Denied
Page 97
The door shuts and a few moments later, the other rear door opens and Sophia sinks into the leather. I must be stark-raving mad. I don’t like this woman, and I know for sure I’m not going to like what she says. But there’s an obscenely unreasonable desire for knowledge rippling through me. If she knows something that can help, I have to find out what it is. More knowledge. Knowledge that’ll likely break my fallen heart, or possibly just break me.
The car pulls away from the kerb, just as Gregory starts hammering on the window next to me. I hate myself for it, but I ignore him.
‘Boyfriend?’ Sophia asks, smoothing down her coat.
I’m about to snap a retort, something along the lines of Miller being my boyfriend, but something stops me. Instinct? ‘He’s my best friend. He’s also g*y.’
‘Ah!’ she laughs. ‘How very idyllic. The g*y best friend.’
‘Where are we going?’ I ask to change the subject. I don’t want her to know anything more about my life.
‘Just a pleasant drive.’
I scoff. Nothing about being with Sophia is pleasant. ‘You said you had information. What is it?’ Let’s cut to the chase. I don’t want to be in this car and now I’m determined to remove myself from it fast. Just as soon as this woman divulges exactly why I’m in it.
‘First and foremost, I’d like you to walk away from Miller Hart.’
It’s a request, but delivered in such a way that there could be no mistaking the threat. My heart, my soul, my hope, it all sinks. But Miller’s words – everything about damage control and diversion is suddenly all I can hear. No one can know about us, and although it kills me, I know what I must do. ‘There’s nothing to walk away from. I saw him a few times.’ I feel like I could shut down, give in, and she’s only just getting into her swing. She has lots more to say; I can feel it.
‘He’s not available.’
I frown, focusing on blue eyes that scream victory. This is a woman who always gets her way. ‘That’s of no interest to me.’
‘Oh.’ She smiles. It makes my skin crawl. ‘You’re rather close by to his apartment.’
I nearly falter, but just catch my composure before it rumbles me. ‘My friend lives nearby.’
‘Hmmm.’ She opens up a structured Mulberry handbag and reaches in, pulling out an engraved silver cigarette case. Her condescending hum riles me. I can feel irritation overriding the uneasiness, and I conclude that to be a good thing. Sass, damn it, don’t fail me now! Her long fingers select a cigarette from the neat row held tidily under a silver brace, and she taps it on the lid before slipping it between pouting lips. ‘Miller Hart hasn’t got time to be wasting on a curious little girl.’
My neck retracts on my shoulders as she lights up. ‘Excuse me?’
Taking a long pull on her cigarette, she regards me thoughtfully and blows out a stream of smoke in my direction. I ignore the cloud of putrid air that engulfs me, keeping my eyes on her. I’m not backing down. My sass appears from nowhere and stands strong by my side.
‘Most women have fun with Miller Hart, sweet girl.’ She emphasises Miller’s term of endearment for me. ‘And some, like you, stupidly think they’ll get more. You won’t. In fact, I believe he called you “just a little girl who’s too curious for her own good. I’ve taken her money, had fun with her, nothing more.”’
Her claim makes my stomach turn, adding to all of the other unwanted reactions she’s spiking with her cruel words. ‘I knew what to expect from Miller. I’m not stupid. It was fun while it lasted.’
‘Hmmm,’ she hums, regarding me closely, nearly making me look away. But I don’t. I stand firm. ‘No one knows him like I do. I know him well,’ she claims.
I want to slap her. ‘How well?’ I don’t know where that question came from. I don’t want to know.
‘I know his rules. I know his habits. I know his demons. I know everything.’
‘You think he’s yours?’
‘I know he’s mine.’
‘You’re in love with him.’
Her hesitation tells me all I need to know, but I know she’ll confirm it. ‘I love Miller Hart deeply.’
The pressure around my neck increases, yet I manage to register the fact that she hasn’t claimed that Miller loves her. That knowledge strengthens my resolve. I’m not just some fling, some ‘curious girl’. Maybe in the beginning, but our equal fascination changed that very quickly. He can’t stand Sophia. He scrubbed, and I was there to care for him when he was in such a state. I have no fear that he loves this woman. She’s a client. She wants to be more, obviously, but to Miller she’s just another interferer who he’ll likely hurt should he see her again. She wants what she can’t have. To Sophia, Miller Hart is unobtainable, just as he is to every other woman. Except me. I already have him.
