Denied
Page 100
I stare at a remorseful face, but I don’t ask the obvious question, which would be to ask what this is. ‘Do you regret it?’
‘Every day of my wicked life.’
Concern makes way for sadness. William Anderson – the man who loved my mother with a passion – lives with daily regret. It’s potent and alive. It cripples him. I can think of no words to ease his pain, so I do the only other thing that feels right. I reach up to the powerful beast of a man and cuddle him. It’s a silly attempt to lessen his lifelong pain, but when he laughs a little at my action and accepts my embrace, holding me tightly with his free arm, I think I might have at least made a minute’s difference.
‘Enough now,’ he says, the authority back in its rightful place. I’m detached from him, and as the room comes into view, I spot Miller hovering a few metres away, standing next to Gregory. My best friend looks like he’s in a trance, and Miller looks unusually calm, considering what he has just witnessed. He has on grey sweatpants, a black T-shirt and trainers. It’s an unusual get-up for Miller, but after the massacre of his masks, I guess he has no other option. Then the sports bag suspended from his hand catches my eye, and I allow a moment to process the earlier appearance of passports and William’s words.
‘Go,’ William utters, flicking his head towards the door. ‘My driver’s parked on the corner. Take the exit from the second floor and use the fire escape.’ Miller doesn’t swing into action, which prompts William to go on. ‘Hart, we’ve spoken about this.’
I flick confused eyes to Miller, instantly wary of the ferocity rolling off him in waves. His jaw beneath his stubble turns to rock. ‘I’ll crucify them all,’ he promises, his voice drenched in violence. It makes me swallow hard.
‘Olivia.’ William says my name on a simple breath. It’s a reminder, and Miller looks down at me, cognisance seeming to wrestle past the anger. ‘Get her away from this f**king mess until we can figure out what’s going on. Don’t drag her any further into danger, Hart. Damage control.’ William’s phone sounds from his hand and he curses as he answers. ‘What’s the deal?’ he asks the caller as he looks to Miller. I don’t like the guardedness on his face. ‘Go,’ he says urgently, remaining on the phone and pacing towards us. Miller seizes me and leads me to the door in the blink of an eye, William following directly behind.
I’m disorientated. I’m confused. I’m allowing myself to be hauled out of Miller’s apartment with not a clue as to where I’m being taken.
We’re in the hallway fast, Miller guiding me to the stairwell. ‘No!’ William shouts, making Miller halt sharply and snap his head back, eyes wide. ‘They’re coming up the stairs.’
‘What?’ Miller roars, breaking out in a stressed sweat. ‘Fuck!’
‘They know your weaknesses, boy.’ William’s tone is dark, and so are his eyes.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask, breaking free of Miller’s hold, my eyes batting back and forth between him and William. ‘Who are they?’ I don’t like the cautious look William throws Miller’s way, not that Miller will notice. He’s beginning to tremble, like he’s seen a ghost, his skin paling before my eyes. ‘Answer me!’ I scream, making Miller jump and lift his brilliant blues slowly. They are haunted. It robs me of breath.
‘The ones who hold the key to my chains,’ he whispers, sweat trickling down his temples. ‘The immoral bastards.’
A sob rips through me like lightning as his confession settles hard and fast. ‘No!’ My head starts to shake and my heart rate rockets. I don’t want to ask. He looks truly frightened, and I don’t know whether it’s because they, whoever they may be, are on their way or because his escape is blocked and he needs to get me out. Intuition tells me it’s the latter, but it’s the former that has my heart squeezing in trepidation. ‘What do they want?’ I brace myself for his answer, wincing as he fights the symptoms of a meltdown, and when he finally speaks, it’s on a mere whisper.
‘I’ve handed in my resignation.’ He holds my eyes while I let the enormity of his statement sink in. And then my eyes flood with salty tears.
‘They won’t let us be if we stay?’ I ask, choking all over my question.
He shakes his head slowly, pain invading his beautifully perfect face. ‘I’m so sorry, my gorgeous girl.’ The bag drops to the floor and I see defeatism grip him. ‘They own me. The consequences will be shattering if we stay.’
