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Page 44

Sadie glanced at her watch. “Why don’t you get your purse together? I’ll meet you in the car. I’m parked out front.”
Alyssa tried to stifle her disappointment at Luc’s no-show long enough to smile for her friend. “Sure. Thanks.”
As soon as she heard the click of the door behind Sadie, Alyssa felt pesky tears sting her eyes. Damn it, she had a doctor to see, a baby to confer about. If Luc had suddenly embraced the annulment . . . well, maybe it was for the best. At least she tried to tell herself that. The last week without him, she’d come to realize that she would never be completely happy or completely whole without him.
But she also knew that she couldn’t be married to a man she loved this fervently who remained only to be with the child he’d always dreamed of having. Without Luc’s love, sharing a home, a bed, and a last name would be hollow. Eventually, it would tear them apart. If he didn’t truly love her for her, better that she know now—not when the child was cranky for a nighttime feeding . . . or when he or she began kindergarten . . . or when they had their first sporting event, first crush, first heartbreak . . . or when Luc finally found the woman to whom he could devote his heart—and left her an empty, broken shell.
Even though she was saving herself more pain later, it fucking hurt now.
Swallowing back the tears, she grabbed her purse, set the new alarm, and carefully shut the door behind her. After locking it, she turned toward Sadie’s car at the curb.
Except it was gone.
What the devil? Shaking her head, she followed the L of her walkway to the driveway.
There stood Luc, looking at his watch.
Her breath caught. Her heart stopped. He’d made it.
Why?
Thoughts racing, she took tentative steps forward. Luc looked up, saw her—and darted her way.
He cupped her cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, over almost as soon as it started. “Hi, sugar. I’ve missed you.”
Those chocolate eyes looked so earnest, so honest. God, why was he doing this to her? If he still wanted her, why didn’t he just tell her he didn’t want the annulment? Or maybe he did want it? She was so confused . . .
“Hi. Thanks for taking me to the appointment.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He opened the passenger door and held it as she slid inside.
So was his affection for her merely that of for the mother of his child? As he hopped in the driver’s seat and glanced her way, there was something on his face she’d never seen before. The heat was still there. He wanted her, no question. That expression said he wanted to devour her now—and to keep doing it for hours, days. It was tempered by something warm, like sweet sunshine honey. Something like . . . affection. Even hope. His smile seemed to say there was no one he’d rather be with.
How much of that was tangled up in his feelings for the baby?
He grabbed her hand and backed the Jaguar out of the driveway. She knew she should release him . . . but she couldn’t find the strength to let go.
“Have Remy or the boys been out to question you again or give you more information about Joshua’s attack?” he asked.
“No. Once Remy cleared us of any sort of homicide charge, I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“You must be relieved that Joshua is gone. Your past can’t come back to haunt you again.” He squeezed her hand.
She took strength in his caress. This wasn’t a topic she could discuss with anyone . . . but him. He really knew her in a way no one else did. For that, she was grateful.
“I still wish I could have reconciled with my mother, but maybe that was impossible. She didn’t want to believe me because it made her life too difficult, and I have no respect for that.”
“What Joshua did to you was terrible. Tragic. What she did was worse.” Luc’s warm gaze wrapped her in a soft blanket of comfort.
It would be so easy to sink in . . . get lost. And so painful later.
“I work every day on forgiving her. It’s a day-by-day thing.”
“Everything that happened made you who you are today—strong, independent, savvy, pragmatic. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. You’re the woman I love.”
Her heart seized. How badly she wanted to believe him. “Luc . . .”
“Shh.” He pulled up in front of the hospital complex. “Let’s see the doctor now. Later, we’ll talk through this.”
Damn it, she didn’t want to put it off. Alyssa didn’t deal well with shoving unpleasant things aside. Why not just get it over with? But they could hardly discuss their marital issues in the waiting room. She sighed.
Within minutes, the obstetrician’s nurse called them back and she greeted the pleasant fortysomething woman who examined her while Luc sat in the chair behind her and held her hand.
“Would you like to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”
“Please.” She smiled.
“Very much.”
Alyssa couldn’t see Luc’s face, but she could hear the sincerity in his voice.
The doctor applied a cool gel to her abdomen, then a plastic wand and . . .
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. A little beating heart. The sound filled the room, young, tender yet remarkably hardy. A miracle.
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, my God.”
Luc squeezed her hand even harder. “I’ve never heard anything so amazing.”
She heard the tears in his voice, too.
“Very strong and healthy,” the doctor promised. “On the slower side, which could indicate a boy, but we’ll know for sure when we do the ultrasound around week twenty.”
A boy? Alyssa’s heart clenched, then pitter-pattered. She’d love a boy. Or a girl. She’d love this child, no matter what. And she loved that, no matter what happened, it would always be part of Luc.
Finally, the other woman measured her abdomen, chatted a bit about what to expect over the next month, then sent her on her way. As they settled with the receptionist and exited the building, Luc gripped her hand.
They reached his car, and he stopped her, turning her to face him. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I will be forever grateful, no matter what happens in the future. I’d like fifteen minutes more of your time, if you’ll spare them. Then, if you still want to proceed with the annulment, I won’t stop you.”
Denial and fear slammed her at once, and she tried to block them out. The annulment was—ultimately—a good thing, right? So why should everything inside her rebel at the thought that he wouldn’t fight it?
