Deceiving Lies
Page 9
“Do you plan to just walk down the aisle alone then?”
God. Breathe, Rachel. Keep breathing. The sickening pain threatened to choke me, and I struggled to maintain my unaffected facade. She wasn’t being hateful, none of these people were, but it felt like they were cutting into me worse than Blake had done with physical blades.
“No, I uh—I have someone to walk me,” I answered and cleared my throat.
“Oh good, that just about broke my heart when Marcy told us. You’re a strong girl,” she assured and patted my knee a few times.
“Thank you.” I sat there silently as the table full of women continued their earlier conversations, and I soon excused myself for the second time in just a handful of minutes.
I held Shea’s warm body in my arms and wandered around the backyard, pretending to be interested in the flower beds that lined the walls. But my thoughts were anywhere but on the exotic-looking flowers.
For the first time in close to a year, I felt trapped. As sweet as they were, I wanted to get away from the people here. As much as I wanted to marry Kash, I wanted to get away from all the wedding planning. As happy as I was being here, I wanted to get away from Florida.
I just wanted to run. I wanted to go back in time five years and enjoy the last few months with my parents all over again. I wouldn’t have taken a second with them for granted. Hell, I wouldn’t have let them go on that stupid trip in the first place. My throat burned, and I looked down at Shea when she lazily dragged her head so her other cheek was lying on me.
My parents hadn’t been there for my high school graduation—and being in my catatonic state, I had felt like I wasn’t present for it either. But everything happening now? Everything that was to come? They wouldn’t be there, and I needed them.
I’d needed my mom there with me when I bought my dress. I needed my dad there to walk me down the aisle and give me away to Kash. And I needed them there for whenever we had kids. They were supposed to be there through all of it, and they couldn’t. How was I supposed to get through everything without them?
Shea’s little hand fisted around the collar of my shirt again and I swallowed the imaginary lump in my throat when realization set in. I wasn’t sure I could get through everything without them.
Kash
“ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME what was going on with you tonight?”
I glanced up from looking at her stomach just before she caught me staring and shrugged. “What do you mean?”
Setting down her purse and kicking off her shoes, she practically fell onto the couch. “I don’t know, you’ve been really quiet for the last few hours. You didn’t say anything to me on the drive home. I’d ask if I did something wrong, but you don’t look pissed off anymore, you’re just quiet. It’s not like you.”
“How many kids do you want, Rach?”
Her head jerked back as her eyes widened. “Um, I don’t know.”
“One, two, three . . . ?”
“Kash, I don’t know. Why does it matter right now?”
Sitting down next to her, I pulled her into my arms and laid back. “I just want to know.”
She stayed silent as she thought for a minute. “Uh, well I didn’t really like being an only child. I mean, I always had Candice and Eli, but they weren’t really my family and I wish now that I’d had someone else. Did you like being alone?” I shook my head negatively, and she nodded as her eyes got that faraway look. “I don’t want a huge family or anything, I guess two.”
If I would get to see Rachel holding infants like she had been this afternoon, I’d want to have a damn football team with her. My hands left her shoulders and slowly moved past her waist and my thumbs trailed over her flat stomach. I wanted the visual I’d had in my head all day so f**king bad.
Her mouth found mine and I whispered against her lips, “I want to have children with you.”
“We will, someday.”
“Now.”
Rachel’s body went rigid before she sat back to look down at me. “Slow down there, cowboy. Why don’t we get married and enjoy a year first. What brought this on?”
My eyes automatically drifted back to her flat stomach the same time my hands did. “I was watching you with my little cousins all day, and I want that with you. I don’t want to wait years. We’re getting married in two and a half months, you wouldn’t even be showing.”
She burst out laughing and fell back. “Oh my God, Kash, no. Just . . . no. We’re not having a baby right now, and we’re definitely not getting pregnant before we get married! We can start thinking about it in a couple years.”
“Why? What’s the difference of now and in a year or two?”
“There’s a huge difference! That’s a lot of time of just us that I want. This is the most backward argument we’ve ever had. Shouldn’t I be arguing your side and you arguing mine?”
“We’re not arguing, we’re discussing, Sour Patch.”
“Okay, well discussion over,” she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “No mini-mes running around.”
Switching our positions from earlier, I curled my body over hers and pressed my lips to her throat. “I want a family with you, Rachel, and I don’t want to wait for that. I had to watch you for hours playing with my little cousins and holding Ava’s baby. All day all I’ve been able to think about, or see, is that image and wanting it to be ours. Wanting to see your stomach growing with our child. I want to start our family.”