My whole body shakes under the sombreness of his shaky promise, my cheeks stinging and sore as I wipe at my face, searching for my strength to replace Miller’s loss of it. I’m in deep – deeper than I ever imagined. And I plan on drowning with him if necessary. I suck in an unsteady breath and pace over to him, hauling the bag up from the floor and taking his clammy hand. He lets me, but as soon as he figures where we’re headed, he stiffens and I hear the beginning of panicked breathing. He’s putting up some resistance, making it harder for me to pull him to where I need him. But we make it.
I press the call button for the lift and silently plead for it to be near the top of the building. I’m looking back to the stairwell exit constantly.
‘Olivia?’
I glance to my side, seeing Gregory has joined William. He looks lost. Confused. Shocked. I smile at him, trying to ease his worry, but I know I’ve failed. ‘I’ll call,’ I promise, just as the doors slide open and Miller steps back, taking me with him. ‘Please tell Nan I’m okay.’
I throw the bag into the lift and turn, taking Miller’s other hand so we’re joined by both. Then I start to take slow steps back, aware our time is ticking, but more acutely aware that this is not something I can rush. He’s staring past me into the enclosed box, his whole body heaving violently, and it’s in the intensity of this moment that I wonder how I could have been so cruel those times I used this fear against him. I fight off the tears that the guilt spikes and continue with my backward steps until our arms are at full length and the space between our bodies is wide.
‘Miller,’ I say quietly, desperate for him to focus on me instead of the monster he sees behind me. ‘Look at me,’ I plead. ‘Just look at me.’ My voice quivers, no matter how greatly I’m trying to keep it together. Relief swamps me when he takes a tentative step forward, but then he starts shaking his head furiously and takes two steps back. He’s swallowing repeatedly and his hands are becoming increasingly hot. The waves of his lovely hair are becoming heavy under the weight of the sweat pouring from his scalp, his forehead, just about everywhere.
‘I can’t,’ he pants, gulping. ‘I can’t do it.’
I look across to William and see concern as he constantly checks his phone and looks to the stairwell, and when I look to Gregory, I see something that I’ve never seen from my best friend when Miller is in the picture. Compassion. I bite my lip as the tears begin to fall, choking on a sob when he looks at me and gives me eyes full of encouragement. Then he nods. It’s only just detectable, but I see it and I understand it. I feel hopeless. I need to get Miller out of this building.
‘You go,’ Miller says, pushing me into the elevator. ‘I’ll be fine, you go.’
‘Every day of my wicked life.’
Concern makes way for sadness. William Anderson – the man who loved my mother with a passion – lives with daily regret. It’s potent and alive. It cripples him. I can think of no words to ease his pain, so I do the only other thing that feels right. I reach up to the powerful beast of a man and cuddle him. It’s a silly attempt to lessen his lifelong pain, but when he laughs a little at my action and accepts my embrace, holding me tightly with his free arm, I think I might have at least made a minute’s difference.
‘Enough now,’ he says, the authority back in its rightful place. I’m detached from him, and as the room comes into view, I spot Miller hovering a few metres away, standing next to Gregory. My best friend looks like he’s in a trance, and Miller looks unusually calm, considering what he has just witnessed. He has on grey sweatpants, a black T-shirt and trainers. It’s an unusual get-up for Miller, but after the massacre of his masks, I guess he has no other option. Then the sports bag suspended from his hand catches my eye, and I allow a moment to process the earlier appearance of passports and William’s words.
‘Go,’ William utters, flicking his head towards the door. ‘My driver’s parked on the corner. Take the exit from the second floor and use the fire escape.’ Miller doesn’t swing into action, which prompts William to go on. ‘Hart, we’ve spoken about this.’
I flick confused eyes to Miller, instantly wary of the ferocity rolling off him in waves. His jaw beneath his stubble turns to rock. ‘I’ll crucify them all,’ he promises, his voice drenched in violence. It makes me swallow hard.
‘Olivia.’ William says my name on a simple breath. It’s a reminder, and Miller looks down at me, cognisance seeming to wrestle past the anger. ‘Get her away from this f**king mess until we can figure out what’s going on. Don’t drag her any further into danger, Hart. Damage control.’ William’s phone sounds from his hand and he curses as he answers. ‘What’s the deal?’ he asks the caller as he looks to Miller. I don’t like the guardedness on his face. ‘Go,’ he says urgently, remaining on the phone and pacing towards us. Miller seizes me and leads me to the door in the blink of an eye, William following directly behind.
I’m disorientated. I’m confused. I’m allowing myself to be hauled out of Miller’s apartment with not a clue as to where I’m being taken.
