Denied
Page 45
‘I’m not just any man, Olivia.’ His palms slide to my upper arms and pull me close to the stubbled shadow of his jaw. Blue eyes scorch me with heated annoyance, but he’s still gentle with me, and his tone is soft. ‘Don’t upset yourself.’
‘I’m not. I just want to earn my own money.’
‘I know you have more ambition than making coffee.’ Miller’s tone is patronising, and while I could point out that his ambitions were a lot less commendable, I’m not up for another confrontation today.
‘I’m tired.’ I cop out from the line of conversation with that pathetic statement and fall onto his suit-covered chest, pushing my face into his neck and filling my nose with his manly scent.
‘Tired.’ He sighs and envelops me in his arms. ‘It’s six thirty in the evening and I believe you have been in this bed since noon.’
I ignore his observation and reach up to play with his ear, rubbing his lobe through my index finger and thumb. ‘How was your day?’
‘Long. What did Anderson want?’
‘I told you, to irritate me.’
‘Elaborate.’
‘No.’
‘I’ve asked once.’
‘You can ask as many times as you like,’ I whisper. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
I’m being moved before I can stiffen my muscles to hinder him. He pushes me up so I’m straddling his lap and clamps down on my thighs, impatience hazy in his gaze. ‘Tough luck.’
‘For you,’ I mutter indignantly. I’m pushing his buttons, but I have no desire to share my recent revelations with Miller right now – probably never will. I was a baby of convenience, and not of the regular kind. I served one purpose and one purpose alone, and that failed miserably, anyway.
I’m under close scrutiny. He’s waiting for my elaboration, which will never come, yet Miller’s expectant pose doesn’t block more unpleasant thoughts from creeping through the barriers of my mind. How must William have felt knowing Gracie got pregnant by another man when he loved her so deeply? She was punishing him by sleeping with other men, that’s now clear, but did she mean to get herself knocked up? Was one of my purposes to cripple William with hurt, too? And would William have made my mother terminate me had I not been of use in diverting the enemy? I was a pawn, that’s all. An object used to William’s advantage.
‘Olivia?’ Miller’s gentle, encouraging mention of my name sucks my dejected mind back into the room where I’m faced with someone who does want me. Not because I serve a purpose, but because I am their purpose.
‘William used me,’ I murmur, the words causing me physical pain. I was over this. I was past the hurt of being abandoned, but now I’m facing a new kind of hurt. ‘My mother got herself pregnant by another man to punish William.’ I wince at my own cold words and clench my eyes shut. ‘They were in love. William and my mother were hopelessly in love and couldn’t be together because of William’s world. If the wrong people found out about his relationship with Gracie, they would have used her against him.’ I’m suddenly considering the possibility of William keeping Gracie close by, not only to fuel his need to see her, but also as another deterrent. He never got involved with his girls. It was common knowledge.
My eyes remain locked tightly shut until I feel movement beneath me and Miller’s warm mouth on mine. ‘Shhh,’ he hushes me, despite the fact that I’ve stopped speaking. I have nothing more to say and I hope Miller doesn’t push for more. Every tiny snippet of information that William fed me this morning, all of the intensity and passion between him and my mother that he spoke of, was annihilated with his final enlightenment.
You saved your mother’s life.
No, I didn’t, and my current state of mind won’t allow me to feel remorseful about it. ‘How long have you known William?’ I ask quietly as he rains gentle pecks on my cheeks and lips.
‘Ten years.’ His answer carries an air of finality and his mouth continues to seduce mine, his tongue slipping past my lips and sweeping reverently in circles. I feel distracted, so I pull away from his busy mouth and study him for a moment, pushing his misbehaving wave from his brow. He’s not happy about my withdrawal, which only increases my suspicion.
‘When you found out I knew William, you knew he’d have something to say about us, didn’t you? He doesn’t agree with how you conduct business.’
‘Correct.’
‘That’s it?’
He shrugs a little, displaying indifference. ‘Anderson has a lot to say about a lot of things, me included.’
‘He said you’re immoral,’ I whisper, dropping my gaze to our laps, almost ashamed of sharing William’s thoughts, which is ridiculous when I’ve heard William tell Miller this to his face.
