Deep Redemption
Page 82
“Bella,” he whispered in defeat.
“You have me,” I said vehemently. He had to know. I did not care what the men in this compound thought. “You have me.”
“I . . . I don’t deserve you. What I allowed to happen to your sisters . . . ”
“You did not condone.”
Rider shook his head. “What does that matter? I knew what Judah was capable of. Deep down . . . I knew . . . ”
“But you loved him. He was the only one you had to love. It is easy to ignore someone’s sins when love blinds you.”
More silent tears tumbled down his face. Rider’s eyes dropped, then he whispered, “I still do. Fuck, Bella. Despite everything . . . I still love him. He’s my brother . . . he’s all I have. And I . . . I don’t wanna be alone. I’m so fucking lonely all the damn time.” His huge dark eyes met mine. “To my embarrassment, I still love him . . . even after I know he no longer loves me . . . I’m not sure he ever really did.”
I searched his eyes and saw the guilt and hurt within them. “Because you are a good person, Rider. A pure soul always finds love. Even through hate, they will always find the ability to claim love.”
“I’m not good,” he argued. “I don’t believe that.”
I smiled. Pressing my forehead to his, I said, “Then I will believe it for you.”
“Bella,” he said in a strangled moan. But I did not let him speak any further. There was nothing else he could say that would change how I felt about him. How much I wanted him in this moment . . . in this life, by my side.
Nerves filled me as I drew my mouth toward his. But Rider held still and allowed me to join our lips. He let me take the lead.
No man had ever given me that luxury before.
Despite the sadness in his body, his lips were warm to the touch. I tasted his residual tears in my mouth, but I embraced it. His tears became my own, his burdens became mine to bear.
A soft moan left Rider’s mouth and he lifted his chained hands to my back. Heat traveled through me, ignited my every cell, as my chest pressed against his. Rider’s mouth broke from mine, and he gasped, chasing for lost breath. “Bella,” he murmured, moving my hand to lay a kiss on the center of my palm.
The affection in his eyes was my undoing. And I knew what I would do next. What I had to do next. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. I could not predict the outcome. But I could take charge of tonight. I could show this perpetually broken man that he was no longer alone. I was here.
I was still his wife.
Rider watched me with rapt attention, his eyes flaring as I nervously lifted my legs to straddle his thighs.
My breathing was erratic as our gazes locked. Rider swallowed hard, showing me that he was equally as nervous as me. “I want this,” I reassured him. I took hold of his hand and brought it to the hem of my dress; the long garment had already lifted to my knees. Rider’s warm hand landed on the back of my thigh, pushing the material aside.
“The chains,” I said as the metal pulled harshly on his wrists.
“They don’t matter. We’ll work around them.”
My eyes fluttered closed as his fingers moved over my skin, making lazy circles that brought shivers to my spine. The heat from the humid air kissed my bare arms. Opening my eyes, I lowered my gaze until it collided with Rider’s.
His previously pale cheeks were filled with warmth, his breathing labored with need. Looping one arm around his neck, I lowered the other between our bodies. I pulled on the waistband of his pants to take him into my hand. Rider hissed as I found his hard length. My nerves fell away with the light breeze that passed through the barn.
“Bella,” he whispered, and I smiled as his eyes closed in pleasure, my name a prayer on his lips. His free hand landed on my other thigh and began moving my dress upward. Heat built at my core. I moved my center over Rider’s hardness, and gradually lowered myself down.
As Rider pushed inside of me, I brought my hand to his shoulder. I held on tight as I dropped myself all the way down . . . until Rider and I were fully joined. Until there was no space left between us. And he knew I was going nowhere.
“Bella,” Rider rasped as I lifted myself up. I never moved my eyes from his as I sank back down. My nails dug into his skin. I let out a soft moan as the feel of him filling me brought a lightness to my heart.
“Rider,” I murmured. He groaned and tucked his forehead into the crook between my shoulder and neck. My hands left his shoulders and threaded through his hair. As I increased the speed of my hips, I brought my mouth to his ear and whispered, “I am here with you. You are no longer alone.”
