Damnable Grace
Page 91
My heart broke. “They have gone, sweetheart. No trace . . . and I fear no hope. The men here have tried to seek them out the best they can, but their whereabouts are tragically unknown.” Sapphira was silent at that news. I was not sure she could take anymore sadness. My daughter had had her fill in her young life.
“Mama . . . ?” Sapphira said softly, a few moments later. “Can you stay with me while I fall to sleep?”
“Of course,” I said, almost breaking with joy. I laid my body beside Sapphira on the bed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She fell against me and gave a happy sigh.
“Will you tell me about this world?” she asked, tiredness in her quiet voice.
“It is like nothing we ever knew, sweetheart.” I closed my eyes and thought of AK. I thought of his kindness, his laughter, his pure heart. I thought of Lilah laughing as she ran over her lawn with Grace. And I told her of it all. All the good we were robbed of in our lives, and I knew my girl would now get to see these things too.
It was not long before I heard her breathing steadily with sleep. I looked down at her asleep in my arms, and a realization hit me. I had finally done it. I had stayed with my daughter, telling her a story as she fell asleep.
And I would never have to leave her again.
She was safe. And I was forever changed, all because of one man.
I bent down and kissed her head. “I will never let you down. This is my solemn vow.”
Leaving her to rest, I made my way from the bedroom and followed the smell of AK’s cigarette smoke. He was sitting at the kitchen table, lost in thought. He wore a white shirt with his leather vest and his dark jeans. His long hair was resting on his shoulders.
All the time, all I could think was he is mine.
He must have heard my feet on the floor, as his head turned toward me. I moved beside him and placed my hands on his cheeks. I saw the confusion in his eyes and said, “You have saved us.” My voice caught, but I kept pushing through. “You did the impossible and gave me my daughter. You gave me a chance to be a mother.” AK swallowed and exhaled deeply. “And you gave me back the beat to my heart.” I kissed each of his cheeks. “I love you, Xavier Deyes. I love you more than I knew was possible. You are my grace. You are my redemption.”
“Red,” he said roughly. I sat on his lap, sighing when his hands wrapped around my back.
I stared into his beautiful eyes. “You have given me this gift, this moment where my hell has ended. And now you need it too. Save yourself the way you try so hard to save everybody else.”
He looked away, but I guided him back to me. “I will be here with you. As will your family.” I pointed out of the window. “Viking, Flame and Asher. And Sapphira too. We will all be here for you.”
He watched me. He watched me for so long that I knew he had become lost to his thoughts. Then he kissed me, gently, reverently, before bringing me to my feet. “I gotta make a call,” he said and walked outside. “Tan?” I heard him say. “I need your help in tracking someone down.”
And I smiled as I sat at the wooden kitchen table and looked about the cabin. I heard the birds singing outside. I heard the sounds of Flame and Viking coming over to talk to their best friend. And I knew this was it. This was the life I never thought I would gain.
AK and Sapphira, forever by my side.
I was home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
AK
Two weeks later . . .
I pulled my bike to a stop at the address Tanner had given me. Fucking Austin. The house had been in Austin.
Right beside me all along.
Phebe’s arms tightened around my waist, and her mouth came to my ear. “Are you okay?” I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Dev and Tina. I saw them only in my head now that the terrors had stopped. Nothing would stop the nightmares, the memories, but things were . . . better.
“Yeah,” I said and knew we both understood I was a fucking liar.
Phebe’s arms came from my waist, and she got off the bike. She stood on the sidewalk, dressed in leather, her long red hair back in a French braid.
Fucking perfection.
She held out her hand. “We are here now, AK. Let us go to the door.”
I got off my bike, fucking clenching my fists as my hands shook. And no matter how many deep breaths I took, I couldn’t calm myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to. Because I knew how wrong this shit could go. I was under no illusions. I expected to have the door shut in my face and the cops called on my ass. For all I knew, they wanted me for breaking Dev outta the nuthouse all those years ago. No doubt Claire and Tom would have told them my part in it.
I gripped Phebe’s hand as we walked up the path to the massive white-painted house. Part of me relaxed at the sight of such an expensive place. Zane grew up here. He’d had more money than Dev or Tina could ever have given him. Not that money meant shit. But at least he hadn’t been in a shithole.
When we arrived at the door, Phebe leaned into me. I looked at her freckled face, and she smiled in encouragement. “This probably won’t go well,” I said in warning.
“I know,” she replied, then nodded at the door.
I lifted my hand and knocked three times. I stood back, waiting. I looked down at myself and wondered if Claire would even recognize me. I was wearing faded jeans, a black shirt and my cut. My hair was long. The last time she’d seen me it was still short. And fuck knows I’d aged.
The door opened. Phebe’s hand squeezed mine as I slowly looked up into Claire’s older, but familiar, face. It took her a while to see who I was, then I saw her eyes widen.
“Xavier?” she whispered, bringing her hand to her mouth. Her eyes tracked over me, studying how I looked.
“Claire.” My fucking voice was raw.
“I don’t believe it.” She shook her head. Her hand dropped from her mouth. I braced myself for her wrath, braced for her to tell me to get the fuck gone. But instead, she sighed. “We’ve been looking for you for a real long time.” I froze. I froze and felt Phebe take in a long inhale. Claire pointed to the table and chairs on her wide front porch. “Let’s sit. Tea?”
I still couldn’t speak, so I was thankful when Phebe smiled and said, “Yes, please. Thank you.”