‘Look at me.’ The pad of his finger slips under my chin and raises my face to his. I’m immediately consumed with blazing eyes and soft parted lips. ‘Never with you,’ he says slowly, quietly, holding my eyes like magnets.
I knew that. Our horrid hotel encounter needs to be forgotten. That wasn’t my Miller. ‘I love you,’ I tell him on a quiet gush of air, slipping my arms under his and melding into his torso, my cheek lying on his shoulder. He responds with an almost undetectable groan and takes me to my back, the length of his body pinning me to the bed. ‘You’ll be all crumpled,’ I muse, ruffling his hair and trying to push my rendezvous with William away. All of those years I wished for an explanation, went to epic lengths to find it, and now I’ve stumbled upon it and I wholeheartedly wish I hadn’t.
‘It could be worse.’ He nips at my neck, the hot pressure of his mouth sending me on a little writhe.
‘How?’ Miller’s obsession with his appearance is definitely lessening, and while it should please me immensely that some of his uptight, picky ways are evidently easing up, I can’t figure out why I seem to be more bothered by his waning care than he does.
‘We could be scheduled to eat out.’
My brow furrows, but he continues before I can ask what on earth he’s talking about.
‘Luckily, your lovely grandmother has offered to feed us.’ He pushes up on his forearms and looks down at me, a cunning glint in his eyes. I know what he’s looking for and I won’t disappoint him. I roll my eyes.
‘Did she pin you down until you agreed?’
‘Not necessary.’ Miller drops a lazy kiss on my lips and rises, the shift pushing his h*ps into my lower stomach. My eyes widen and moisture bombards my centre. Now that I have emptied my mind of unwanted burdens, there’s room for something else. Something appealing.
Desire.
Nibbling my bottom lip, I reach up to his shoulders and smooth down the sleeves of his suit jacket, the feel of tight muscle beneath only heightening my growing wanton state. He shakes his head slowly, definitely, unwaveringly, and I deflate on an annoyed huff of breath. ‘Control yourself, then.’ I tip my h*ps up and spike a sharp inhale of breath from him, followed up with a poor attempt to scowl at me. I grin and repeat. Of course, this only teases me further, too, but Miller’s struggle to contain himself ignites a childish rebellion in me. I flip up again and watch on a laugh as he jumps off the bed and starts brushing himself down and pulling at his jacket.
‘I’m not. I just want to earn my own money.’
‘I know you have more ambition than making coffee.’ Miller’s tone is patronising, and while I could point out that his ambitions were a lot less commendable, I’m not up for another confrontation today.
‘I’m tired.’ I cop out from the line of conversation with that pathetic statement and fall onto his suit-covered chest, pushing my face into his neck and filling my nose with his manly scent.
‘Tired.’ He sighs and envelops me in his arms. ‘It’s six thirty in the evening and I believe you have been in this bed since noon.’
I ignore his observation and reach up to play with his ear, rubbing his lobe through my index finger and thumb. ‘How was your day?’
‘Long. What did Anderson want?’
‘I told you, to irritate me.’
‘Elaborate.’
‘No.’
‘I’ve asked once.’
‘You can ask as many times as you like,’ I whisper. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
I’m being moved before I can stiffen my muscles to hinder him. He pushes me up so I’m straddling his lap and clamps down on my thighs, impatience hazy in his gaze. ‘Tough luck.’
‘For you,’ I mutter indignantly. I’m pushing his buttons, but I have no desire to share my recent revelations with Miller right now – probably never will. I was a baby of convenience, and not of the regular kind. I served one purpose and one purpose alone, and that failed miserably, anyway.
I’m under close scrutiny. He’s waiting for my elaboration, which will never come, yet Miller’s expectant pose doesn’t block more unpleasant thoughts from creeping through the barriers of my mind. How must William have felt knowing Gracie got pregnant by another man when he loved her so deeply? She was punishing him by sleeping with other men, that’s now clear, but did she mean to get herself knocked up? Was one of my purposes to cripple William with hurt, too? And would William have made my mother terminate me had I not been of use in diverting the enemy? I was a pawn, that’s all. An object used to William’s advantage.
‘Olivia?’ Miller’s gentle, encouraging mention of my name sucks my dejected mind back into the room where I’m faced with someone who does want me. Not because I serve a purpose, but because I am their purpose.
