Destroyed
Page 34
Zel’s nostrils flared, and we glared for a tense moment. She was the one to finally back down. Her eyes dropped. “I’m not comfortable with this, Fox. I know it was my fault you snapped today, but it wasn’t my fault before that, or when you stole me at knifepoint. Don’t think things are good between us, because they aren’t.”
Stalking away, she stole my chance at rebuttal.
I knew without a doubt if I let her walk out the door today, I’d never see her or Clara again.
That just isn’t an option.
I needed another bribe—another contract to keep Zel bound to me—to give myself time to fix what I ruined between us and most importantly fix myself.
Swallowing my temper, I said loudly, “You don’t have to pick, Clara. They’re all yours. And you don’t have to worry about storage either because you can keep them here. You and your mother are more than welcome to stay with me for as long as you want. In fact, I’d love you to move in tonight.”
Clara squealed and charged toward me.
Fear hot and fierce shot through my body as her little arms wrapped around my legs and squeezed. Holy f**k. Don’t lose it. Don’t. The world swam. Infernos blazed. Blood scraped my veins with tiny daggers.
“Kill her.”
“Bleed her.”
“Do it, Operative Fox.”
Zel grabbed Clara and tore her off me, backing away quickly. “Don’t touch him, Clara. Ever.”
Even though my entire body felt as if I’d been whipped and mutilated after the heavy crush of orders, I was lighter that I’d ever been. I was positively buoyant because I’d held on.
A child had hugged me, and I hadn’t broken. She was still alive, and I’d proven to myself I could find freedom.
It was the best f**king feeling in the world.
Clara tried to free herself from Zel’s grip. Her little face shone. “You mean it? I can sleep over? And you’ll make me a sheep?”
Before I could answer, she threw herself at Zel, almost tackling her to the ground. “Can we, mummy? Please. Please. With a cherry on top?”
Zel smiled, brushing some unruly flyaway strands from Clara’s forehead. “How about you let the adults talk? I think I spy a polar bear down the corridor. Just don’t go too far.”
“Oh really? I want to pet it.” Clara took off in a whirl of purple, sprinting out of hearing distance.
Zel slowly stood upright, and I fought the urge to take a step back. Her eyes blazed with green fire. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She was so f**king strong. So fierce in protecting her offspring. My heart swelled to ten times its normal size, suffocating in my chest. It’d only been a couple of weeks, but I would always be indebted to this woman for bringing me back to life. And because I owed her my life, I could never let her leave.
“I’m honouring our agreement.”
“What f**king agreement? I don’t remember signing away mine and my daughter’s life to come live in your freaky-ass home. You can’t say things like that in front of a child. Now she’ll be broken-hearted and disappointed and she’ll hate me when I take her home tonight.” She stormed forward. “Because that’s what will happen, Fox. We. Aren’t. Staying.”
I balled my hands. “I’m not asking you to marry me for f**k’s sake or even stay forever. If you never want me to come near you again, I won’t.
“All I want is the right to take care of you. Give me a purpose. Let me provide for you, and be there for you. That’s all I’m asking.”
Zel’s bottom lip wobbled, but her face darkened from angry to livid. “You think I can’t take care of her on my own? You think you’re strong enough to swoop in and fix everything?” She dragged hands through her hair, barely holding onto the tears shimmering in her eyes. “What part of ‘I don’t want you near her’ didn’t you understand?”
I advanced, forcing her to take a step back. “I understand perfectly. You’re a f**king hypocrite. One minute you’re here for me. Healing me. Giving me everything you have even when all I do is take, and the next you want to withhold everything from me and paint me as the devil. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you forgive me. You’re a f**king saint to even speak to me after the things I’ve done. But I warned you at the beginning that I sense things people try to hide.”
Grabbing her elbow, I held her tight. “Let me tell you what I’ve come to know. You’re drowning in sorrow. You look at that little girl as if she’s the most precious diamond in the world, and you’re terrified of losing her. And that cough? You reacted as if she could die instead of it being a simple affliction. I think there’s something big you aren’t telling me and I want to know.”
“Let go of me, you bastard. You think you’re so clever, but you don’t know anything. You don’t know what it’s like to be a single parent. To be solely a mother and no longer a person who can chase their hopes and dreams. You didn’t have your life turned upside down by an accident only to have that accident be the best f**king thing to ever happen to you.”
“Didn’t I? Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying? I’ve been a f**king prisoner since I was six years old. You’re the only person I’ve been close to in my entire life. Is it so wrong of me to ask for more? To request that you stay with me and give meaning to my f**king sorry excuse for a life?”
