Destroyed
Page 31
Clue shot a look at her backup support. Ben was the one who swallowed and said, “She collapsed at school.” His voice was soft and smooth, keeping me calm even as my body felt as if it exploded with shrapnel. “She suffered a seizure for three minutes. The school called an ambulance who took her to the ER.”
My brain swam. My worst nightmares were coming true. Too soon. It’s too soon!
Her coughing fit the other night and now this? Her symptoms had increased rapidly.
I’d have to ask Fox for the money now. I’d have to come up with a story that warranted him parting with another one hundred thousand dollars.
Clue stroked my shoulders, her warmth and support doing wonders for my scattered thoughts. “She’s alright. The doctors don’t know what caused it—”
I snarled. “Of course they know what caused it. Fucking idiots for not catching it sooner.” I clutched my chest as a huge ball of agony lodged in my heart. “They didn’t catch it, Clue. Because of their mistake, they sentenced my daughter to death.”
I’d always held such tight rein on my grief, but in that second I wanted to explode. I wanted to tear through the globe like an angry typhoon and wreck as much destruction as possible.
I wanted to destroy the doctors who ruined my life and my baby’s.
I didn’t want to put up with anything anymore. Fox had hurt me. Life had slapped me in the face. My past had almost ruined me. I just wanted out.
I’m not strong enough!
A massive sob bubbled in my chest and I bent over, sucking in gulping breaths.
If you start crying now, you’ll never stop.
“It’s okay, Zelly. It’s going to be okay.” Clue stroked my back, murmuring, “It’s a bitch of a situation, but she’s alright. Honestly to look at her you’d think she faked it just to get out of school. You don’t have to worry.”
I threw my hands up. “I don’t have to worry?” Tears shot up my spine in a tingling wake. “How can you say that? Every night I lie in bed, counting her breaths, making sure she’s still with me. One day, there will be no more breaths, Clue! Then what? What the hell do I do with my life?”
The regret and hatred for myself crashed like a tidal wave. Where had I been while Clue picked up my daughter from the ER? Instead of soothing my child, I was being f**ked by a man who I had no hope of saving.
Your priorities are all screwed up.
I hate myself.
I’ll never forgive myself.
Everything that happened with Fox seemed trivial. So what if he hurt me? So what if I had some saviour complex? So what if it was my fault he’d snapped?
I’d pushed him too far, and I could only blame myself for the consequences. He hadn’t meant to hurt me—beneath the scariness, he was just a man looking for a way out—same as me.
His issues were vampiric, sucking my soul and energy dry until I was empty and shrivelled and on the very ledge of my wit’s end.
I had nothing left to give, but I had to keep going. I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting or indulging in tears.
Clara was the one who needed me.
She was all that mattered.
A whimper escaped, and Corkscrew gathered me into his large midnight arms. His body heat helped burn some of my unhelpful thoughts, granting me a moment of lucidity.
He and Clue barely knew each other, but he’d become a huge part of both our lives. Every night I’d return home, and he would be there. A fabulous cook, considerate houseguest, and completely besotted with Clue.
His deep voice vibrated in his chest. “It’s okay. We’re here for you if and when that happens. For now…Clue. Tell her.”
I went from slouched to stressed again in a second. “Tell me what?”
Clue took a step back. “After the ER, we headed home, but Clara threw a huge tantrum and made us come to you. She refuses to go home without you. I’d never seen her so upset or stubborn. She was a little spitfire.”
My ears rang, clanging with loud, terrifying bells. Please don’t say it—
Ben cleared his throat. “I know it’s not the best idea to bring a kid to an illegal fight club, but…well, she’s here.”
“What?” I screeched, attracting the attention of two burly men warming up in the boxing ring.
They brought my dying daughter to a monster’s house!
“She’s in the car waiting for you. Corkscrew came with me to get into the club. I figured we could all go home together.” Clue stroked my arm, trying to calm me. “It’s okay, Zelly. We’ll have a quiet night—just the three of us—like old times.”