Claire went back into the house, and we sat down. “This is good,” Phebe said and brought my hand to her lips. She kissed the back of my hand.
“Mama . . . ?” Sapphira said softly, a few moments later. “Can you stay with me while I fall to sleep?”
“Of course,” I said, almost breaking with joy. I laid my body beside Sapphira on the bed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She fell against me and gave a happy sigh.
“Will you tell me about this world?” she asked, tiredness in her quiet voice.
“It is like nothing we ever knew, sweetheart.” I closed my eyes and thought of AK. I thought of his kindness, his laughter, his pure heart. I thought of Lilah laughing as she ran over her lawn with Grace. And I told her of it all. All the good we were robbed of in our lives, and I knew my girl would now get to see these things too.
It was not long before I heard her breathing steadily with sleep. I looked down at her asleep in my arms, and a realization hit me. I had finally done it. I had stayed with my daughter, telling her a story as she fell asleep.
And I would never have to leave her again.
She was safe. And I was forever changed, all because of one man.
I bent down and kissed her head. “I will never let you down. This is my solemn vow.”
Leaving her to rest, I made my way from the bedroom and followed the smell of AK’s cigarette smoke. He was sitting at the kitchen table, lost in thought. He wore a white shirt with his leather vest and his dark jeans. His long hair was resting on his shoulders.
All the time, all I could think was he is mine.
He must have heard my feet on the floor, as his head turned toward me. I moved beside him and placed my hands on his cheeks. I saw the confusion in his eyes and said, “You have saved us.” My voice caught, but I kept pushing through. “You did the impossible and gave me my daughter. You gave me a chance to be a mother.” AK swallowed and exhaled deeply. “And you gave me back the beat to my heart.” I kissed each of his cheeks. “I love you, Xavier Deyes. I love you more than I knew was possible. You are my grace. You are my redemption.”
“Red,” he said roughly. I sat on his lap, sighing when his hands wrapped around my back.
I stared into his beautiful eyes. “You have given me this gift, this moment where my hell has ended. And now you need it too. Save yourself the way you try so hard to save everybody else.”
He looked away, but I guided him back to me. “I will be here with you. As will your family.” I pointed out of the window. “Viking, Flame and Asher. And Sapphira too. We will all be here for you.”
He watched me. He watched me for so long that I knew he had become lost to his thoughts. Then he kissed me, gently, reverently, before bringing me to my feet. “I gotta make a call,” he said and walked outside. “Tan?” I heard him say. “I need your help in tracking someone down.”
And I smiled as I sat at the wooden kitchen table and looked about the cabin. I heard the birds singing outside. I heard the sounds of Flame and Viking coming over to talk to their best friend. And I knew this was it. This was the life I never thought I would gain.
AK and Sapphira, forever by my side.
I was home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
AK
Two weeks later . . .
I pulled my bike to a stop at the address Tanner had given me. Fucking Austin. The house had been in Austin.
Right beside me all along.
Phebe’s arms tightened around my waist, and her mouth came to my ear. “Are you okay?” I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Dev and Tina. I saw them only in my head now that the terrors had stopped. Nothing would stop the nightmares, the memories, but things were . . . better.
“Yeah,” I said and knew we both understood I was a fucking liar.
Phebe’s arms came from my waist, and she got off the bike. She stood on the sidewalk, dressed in leather, her long red hair back in a French braid.
Fucking perfection.
She held out her hand. “We are here now, AK. Let us go to the door.”
I got off my bike, fucking clenching my fists as my hands shook. And no matter how many deep breaths I took, I couldn’t calm myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to. Because I knew how wrong this shit could go. I was under no illusions. I expected to have the door shut in my face and the cops called on my ass. For all I knew, they wanted me for breaking Dev outta the nuthouse all those years ago. No doubt Claire and Tom would have told them my part in it.
I gripped Phebe’s hand as we walked up the path to the massive white-painted house. Part of me relaxed at the sight of such an expensive place. Zane grew up here. He’d had more money than Dev or Tina could ever have given him. Not that money meant shit. But at least he hadn’t been in a shithole.
When we arrived at the door, Phebe leaned into me. I looked at her freckled face, and she smiled in encouragement. “This probably won’t go well,” I said in warning.
“I know,” she replied, then nodded at the door.
I lifted my hand and knocked three times. I stood back, waiting. I looked down at myself and wondered if Claire would even recognize me. I was wearing faded jeans, a black shirt and my cut. My hair was long. The last time she’d seen me it was still short. And fuck knows I’d aged.
The door opened. Phebe’s hand squeezed mine as I slowly looked up into Claire’s older, but familiar, face. It took her a while to see who I was, then I saw her eyes widen.
“Xavier?” she whispered, bringing her hand to her mouth. Her eyes tracked over me, studying how I looked.
“Claire.” My fucking voice was raw.
“I don’t believe it.” She shook her head. Her hand dropped from her mouth. I braced myself for her wrath, braced for her to tell me to get the fuck gone. But instead, she sighed. “We’ve been looking for you for a real long time.” I froze. I froze and felt Phebe take in a long inhale. Claire pointed to the table and chairs on her wide front porch. “Let’s sit. Tea?”
I still couldn’t speak, so I was thankful when Phebe smiled and said, “Yes, please. Thank you.”
Claire went back into the house, and we sat down. “This is good,” Phebe said and brought my hand to her lips. She kissed the back of my hand.
