Denied
Page 87
‘I convinced them to bring her with me.’
I want to resent him requesting that, but compassion halts it in its tracks.
‘Being the Special One gives me clout.’ He sighs. ‘I choose my clients, arrange dates to suit me, and make my own rules. The no touching was a given. They don’t need to touch me to achieve their aim, and I was sick of being used as an object. Kissing is intimate.’ He detaches my snaked legs from his body and leisurely turns over so he’s spread front forward on my torso and looking up at me. My hand reaching out and brushing his stray curl off his forehead is natural. ‘Tasting someone is intimate.’ He slides up my body and plunges his tongue into my mouth, moaning and biting gently at my lips. ‘Once I’d tasted you, I knew I was getting into something I shouldn’t. But you taste so f**king good.’ My legs rewrap around his tight waist and my desire rockets, the feel of him locked securely between my thighs making me wonder if I can ever bear releasing him. I think I understand him a little more now. Discounting our awful encounter in the hotel, he’s done nothing but worship me. He lets me touch and kiss him. He wants intimacy with me.
‘Who are “they”?’ I ask into his mouth. Tony’s confounding riddles are suddenly very clear. He knows. He knows who ‘they’ are.
‘I’ll die before I expose you to them.’ He bites my lip and lets it drag through his grip. ‘Which is why I need you to trust me while I figure this out.’ His eyes are pleading. ‘Can you do that for me?’
‘What’s to figure out?’ I don’t like the sound of this.
‘So much. Please, I beg you, don’t give up on me. I want to be with you. For ever. Just me and you. Us. It’s all I see now, Olivia. It’s all I want. But I know they’ll do anything to stop me from having you.’ Reaching up, he smooths down my cheek with a fingertip and runs his thumb across my bottom lip. He’s answerable to someone – someone unpleasant. ‘I owe them.’
‘What do you owe them?’ That’s stupid!
‘They took me off the streets, Livy. To them, I owe them my life. I make them a lot of money.’
I have no idea what to say, and I certainly can’t fathom how ‘they’, whoever they are, can keep him in this world for ever. A lifetime debt is plain unreasonable. They can’t expect that.
‘I haven’t had sex with anyone since I met you, Olivia. Tell me you believe that.’
‘I believe you.’ I don’t hesitate. I trust him.
‘I know these women. I can’t have people asking questions. I can’t let them find out about you.’
Realisation dawns as things begin to make sense, and panic settles deep. ‘What about that woman in Quaglino’s?’ I remember her face, the shock, the delight, and then the smugness. She said she wasn’t a gossip. I don’t believe her.
‘I have too much dirt on Crystal and she knows it. I have nothing to worry about there.’
I’m not even going to ask what dirt that is. I don’t want to know. ‘Tony and Cassie,’ I remind him. I don’t trust Cassie, not one little bit.
‘I don’t have to worry.’ He’s adamant, and I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Tied? Chained? He’ll die before he exposes me to these people? Cassie and Tony know these people and they know the consequences of our relationship.
But how many people have seen us together? We’ve been at the club, shopping, in the park. My eyes are darting everywhere. ‘Anyone could have seen us.’ I sound worried, which is just fine because I am.
‘I’ve taken damage control where necessary.’
‘Wait!’ I shoot my stare back to Miller. ‘That time you found me at the hospital.’
He recalls, and I know it because discomfort riddles his wet face, yet I don’t bother giving him the chance to either confirm or deny it.
‘We were being followed, weren’t we? You abandoned your car and took us down to the Tube because we were being followed.’ How many times have we been followed? How many times have I been followed? ‘Do they already know about me?’
Miller sighs. ‘There are signs. I was careless. I’ve exposed you. I thought . . .’ He takes a few moments and comes up with no thoughts.
Signs? I don’t need clarification. My innocent mind is spinning.
‘I’ve dealt with anyone who may have been an issue.’
‘How?’
‘Don’t ask, Olivia.’
My lips straighten, jilted. ‘That woman saw me in your apartment.’
‘I know.’
‘So what have you told her?’
He’s suddenly evading my eyes, so I yank his chin to me and purse my lips. ‘I told her you were paying.’
‘What?’ I gasp. ‘You told her I’m a client?’
‘I had nothing else, Olivia.’