I shoved her away. My heart bolted around my chest, and I needed a fight. I needed to throw my fist into something flesh and bone and let out all this rage.
Fuck!
Zel stood glaring, panting hard. Her eyes flew up the corridor where Clara had disappeared. I didn’t worry she wasn’t visible. There was nothing but statues to entertain and no way out unless she came back this way.
“You’re impossible,” she muttered.
“No. You’re impossible. Shit, I’ll give you the remaining one hundred thousand now if it’ll help sway you. Hell, I’ll triple it if you stay. I’ll give you anything you want—just agree to stay for a few days at least.”
Zel shifted, eyes darting around the space, searching for answers. “A few days?”
I wanted to sigh in relief. I’d won. This match.
“That’s all I’m asking.” It wasn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.
Zel slumped, all the fight fizzled from her limbs. “What are you trying to do, Fox?”
I ignored the soft defeat in her voice and murmured, “I’m not trying to do anything. I just want the opportunity to share your daughter—if only for a brief while.”
A crush of vulnerability filled me, and I dropped my head. I was tired. So tired. “Please…I need her in my life. I need you.” Swallowing hard, I captured her hand and relaxed a little when the conditioning stayed blessedly absent. “Please, Hazel. I’ll give you anything you want. I’ll pay you any sum you desire. Just stay. Give me another chance.”
Her eyes bloomed with fresh anger. “You think I’m that shallow? That you can throw money at me and allow you to buy me and Clara?” She snorted. “We don’t come with a f**king price tag, you idiot. You could offer me a million, and I wouldn’t stay if I thought you’d hurt her.”
“I swear on my life I will not raise a finger to hurt her. You have my absolute word.”
She shook her head. “It’s not good enough. You can’t promise that.” Her eyes met mine, and I wanted to dig out my heart and slap it into her hands. Then she’d know how much I needed her and Clara and the tantalising hope she offered.
She ran hands through her long hair, her perfect br**sts rising and falling with rage. “What you did to me, Fox…that…that’s not natural. You shouldn’t have such strong triggers that make you a danger to anyone who comes into contact with you. What if you lash out again? What if I’m not around to stop you from strangling her or tearing her into chunks? You don’t trust yourself. I don’t trust you, and I sure as hell don’t trust you around the reason for my very existence. Plus we have a life, appointments to go to, school to attend. It’s not a simple matter of saying stay for a few days.”
Her anger fed mine, and I welcomed the warmth. I growled, “It’s obvious you don’t trust me in the slightest. You hid her from me. You’ve kept every part of your life a secret from me.” My temper helped soothe my raging need for pain just a little. “You know a lot more about me than I do about you. Everything about you is a mystery, and it f**king hurts to think I don’t deserve to hear a little about your past or who you truly are.”
Looking to where Clara had run to, I lowered my voice and took a step closer to Zel. “You said you signed the contract because you wanted me. Because you felt what I did—that you were drawn to me. And yet, I’ve embraced that bond and relished in finally deserving your attention, but no matter what I do, you look at me as if I’m a pet project. You exploded my mind by sucking my cock. You pushed me until I lost control. And then you condemn me when I don’t respond to your crazy form of therapy.
“I need time. I know I need help, but you don’t care about me…not the way I care about you.” I snapped my lips together, hating my slip—I’d shown my weakness.
Her mouth fell open. “You think I don’t care about you?” Her eyes flashed with emerald fire; pressing closer, she drove me backward. “You’re stupid as well as screwed up. Answer me this. Why the hell do I keep coming back? Why the hell can’t I hate you for hurting me, not once, not twice, but three times? Why can’t I just walk away and throw your damn money in your face?”
Her eyes glittered with pent-up tears. “I’ll tell you why, you moron. It’s because whatever you feel, I feel. It’s there—pulling us together. You make my heart race every time you look so broken. You make me feel stronger and deeper than I’ve ever felt for anyone. So don’t tell me I don’t care!”
Dashing hair out of her eyes, she snarled, “Whatever exists between us is determined to destroy me. How am I expected to ignore something so strong and undeniable? It drives me f**king insane, just like you and your issues drive me insane. All I wanted was a way to save—”
She cut herself off before whisper-yelling, “I want you so damn much my skin screams for your touch and my fingers ache to reciprocate, but I want to know you. I push you to break you, hoping you’ll find a way back to normality. But it doesn’t work, and you end up hurting me. After everything I’ve done, you have the nerve to tell me I don’t care about you?”
She panted hard, cheeks flushed with colour.
I’d never been so alive. So f**king turned on. Her passion, her confession squeezed my heart until I couldn’t stay still.