I didn’t listen to a word she said. “You left my daughter in the car in front of an illegal club. How stupid can you be?”
My body was consumed with the thought of Clara being so close to the devil inside Fox. Two parts of my life I wanted to keep separate. Two parts that should never ever mix.
“It was the only way. We couldn’t exactly bring her in here,” Clue said.
No amount of hands could restrain me. I charged.
Slamming open the large, metal doors, I winged my way down the corridor toward the exit.
Please don’t let him be anywhere near her. I balled my hands, praying Fox was still in his bathroom, doing God knows what to bring himself back under control.
I couldn’t stomach the thought of him being around such a precious, breakable thing.
If he so much as looks at her.
Rage, hot and brewing, geysered in my blood. Every single motherly instinct vibrated on overdrive.
The second life changing thing happened when I threw open the front door.
My heart bucked as I charged from inside to out and skidded to a halt.
Oh, my God.
No. Please let it be a hallucination.
It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.
Clue swerved to a stop beside me just before Ben hurtled to a standstill next to her. “What the hell?” Clue muttered. “Care to tell me what the—”
I swallowed a scream, and I charged like a hundred cavalry. My arms were muskets. My legs were cannons. My voice was trumpets warning the enemy they were about to die. “Get away from her!”
Fox looked up, white eyes wide as I skidded to a stop. He didn’t move an inch as I bared my teeth like a feral cat and yanked Clara away from him.
Their hands snapped loose and Clara tripped, stumbling against my body. “Ow!”
I’d never felt so sick, so violent, so absolutely ready to draw blood. Panting, I shoved her behind my legs, barricading her tiny frame with mine. I faced the man I thought I could care for, the man I secretly wished I could love, and released all my animosity and capsized emotions.
“Don’t you dare touch her! What were you thinking? Just because you weren’t able to hurt me you thought you’d hurt my daughter? Shame on you!”
Fox flinched as if I’d slapped him, bowing his head.
Clara squirmed, breaking my hold to position herself in front of me. My eyes flew between her and Fox, counting the feet between them—assessing the risk if he were to tackle her to the ground.
Her bright, expressive eyes met mine. Fear and confusion painted her cheeks. “What are you doing, mummy? He wasn’t hurting me! We’re friends. We shook hands as that’s what new friends do. Remember? You taught me.” Her little foot stomped in the gravel. “He didn’t do anything wrong. Leave him alone!”
Her temper was alive and well. In a moment, I assessed her skin colour, her ease of breathing—searching for any sign she was closer to death than she was to life. But she practically glowed, looking rosy cheeked and fierce.
She’d never been a normal child. So bold and into everything; endless questions and no fear when it came to talking to everyone.
I looked over her head at Fox. He hadn’t moved. No matter how many times I blinked, I couldn’t remove the image of Clara’s tiny hand swallowed up by Fox’s large one. The same hand that’d strangled me and held me firm while he f**ked me ruthlessly. The same hand that’d been scarred countless times doing things even he couldn’t live with.
Ignoring Clara, I hissed, “Fox. You heard me. Don’t you go near her again. This wasn’t part of the deal.”
His eyes came up slowly as if the weight of his crimes crushed his shoulders with a heavy yoke. “I’m sorry.” He blinked, shaking his head. Comprehension and aliveness filtered into his silver gaze. “I couldn’t help it. I—” His eyes flew to Clara. Immediately they swelled with adoration and awe. My heart stopped with how—consumed he looked—how completely different. He’d been transformed from angry warrior to soft giant who hung on every word of a child. “She—she’s perfect, Zel.”
Slowly, he creaked upright, running hands through his hair. He shook himself as if he was a bear coming out of hibernation. “You’ll never understand how much I hate myself for what happened between us today. No amount of apologies will ever redeem my actions, but please believe me when I say I would never hurt your child.” His mouth twisted and he punched himself in the chest. “I give you my oath.”
Clara tugged out of my grip, darting to Fox’s side. My heart ceased to beat as she wrapped her tiny digits through his monstrous ones. Fox shuddered, locking into place.
