Deep Redemption
Page 75
All because I had snapped.
For years I had been subjected to his torture. Daily Lord’s Sharings where he would take me in whichever way he chose. I was helpless to do anything.
The worst pain came when I would see my sisters beside me. All of us would be crouched down, heads to the floor, with our hands behind our backs. I would look into their eyes and try to give them silent comfort. But day by day, year by year, I saw their lights fading. I saw the life draining from their souls.
I was their older sister. They looked to me for help . . . yet I could do nothing. I had to endure the knowledge that we were trapped in this life.
The door opened and Brother Gabriel entered. But this time I did not freeze. He could do nothing more to me than had already been done. He could not hurt me anymore. I had no cries left to give. I had no energy left to hold on to.
Gabriel lived for my cries; my tears were his lifeblood. He lived to see his devil-cursed charge fall. And I had always fallen. As a child I had always cried as he pushed himself within me. I had screamed as I felt him tear through my innocence, helpless to move due to the trap between my legs.
I had always been submissive . . . until a few days ago. There was no real spark that caused me to strike out. There was nothing major that had happened to cause me to defy the prophet’s orders to serve Gabriel in any way he chose.
It was simply that I had had enough. Everyone would break at some point.
When Gabriel had called me to join with him, when he’d stripped me bare and rammed his fingers inside me, the nails tearing at my channel’s flesh, I had reached out and grabbed his wrist. I had acted on impulse and jerked out of his hold. I pushed him back and struck him across the face, dug my nails into the flesh of his cheeks. Then I had run. I had run for the door. But Gabriel had tackled me and delivered a strike of his own.
I had started a war.
His strength had overpowered me and he pinned my naked body to the floor. His large body crawled over me, and I saw the flicker of challenge in his eyes. “Jezebel . . . you seem to have lost your mind.”
“Get off me,” I hissed back.
Gabriel’s eyes widened in shock. I had never spoken to him that way before. I had never spoken to him at all. “There she is,” he said smugly . . . knowingly. “I always knew the devil inside would one day show its ugly head.” He leaned down and ran the tip of his nose along my cheek. “I knew one day this battle would come to pass. The sinful demon inside your heart would come to take back control.” He stilled, then slowly drew back his head. His eyes locked on mine. “And I welcome this fight, Jezebel. I will purify you of your sin.”
“Do not touch me.” I snapped and tried to break free from his grip.
Gabriel took both of my hands in one of his and trailed the other down over my breasts and stomach, until it aggressively cupped my core. I squeezed my eyes shut as his fingers scraped along my folds. He leaned over me, his breath dusting across my face. “I will touch you, whore. I will touch you over and over until you know your place in this world. You are forbidden to refuse anything I ask of you. And it is my duty to ensure you are punished according to our scriptures.”
He removed his hand from between my legs, and a second later he slammed himself inside me. I screamed out as the agony of his unwanted intrusion swept over my body. I cried out again when the back of his hand sliced across my face. But the cries soon stopped when I grew numb. And I had not cried in all the days since.
He was going to kill me, and I would die without giving him the victory of my pain.
I stayed absolutely still as my mind brought me back to the present. Gabriel’s wandering hand began traveling up the back of my thigh. His fingers passed through the wet blood. Passed through his seed that still remained on my skin. He crawled over me and thrust himself inside. So I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to take me. I no longer wanted to be here in this place. I no longer wanted this life.
I let the darkness take me.
When I next opened my eyes, I thought what I had wished for had come true. But when I managed to raise my head, I saw that I was inside a small cell. Metal bars covered the door. And I was cold. I was so, so cold. My head was full and clogged with a thick fog and I could not concentrate. I was thirsty. My lips were cracked and sore.
I could not feel my body.
“Bella,” I heard a voice cry from outside my cell.
Mae? It was my Mae? I could not concentrate . . .
I opened my mouth to reply. I tried to speak but I was unsure if my words came out. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. Just for a little while more. Warmth suddenly filled my hand. I forced my swollen eyes to open. The light outside almost blinded me. Then a pair of blue eyes met mine . . . Mae.