Every angry word stroked my cock, making me harder than I’d ever been in my life. My entire body screamed for hers. I needed to claim her. Mark her. Solidify whatever existed between us.
I didn’t care that Clara was down the hall absorbed in my bronze creations. I didn’t care that the stress of the day had stolen the edges of my vision or that my body felt like an overstretched rubber band.
I didn’t f**king care.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I launched myself at her, shoving her against the opposite wall. My heart exploded as my mouth crashed hard on hers.
It wasn’t sweet. It wasn’t planned. It was angry and violent, and everything that I needed.
My hands captured her cheeks, holding her firmly in place. My lips moved against hers, hungry and demanding.
She gasped in shock, then moaned in anger, trying to bite me as I pierced the seam of her lips and plunged a hungry tongue deep into her mouth.
I f**king kissed her like I wanted to so many times before. I kissed her with everything that I was and hoped to be.
Her body went taut, vibrating against mine. My brain sparked and overloaded with too much sensation, but for once I was able to keep it together. I flattened her against the wall, squashing her br**sts against me, loving the rapid thud thud of her heart against my ribs.
“Fucking kiss me,” I growled against her mouth. I wanted to tear her clothes off and take her against the wall. I wanted to sink deep inside her hot dark warmth and prove to her I could give her what she wanted.
It took a never-ending moment, but suddenly the tension in Zel’s body switched to writhing passion. Her tongue flashed out to battle with mine.
We didn’t kiss. We fought. We poured everything we couldn’t say into one timeless action.
I groaned, threading my fingers through her hair, capturing the back of her scalp. I pulled her harder against me.
“I want you to touch me. I want you to break me. I’m yours, Hazel. Fuck.”
She swallowed my invitation, kissing me harder, bruising my lips with hers. Our teeth clashed and my skin erupted, needing her fingers on me.
But her arms stayed locked by her sides.
She moaned as I left the realm of sanity and poured every apology, every regret, I had into her mouth and down her throat and into her f**king heart. I wanted her to know that she owned me. I needed her to know she’d helped me—more than she knew. More than anyone.
I owed her everything; I couldn’t let her leave. It was the one thing I wouldn’t do. I would gladly go to hell for kidnapping and holding her prisoner, but she’d given me a cure not in herself, but in her perfect, amazing, life-altering daughter.
Clapping entered my thoughts, followed by a feminine giggle. I crashed to earth and swore under my breath.
Stalking away, she stole my chance at rebuttal.
I knew without a doubt if I let her walk out the door today, I’d never see her or Clara again.
That just isn’t an option.
I needed another bribe—another contract to keep Zel bound to me—to give myself time to fix what I ruined between us and most importantly fix myself.
Swallowing my temper, I said loudly, “You don’t have to pick, Clara. They’re all yours. And you don’t have to worry about storage either because you can keep them here. You and your mother are more than welcome to stay with me for as long as you want. In fact, I’d love you to move in tonight.”
Clara squealed and charged toward me.
Fear hot and fierce shot through my body as her little arms wrapped around my legs and squeezed. Holy f**k. Don’t lose it. Don’t. The world swam. Infernos blazed. Blood scraped my veins with tiny daggers.
“Kill her.”
“Bleed her.”
“Do it, Operative Fox.”
Zel grabbed Clara and tore her off me, backing away quickly. “Don’t touch him, Clara. Ever.”
Even though my entire body felt as if I’d been whipped and mutilated after the heavy crush of orders, I was lighter that I’d ever been. I was positively buoyant because I’d held on.
A child had hugged me, and I hadn’t broken. She was still alive, and I’d proven to myself I could find freedom.
It was the best f**king feeling in the world.
Clara tried to free herself from Zel’s grip. Her little face shone. “You mean it? I can sleep over? And you’ll make me a sheep?”
Before I could answer, she threw herself at Zel, almost tackling her to the ground. “Can we, mummy? Please. Please. With a cherry on top?”
Zel smiled, brushing some unruly flyaway strands from Clara’s forehead. “How about you let the adults talk? I think I spy a polar bear down the corridor. Just don’t go too far.”
“Oh really? I want to pet it.” Clara took off in a whirl of purple, sprinting out of hearing distance.
Zel slowly stood upright, and I fought the urge to take a step back. Her eyes blazed with green fire. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She was so f**king strong. So fierce in protecting her offspring. My heart swelled to ten times its normal size, suffocating in my chest. It’d only been a couple of weeks, but I would always be indebted to this woman for bringing me back to life. And because I owed her my life, I could never let her leave.