“Can’t you hear? He’s sad. You’ve told him off, now forgive him. That’s how punishment works, isn’t it? When I do something bad, you yell and then you hug me.” She came forward, unsuccessfully trying to drag Fox toward me. “Hug him and make him feel better.”
Both Fox and I jerked back, leaving Clara stranded between us. Our voices blended in a loud combined, “No.”
We stood staring while Clara planted her feet firmly in the pebbles. “He’s mine. I introduced myself, and we’re friends now. I like him, and you’re silly to think he’ll hurt me. He wouldn’t do that, mummy. He’s not a bad stranger, so stop being mean.”
A noise of half laughter, half panic exploded from my mouth. How had I raised such an eloquent tyrant? So stubborn and old beyond her years.
Clue arrived, jogging to a careful stop beside me. Her body was poised for a fight, eyes flying between Fox and me. “Everything okay here?”
Corkscrew appeared behind her, his ebony skin absorbing the sunlight like black marble. “Mr. Obsidian. Everything alright?”
Fox looked toward him, clearing his throat. “Yes. Fine. Everything’s fine.” His voice held no sign of what happened, or any of the pain I’d heard when he swore he wouldn’t hurt Clara.
His eyes dropped back to Clara, filling once again with amazement—bordering on obsession. My heart skipped a beat. Almost unconsciously I moved forward and wrapped an arm around Clara’s shoulders, bringing her tight against me.
She squirmed, pushing away. Her strength made me rock on my feet, and my attention shot to her. Her cheeks were pink, lips red, and eyes full of fire. The only sign of her episode was paler than normal skin.
She looked ready to go to war for a scarred stranger she’d just met.
She’s just like me.
The thought both thrilled and terrified. I’d been so stubborn when I was young. I wanted to wave a magic wand and make everyone happy—save kittens, rescue homeless children, cuddle puppies, and grant world peace. I’d been so stupid to think I had the power to change anyone’s life. And Clara wouldn’t live long enough to learn that lesson.
Needing to touch her and remind myself she was safe and unharmed, I ducked down. Smoothing her favourite purple jumper, I asked, “Are you okay? Auntie Clue told me what happened at school.”
She looked toward Fox, giving him a small smile. He seemed in a trance, neither returning it, nor even acknowledging anyone around him.
He was completely and utterly besotted.
I hated the intensity. The single-minded connection he had with my daughter. It freaked me out, but also filled me with a small thrum of hope. For the first time, I saw yearning in his gaze.
Yearning to be better. Longing for something I didn’t know.
“I’m fine.” She scowled, her bright eyes meeting mine before flying back to Fox. “I just felt tired from coughing, that’s all. I had a nap, and the stupid school called the hospital.”
“Clara. You know you’re not allowed to use the word stupid.” I tapped her on the tip of her nose. “Use silly or don’t use it at all.”
She sighed, eyes flashing. “Don’t embarrass me, mummy. I’m not five anymore.”
My heart flopped out of my chest remembering her as a tyrannical five-year-old with more energy than a megawatt battery and flossy brown hair.
Clue came forward, putting her hand on my shoulder. I stood upright, not letting go of Clara.
Fox hadn’t moved a muscle. His eyes were full of memories I could never understand, his jaw slack, body slouched as if Clara had stolen the life out of him.
Despite what had happened between us, I hated the desolation in his gaze—the lostness, the sadness.
Tucking Clara behind me once again, I moved forward and waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Fox.”
It took a second, but he blinked and refocused, dragging himself out of somewhere dark. His shoulders straightened. “Sorry. Thinking of someone else.”
Someone? Who?
Clenching his hands, he kept his eyes on mine, not looking down at Clara. “Look, I have to go. Work. I forgot—urgent business.”
My stomach fluttered at his obvious distress. He didn’t need to work. The accounts were in order, all supplies filed and delivered. Opening time wasn’t for another six hours.
He was running.