For years I had been subjected to his torture. Daily Lord’s Sharings where he would take me in whichever way he chose. I was helpless to do anything.
The worst pain came when I would see my sisters beside me. All of us would be crouched down, heads to the floor, with our hands behind our backs. I would look into their eyes and try to give them silent comfort. But day by day, year by year, I saw their lights fading. I saw the life draining from their souls.
I was their older sister. They looked to me for help . . . yet I could do nothing. I had to endure the knowledge that we were trapped in this life.
The door opened and Brother Gabriel entered. But this time I did not freeze. He could do nothing more to me than had already been done. He could not hurt me anymore. I had no cries left to give. I had no energy left to hold on to.
Gabriel lived for my cries; my tears were his lifeblood. He lived to see his devil-cursed charge fall. And I had always fallen. As a child I had always cried as he pushed himself within me. I had screamed as I felt him tear through my innocence, helpless to move due to the trap between my legs.
I had always been submissive . . . until a few days ago. There was no real spark that caused me to strike out. There was nothing major that had happened to cause me to defy the prophet’s orders to serve Gabriel in any way he chose.
It was simply that I had had enough. Everyone would break at some point.
When Gabriel had called me to join with him, when he’d stripped me bare and rammed his fingers inside me, the nails tearing at my channel’s flesh, I had reached out and grabbed his wrist. I had acted on impulse and jerked out of his hold. I pushed him back and struck him across the face, dug my nails into the flesh of his cheeks. Then I had run. I had run for the door. But Gabriel had tackled me and delivered a strike of his own.
I had started a war.
His strength had overpowered me and he pinned my naked body to the floor. His large body crawled over me, and I saw the flicker of challenge in his eyes. “Jezebel . . . you seem to have lost your mind.”
“Get off me,” I hissed back.
Gabriel’s eyes widened in shock. I had never spoken to him that way before. I had never spoken to him at all. “There she is,” he said smugly . . . knowingly. “I always knew the devil inside would one day show its ugly head.” He leaned down and ran the tip of his nose along my cheek. “I knew one day this battle would come to pass. The sinful demon inside your heart would come to take back control.” He stilled, then slowly drew back his head. His eyes locked on mine. “And I welcome this fight, Jezebel. I will purify you of your sin.”
“Do not touch me.” I snapped and tried to break free from his grip.
Gabriel took both of my hands in one of his and trailed the other down over my breasts and stomach, until it aggressively cupped my core. I squeezed my eyes shut as his fingers scraped along my folds. He leaned over me, his breath dusting across my face. “I will touch you, whore. I will touch you over and over until you know your place in this world. You are forbidden to refuse anything I ask of you. And it is my duty to ensure you are punished according to our scriptures.”
He removed his hand from between my legs, and a second later he slammed himself inside me. I screamed out as the agony of his unwanted intrusion swept over my body. I cried out again when the back of his hand sliced across my face. But the cries soon stopped when I grew numb. And I had not cried in all the days since.
He was going to kill me, and I would die without giving him the victory of my pain.
I stayed absolutely still as my mind brought me back to the present. Gabriel’s wandering hand began traveling up the back of my thigh. His fingers passed through the wet blood. Passed through his seed that still remained on my skin. He crawled over me and thrust himself inside. So I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to take me. I no longer wanted to be here in this place. I no longer wanted this life.
I let the darkness take me.
When I next opened my eyes, I thought what I had wished for had come true. But when I managed to raise my head, I saw that I was inside a small cell. Metal bars covered the door. And I was cold. I was so, so cold. My head was full and clogged with a thick fog and I could not concentrate. I was thirsty. My lips were cracked and sore.
I could not feel my body.
“Bella,” I heard a voice cry from outside my cell.
Mae? It was my Mae? I could not concentrate . . .
I opened my mouth to reply. I tried to speak but I was unsure if my words came out. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. Just for a little while more. Warmth suddenly filled my hand. I forced my swollen eyes to open. The light outside almost blinded me. Then a pair of blue eyes met mine . . . Mae.