“I’m honouring our agreement.”
“What f**king agreement? I don’t remember signing away mine and my daughter’s life to come live in your freaky-ass home. You can’t say things like that in front of a child. Now she’ll be broken-hearted and disappointed and she’ll hate me when I take her home tonight.” She stormed forward. “Because that’s what will happen, Fox. We. Aren’t. Staying.”
I balled my hands. “I’m not asking you to marry me for f**k’s sake or even stay forever. If you never want me to come near you again, I won’t.
“All I want is the right to take care of you. Give me a purpose. Let me provide for you, and be there for you. That’s all I’m asking.”
Zel’s bottom lip wobbled, but her face darkened from angry to livid. “You think I can’t take care of her on my own? You think you’re strong enough to swoop in and fix everything?” She dragged hands through her hair, barely holding onto the tears shimmering in her eyes. “What part of ‘I don’t want you near her’ didn’t you understand?”
I advanced, forcing her to take a step back. “I understand perfectly. You’re a f**king hypocrite. One minute you’re here for me. Healing me. Giving me everything you have even when all I do is take, and the next you want to withhold everything from me and paint me as the devil. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you forgive me. You’re a f**king saint to even speak to me after the things I’ve done. But I warned you at the beginning that I sense things people try to hide.”
Grabbing her elbow, I held her tight. “Let me tell you what I’ve come to know. You’re drowning in sorrow. You look at that little girl as if she’s the most precious diamond in the world, and you’re terrified of losing her. And that cough? You reacted as if she could die instead of it being a simple affliction. I think there’s something big you aren’t telling me and I want to know.”
“Let go of me, you bastard. You think you’re so clever, but you don’t know anything. You don’t know what it’s like to be a single parent. To be solely a mother and no longer a person who can chase their hopes and dreams. You didn’t have your life turned upside down by an accident only to have that accident be the best f**king thing to ever happen to you.”
“Didn’t I? Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying? I’ve been a f**king prisoner since I was six years old. You’re the only person I’ve been close to in my entire life. Is it so wrong of me to ask for more? To request that you stay with me and give meaning to my f**king sorry excuse for a life?”
I shoved her away. My heart bolted around my chest, and I needed a fight. I needed to throw my fist into something flesh and bone and let out all this rage.
Fuck!
Zel stood glaring, panting hard. Her eyes flew up the corridor where Clara had disappeared. I didn’t worry she wasn’t visible. There was nothing but statues to entertain and no way out unless she came back this way.
“You’re impossible,” she muttered.
“No. You’re impossible. Shit, I’ll give you the remaining one hundred thousand now if it’ll help sway you. Hell, I’ll triple it if you stay. I’ll give you anything you want—just agree to stay for a few days at least.”
Zel shifted, eyes darting around the space, searching for answers. “A few days?”
I wanted to sigh in relief. I’d won. This match.
“That’s all I’m asking.” It wasn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.
Zel slumped, all the fight fizzled from her limbs. “What are you trying to do, Fox?”
I ignored the soft defeat in her voice and murmured, “I’m not trying to do anything. I just want the opportunity to share your daughter—if only for a brief while.”
A crush of vulnerability filled me, and I dropped my head. I was tired. So tired. “Please…I need her in my life. I need you.” Swallowing hard, I captured her hand and relaxed a little when the conditioning stayed blessedly absent. “Please, Hazel. I’ll give you anything you want. I’ll pay you any sum you desire. Just stay. Give me another chance.”
Her eyes bloomed with fresh anger. “You think I’m that shallow? That you can throw money at me and allow you to buy me and Clara?” She snorted. “We don’t come with a f**king price tag, you idiot. You could offer me a million, and I wouldn’t stay if I thought you’d hurt her.”
“I swear on my life I will not raise a finger to hurt her. You have my absolute word.”
She shook her head. “It’s not good enough. You can’t promise that.” Her eyes met mine, and I wanted to dig out my heart and slap it into her hands. Then she’d know how much I needed her and Clara and the tantalising hope she offered.
She ran hands through her long hair, her perfect br**sts rising and falling with rage. “What you did to me, Fox…that…that’s not natural. You shouldn’t have such strong triggers that make you a danger to anyone who comes into contact with you. What if you lash out again? What if I’m not around to stop you from strangling her or tearing her into chunks? You don’t trust yourself. I don’t trust you, and I sure as hell don’t trust you around the reason for my very existence. Plus we have a life, appointments to go to, school to attend. It’s not a simple matter of saying stay for a few days.”
