Dead Ice
Page 37
Nathaniel’s phone rang, and it was his ring tone for Micah. “Hey, baby,” he said, and then something Micah said made his face go serious, and he walked a little away from us.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head and spoke to Micah. “Okay, but I’m not sure how it’s going to go on our end.”
“Nathaniel, what’s wrong?” I asked.
He turned with a face as serious as any I’d seen, which sort of scared me. “Is Micah all right, is everyone all right?”
“There’s a . . . mixer set up for you to meet the weretigers.”
“A mixer, what the hell does that mean?”
“It means there wasn’t time to plan a formal dinner, or a cocktail party, but they’re putting something together so that all the weretigers Jean-Claude and Micah like for us, and who are interested in the position, can be in one place at one time, and we can interact with them.”
“Is this the tigers bitching about not being included in the commitment ceremony?” Nicky asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Anita agreed to look at more weretigers, including female.”
Nicky looked at me.
Dino whistled softly, grinning.
I pointed a finger at Dino. “You stay out of this.”
He pressed his lips tight together but couldn’t quite stop looking like he was about to laugh.
To Nicky I said, “Say something.”
“When did you agree to do all this?”
“On the drive here,” Nathaniel said.
Nicky looked at him, not even trying to keep the surprise off his face. “What the hell did you say to her to get her to agree to date more women?”
“I just brought it up, I swear.”
Nicky turned and gave me a very narrow eye, nearly suspicious. “It’s not like you to agree that easy, Anita.”
“C an’t I just be reasonable for once?”
“No,” he said, and Dino had to walk away from us all because he burst out laughing and didn’t want me to yell at him for it.
“We have time to get to the Circus and change before it starts,” Nathaniel said.
“You and Anita, you mean.”
“You live with us, too,” Nathaniel said.
“He’s right; whoever we bring in will change our domestic arrangement, so you should at least be there to wave off anyone you hate.”
“What does it matter? I won’t be sleeping with any of them.”
“Probably not,” I said, “but you’re an important part of our household and you should be there to give your opinion.”
He looked back and forth between us. “So if you love one of the tigers and I veto them, you’ll just agree with me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know for sure, but I certainly wouldn’t want to add someone to our poly that you really clashed with, because right now we all like each other a lot. I don’t want that to change.”
“I’m just your Bride, Anita.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and gazed up at him. “I love you, Nicky; you’re a hell of a lot more to me than just Dracula’s Bride.”
He studied my face, then smiled a little, wrapping his arms around me, so that I was surrounded by all that muscle. Just feeling the potential of all that strength made me shiver a little in his arms.
He grinned then. “That reaction just from hugging you?”
I nodded.
“I don’t think Jean-Claude and Micah will allow me to veto anyone that they like, but I appreciate that you and Nathaniel would.”
Nathaniel came in from the side and hugged us both. “I love you like a brother, you know that.”
“You know that most brothers don’t share women, right?” Nicky said.
Nathaniel drew back enough to shrug. “It works for us.”
“And for Cynric, too,” Nicky said. “I really thought you’d just put a ring on his finger.”
I shook my head. “If we can add someone that everyone will sleep with, including Micah, it would just work better.”
“Cynric is going to be hurt,” Nicky said.
“You’re a sociopath—why should you care?” I asked.
“I’m a made sociopath, not a born one, which means I have some emotion, and I like the kid. He’s the closest I’ve gotten to a little brother since I lost my own.”
“He’ll be at the mixer tonight,” Nathaniel said.
I sighed and stepped back so that Nicky just let me go. “I can’t help that.”
“Are you angry with Sin?” Nathaniel asked.
“No!” I snapped, and then had to take a few deep breaths before I could say, “Let’s get home and change for this party thing.”
The men exchanged a look.
“What?” I demanded.
Nicky shook his head. Nathaniel said, “You are mad at Sin.”
“If you want me to go to this party at all, we leave now.”
We left. Dino drove the truck that he and Nicky had brought the cow in, but Nicky rode with us. They both tried to get me to talk, but I finally convinced them to leave it the fuck alone and be grateful I was looking at other women at all. I sounded angry even to myself. I really wasn’t in a party mood.
16
SOMEWHERE ON THE drive some horrible tension in me eased. The anger began to slip away on the sound of Nathaniel and Nicky discussing food for the week, and if there were enough ingredients at both the Circus and the house in Jefferson County to make the meals as planned. I liked listening to them plan our domestic stuff. I loved that Nathaniel truly enjoyed that part of living together. I loved that Nicky and he worked so well together both in the kitchen and in the bedroom. Our core group worked so well together and I knew that every time we tried adding a new person even to the edges of the group, we ran the risk of upsetting all of it. Cynric was already in our life and he worked for all of us, some better than others, but he didn’t make anyone unhappy. Now I knew some of the issues that made me not want to commit to him, and I hated the issues. It was like victim-blaming him for being another victim of the same trauma. Even in my own head it sounded convoluted and wrong.
“Anita, you missed the exit.”
I glanced at Nathaniel. “What?”
“You drove past the exit to the Circus.”
“Sorry, I’ll hit the next one and backtrack.”
“Are you upset about having to meet the tigers this soon?”
I took the exit carefully, forcing myself to pay attention. “Yeah,” I lied. Normally he’d be right, I’d be all resistant about having to meet people to be not only a new lover, but potentially someone we’d have a commitment ceremony with, but tonight all I could think about was Cynric and how I’d thought the issue was his age, when it was just an excuse not to look at the truth. I hated that I’d been that blind about myself. I could go have hors d’oeuvres and drinks or whatever with the weretigers and chat, be charming and vague. They could parade tigers all damn night in front of me; I didn’t have to pick anyone, and the moment I thought that, I realized that I was lying to Nathaniel, and Micah, and every important person in my life. Damn it, our relationships weren’t based on lies.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head and spoke to Micah. “Okay, but I’m not sure how it’s going to go on our end.”