Two conflicting emotions filled me. I wanted him to run. I wanted him as far away from Clara as possible. But my heart wept at the thought of him alone. Running from a little girl who already adored him. Sprinting from a woman who’d used her short fuse of anger and now just felt endlessly sad.
My brain swam. My worst nightmares were coming true. Too soon. It’s too soon!
Her coughing fit the other night and now this? Her symptoms had increased rapidly.
I’d have to ask Fox for the money now. I’d have to come up with a story that warranted him parting with another one hundred thousand dollars.
Clue stroked my shoulders, her warmth and support doing wonders for my scattered thoughts. “She’s alright. The doctors don’t know what caused it—”
I snarled. “Of course they know what caused it. Fucking idiots for not catching it sooner.” I clutched my chest as a huge ball of agony lodged in my heart. “They didn’t catch it, Clue. Because of their mistake, they sentenced my daughter to death.”
I’d always held such tight rein on my grief, but in that second I wanted to explode. I wanted to tear through the globe like an angry typhoon and wreck as much destruction as possible.
I wanted to destroy the doctors who ruined my life and my baby’s.
I didn’t want to put up with anything anymore. Fox had hurt me. Life had slapped me in the face. My past had almost ruined me. I just wanted out.
I’m not strong enough!
A massive sob bubbled in my chest and I bent over, sucking in gulping breaths.
If you start crying now, you’ll never stop.
“It’s okay, Zelly. It’s going to be okay.” Clue stroked my back, murmuring, “It’s a bitch of a situation, but she’s alright. Honestly to look at her you’d think she faked it just to get out of school. You don’t have to worry.”
I threw my hands up. “I don’t have to worry?” Tears shot up my spine in a tingling wake. “How can you say that? Every night I lie in bed, counting her breaths, making sure she’s still with me. One day, there will be no more breaths, Clue! Then what? What the hell do I do with my life?”
The regret and hatred for myself crashed like a tidal wave. Where had I been while Clue picked up my daughter from the ER? Instead of soothing my child, I was being f**ked by a man who I had no hope of saving.
Your priorities are all screwed up.
I hate myself.
I’ll never forgive myself.
Everything that happened with Fox seemed trivial. So what if he hurt me? So what if I had some saviour complex? So what if it was my fault he’d snapped?
I’d pushed him too far, and I could only blame myself for the consequences. He hadn’t meant to hurt me—beneath the scariness, he was just a man looking for a way out—same as me.
His issues were vampiric, sucking my soul and energy dry until I was empty and shrivelled and on the very ledge of my wit’s end.
I had nothing left to give, but I had to keep going. I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting or indulging in tears.
Clara was the one who needed me.
She was all that mattered.
A whimper escaped, and Corkscrew gathered me into his large midnight arms. His body heat helped burn some of my unhelpful thoughts, granting me a moment of lucidity.
He and Clue barely knew each other, but he’d become a huge part of both our lives. Every night I’d return home, and he would be there. A fabulous cook, considerate houseguest, and completely besotted with Clue.
His deep voice vibrated in his chest. “It’s okay. We’re here for you if and when that happens. For now…Clue. Tell her.”
I went from slouched to stressed again in a second. “Tell me what?”
Clue took a step back. “After the ER, we headed home, but Clara threw a huge tantrum and made us come to you. She refuses to go home without you. I’d never seen her so upset or stubborn. She was a little spitfire.”
My ears rang, clanging with loud, terrifying bells. Please don’t say it—
Ben cleared his throat. “I know it’s not the best idea to bring a kid to an illegal fight club, but…well, she’s here.”
“What?” I screeched, attracting the attention of two burly men warming up in the boxing ring.
They brought my dying daughter to a monster’s house!
“She’s in the car waiting for you. Corkscrew came with me to get into the club. I figured we could all go home together.” Clue stroked my arm, trying to calm me. “It’s okay, Zelly. We’ll have a quiet night—just the three of us—like old times.”
I didn’t listen to a word she said. “You left my daughter in the car in front of an illegal club. How stupid can you be?”