God. Breathe, Rachel. Keep breathing. The sickening pain threatened to choke me, and I struggled to maintain my unaffected facade. She wasn’t being hateful, none of these people were, but it felt like they were cutting into me worse than Blake had done with physical blades.
“No, I uh—I have someone to walk me,” I answered and cleared my throat.
“Oh good, that just about broke my heart when Marcy told us. You’re a strong girl,” she assured and patted my knee a few times.
“Thank you.” I sat there silently as the table full of women continued their earlier conversations, and I soon excused myself for the second time in just a handful of minutes.
I held Shea’s warm body in my arms and wandered around the backyard, pretending to be interested in the flower beds that lined the walls. But my thoughts were anywhere but on the exotic-looking flowers.
For the first time in close to a year, I felt trapped. As sweet as they were, I wanted to get away from the people here. As much as I wanted to marry Kash, I wanted to get away from all the wedding planning. As happy as I was being here, I wanted to get away from Florida.
I just wanted to run. I wanted to go back in time five years and enjoy the last few months with my parents all over again. I wouldn’t have taken a second with them for granted. Hell, I wouldn’t have let them go on that stupid trip in the first place. My throat burned, and I looked down at Shea when she lazily dragged her head so her other cheek was lying on me.
My parents hadn’t been there for my high school graduation—and being in my catatonic state, I had felt like I wasn’t present for it either. But everything happening now? Everything that was to come? They wouldn’t be there, and I needed them.
I’d needed my mom there with me when I bought my dress. I needed my dad there to walk me down the aisle and give me away to Kash. And I needed them there for whenever we had kids. They were supposed to be there through all of it, and they couldn’t. How was I supposed to get through everything without them?
Shea’s little hand fisted around the collar of my shirt again and I swallowed the imaginary lump in my throat when realization set in. I wasn’t sure I could get through everything without them.
Kash
“ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME what was going on with you tonight?”
I glanced up from looking at her stomach just before she caught me staring and shrugged. “What do you mean?”
Setting down her purse and kicking off her shoes, she practically fell onto the couch. “I don’t know, you’ve been really quiet for the last few hours. You didn’t say anything to me on the drive home. I’d ask if I did something wrong, but you don’t look pissed off anymore, you’re just quiet. It’s not like you.”
“How many kids do you want, Rach?”
Her head jerked back as her eyes widened. “Um, I don’t know.”
“One, two, three . . . ?”
“Kash, I don’t know. Why does it matter right now?”
Sitting down next to her, I pulled her into my arms and laid back. “I just want to know.”
She stayed silent as she thought for a minute. “Uh, well I didn’t really like being an only child. I mean, I always had Candice and Eli, but they weren’t really my family and I wish now that I’d had someone else. Did you like being alone?” I shook my head negatively, and she nodded as her eyes got that faraway look. “I don’t want a huge family or anything, I guess two.”
If I would get to see Rachel holding infants like she had been this afternoon, I’d want to have a damn football team with her. My hands left her shoulders and slowly moved past her waist and my thumbs trailed over her flat stomach. I wanted the visual I’d had in my head all day so f**king bad.
Her mouth found mine and I whispered against her lips, “I want to have children with you.”
“We will, someday.”
“Now.”
Rachel’s body went rigid before she sat back to look down at me. “Slow down there, cowboy. Why don’t we get married and enjoy a year first. What brought this on?”
My eyes automatically drifted back to her flat stomach the same time my hands did. “I was watching you with my little cousins all day, and I want that with you. I don’t want to wait years. We’re getting married in two and a half months, you wouldn’t even be showing.”
She burst out laughing and fell back. “Oh my God, Kash, no. Just . . . no. We’re not having a baby right now, and we’re definitely not getting pregnant before we get married! We can start thinking about it in a couple years.”
“Why? What’s the difference of now and in a year or two?”
“There’s a huge difference! That’s a lot of time of just us that I want. This is the most backward argument we’ve ever had. Shouldn’t I be arguing your side and you arguing mine?”
“We’re not arguing, we’re discussing, Sour Patch.”
“Okay, well discussion over,” she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “No mini-mes running around.”
Switching our positions from earlier, I curled my body over hers and pressed my lips to her throat. “I want a family with you, Rachel, and I don’t want to wait for that. I had to watch you for hours playing with my little cousins and holding Ava’s baby. All day all I’ve been able to think about, or see, is that image and wanting it to be ours. Wanting to see your stomach growing with our child. I want to start our family.”
