Defended & Desired
Page 50
With a tight swallow, she nodded. “You’re such a good man, Trey.”
“Not good enough,” he shot back. “Or you wouldn’t be halfway out the door.”
Lashes glistening, she stared down at her desk. “You hate me, and I don’t blame you. I should’ve told you about my plans—”
“Yeah, you should have.” He tamped down a surge of anger. “But I don’t hate you, Devon. I can’t.” Because I love you. “Because if there’s any chance you’ll change your mind, I still want you in my life.”
Torment and a wishful glimmer swirled in her eyes when she looked up at him. “You aren’t the reason I considered leaving. This career opportunity offered me the job of my dreams, a chance I’d been looking for long before we got involved. I thought if we just enjoyed each other for little while before I left, I could stay detached. Then you swept me off my feet. Made me rethink everything. You gave me a reason to stay, and suddenly what had seemed so clear two weeks ago stopped making sense.”
Hope surged in his chest. Until remorse settled on her face.
“But I knew from the start we couldn’t be together. Family is everything to you. The addition you’re putting on your house has six bedrooms that I can’t help you fill. No matter how much I wish I could.”
His throat tightened. Why couldn’t she see how much he needed her? “That’s not a deal-breaker for me, Devon.”
“It will be. Eventually.” The anguish in her eyes slashed his heart. “Maybe not now, or next month, or next year. But if we stayed together, there would come a time when you want what I can never give you. You’re meant to be a family man. You deserve so much, everything you’ve always wanted.”
He wished he could deny the threads of truth in her statement.
“We want different things, we have different passions. I need to follow mine as much as you need to follow yours.” Dampness seeped to the outer corners of her eyes, and she shook her head. “I don’t see how we’d ever make it work and find the happiness we both deserve.”
Why did she have to be so damn logical? He didn’t care that she might be right. Those facts were cold comfort, when all he wanted was to wake up next to her warm, beautiful presence every morning for the rest of his life. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“I don’t want to go, either, but I have to. I may never have this chance again. My work is my life, my devotion. Family is yours.”
“So you won’t consider any other option.” There had be other options, right? “Adoption or foster kids or—”
“Trey, stop. Please.” Her fingers trembled as she wiped a tear from her cheek. He wanted to wrap her in his arms even though her words crushed him. “I’ve accepted my reality. I have my work, and that’s all I’ve ever needed.”
Then she didn’t want kids. At all. Ever. And he couldn’t let go of the instinctive, powerful desire to hear a baby crying in the middle of the night. Or little bare feet padding across his floors. Or the creak of a swing set in the backyard. Or the soft murmurs of his wife reading bedtime stories. Or laughter during family vacations.
The fatigue of loss crept into his bones and left his heart hanging like dead weight in his chest. He was in love with a woman he couldn’t have and wanted dreams with her that would never come true.
His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and he couldn’t form words. He stood frozen as she moved around her desk and walked up to him, holding out her hand.
Cupped in her palm lay the sparkling necklace he’d given her on the night of their official first date. “You should take this back.”
Anger exploded like fireworks behind his eyes. “Don’t insult me,” he snarled.
“But I can’t accept—”
“It was a gift.” His words cut her off sharply. “What would I do with it? Give it to my next girlfriend so every time she wears it, I think of you?”
She flinched.
His heart hammered against his ribs and he couldn’t stand to be in this room another second, miserable and pissed off and missing the hell out of her even though she was right in front of him. “Good luck,” he bit out. “I hope your new job keeps you warm at night.”
Slamming the door on his way out, he knew he’d been an asshole just now, his bitter words unnecessary. But he’d surpassed the tolerable limit of agony, and he didn’t want her to see that she’d nearly brought him to his knees.
When he returned to his office, he snapped off his monitor and left. He didn’t even bother canceling his last meeting of the day.
Screw work.
He craved a physical outlet for his pent-up frustration before he imploded. And he knew exactly where to go and who he needed to accomplish that.
*
When Devon left the Realtor’s office that night, she should’ve been pleased. According to the initial numbers, she stood to make a nice profit on the sale of her townhouse. Instead, the only pleasure she wanted was to lie in Trey’s arms, lost in sensation and passion as he made love to her.
But that would never happen again.
Sick inside, missing him terribly, she picked up Peanut from doggie daycare and headed to her house that would be on the market soon. Even though she hadn’t officially signed an agreement with the Realtor yet.
Something had stopped her. A nagging, insistent pull in her gut that she shouldn’t close the door on her life in Denver. Not yet. Despite the fact that she’d agreed to an interview with the CEO of Developer’s Muse tomorrow night, and that she believed they’d hire her as a contractor.
Was her career really more important than the chance to love someone, and be loved, for a lifetime?
Trey’s last words rang in her ears and coiled in her chest. I hope your job keeps you warm at night. She’d waited her whole life to find a job opportunity this inspiring, but he’d made her feel shallow, heartless and self-absorbed.
He didn’t understand how hard it had been, how many years it had taken, for her to finally accept her fate and look to work as her source of lasting fulfillment.
Rejecting the possibility, she’d taken motherhood off the table. Too afraid to fall in love with another man who’d change his mind and find someone else to give him a family.
Because of the heartache and then her determination to succeed in other areas of her life, she’d never given a thought to adoption. Especially since her mother had endured the struggles of raising a child alone. She’d never considered that a man would support her and stay with her, even though she couldn’t give him babies.