As the car pulls up to the kerb, she turns in her seat, facing me full-on, lifting her chin to exhale some smoke towards the roof of the car, this time sparing me the disgusting cloud. She shows a small amount of thoughtfulness through her layers of expensive make-up as she runs disapproving eyes up and down my body.
‘We’re done.’ She smiles as she signals to the door, a silent order to get out, which I do, eager to escape the chilly presence of this awful woman. I slam the door shut and turn as the window slides down. She’s sitting back in her seat, all casual and pretentious. ‘Nice talking.’
‘No, it wasn’t.’
‘I’m glad we’ve established where we stand. Miller can’t be getting caught up with silly little girls. It’ll be his demise.’ The window slides shut and the car pulls swiftly away, leaving me a trembling bunch of nerves on the roadside. I’m struggling to breathe past my fear, and however hard I try to calm myself, tell myself that she’s just trying to put the fear of God in me, I can’t help the tiniest fragment of worry from settling deep. No, it’s not a tiny fragment. It’s a meteor. Huge and damaging. And I’m scared it’s going to destroy us. Demise?
Reaching up to my neck through my fuzz of uncertainties, I begin a soothing rub over my flesh, but pause the moment it registers that there’s a reason I’m performing this action. I lift my hand and the hairs jump back up, making me swing around in search of my shadow. There are pedestrians everywhere, most moving fast, but no one looking particularly suspicious. My fear snakes up my spine, straightening my back. I’m being watched. I know I’m being watched. I’m frantic as I swing one way, my hair whipping my face, then the other in the hopes of something catching my eye – anything that will stop me from believing that I’m going stark-raving crazy.
There’s nothing.
But I know there’s something.
Sophia. But she’s gone. Or is this just the lingering after-effects of her recent presence? It’s possible; the woman has an unwanted lasting air about her.
I spin, my eyes darting as I try to gauge my surroundings and soon realise that I’ve been dumped a good mile away from Miller’s. Panic runs riot through my veins as I turn, running at full speed towards his apartment block. I don’t look back. I sprint through the streets, dodging people, crossing roads without looking until I see his building in the distance. It doesn’t give me any sense of relief.
The car pulls away from the kerb, just as Gregory starts hammering on the window next to me. I hate myself for it, but I ignore him.
‘Boyfriend?’ Sophia asks, smoothing down her coat.
I’m about to snap a retort, something along the lines of Miller being my boyfriend, but something stops me. Instinct? ‘He’s my best friend. He’s also g*y.’
‘Ah!’ she laughs. ‘How very idyllic. The g*y best friend.’
‘Where are we going?’ I ask to change the subject. I don’t want her to know anything more about my life.
‘Just a pleasant drive.’
I scoff. Nothing about being with Sophia is pleasant. ‘You said you had information. What is it?’ Let’s cut to the chase. I don’t want to be in this car and now I’m determined to remove myself from it fast. Just as soon as this woman divulges exactly why I’m in it.
‘First and foremost, I’d like you to walk away from Miller Hart.’
It’s a request, but delivered in such a way that there could be no mistaking the threat. My heart, my soul, my hope, it all sinks. But Miller’s words – everything about damage control and diversion is suddenly all I can hear. No one can know about us, and although it kills me, I know what I must do. ‘There’s nothing to walk away from. I saw him a few times.’ I feel like I could shut down, give in, and she’s only just getting into her swing. She has lots more to say; I can feel it.
‘He’s not available.’
I frown, focusing on blue eyes that scream victory. This is a woman who always gets her way. ‘That’s of no interest to me.’
‘Oh.’ She smiles. It makes my skin crawl. ‘You’re rather close by to his apartment.’
I nearly falter, but just catch my composure before it rumbles me. ‘My friend lives nearby.’
‘Hmmm.’ She opens up a structured Mulberry handbag and reaches in, pulling out an engraved silver cigarette case. Her condescending hum riles me. I can feel irritation overriding the uneasiness, and I conclude that to be a good thing. Sass, damn it, don’t fail me now! Her long fingers select a cigarette from the neat row held tidily under a silver brace, and she taps it on the lid before slipping it between pouting lips. ‘Miller Hart hasn’t got time to be wasting on a curious little girl.’
