Deep Redemption
Page 110
Never again.
I looked up, about to plead my sisters to do as I asked, when someone began pushing through from the back of the crowd of men. Low murmurs came from the brothers. A long-haired man stepped toward us. I crouched over Rider, to shield him from whatever this man was about to do. The man held up his hands.
“Smiler?” Mae said. My head snapped up. Smiler. Rider’s old best friend.
He inched forward. “Can I?” he asked.
Lilah smiled at me and nodded her head. I trusted her completely.
Still holding Rider’s hand, I leaned back and let Smiler in. He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Rider’s back. He pulled him up; I helped hold up Rider’s other side. I looked across at Smiler, and my heart ached. His clothes were clean. He had no weapon. He had no bloodstains on his chest.
He had not taken part in the punishment.
“We need to get him to my room,” Smiler said, taking the brunt of Rider’s weight as we carried him forward. I felt my sisters walking strong behind me, and the feeling that washed over me almost brought me to my knees. As lost as I had felt in this outside world, as distant as I felt from the women they were now, this blew all those worries away.
We left the barn, and Smiler flicked his head at a vehicle close by. “Get him in the truck, I’ll drive him up to the clubhouse.”
Rider’s feet dragged on the muddy ground as we struggled to support his weight. But we got him into the truck, his head cradled in my lap. As Smiler pulled away, I stared down at Rider and stroked his wet hair. His one open eye was once more fixed on me. The white of that eye was red raw. Even in his fractured stare, I could see his love for me shining through . . . but to my sadness, I could also see regret.
He had wanted to die.
Still wanted to die.
I bent down and kissed his forehead. “I will not let that happen,” I whispered, for his ears only. “I will not let you be alone ever again.”
Rider’s eye closed, and he slipped into a deep sleep. We got him into Smiler’s room in the clubhouse. He slept on the bed as Smiler—apparently a novice medic—stitched his wounds.
My sisters and I, in silence, cleaned my husband’s wounds. As his blood washed away on the white rags, I prayed that the cleansing water would bring with it a rebirth.
I was not sure how much pain Rider felt he needed to endure to finally be redeemed. But I knew—we all knew—he had suffered enough. I just needed him to believe it too.
Because I loved him.
And I would gladly be his redemption, if he would finally forgive himself first.
Chapter Eighteen
Styx
“What. The. Fuck?” Viking spat as we heard Smiler’s truck speed away from the barn.
I hadn’t moved. I hadn’t fucking moved one step. My chest muscles were about to rip from the tension.
Ky ran his hand down his face. “What the fuck now? The bastard hasn’t paid for turnin’ coat.”
I stared at the blood pooled on the floor beneath the chains. But my vision blurred ‘til all I was seeing was Mae, holding Bella’s hand, her eyes fixed on mine. I ain’t ever seen her so fucking determined about anything as she was in that moment. As pissed as I was, my fucking black heart swelled with pride too.
She’d had Bella’s back. All fucking four of them stood protecting that piece of shit’s life. Like fucking beautiful warriors.
I turned to face the brothers, who were all watching me. Tank flicked his chin. “We can’t let him live, Prez.”
My jaw clenched.
Mae. Fucking Mae. I hadn’t known she would ever rise up against me. But then I hadn’t known what she would do for her sisters. Now I fucking did.
AK ran his hand over the nape of his neck. “Smiler, the little fuck. What the hell was he doin’? The fucker just met all our eyes with zero fuckin’ shame as he carted the rat out of here.” I remembered. But more than that, I remembered how Mae had walked behind them, clutching Lilah and Maddie’s hands . . . never once looking my way.
“Helpin’ his brother,” Cowboy replied from where he rested against the barn’s wall. The laidback Cajun had his arms crossed over his muscled chest and his foot resting against the wood. He looked fucking bored, unlike the rest of the brothers. Cowboy pointed at Hush beside him. “Would never see me cuttin’ this guy up in revenge.” He shook his head. “Don’t fuckin’ care if he shot up a whole fuckin’ town, I wouldn’t fuckin’ do it.” He flicked his chin in the direction of the door. “Smiler never took one strike at Rider. Thinkin’ he still sees him as his family. Thinkin’ he forgives him too.”