‘William used me,’ I murmur, the words causing me physical pain. I was over this. I was past the hurt of being abandoned, but now I’m facing a new kind of hurt. ‘My mother got herself pregnant by another man to punish William.’ I wince at my own cold words and clench my eyes shut. ‘They were in love. William and my mother were hopelessly in love and couldn’t be together because of William’s world. If the wrong people found out about his relationship with Gracie, they would have used her against him.’ I’m suddenly considering the possibility of William keeping Gracie close by, not only to fuel his need to see her, but also as another deterrent. He never got involved with his girls. It was common knowledge.
My eyes remain locked tightly shut until I feel movement beneath me and Miller’s warm mouth on mine. ‘Shhh,’ he hushes me, despite the fact that I’ve stopped speaking. I have nothing more to say and I hope Miller doesn’t push for more. Every tiny snippet of information that William fed me this morning, all of the intensity and passion between him and my mother that he spoke of, was annihilated with his final enlightenment.
You saved your mother’s life.
No, I didn’t, and my current state of mind won’t allow me to feel remorseful about it. ‘How long have you known William?’ I ask quietly as he rains gentle pecks on my cheeks and lips.
‘Ten years.’ His answer carries an air of finality and his mouth continues to seduce mine, his tongue slipping past my lips and sweeping reverently in circles. I feel distracted, so I pull away from his busy mouth and study him for a moment, pushing his misbehaving wave from his brow. He’s not happy about my withdrawal, which only increases my suspicion.
‘When you found out I knew William, you knew he’d have something to say about us, didn’t you? He doesn’t agree with how you conduct business.’
‘Correct.’
‘That’s it?’
He shrugs a little, displaying indifference. ‘Anderson has a lot to say about a lot of things, me included.’
‘He said you’re immoral,’ I whisper, dropping my gaze to our laps, almost ashamed of sharing William’s thoughts, which is ridiculous when I’ve heard William tell Miller this to his face.
‘Look at me.’ The pad of his finger slips under my chin and raises my face to his. I’m immediately consumed with blazing eyes and soft parted lips. ‘Never with you,’ he says slowly, quietly, holding my eyes like magnets.
I knew that. Our horrid hotel encounter needs to be forgotten. That wasn’t my Miller. ‘I love you,’ I tell him on a quiet gush of air, slipping my arms under his and melding into his torso, my cheek lying on his shoulder. He responds with an almost undetectable groan and takes me to my back, the length of his body pinning me to the bed. ‘You’ll be all crumpled,’ I muse, ruffling his hair and trying to push my rendezvous with William away. All of those years I wished for an explanation, went to epic lengths to find it, and now I’ve stumbled upon it and I wholeheartedly wish I hadn’t.
‘It could be worse.’ He nips at my neck, the hot pressure of his mouth sending me on a little writhe.
‘How?’ Miller’s obsession with his appearance is definitely lessening, and while it should please me immensely that some of his uptight, picky ways are evidently easing up, I can’t figure out why I seem to be more bothered by his waning care than he does.
‘We could be scheduled to eat out.’
My brow furrows, but he continues before I can ask what on earth he’s talking about.
‘Luckily, your lovely grandmother has offered to feed us.’ He pushes up on his forearms and looks down at me, a cunning glint in his eyes. I know what he’s looking for and I won’t disappoint him. I roll my eyes.
‘Did she pin you down until you agreed?’
‘Not necessary.’ Miller drops a lazy kiss on my lips and rises, the shift pushing his h*ps into my lower stomach. My eyes widen and moisture bombards my centre. Now that I have emptied my mind of unwanted burdens, there’s room for something else. Something appealing.
Desire.
Nibbling my bottom lip, I reach up to his shoulders and smooth down the sleeves of his suit jacket, the feel of tight muscle beneath only heightening my growing wanton state. He shakes his head slowly, definitely, unwaveringly, and I deflate on an annoyed huff of breath. ‘Control yourself, then.’ I tip my h*ps up and spike a sharp inhale of breath from him, followed up with a poor attempt to scowl at me. I grin and repeat. Of course, this only teases me further, too, but Miller’s struggle to contain himself ignites a childish rebellion in me. I flip up again and watch on a laugh as he jumps off the bed and starts brushing himself down and pulling at his jacket.