“You have me,” I said vehemently. He had to know. I did not care what the men in this compound thought. “You have me.”
“I . . . I don’t deserve you. What I allowed to happen to your sisters . . . ”
“You did not condone.”
Rider shook his head. “What does that matter? I knew what Judah was capable of. Deep down . . . I knew . . . ”
“But you loved him. He was the only one you had to love. It is easy to ignore someone’s sins when love blinds you.”
More silent tears tumbled down his face. Rider’s eyes dropped, then he whispered, “I still do. Fuck, Bella. Despite everything . . . I still love him. He’s my brother . . . he’s all I have. And I . . . I don’t wanna be alone. I’m so fucking lonely all the damn time.” His huge dark eyes met mine. “To my embarrassment, I still love him . . . even after I know he no longer loves me . . . I’m not sure he ever really did.”
I searched his eyes and saw the guilt and hurt within them. “Because you are a good person, Rider. A pure soul always finds love. Even through hate, they will always find the ability to claim love.”
“I’m not good,” he argued. “I don’t believe that.”
I smiled. Pressing my forehead to his, I said, “Then I will believe it for you.”
“Bella,” he said in a strangled moan. But I did not let him speak any further. There was nothing else he could say that would change how I felt about him. How much I wanted him in this moment . . . in this life, by my side.
Nerves filled me as I drew my mouth toward his. But Rider held still and allowed me to join our lips. He let me take the lead.
No man had ever given me that luxury before.
Despite the sadness in his body, his lips were warm to the touch. I tasted his residual tears in my mouth, but I embraced it. His tears became my own, his burdens became mine to bear.
A soft moan left Rider’s mouth and he lifted his chained hands to my back. Heat traveled through me, ignited my every cell, as my chest pressed against his. Rider’s mouth broke from mine, and he gasped, chasing for lost breath. “Bella,” he murmured, moving my hand to lay a kiss on the center of my palm.
The affection in his eyes was my undoing. And I knew what I would do next. What I had to do next. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. I could not predict the outcome. But I could take charge of tonight. I could show this perpetually broken man that he was no longer alone. I was here.
I was still his wife.
Rider watched me with rapt attention, his eyes flaring as I nervously lifted my legs to straddle his thighs.
My breathing was erratic as our gazes locked. Rider swallowed hard, showing me that he was equally as nervous as me. “I want this,” I reassured him. I took hold of his hand and brought it to the hem of my dress; the long garment had already lifted to my knees. Rider’s warm hand landed on the back of my thigh, pushing the material aside.
“The chains,” I said as the metal pulled harshly on his wrists.
“They don’t matter. We’ll work around them.”
My eyes fluttered closed as his fingers moved over my skin, making lazy circles that brought shivers to my spine. The heat from the humid air kissed my bare arms. Opening my eyes, I lowered my gaze until it collided with Rider’s.
His previously pale cheeks were filled with warmth, his breathing labored with need. Looping one arm around his neck, I lowered the other between our bodies. I pulled on the waistband of his pants to take him into my hand. Rider hissed as I found his hard length. My nerves fell away with the light breeze that passed through the barn.
“Bella,” he whispered, and I smiled as his eyes closed in pleasure, my name a prayer on his lips. His free hand landed on my other thigh and began moving my dress upward. Heat built at my core. I moved my center over Rider’s hardness, and gradually lowered myself down.
As Rider pushed inside of me, I brought my hand to his shoulder. I held on tight as I dropped myself all the way down . . . until Rider and I were fully joined. Until there was no space left between us. And he knew I was going nowhere.
“Bella,” Rider rasped as I lifted myself up. I never moved my eyes from his as I sank back down. My nails dug into his skin. I let out a soft moan as the feel of him filling me brought a lightness to my heart.
“Rider,” I murmured. He groaned and tucked his forehead into the crook between my shoulder and neck. My hands left his shoulders and threaded through his hair. As I increased the speed of my hips, I brought my mouth to his ear and whispered, “I am here with you. You are no longer alone.”