I looked up, about to plead my sisters to do as I asked, when someone began pushing through from the back of the crowd of men. Low murmurs came from the brothers. A long-haired man stepped toward us. I crouched over Rider, to shield him from whatever this man was about to do. The man held up his hands.
“Smiler?” Mae said. My head snapped up. Smiler. Rider’s old best friend.
He inched forward. “Can I?” he asked.
Lilah smiled at me and nodded her head. I trusted her completely.
Still holding Rider’s hand, I leaned back and let Smiler in. He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Rider’s back. He pulled him up; I helped hold up Rider’s other side. I looked across at Smiler, and my heart ached. His clothes were clean. He had no weapon. He had no bloodstains on his chest.
He had not taken part in the punishment.
“We need to get him to my room,” Smiler said, taking the brunt of Rider’s weight as we carried him forward. I felt my sisters walking strong behind me, and the feeling that washed over me almost brought me to my knees. As lost as I had felt in this outside world, as distant as I felt from the women they were now, this blew all those worries away.
We left the barn, and Smiler flicked his head at a vehicle close by. “Get him in the truck, I’ll drive him up to the clubhouse.”
Rider’s feet dragged on the muddy ground as we struggled to support his weight. But we got him into the truck, his head cradled in my lap. As Smiler pulled away, I stared down at Rider and stroked his wet hair. His one open eye was once more fixed on me. The white of that eye was red raw. Even in his fractured stare, I could see his love for me shining through . . . but to my sadness, I could also see regret.
He had wanted to die.
Still wanted to die.
I bent down and kissed his forehead. “I will not let that happen,” I whispered, for his ears only. “I will not let you be alone ever again.”
Rider’s eye closed, and he slipped into a deep sleep. We got him into Smiler’s room in the clubhouse. He slept on the bed as Smiler—apparently a novice medic—stitched his wounds.
My sisters and I, in silence, cleaned my husband’s wounds. As his blood washed away on the white rags, I prayed that the cleansing water would bring with it a rebirth.
I was not sure how much pain Rider felt he needed to endure to finally be redeemed. But I knew—we all knew—he had suffered enough. I just needed him to believe it too.
Because I loved him.
And I would gladly be his redemption, if he would finally forgive himself first.
Chapter Eighteen
Styx
“What. The. Fuck?” Viking spat as we heard Smiler’s truck speed away from the barn.
I hadn’t moved. I hadn’t fucking moved one step. My chest muscles were about to rip from the tension.
Ky ran his hand down his face. “What the fuck now? The bastard hasn’t paid for turnin’ coat.”
I stared at the blood pooled on the floor beneath the chains. But my vision blurred ‘til all I was seeing was Mae, holding Bella’s hand, her eyes fixed on mine. I ain’t ever seen her so fucking determined about anything as she was in that moment. As pissed as I was, my fucking black heart swelled with pride too.
She’d had Bella’s back. All fucking four of them stood protecting that piece of shit’s life. Like fucking beautiful warriors.
I turned to face the brothers, who were all watching me. Tank flicked his chin. “We can’t let him live, Prez.”
My jaw clenched.
Mae. Fucking Mae. I hadn’t known she would ever rise up against me. But then I hadn’t known what she would do for her sisters. Now I fucking did.
AK ran his hand over the nape of his neck. “Smiler, the little fuck. What the hell was he doin’? The fucker just met all our eyes with zero fuckin’ shame as he carted the rat out of here.” I remembered. But more than that, I remembered how Mae had walked behind them, clutching Lilah and Maddie’s hands . . . never once looking my way.
“Helpin’ his brother,” Cowboy replied from where he rested against the barn’s wall. The laidback Cajun had his arms crossed over his muscled chest and his foot resting against the wood. He looked fucking bored, unlike the rest of the brothers. Cowboy pointed at Hush beside him. “Would never see me cuttin’ this guy up in revenge.” He shook his head. “Don’t fuckin’ care if he shot up a whole fuckin’ town, I wouldn’t fuckin’ do it.” He flicked his chin in the direction of the door. “Smiler never took one strike at Rider. Thinkin’ he still sees him as his family. Thinkin’ he forgives him too.”
