Darkness
Page 85
He snagged her waist and rolled, pinning her under him. “She’s fine. Your phone lines aren’t secure. I’ll set it up if you insist on speaking to her.”
Kat didn’t struggle and her supple body made him aware of her as a female. His borrowed T-shirt outlined the shape of her br**sts, holding his attention.
“Don’t get that look.”
He glanced up to discover her frowning. “What look?”
“You know the one. Your eyes are changing color again. I have a one-mistake-a-day limit and we reached it already.”
“I got condoms.”
“That was nice of you. A little presumptuous too. What makes you think I want to have sex with you?”
“You demanded to live with me.” He liked a challenge and Kat always provided that. “Did you assume I wouldn’t touch you?”
“I told you I voided the terms. I’m going to guest housing.”
“Are you?” A spark of humor surfaced and he grinned. “Only if I allow you to get up and leave.”
He almost expected her to claw him when she reached up and cupped his face. She caressed him instead. “I don’t understand you. You know you’re confusing, right? One minute you’re cold, the next you’re hot.”
Her assessment was dead on. “It’s your fault.”
One eyebrow arched. “Really? Why is that?”
“You drive me crazy. I don’t know if I should let you leave or not.” He wanted to be honest. “You also confuse me.”
“At least we’re feeling the same things.” She stared at his lips. “Is kissing still off the table? You’ve got the best mouth.”
“I’m not ready for that yet.” It was how he felt and he wanted to be honest.
She slid her hands up and her fingers played with his hair. “At least you’re letting me touch you. That’s progress. You have the silkiest hair. I like how warm you are too, as if you’re always running a fever. I was cold last night but I didn’t know how you’d react if I curled up to you. Would you have let me do that or would you have gotten out of bed?”
“I would have held you but I knew you were angry. It’s why I stayed as far away as possible.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t hide the knives. You’re not the most trusting person. I was joking when I threatened to shoot you.”
“I’m learning that.”
Kat held his gaze. “I’m not her, you know.”
He didn’t like being reminded of the past. The her she referred to was clear—Galina. “I’m aware.”
“Can we make some new rules?”
“Why?”
“I’m tired of walking on eggshells and you being wary of everything I do or say.”
“It’s difficult for me to trust.”
“I get that. Really, I do. People lie to me all the time in my line of work. We’re not on duty though. This is just you and me, Darkness. I’m willing to climb out on a limb for you. Can you at least try to do the same for me?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“No more lies. Clothed or when we’re naked. I don’t want us to have to analyze everything we say to each other. Good, bad, whatever. We’ll just say it the way it is.”
“No one can ever be that candid.”
“I can be with you. I’ll tell you how I feel too. You might not be comfortable with that but one of us has to do it. It won’t be easy for me either, so remember that. You make me want to take risks. I’m hoping I inspire you to do the same one day.”
Kat always amazed him. He wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Here goes.” Her br**sts pushed against his chest when she inhaled deeply. She blew the breath out before she spoke. “I was attracted to you and thought I could just be happy with sex. I didn’t expect the things you make me feel. They range from anger to frustration to just wanting you to hold me. I can’t seem to get close enough to you but I want to. I don’t want a series of one-night stands or whatever you want to call it. I want more.”
He reacted the same way he had when he’d realized they might have created a child. His breathing increased rapidly and his heart pounded. He couldn’t speak, wasn’t even sure what to think.
Kat gripped his cheeks. “Slow your breathing. Don’t have another panic attack. I just said what I want. I know you’re not ready for that. This is me expressing my feelings.” She sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. “Do what I do.”
She kept breathing that way and he mimicked her. It helped a lot and the unpleasant physical difficulties passed. Kat smiled. She caressed his cheek.
“That’s a compliment to me.”
“That I’ll listen to you?”
“That I make Mr. Control lose it.”
“That’s why I can’t give you more.” He didn’t want to hurt her but she wanted honesty. “I don’t have panic attacks.”
“Didn’t. Past tense. You’ve had two.”
Anger stirred. “I can’t do this.” He tried to lift up and away from her but she refused to release his face. He paused.
“It’s scary and messy when you start to fall for someone, Darkness. I heard that from someone who gave me a reality bitch-slap. This is yours. You can physically haul ass away from me but it’s not going to stop you from thinking about me or admitting that I’ve gotten to you. It’s a two-way street.” She opened her hands. “It’s your choice if I stay here or move to guest housing. Can you at least think about it for five minutes before you make a decision?”