My body was consumed with the thought of Clara being so close to the devil inside Fox. Two parts of my life I wanted to keep separate. Two parts that should never ever mix.
“It was the only way. We couldn’t exactly bring her in here,” Clue said.
No amount of hands could restrain me. I charged.
Slamming open the large, metal doors, I winged my way down the corridor toward the exit.
Please don’t let him be anywhere near her. I balled my hands, praying Fox was still in his bathroom, doing God knows what to bring himself back under control.
I couldn’t stomach the thought of him being around such a precious, breakable thing.
If he so much as looks at her.
Rage, hot and brewing, geysered in my blood. Every single motherly instinct vibrated on overdrive.
The second life changing thing happened when I threw open the front door.
My heart bucked as I charged from inside to out and skidded to a halt.
Oh, my God.
No. Please let it be a hallucination.
It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.
Clue swerved to a stop beside me just before Ben hurtled to a standstill next to her. “What the hell?” Clue muttered. “Care to tell me what the—”
I swallowed a scream, and I charged like a hundred cavalry. My arms were muskets. My legs were cannons. My voice was trumpets warning the enemy they were about to die. “Get away from her!”
Fox looked up, white eyes wide as I skidded to a stop. He didn’t move an inch as I bared my teeth like a feral cat and yanked Clara away from him.
Their hands snapped loose and Clara tripped, stumbling against my body. “Ow!”
I’d never felt so sick, so violent, so absolutely ready to draw blood. Panting, I shoved her behind my legs, barricading her tiny frame with mine. I faced the man I thought I could care for, the man I secretly wished I could love, and released all my animosity and capsized emotions.
“Don’t you dare touch her! What were you thinking? Just because you weren’t able to hurt me you thought you’d hurt my daughter? Shame on you!”
Fox flinched as if I’d slapped him, bowing his head.
Clara squirmed, breaking my hold to position herself in front of me. My eyes flew between her and Fox, counting the feet between them—assessing the risk if he were to tackle her to the ground.
Her bright, expressive eyes met mine. Fear and confusion painted her cheeks. “What are you doing, mummy? He wasn’t hurting me! We’re friends. We shook hands as that’s what new friends do. Remember? You taught me.” Her little foot stomped in the gravel. “He didn’t do anything wrong. Leave him alone!”
Her temper was alive and well. In a moment, I assessed her skin colour, her ease of breathing—searching for any sign she was closer to death than she was to life. But she practically glowed, looking rosy cheeked and fierce.
She’d never been a normal child. So bold and into everything; endless questions and no fear when it came to talking to everyone.
I looked over her head at Fox. He hadn’t moved. No matter how many times I blinked, I couldn’t remove the image of Clara’s tiny hand swallowed up by Fox’s large one. The same hand that’d strangled me and held me firm while he f**ked me ruthlessly. The same hand that’d been scarred countless times doing things even he couldn’t live with.
Ignoring Clara, I hissed, “Fox. You heard me. Don’t you go near her again. This wasn’t part of the deal.”
His eyes came up slowly as if the weight of his crimes crushed his shoulders with a heavy yoke. “I’m sorry.” He blinked, shaking his head. Comprehension and aliveness filtered into his silver gaze. “I couldn’t help it. I—” His eyes flew to Clara. Immediately they swelled with adoration and awe. My heart stopped with how—consumed he looked—how completely different. He’d been transformed from angry warrior to soft giant who hung on every word of a child. “She—she’s perfect, Zel.”
Slowly, he creaked upright, running hands through his hair. He shook himself as if he was a bear coming out of hibernation. “You’ll never understand how much I hate myself for what happened between us today. No amount of apologies will ever redeem my actions, but please believe me when I say I would never hurt your child.” His mouth twisted and he punched himself in the chest. “I give you my oath.”
Clara tugged out of my grip, darting to Fox’s side. My heart ceased to beat as she wrapped her tiny digits through his monstrous ones. Fox shuddered, locking into place.
“Can’t you hear? He’s sad. You’ve told him off, now forgive him. That’s how punishment works, isn’t it? When I do something bad, you yell and then you hug me.” She came forward, unsuccessfully trying to drag Fox toward me. “Hug him and make him feel better.”