She just loved him too damn much.
“All right.” Her voice shook.
Without another word, they returned to her house, and she showed him into the living room. They sat on the sofa, less than two feet apart.
Funny, how their relationship had basically started here, on this piece of furniture, when he’d arrived with his cousin Deke last summer for a seductive ménage that had quickly morphed into an explosive pairing when Luc’s cousin left. Would it end here, too?
“Do you want something to drink?” What was on his mind? She needed to know . . . yet feared it.
“No, thank you.” He pulled a thick, folded document from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. “This is yours, regardless of what happens.”
The gravity in his tone crashed to her hollow stomach. She took deep breaths. With shaking hands, she unfolded the crisp white papers and scanned.
“It’s . . .” She blinked once, twice. Seriously? “A custody agreement? You’re giving me sole custody?”
“If you decide to proceed with the annulment, I’ve asked for one week a year and either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I think it’s important for any child to know his or her father. There’s a financial support agreement as well. I took the attorney’s recommendation for an annual sum and added fifty percent. I hope you think it’s fair, but we can talk if you need more. I’ll never tell you how to parent. I’ll never get in your way. I’ll never ask you to share more of the child than this and an occasional phone call.”
Tears came again. Not just tears, but sobs. The foundation of her life was falling out from underneath her, crumbling, and the pain was paralyzing. Luc was letting her go and giving her control over the life they had created together—the child she knew he wanted more than anything.
“Why?” she managed to get out.
He closed his eyes, jaw clamped, as he fought his own tears. “Because I love you, and I want you to know that no one will ever be more important to me than you, not even our child.”
“But you’ve wanted a baby for years and—”
“I have, so badly I manipulated people I love, deceived them—without even thinking how they would be affected. And I regret that so deeply. I never want you to believe that I married you only for the child. I was stupid when I didn’t tell you that I believed the baby to be someone else’s. I can only say I’m sorry. I know better now.” He sighed. “I realized I wasn’t lacking a baby, but someone to share my life with. Someone amazing and strong, smart, ambitious, and wonderful. My other half.”
Alyssa sobbed harder. He meant her? He wanted her more than their child?
Luc eased off the sofa and onto one knee at her feet. “I need you.”
“And you’re willing to give up custody of the baby to prove it to me?”
He nodded, and the agony on his face hurt her in return. “No strings attached. I want to stay married to you more than anything and be a family in the true sense of the word, but not if you’ll always have doubts about how important you are to me.”
Oh. My. God. Never in a million years had she expected him to give up the child he’d sought and schemed for. And to do it for her.
“Think on it,” he commanded softly. “If I don’t hear from you before the annulment is final in the next few months, then this may be the last time you see me. And I’ll miss you like hell. I’ll love you. Always.”
He kissed her mouth gently. It lasted for only a heartbeat, felt like a gossamer breath, but it impacted her heart like a battering ram. Then he was gone.
ALYSSA paced her living room, wringing her hands. Any minute . . .
After Luc’s departure Friday night, she’d longed to call him back immediately. The scared girl-woman inside her shouted for caution and prudence. She’d stayed up late and read the entire custody agreement he’d proposed—and signed—then left in her hands. He’d been more than generous and left himself minimal rights, save those he would exercise in the event of her untimely death. He’d also added a clause for reversion of custody in the event she remarried to someone who turned out to be abusive.
The fact he’d taken her experience to heart touched her.
She’d spent a sleepless Friday night knowing she had only two choices: End the marriage and raise the child alone, always wondering if she’d made the biggest mistake of her life by leaving the man she loved, or embrace the future and do everything in her power to ensure their marriage grew strong.
Luc said he loved her. Since he’d handed her this custody agreement, Alyssa finally more than hoped—she believed—that was true. She loved him so much, getting through a day without him felt unbearable. Nights were even more hellish.
Still, experience had taught her to be cautious. She’d spent all day Saturday thinking about her options . . . and coming back to the same conclusion. How bleak would her future be without Luc? He couldn’t have apologized more eloquently, been more contrite. It wasn’t as if she’d never screwed up.
Besides, she’d gone into the marriage tentative and afraid. Failing at lifelong commitment was inevitable without giving both heart and soul. She hadn’t done that. Yes, Luc had withheld his “sterility” from her, but she’d withheld her past with Joshua. If Luc hadn’t accidentally scared her, would she have ever told him her secret, ever?
She winced. Probably not.
Didn’t she owe it to them to try this marriage for real, holding nothing back?
She’d called him early this Sunday morning and asked him to come back to Lafayette. He hadn’t asked questions, and she hadn’t offered information. They both knew that whatever had to be said should be done in person.
The chime of the doorbell interrupted her musings, and she smoothed a hand down her black wrap-around blouse, holding a palm to her trembling insides. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
Luc stood on the other side, expression pensive. “I’m glad you called.”
Alyssa nodded, trying to calm her runaway heartbeat. “Come in.”
When she stepped back, he entered. But his eyes never left hers, as if he hoped to read her decision on her face. She looked away and walked into the living room. Luc followed, and Alyssa could feel him at her back, so achingly close—yet still so far away.
Please God, let this turn out happily.
On the table beside her rested two documents. She picked up both. “I’ve read your custody document.”