Kat didn’t struggle and her supple body made him aware of her as a female. His borrowed T-shirt outlined the shape of her br**sts, holding his attention.
“Don’t get that look.”
He glanced up to discover her frowning. “What look?”
“You know the one. Your eyes are changing color again. I have a one-mistake-a-day limit and we reached it already.”
“I got condoms.”
“That was nice of you. A little presumptuous too. What makes you think I want to have sex with you?”
“You demanded to live with me.” He liked a challenge and Kat always provided that. “Did you assume I wouldn’t touch you?”
“I told you I voided the terms. I’m going to guest housing.”
“Are you?” A spark of humor surfaced and he grinned. “Only if I allow you to get up and leave.”
He almost expected her to claw him when she reached up and cupped his face. She caressed him instead. “I don’t understand you. You know you’re confusing, right? One minute you’re cold, the next you’re hot.”
Her assessment was dead on. “It’s your fault.”
One eyebrow arched. “Really? Why is that?”
“You drive me crazy. I don’t know if I should let you leave or not.” He wanted to be honest. “You also confuse me.”
“At least we’re feeling the same things.” She stared at his lips. “Is kissing still off the table? You’ve got the best mouth.”
“I’m not ready for that yet.” It was how he felt and he wanted to be honest.
She slid her hands up and her fingers played with his hair. “At least you’re letting me touch you. That’s progress. You have the silkiest hair. I like how warm you are too, as if you’re always running a fever. I was cold last night but I didn’t know how you’d react if I curled up to you. Would you have let me do that or would you have gotten out of bed?”
“I would have held you but I knew you were angry. It’s why I stayed as far away as possible.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t hide the knives. You’re not the most trusting person. I was joking when I threatened to shoot you.”
“I’m learning that.”
Kat held his gaze. “I’m not her, you know.”
He didn’t like being reminded of the past. The her she referred to was clear—Galina. “I’m aware.”
“Can we make some new rules?”
“Why?”
“I’m tired of walking on eggshells and you being wary of everything I do or say.”
“It’s difficult for me to trust.”
“I get that. Really, I do. People lie to me all the time in my line of work. We’re not on duty though. This is just you and me, Darkness. I’m willing to climb out on a limb for you. Can you at least try to do the same for me?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“No more lies. Clothed or when we’re naked. I don’t want us to have to analyze everything we say to each other. Good, bad, whatever. We’ll just say it the way it is.”
“No one can ever be that candid.”
“I can be with you. I’ll tell you how I feel too. You might not be comfortable with that but one of us has to do it. It won’t be easy for me either, so remember that. You make me want to take risks. I’m hoping I inspire you to do the same one day.”
Kat always amazed him. He wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Here goes.” Her br**sts pushed against his chest when she inhaled deeply. She blew the breath out before she spoke. “I was attracted to you and thought I could just be happy with sex. I didn’t expect the things you make me feel. They range from anger to frustration to just wanting you to hold me. I can’t seem to get close enough to you but I want to. I don’t want a series of one-night stands or whatever you want to call it. I want more.”
He reacted the same way he had when he’d realized they might have created a child. His breathing increased rapidly and his heart pounded. He couldn’t speak, wasn’t even sure what to think.
Kat gripped his cheeks. “Slow your breathing. Don’t have another panic attack. I just said what I want. I know you’re not ready for that. This is me expressing my feelings.” She sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. “Do what I do.”
She kept breathing that way and he mimicked her. It helped a lot and the unpleasant physical difficulties passed. Kat smiled. She caressed his cheek.
“That’s a compliment to me.”
“That I’ll listen to you?”
“That I make Mr. Control lose it.”
“That’s why I can’t give you more.” He didn’t want to hurt her but she wanted honesty. “I don’t have panic attacks.”
“Didn’t. Past tense. You’ve had two.”
Anger stirred. “I can’t do this.” He tried to lift up and away from her but she refused to release his face. He paused.
“It’s scary and messy when you start to fall for someone, Darkness. I heard that from someone who gave me a reality bitch-slap. This is yours. You can physically haul ass away from me but it’s not going to stop you from thinking about me or admitting that I’ve gotten to you. It’s a two-way street.” She opened her hands. “It’s your choice if I stay here or move to guest housing. Can you at least think about it for five minutes before you make a decision?”
