deep breath. “It was . . . good. You know?”
“I do,” I said and felt my fucking still-tight chest loosen some. Flame had fucking listened to me, the asshole.
“You get the drop done?” Ash moved to the fridge and pulled me out a beer. I took it, then went to my liquor cabinet for my bottle of bourbon—I needed something stronger. But it wasn’t there. “You took my bourbon?”
“No,” he replied. I raised my eyebrow. “You lying?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’d tell you if I did.” I frowned when I saw my new bottle of Patrón was also missing. “Tequila’s gone too.”
I grabbed the bottle of Jack and took a few sips. I closed my eyes as it burned going down.
“Maybe Vike took it?” Ash offered as I slumped down at the table. “He was around here some when you were gone.” He blushed. “He was pissed you left without him. So was Flame.” I nodded, knowing that would be true. I never went on any drop without Flame and Vike. But . . . shit . . . after the mindfuck that was two nights ago, I needed some alone time on the road.
I got to my feet, about to go shower when my cell vibrated in my pocket. “Fuck!” I snarled. “Can’t I get a fucking minute?”
I opened the screen as I entered my bedroom. There was a text from Ky.
KY: You back yet?
ME: Just.
KY: You might wanna get to the clubhouse. Right the fuck now.
What the fuck had happened? A second text came through.
KY: Your cold-turkey shit seems to have backfired.
I stared at the text, and my stomach lurched.
Phebe.
ME: On my way.
Throwing on a fresh shirt, I flew out of my bedroom, down the hallway and into the kitchen. “I need to get to the clubhouse,” I said to Ash.
The kid jumped up and grabbed the truck’s keys off the counter. “I’ll drive.”
I slammed out of my front door, wondering what the fuck had happened to Phebe. What the hell did Ky mean by “your cold-turkey shit seems to have backfired”?
Ash slid into the driver’s seat and switched on the engine. Clearly sensing my urgency, he gunned it out of our cabins’ clearing and onto the dirt path. “Everything okay?” Ash asked as we raced up the hill.
“No fucking idea,” I replied, my hands fisting on my lap. I tried to think about what the hell Phebe could have been doing in two days. Vike and Flame hadn’t said shit, but then again, those fuckers weren’t speaking to me on account of the fact I took off without them.
We pulled in at the back of the clubhouse. The place was packed—usual weekend shit. Rows of bikes stood outside, and loud music pumped from the main bar.
I smashed through the back door, following the music. The bar was thick with smoke, sluts and drink. I scanned the room and saw a hand waving in the air. Ky was up on his feet in the far corner. I pushed a fuck-ton of hangers-on out of my goddamn way as I plowed to where he stood.
As my path cleared, I saw Styx and Mae around a table. Lilah sat nursing a glass of wine, a fucking horrified look on her face. A chair slammed back, and suddenly Flame was in my face. The brother smashed his hands on my chest and pushed me back. I steadied myself. I knew I’d get this shit from him.
“What the fuck?” he snarled. Maddie reached up to grab his hand. Smiler, Tank and Bull looked on from the next table. Beauty and Letti were watching something across the bar, ignoring Flame. Solomon and Samson—the brothers Rider had brought from the cult—were there too. They always were lately.
I held up my hands. “I get it. You’re pissed.”
Flame’s head twitched in response. I stepped closer. “I just . . .” I shook my head. “Fuck, I just needed to be alone for a couple days. Okay?”
Flame’s focus was on the floor, not meeting my eyes, but I saw his shoulders lose some of their tension. “Don’t do it again. Prick.” He moved out of my way, and I passed him to get to Ky. Styx had appeared by his side.
