Destroyed
Page 40
I searched his eyes, wondering if Zel had ever spoken to Oscar about me. He seemed to have changed his tune since the first night. I never saw them together, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have time to chat. Apart from the hostility at the beginning, Oscar had softened and welcomed Hazel. Even smiling when Clara appeared in my office at odd times in the day.
Oscar grinned. “I’m happy for you.” He shrugged. “In any case, she’s intelligent as hell. I’d watch her if I were you.”
The secrets she was hiding once again filled me with annoyance.
My back tensed. “Watch her why?” Suspicion rose. Maybe they had talked behind my back. My hands clenched.
“Because the quiet ones are always one step ahead of you. They have everything all figured out while keeping an entire lifetime behind their kind and gentle thoughts.” His eyes gained a wistful look, remembering someone from his past perhaps. “The quiet ones run deep, and no matter how much you think you know them—you never truly do.”
His words struck me. He’s right. No matter how I wished differently, Zel never gave me all of herself. She remained aloof, mysterious, entirely too closed off. And I was done being kept in the dark.
I wanted sunlight and answers and truth.
I wanted to know everything.
I’d been truthful; it was time for her to give me the same f**king courtesy. My eyes scanned the fighting floor one last time before I shoved away from the balcony. “I’m leaving.”
Oscar nodded. “Thought you might. See ya later. I’ve got this.”
Not looking back, I stalked away and headed toward my bedroom. My heart pumped heavily as I unlocked the door and entered. My thoughts full of fists and bruises—contemplating if I could risk another appearance at the Dragonfly.
“Hello.”
My mouth promptly fell open, drinking in the apparition on my bed. All the angry, blood thirsty needs headed rapidly south. My c**k tightened, thickened, hardened.
Bare skin. Bare br**sts. Bare everything.
My feet moved forward, compelled toward the woman I wanted to f**k so badly. “What are you doing in here?” My voice was gruff and gravel from my previous temper, threading with the exploding lust unravelling in my blood.
I cleared my throat, inching forward another step.
Zel never took her emerald eyes off me. Sitting primly like a f**king princess in the middle of my bed, she looked unconquered and entirely regal. Her long, dark hair cascaded over her shoulders, teasing me.
Naked.
Gloriously f**king naked. The only thing she wore was the silver barbell through her right nipple and her star necklace. The chain I’d made was gone, along with the custom designed bracelets. My eyes narrowed, searching for the missing jewellery.
My temper rose once again, pissed off she’d removed it. I put it on her—I marked her as mine. She had no right to take it off without my permission. It was a slight against me—as if she no longer wanted me.
“Where’s the silver?” I crossed the bedroom, prowling toward the warm glow of light beside the bed. “Why did you take it off?” And why are you here? She should be in bed with her daughter, barricaded by a door, so I couldn’t hurt either of them.
Zel sat higher on her knees. “I took it off. It’s not me who should be chained. It’s you.”
Even though I’d come to the same conclusion, it didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t stomach the thought of being captured against my will—just like all those days in Russia. I shook my head. “I’m done being bound and owned.”
Zel dropped her head, soft locks drifting over her face. “Tonight will be the last time. I promise.” Taking a breath, she murmured, “If you do what I say, I think I can help.”
Shifting sideways, she gathered a length of chain from the covers around her legs. I couldn’t see where she’d pried the links undone, but I stood transfixed as she crawled on her hands and knees toward me. Her br**sts swayed erotically, and the gentle clink of metal set off a warning in my muscles. She cast a spell over me so effortlessly. I didn’t want any part in being bound, but I knew I would say yes. Whatever power I had was useless against this woman.
My muscles locked as Zel reached the end of the bed, sitting on her heels. “I’ve seen your back and chest so you don’t have to hide anymore. You let Clara touch you. It’s only fair to let me do the same. I’m going to break you, Fox. I’m going to stroke you and touch every inch. I’m going to take you and show you how to love me properly, and I’m not going to accept no for an answer.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed hard, hinting at the fear she kept locked away.
The tension in the room thickened until I breathed it deep, clogging my lungs with need. “And if I don’t agree?”
She shrugged, drawing my eyes to her exposed perfect br**sts. “Then you don’t get what you want.”
“And what do I want?”
“Happiness.”
She couldn’t have toppled me with any other word. Happiness. The one thing I hungered for and the one thing I didn’t think I’d ever achieve. Even with her and Clara, it still felt fleeting—as if I’d wake up one morning and find it’d all been a dream. Snatched away and burned, leaving me with cinders and grief.