“Nathaniel, what’s wrong?” I asked.
He turned with a face as serious as any I’d seen, which sort of scared me. “Is Micah all right, is everyone all right?”
“There’s a . . . mixer set up for you to meet the weretigers.”
“A mixer, what the hell does that mean?”
“It means there wasn’t time to plan a formal dinner, or a cocktail party, but they’re putting something together so that all the weretigers Jean-Claude and Micah like for us, and who are interested in the position, can be in one place at one time, and we can interact with them.”
“Is this the tigers bitching about not being included in the commitment ceremony?” Nicky asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Anita agreed to look at more weretigers, including female.”
Nicky looked at me.
Dino whistled softly, grinning.
I pointed a finger at Dino. “You stay out of this.”
He pressed his lips tight together but couldn’t quite stop looking like he was about to laugh.
To Nicky I said, “Say something.”
“When did you agree to do all this?”
“On the drive here,” Nathaniel said.
Nicky looked at him, not even trying to keep the surprise off his face. “What the hell did you say to her to get her to agree to date more women?”
“I just brought it up, I swear.”
Nicky turned and gave me a very narrow eye, nearly suspicious. “It’s not like you to agree that easy, Anita.”
“C an’t I just be reasonable for once?”
“No,” he said, and Dino had to walk away from us all because he burst out laughing and didn’t want me to yell at him for it.
“We have time to get to the Circus and change before it starts,” Nathaniel said.
“You and Anita, you mean.”
“You live with us, too,” Nathaniel said.
“He’s right; whoever we bring in will change our domestic arrangement, so you should at least be there to wave off anyone you hate.”
“What does it matter? I won’t be sleeping with any of them.”
“Probably not,” I said, “but you’re an important part of our household and you should be there to give your opinion.”
He looked back and forth between us. “So if you love one of the tigers and I veto them, you’ll just agree with me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know for sure, but I certainly wouldn’t want to add someone to our poly that you really clashed with, because right now we all like each other a lot. I don’t want that to change.”
“I’m just your Bride, Anita.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and gazed up at him. “I love you, Nicky; you’re a hell of a lot more to me than just Dracula’s Bride.”
He studied my face, then smiled a little, wrapping his arms around me, so that I was surrounded by all that muscle. Just feeling the potential of all that strength made me shiver a little in his arms.
He grinned then. “That reaction just from hugging you?”
I nodded.
“I don’t think Jean-Claude and Micah will allow me to veto anyone that they like, but I appreciate that you and Nathaniel would.”
Nathaniel came in from the side and hugged us both. “I love you like a brother, you know that.”
“You know that most brothers don’t share women, right?” Nicky said.
Nathaniel drew back enough to shrug. “It works for us.”
“And for Cynric, too,” Nicky said. “I really thought you’d just put a ring on his finger.”
I shook my head. “If we can add someone that everyone will sleep with, including Micah, it would just work better.”
“Cynric is going to be hurt,” Nicky said.
“You’re a sociopath—why should you care?” I asked.
“I’m a made sociopath, not a born one, which means I have some emotion, and I like the kid. He’s the closest I’ve gotten to a little brother since I lost my own.”
“He’ll be at the mixer tonight,” Nathaniel said.
I sighed and stepped back so that Nicky just let me go. “I can’t help that.”
“Are you angry with Sin?” Nathaniel asked.
“No!” I snapped, and then had to take a few deep breaths before I could say, “Let’s get home and change for this party thing.”
The men exchanged a look.
“What?” I demanded.
Nicky shook his head. Nathaniel said, “You are mad at Sin.”
“If you want me to go to this party at all, we leave now.”
We left. Dino drove the truck that he and Nicky had brought the cow in, but Nicky rode with us. They both tried to get me to talk, but I finally convinced them to leave it the fuck alone and be grateful I was looking at other women at all. I sounded angry even to myself. I really wasn’t in a party mood.
16
SOMEWHERE ON THE drive some horrible tension in me eased. The anger began to slip away on the sound of Nathaniel and Nicky discussing food for the week, and if there were enough ingredients at both the Circus and the house in Jefferson County to make the meals as planned. I liked listening to them plan our domestic stuff. I loved that Nathaniel truly enjoyed that part of living together. I loved that Nicky and he worked so well together both in the kitchen and in the bedroom. Our core group worked so well together and I knew that every time we tried adding a new person even to the edges of the group, we ran the risk of upsetting all of it. Cynric was already in our life and he worked for all of us, some better than others, but he didn’t make anyone unhappy. Now I knew some of the issues that made me not want to commit to him, and I hated the issues. It was like victim-blaming him for being another victim of the same trauma. Even in my own head it sounded convoluted and wrong.
“Anita, you missed the exit.”
I glanced at Nathaniel. “What?”
“You drove past the exit to the Circus.”
“Sorry, I’ll hit the next one and backtrack.”
“Are you upset about having to meet the tigers this soon?”
I took the exit carefully, forcing myself to pay attention. “Yeah,” I lied. Normally he’d be right, I’d be all resistant about having to meet people to be not only a new lover, but potentially someone we’d have a commitment ceremony with, but tonight all I could think about was Cynric and how I’d thought the issue was his age, when it was just an excuse not to look at the truth. I hated that I’d been that blind about myself. I could go have hors d’oeuvres and drinks or whatever with the weretigers and chat, be charming and vague. They could parade tigers all damn night in front of me; I didn’t have to pick anyone, and the moment I thought that, I realized that I was lying to Nathaniel, and Micah, and every important person in my life. Damn it, our relationships weren’t based on lies.