I shake my head, not believing what he’s telling me. Do I look like I would pay for sex? I wince when images of a thousand pounds scattered on a dining table jump all over my tortured mind. ‘What happened after Sophia left last night? Why the change from coming back to bed to waking this morning?’ He totally imploded, with no warning or reason.
‘She said some things. Made me overthink.’ He looks ashamed, and he bloody well should be when I’ve been repeatedly chastised for doing exactly that. ‘She pointed out my obligations.’
Obligations? My f**king brain is in a whirlwind. ‘And what happened today?’ This I have to know. There seems like too many obvious cover-breakers to me, yet Miller seems confident of their silence.
He drops his eyes. ‘I frightened myself.’
‘How?’
‘If I was punishing with these women before, then now I could be dangerous. I could hurt them.’
I frown, wrestling his face up and seeing fear in his eyes, which only serves to escalate mine. ‘Why?’
He takes a long, controlled breath of air and lets it all breeze out with his words. ‘Because when I look at any one of them, I see a reason why I can’t have my sweet girl.’ He lets me absorb his words for a few moments. I know what he means. ‘I see interferers.’
I clamp my lips together, tears stinging the backs of my sore eyes.
‘I can’t risk taking them when all I’m seeing is that. They’ll end up dead. But more importantly, I can’t do it to us.’
A small sob escapes me and he pushes himself into my body, coating me everywhere, my arms locking around his wet back in a vice grip. ‘You need to hide me,’ I sob, hating the cold reality that Miller’s life signifies.
‘I don’t want to.’ His mouth pushes into my neck and sucks softly. ‘But they’re going to make this difficult and I have to protect you. I’ve tried to walk away from you, I know I should walk away, but I’m too fascinated by you.’
I smile through my sadness. ‘I’m too fascinated by you to let you.’
‘I’m going to fix this, Olivia. Don’t give up on me.’
I’m feeling strong and determined and I’m going to transfer some of that into Miller. ‘Never. I’m going to worship you now,’ I declare, turning my face into his. I don’t know what lies ahead and that scares me, but a life without Miller terrifies me. I have no choice but to trust him and trust he’s doing what he thinks is right. He knows these people. It’s not just the women I need to worry about. ‘Savoured, not rushed,’ I whisper.
I want to resent him requesting that, but compassion halts it in its tracks.
‘Being the Special One gives me clout.’ He sighs. ‘I choose my clients, arrange dates to suit me, and make my own rules. The no touching was a given. They don’t need to touch me to achieve their aim, and I was sick of being used as an object. Kissing is intimate.’ He detaches my snaked legs from his body and leisurely turns over so he’s spread front forward on my torso and looking up at me. My hand reaching out and brushing his stray curl off his forehead is natural. ‘Tasting someone is intimate.’ He slides up my body and plunges his tongue into my mouth, moaning and biting gently at my lips. ‘Once I’d tasted you, I knew I was getting into something I shouldn’t. But you taste so f**king good.’ My legs rewrap around his tight waist and my desire rockets, the feel of him locked securely between my thighs making me wonder if I can ever bear releasing him. I think I understand him a little more now. Discounting our awful encounter in the hotel, he’s done nothing but worship me. He lets me touch and kiss him. He wants intimacy with me.
‘Who are “they”?’ I ask into his mouth. Tony’s confounding riddles are suddenly very clear. He knows. He knows who ‘they’ are.
‘I’ll die before I expose you to them.’ He bites my lip and lets it drag through his grip. ‘Which is why I need you to trust me while I figure this out.’ His eyes are pleading. ‘Can you do that for me?’
‘What’s to figure out?’ I don’t like the sound of this.
‘So much. Please, I beg you, don’t give up on me. I want to be with you. For ever. Just me and you. Us. It’s all I see now, Olivia. It’s all I want. But I know they’ll do anything to stop me from having you.’ Reaching up, he smooths down my cheek with a fingertip and runs his thumb across my bottom lip. He’s answerable to someone – someone unpleasant. ‘I owe them.’
‘What do you owe them?’ That’s stupid!
‘They took me off the streets, Livy. To them, I owe them my life. I make them a lot of money.’
I have no idea what to say, and I certainly can’t fathom how ‘they’, whoever they are, can keep him in this world for ever. A lifetime debt is plain unreasonable. They can’t expect that.
‘I haven’t had sex with anyone since I met you, Olivia. Tell me you believe that.’