My neck retracts on my shoulders as she lights up. ‘Excuse me?’
Taking a long pull on her cigarette, she regards me thoughtfully and blows out a stream of smoke in my direction. I ignore the cloud of putrid air that engulfs me, keeping my eyes on her. I’m not backing down. My sass appears from nowhere and stands strong by my side.
‘Most women have fun with Miller Hart, sweet girl.’ She emphasises Miller’s term of endearment for me. ‘And some, like you, stupidly think they’ll get more. You won’t. In fact, I believe he called you “just a little girl who’s too curious for her own good. I’ve taken her money, had fun with her, nothing more.”’
Her claim makes my stomach turn, adding to all of the other unwanted reactions she’s spiking with her cruel words. ‘I knew what to expect from Miller. I’m not stupid. It was fun while it lasted.’
‘Hmmm,’ she hums, regarding me closely, nearly making me look away. But I don’t. I stand firm. ‘No one knows him like I do. I know him well,’ she claims.
I want to slap her. ‘How well?’ I don’t know where that question came from. I don’t want to know.
‘I know his rules. I know his habits. I know his demons. I know everything.’
‘You think he’s yours?’
‘I know he’s mine.’
‘You’re in love with him.’
Her hesitation tells me all I need to know, but I know she’ll confirm it. ‘I love Miller Hart deeply.’
The pressure around my neck increases, yet I manage to register the fact that she hasn’t claimed that Miller loves her. That knowledge strengthens my resolve. I’m not just some fling, some ‘curious girl’. Maybe in the beginning, but our equal fascination changed that very quickly. He can’t stand Sophia. He scrubbed, and I was there to care for him when he was in such a state. I have no fear that he loves this woman. She’s a client. She wants to be more, obviously, but to Miller she’s just another interferer who he’ll likely hurt should he see her again. She wants what she can’t have. To Sophia, Miller Hart is unobtainable, just as he is to every other woman. Except me. I already have him.
As the car pulls up to the kerb, she turns in her seat, facing me full-on, lifting her chin to exhale some smoke towards the roof of the car, this time sparing me the disgusting cloud. She shows a small amount of thoughtfulness through her layers of expensive make-up as she runs disapproving eyes up and down my body.
‘We’re done.’ She smiles as she signals to the door, a silent order to get out, which I do, eager to escape the chilly presence of this awful woman. I slam the door shut and turn as the window slides down. She’s sitting back in her seat, all casual and pretentious. ‘Nice talking.’
‘No, it wasn’t.’
‘I’m glad we’ve established where we stand. Miller can’t be getting caught up with silly little girls. It’ll be his demise.’ The window slides shut and the car pulls swiftly away, leaving me a trembling bunch of nerves on the roadside. I’m struggling to breathe past my fear, and however hard I try to calm myself, tell myself that she’s just trying to put the fear of God in me, I can’t help the tiniest fragment of worry from settling deep. No, it’s not a tiny fragment. It’s a meteor. Huge and damaging. And I’m scared it’s going to destroy us. Demise?
Reaching up to my neck through my fuzz of uncertainties, I begin a soothing rub over my flesh, but pause the moment it registers that there’s a reason I’m performing this action. I lift my hand and the hairs jump back up, making me swing around in search of my shadow. There are pedestrians everywhere, most moving fast, but no one looking particularly suspicious. My fear snakes up my spine, straightening my back. I’m being watched. I know I’m being watched. I’m frantic as I swing one way, my hair whipping my face, then the other in the hopes of something catching my eye – anything that will stop me from believing that I’m going stark-raving crazy.
There’s nothing.
But I know there’s something.
Sophia. But she’s gone. Or is this just the lingering after-effects of her recent presence? It’s possible; the woman has an unwanted lasting air about her.
I spin, my eyes darting as I try to gauge my surroundings and soon realise that I’ve been dumped a good mile away from Miller’s. Panic runs riot through my veins as I turn, running at full speed towards his apartment block. I don’t look back. I sprint through the streets, dodging people, crossing roads without looking until I see his building in the distance. It doesn’t give me any sense of relief.