Her anger fed mine, and I welcomed the warmth. I growled, “It’s obvious you don’t trust me in the slightest. You hid her from me. You’ve kept every part of your life a secret from me.” My temper helped soothe my raging need for pain just a little. “You know a lot more about me than I do about you. Everything about you is a mystery, and it f**king hurts to think I don’t deserve to hear a little about your past or who you truly are.”
Looking to where Clara had run to, I lowered my voice and took a step closer to Zel. “You said you signed the contract because you wanted me. Because you felt what I did—that you were drawn to me. And yet, I’ve embraced that bond and relished in finally deserving your attention, but no matter what I do, you look at me as if I’m a pet project. You exploded my mind by sucking my cock. You pushed me until I lost control. And then you condemn me when I don’t respond to your crazy form of therapy.
“I need time. I know I need help, but you don’t care about me…not the way I care about you.” I snapped my lips together, hating my slip—I’d shown my weakness.
Her mouth fell open. “You think I don’t care about you?” Her eyes flashed with emerald fire; pressing closer, she drove me backward. “You’re stupid as well as screwed up. Answer me this. Why the hell do I keep coming back? Why the hell can’t I hate you for hurting me, not once, not twice, but three times? Why can’t I just walk away and throw your damn money in your face?”
Her eyes glittered with pent-up tears. “I’ll tell you why, you moron. It’s because whatever you feel, I feel. It’s there—pulling us together. You make my heart race every time you look so broken. You make me feel stronger and deeper than I’ve ever felt for anyone. So don’t tell me I don’t care!”
Dashing hair out of her eyes, she snarled, “Whatever exists between us is determined to destroy me. How am I expected to ignore something so strong and undeniable? It drives me f**king insane, just like you and your issues drive me insane. All I wanted was a way to save—”
She cut herself off before whisper-yelling, “I want you so damn much my skin screams for your touch and my fingers ache to reciprocate, but I want to know you. I push you to break you, hoping you’ll find a way back to normality. But it doesn’t work, and you end up hurting me. After everything I’ve done, you have the nerve to tell me I don’t care about you?”
She panted hard, cheeks flushed with colour.
I’d never been so alive. So f**king turned on. Her passion, her confession squeezed my heart until I couldn’t stay still.
Every angry word stroked my cock, making me harder than I’d ever been in my life. My entire body screamed for hers. I needed to claim her. Mark her. Solidify whatever existed between us.
I didn’t care that Clara was down the hall absorbed in my bronze creations. I didn’t care that the stress of the day had stolen the edges of my vision or that my body felt like an overstretched rubber band.
I didn’t f**king care.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I launched myself at her, shoving her against the opposite wall. My heart exploded as my mouth crashed hard on hers.
It wasn’t sweet. It wasn’t planned. It was angry and violent, and everything that I needed.
My hands captured her cheeks, holding her firmly in place. My lips moved against hers, hungry and demanding.
She gasped in shock, then moaned in anger, trying to bite me as I pierced the seam of her lips and plunged a hungry tongue deep into her mouth.
I f**king kissed her like I wanted to so many times before. I kissed her with everything that I was and hoped to be.
Her body went taut, vibrating against mine. My brain sparked and overloaded with too much sensation, but for once I was able to keep it together. I flattened her against the wall, squashing her br**sts against me, loving the rapid thud thud of her heart against my ribs.
“Fucking kiss me,” I growled against her mouth. I wanted to tear her clothes off and take her against the wall. I wanted to sink deep inside her hot dark warmth and prove to her I could give her what she wanted.
It took a never-ending moment, but suddenly the tension in Zel’s body switched to writhing passion. Her tongue flashed out to battle with mine.
We didn’t kiss. We fought. We poured everything we couldn’t say into one timeless action.
I groaned, threading my fingers through her hair, capturing the back of her scalp. I pulled her harder against me.
“I want you to touch me. I want you to break me. I’m yours, Hazel. Fuck.”
She swallowed my invitation, kissing me harder, bruising my lips with hers. Our teeth clashed and my skin erupted, needing her fingers on me.
But her arms stayed locked by her sides.
She moaned as I left the realm of sanity and poured every apology, every regret, I had into her mouth and down her throat and into her f**king heart. I wanted her to know that she owned me. I needed her to know she’d helped me—more than she knew. More than anyone.
I owed her everything; I couldn’t let her leave. It was the one thing I wouldn’t do. I would gladly go to hell for kidnapping and holding her prisoner, but she’d given me a cure not in herself, but in her perfect, amazing, life-altering daughter.
Clapping entered my thoughts, followed by a feminine giggle. I crashed to earth and swore under my breath.