‘I believe you.’ I don’t hesitate. I trust him.
‘I know these women. I can’t have people asking questions. I can’t let them find out about you.’
Realisation dawns as things begin to make sense, and panic settles deep. ‘What about that woman in Quaglino’s?’ I remember her face, the shock, the delight, and then the smugness. She said she wasn’t a gossip. I don’t believe her.
‘I have too much dirt on Crystal and she knows it. I have nothing to worry about there.’
I’m not even going to ask what dirt that is. I don’t want to know. ‘Tony and Cassie,’ I remind him. I don’t trust Cassie, not one little bit.
‘I don’t have to worry.’ He’s adamant, and I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Tied? Chained? He’ll die before he exposes me to these people? Cassie and Tony know these people and they know the consequences of our relationship.
But how many people have seen us together? We’ve been at the club, shopping, in the park. My eyes are darting everywhere. ‘Anyone could have seen us.’ I sound worried, which is just fine because I am.
‘I’ve taken damage control where necessary.’
‘Wait!’ I shoot my stare back to Miller. ‘That time you found me at the hospital.’
He recalls, and I know it because discomfort riddles his wet face, yet I don’t bother giving him the chance to either confirm or deny it.
‘We were being followed, weren’t we? You abandoned your car and took us down to the Tube because we were being followed.’ How many times have we been followed? How many times have I been followed? ‘Do they already know about me?’
Miller sighs. ‘There are signs. I was careless. I’ve exposed you. I thought . . .’ He takes a few moments and comes up with no thoughts.
Signs? I don’t need clarification. My innocent mind is spinning.
‘I’ve dealt with anyone who may have been an issue.’
‘How?’
‘Don’t ask, Olivia.’
My lips straighten, jilted. ‘That woman saw me in your apartment.’
‘I know.’
‘So what have you told her?’
He’s suddenly evading my eyes, so I yank his chin to me and purse my lips. ‘I told her you were paying.’
‘What?’ I gasp. ‘You told her I’m a client?’
‘I had nothing else, Olivia.’
I shake my head, not believing what he’s telling me. Do I look like I would pay for sex? I wince when images of a thousand pounds scattered on a dining table jump all over my tortured mind. ‘What happened after Sophia left last night? Why the change from coming back to bed to waking this morning?’ He totally imploded, with no warning or reason.
‘She said some things. Made me overthink.’ He looks ashamed, and he bloody well should be when I’ve been repeatedly chastised for doing exactly that. ‘She pointed out my obligations.’
Obligations? My f**king brain is in a whirlwind. ‘And what happened today?’ This I have to know. There seems like too many obvious cover-breakers to me, yet Miller seems confident of their silence.
He drops his eyes. ‘I frightened myself.’
‘How?’
‘If I was punishing with these women before, then now I could be dangerous. I could hurt them.’
I frown, wrestling his face up and seeing fear in his eyes, which only serves to escalate mine. ‘Why?’
He takes a long, controlled breath of air and lets it all breeze out with his words. ‘Because when I look at any one of them, I see a reason why I can’t have my sweet girl.’ He lets me absorb his words for a few moments. I know what he means. ‘I see interferers.’
I clamp my lips together, tears stinging the backs of my sore eyes.
‘I can’t risk taking them when all I’m seeing is that. They’ll end up dead. But more importantly, I can’t do it to us.’
A small sob escapes me and he pushes himself into my body, coating me everywhere, my arms locking around his wet back in a vice grip. ‘You need to hide me,’ I sob, hating the cold reality that Miller’s life signifies.
‘I don’t want to.’ His mouth pushes into my neck and sucks softly. ‘But they’re going to make this difficult and I have to protect you. I’ve tried to walk away from you, I know I should walk away, but I’m too fascinated by you.’
I smile through my sadness. ‘I’m too fascinated by you to let you.’
‘I’m going to fix this, Olivia. Don’t give up on me.’
I’m feeling strong and determined and I’m going to transfer some of that into Miller. ‘Never. I’m going to worship you now,’ I declare, turning my face into his. I don’t know what lies ahead and that scares me, but a life without Miller terrifies me. I have no choice but to trust him and trust he’s doing what he thinks is right. He knows these people. It’s not just the women I need to worry about. ‘Savoured, not rushed,’ I whisper.