“Not good enough,” he shot back. “Or you wouldn’t be halfway out the door.”
Lashes glistening, she stared down at her desk. “You hate me, and I don’t blame you. I should’ve told you about my plans—”
“Yeah, you should have.” He tamped down a surge of anger. “But I don’t hate you, Devon. I can’t.” Because I love you. “Because if there’s any chance you’ll change your mind, I still want you in my life.”
Torment and a wishful glimmer swirled in her eyes when she looked up at him. “You aren’t the reason I considered leaving. This career opportunity offered me the job of my dreams, a chance I’d been looking for long before we got involved. I thought if we just enjoyed each other for little while before I left, I could stay detached. Then you swept me off my feet. Made me rethink everything. You gave me a reason to stay, and suddenly what had seemed so clear two weeks ago stopped making sense.”
Hope surged in his chest. Until remorse settled on her face.
“But I knew from the start we couldn’t be together. Family is everything to you. The addition you’re putting on your house has six bedrooms that I can’t help you fill. No matter how much I wish I could.”
His throat tightened. Why couldn’t she see how much he needed her? “That’s not a deal-breaker for me, Devon.”
“It will be. Eventually.” The anguish in her eyes slashed his heart. “Maybe not now, or next month, or next year. But if we stayed together, there would come a time when you want what I can never give you. You’re meant to be a family man. You deserve so much, everything you’ve always wanted.”
He wished he could deny the threads of truth in her statement.
“We want different things, we have different passions. I need to follow mine as much as you need to follow yours.” Dampness seeped to the outer corners of her eyes, and she shook her head. “I don’t see how we’d ever make it work and find the happiness we both deserve.”
Why did she have to be so damn logical? He didn’t care that she might be right. Those facts were cold comfort, when all he wanted was to wake up next to her warm, beautiful presence every morning for the rest of his life. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“I don’t want to go, either, but I have to. I may never have this chance again. My work is my life, my devotion. Family is yours.”
“So you won’t consider any other option.” There had be other options, right? “Adoption or foster kids or—”
“Trey, stop. Please.” Her fingers trembled as she wiped a tear from her cheek. He wanted to wrap her in his arms even though her words crushed him. “I’ve accepted my reality. I have my work, and that’s all I’ve ever needed.”
Then she didn’t want kids. At all. Ever. And he couldn’t let go of the instinctive, powerful desire to hear a baby crying in the middle of the night. Or little bare feet padding across his floors. Or the creak of a swing set in the backyard. Or the soft murmurs of his wife reading bedtime stories. Or laughter during family vacations.
The fatigue of loss crept into his bones and left his heart hanging like dead weight in his chest. He was in love with a woman he couldn’t have and wanted dreams with her that would never come true.
His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and he couldn’t form words. He stood frozen as she moved around her desk and walked up to him, holding out her hand.
Cupped in her palm lay the sparkling necklace he’d given her on the night of their official first date. “You should take this back.”
Anger exploded like fireworks behind his eyes. “Don’t insult me,” he snarled.
“But I can’t accept—”
“It was a gift.” His words cut her off sharply. “What would I do with it? Give it to my next girlfriend so every time she wears it, I think of you?”
She flinched.
His heart hammered against his ribs and he couldn’t stand to be in this room another second, miserable and pissed off and missing the hell out of her even though she was right in front of him. “Good luck,” he bit out. “I hope your new job keeps you warm at night.”
Slamming the door on his way out, he knew he’d been an asshole just now, his bitter words unnecessary. But he’d surpassed the tolerable limit of agony, and he didn’t want her to see that she’d nearly brought him to his knees.
When he returned to his office, he snapped off his monitor and left. He didn’t even bother canceling his last meeting of the day.
Screw work.
He craved a physical outlet for his pent-up frustration before he imploded. And he knew exactly where to go and who he needed to accomplish that.
*
When Devon left the Realtor’s office that night, she should’ve been pleased. According to the initial numbers, she stood to make a nice profit on the sale of her townhouse. Instead, the only pleasure she wanted was to lie in Trey’s arms, lost in sensation and passion as he made love to her.
But that would never happen again.
Sick inside, missing him terribly, she picked up Peanut from doggie daycare and headed to her house that would be on the market soon. Even though she hadn’t officially signed an agreement with the Realtor yet.
Something had stopped her. A nagging, insistent pull in her gut that she shouldn’t close the door on her life in Denver. Not yet. Despite the fact that she’d agreed to an interview with the CEO of Developer’s Muse tomorrow night, and that she believed they’d hire her as a contractor.
Was her career really more important than the chance to love someone, and be loved, for a lifetime?
Trey’s last words rang in her ears and coiled in her chest. I hope your job keeps you warm at night. She’d waited her whole life to find a job opportunity this inspiring, but he’d made her feel shallow, heartless and self-absorbed.
He didn’t understand how hard it had been, how many years it had taken, for her to finally accept her fate and look to work as her source of lasting fulfillment.
Rejecting the possibility, she’d taken motherhood off the table. Too afraid to fall in love with another man who’d change his mind and find someone else to give him a family.
Because of the heartache and then her determination to succeed in other areas of her life, she’d never given a thought to adoption. Especially since her mother had endured the struggles of raising a child alone. She’d never considered that a man would support her and stay with her, even though she couldn’t give him babies.