We’re in the hallway fast, Miller guiding me to the stairwell. ‘No!’ William shouts, making Miller halt sharply and snap his head back, eyes wide. ‘They’re coming up the stairs.’
‘What?’ Miller roars, breaking out in a stressed sweat. ‘Fuck!’
‘They know your weaknesses, boy.’ William’s tone is dark, and so are his eyes.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask, breaking free of Miller’s hold, my eyes batting back and forth between him and William. ‘Who are they?’ I don’t like the cautious look William throws Miller’s way, not that Miller will notice. He’s beginning to tremble, like he’s seen a ghost, his skin paling before my eyes. ‘Answer me!’ I scream, making Miller jump and lift his brilliant blues slowly. They are haunted. It robs me of breath.
‘The ones who hold the key to my chains,’ he whispers, sweat trickling down his temples. ‘The immoral bastards.’
A sob rips through me like lightning as his confession settles hard and fast. ‘No!’ My head starts to shake and my heart rate rockets. I don’t want to ask. He looks truly frightened, and I don’t know whether it’s because they, whoever they may be, are on their way or because his escape is blocked and he needs to get me out. Intuition tells me it’s the latter, but it’s the former that has my heart squeezing in trepidation. ‘What do they want?’ I brace myself for his answer, wincing as he fights the symptoms of a meltdown, and when he finally speaks, it’s on a mere whisper.
‘I’ve handed in my resignation.’ He holds my eyes while I let the enormity of his statement sink in. And then my eyes flood with salty tears.
‘They won’t let us be if we stay?’ I ask, choking all over my question.
He shakes his head slowly, pain invading his beautifully perfect face. ‘I’m so sorry, my gorgeous girl.’ The bag drops to the floor and I see defeatism grip him. ‘They own me. The consequences will be shattering if we stay.’
My whole body shakes under the sombreness of his shaky promise, my cheeks stinging and sore as I wipe at my face, searching for my strength to replace Miller’s loss of it. I’m in deep – deeper than I ever imagined. And I plan on drowning with him if necessary. I suck in an unsteady breath and pace over to him, hauling the bag up from the floor and taking his clammy hand. He lets me, but as soon as he figures where we’re headed, he stiffens and I hear the beginning of panicked breathing. He’s putting up some resistance, making it harder for me to pull him to where I need him. But we make it.
I press the call button for the lift and silently plead for it to be near the top of the building. I’m looking back to the stairwell exit constantly.
‘Olivia?’
I glance to my side, seeing Gregory has joined William. He looks lost. Confused. Shocked. I smile at him, trying to ease his worry, but I know I’ve failed. ‘I’ll call,’ I promise, just as the doors slide open and Miller steps back, taking me with him. ‘Please tell Nan I’m okay.’
I throw the bag into the lift and turn, taking Miller’s other hand so we’re joined by both. Then I start to take slow steps back, aware our time is ticking, but more acutely aware that this is not something I can rush. He’s staring past me into the enclosed box, his whole body heaving violently, and it’s in the intensity of this moment that I wonder how I could have been so cruel those times I used this fear against him. I fight off the tears that the guilt spikes and continue with my backward steps until our arms are at full length and the space between our bodies is wide.
‘Miller,’ I say quietly, desperate for him to focus on me instead of the monster he sees behind me. ‘Look at me,’ I plead. ‘Just look at me.’ My voice quivers, no matter how greatly I’m trying to keep it together. Relief swamps me when he takes a tentative step forward, but then he starts shaking his head furiously and takes two steps back. He’s swallowing repeatedly and his hands are becoming increasingly hot. The waves of his lovely hair are becoming heavy under the weight of the sweat pouring from his scalp, his forehead, just about everywhere.
‘I can’t,’ he pants, gulping. ‘I can’t do it.’
I look across to William and see concern as he constantly checks his phone and looks to the stairwell, and when I look to Gregory, I see something that I’ve never seen from my best friend when Miller is in the picture. Compassion. I bite my lip as the tears begin to fall, choking on a sob when he looks at me and gives me eyes full of encouragement. Then he nods. It’s only just detectable, but I see it and I understand it. I feel hopeless. I need to get Miller out of this building.
‘You go,’ Miller says, pushing me into the elevator. ‘I’ll be fine, you go.’