Both Fox and I jerked back, leaving Clara stranded between us. Our voices blended in a loud combined, “No.”
We stood staring while Clara planted her feet firmly in the pebbles. “He’s mine. I introduced myself, and we’re friends now. I like him, and you’re silly to think he’ll hurt me. He wouldn’t do that, mummy. He’s not a bad stranger, so stop being mean.”
A noise of half laughter, half panic exploded from my mouth. How had I raised such an eloquent tyrant? So stubborn and old beyond her years.
Clue arrived, jogging to a careful stop beside me. Her body was poised for a fight, eyes flying between Fox and me. “Everything okay here?”
Corkscrew appeared behind her, his ebony skin absorbing the sunlight like black marble. “Mr. Obsidian. Everything alright?”
Fox looked toward him, clearing his throat. “Yes. Fine. Everything’s fine.” His voice held no sign of what happened, or any of the pain I’d heard when he swore he wouldn’t hurt Clara.
His eyes dropped back to Clara, filling once again with amazement—bordering on obsession. My heart skipped a beat. Almost unconsciously I moved forward and wrapped an arm around Clara’s shoulders, bringing her tight against me.
She squirmed, pushing away. Her strength made me rock on my feet, and my attention shot to her. Her cheeks were pink, lips red, and eyes full of fire. The only sign of her episode was paler than normal skin.
She looked ready to go to war for a scarred stranger she’d just met.
She’s just like me.
The thought both thrilled and terrified. I’d been so stubborn when I was young. I wanted to wave a magic wand and make everyone happy—save kittens, rescue homeless children, cuddle puppies, and grant world peace. I’d been so stupid to think I had the power to change anyone’s life. And Clara wouldn’t live long enough to learn that lesson.
Needing to touch her and remind myself she was safe and unharmed, I ducked down. Smoothing her favourite purple jumper, I asked, “Are you okay? Auntie Clue told me what happened at school.”
She looked toward Fox, giving him a small smile. He seemed in a trance, neither returning it, nor even acknowledging anyone around him.
He was completely and utterly besotted.
I hated the intensity. The single-minded connection he had with my daughter. It freaked me out, but also filled me with a small thrum of hope. For the first time, I saw yearning in his gaze.
Yearning to be better. Longing for something I didn’t know.
“I’m fine.” She scowled, her bright eyes meeting mine before flying back to Fox. “I just felt tired from coughing, that’s all. I had a nap, and the stupid school called the hospital.”
“Clara. You know you’re not allowed to use the word stupid.” I tapped her on the tip of her nose. “Use silly or don’t use it at all.”
She sighed, eyes flashing. “Don’t embarrass me, mummy. I’m not five anymore.”
My heart flopped out of my chest remembering her as a tyrannical five-year-old with more energy than a megawatt battery and flossy brown hair.
Clue came forward, putting her hand on my shoulder. I stood upright, not letting go of Clara.
Fox hadn’t moved a muscle. His eyes were full of memories I could never understand, his jaw slack, body slouched as if Clara had stolen the life out of him.
Despite what had happened between us, I hated the desolation in his gaze—the lostness, the sadness.
Tucking Clara behind me once again, I moved forward and waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Fox.”
It took a second, but he blinked and refocused, dragging himself out of somewhere dark. His shoulders straightened. “Sorry. Thinking of someone else.”
Someone? Who?
Clenching his hands, he kept his eyes on mine, not looking down at Clara. “Look, I have to go. Work. I forgot—urgent business.”
My stomach fluttered at his obvious distress. He didn’t need to work. The accounts were in order, all supplies filed and delivered. Opening time wasn’t for another six hours.
He was running.
Two conflicting emotions filled me. I wanted him to run. I wanted him as far away from Clara as possible. But my heart wept at the thought of him alone. Running from a little girl who already adored him. Sprinting from a woman who’d used her short fuse of anger and now just felt endlessly sad.