Despite all that, I might’ve believed her if it wasn’t for the glitter of sadness in her eyes. My stomach rolled; I muttered, “I know you’re hiding something from me. Clara knows it, too. She senses whatever you’re trying to mask, and I’m done waiting for you to tell me. I want to f**king know.”
She shook her head, hair whispering over perfect skin. “There is something you should know. Two things, actually. And I promise I’ll tell you. But not tonight.” Her eyes captured mine, filling with need. “Not right now. Tonight is for us. For you. For our future.” Passion resonated in her voice, drawing me closer, drugging me until all I saw was her.
I didn’t know I moved until my knees crashed against the edge of the bed. I nodded, allowing her one more night of secrecy.
Breathing shallowly, Zel moved closer. Her body heat struck me first, along with her sweet, exotic scent. Her mouth came within a millimetre of mine, her breath feathering over my lips. “I want to kiss you, but I need to tie you first. I don’t want to run the risk of what happened before.”
I groaned, balling my fists to stop from reaching out to grab her.
Her eyes trailed down my front, scorching me with fire. “Strip.”
The command made me shudder, made me drunk on the anticipation of sex. I gawked at her nakedness, revelling in her flat stomach and perfectly formed br**sts. Her ni**les pebbled, bunching into tiny buds, reacting to my gaze. My mouth watered to suck. I wanted to lick her all over, rain kisses, and bite. I wanted to give her the same explosive pleasure she gave me the other night.
I growled, “And if I agree to you taking control, what then? You’ll refuse to let me touch you? Will you prevent me from f**king you? From claiming you and making you mine?” I leaned forward, so, so close to kissing her swollen lips. “I’ve been dreaming of being deep inside you, Hazel. No matter what restraints you put on me, it won’t stop me from taking what I want, from driving deep and hard, stroking you with my c**k until you disintegrate around me.”
Zel panted; her arms twitched at her sides. She sucked in a fluttering breath. “If you can prove to me I can touch you without you killing me, then you can take me however you want.” A shaky hand raised, dangling silver from her fingers. “But for now…I’m going to make love to you. I’m going to teach you the difference.” She spoke with such control and strength, sending a riot of conflicting confusion through me.
I loved she was strong enough not to fear me—to allow me close to her—to be vulnerable around me, but I wasn’t comfortable with her taking full control. It was too similar to my past. My stomach rolled at the thought of being chained by my ankles and hands and throat.
“See this collar, Fox?” My handler tugged on the leash attached to the leather cuff around my neck.
“Yes, sir.”
This is so you know who you belong to. You carried out your assignment last night, but you took two hours too long. Next time, if you’re not back in time, I’ll attach one of these to you and hang you from the f**king ceiling. Got it?”
My heart bucked, but there was only one answer I could give. “Yes, sir.”
I shook my head, dispelling the short flashback. “You can bind my wrists, but that’s all.”
She narrowed her eyes, dropping them to focus on my hands by my sides. Uncertainty and fear swarmed in her gaze. She’d had first-hand encounters with how deadly my fingers could be.
I cursed myself for not having the strength not to hurt her, but no matter what she asked of me—I couldn’t give her full body immobilisation. It would kill me.
“I promise I’ll keep it together this time. Just don’t—don’t push me too far.”
She shook her head. “But that’s the point. I need to push you to help you past whatever barriers are in your mind.” She glanced at my hands again.
She didn’t know I’d killed men with my legs, elbows, ankles, even my skull. Every part of me, not just my hands, were fatal. I had no wish for her to know either. I’d let her tie my hands, but the real chains would be self-imposed. Only my willpower could stop me from killing her. Ropes and restraints wouldn’t work if I wanted to snuff out her life.
But I didn’t.
Never.
Hazel was mine.
After a long pause, Zel nodded. “Fine. I’ll bind your wrists and nothing else.” Her gaze dropped to the hard bulge in my trousers. “Now, strip.” She licked her lips, a flash of passion glazing her eyes. “I’m wet for you.”
My c**k lurched, cursing the restriction of my trousers. I wanted to slip inside her that very f**king second.
My hands trembled pulling off my shirt. The moment the material landed on the floor, I tensed. Hating my skin, the scars, the memories. Even though I’d stood before her and Clara and allowed them to see what I hid from the world, it still didn’t stop the overpowering urge to cover up.
Rejection and self-hatred were fellow emotions as Zel’s eyes swept over me, lingering on some areas, coasting over others.
“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.
My stomach flipped and my heart no longer beat—it strummed for her. Only for her. Breathing hard, I brought my hands up to unbuckle my belt. Her lips parted as her eyes followed my every move. I inched the zipper down, feeling air kiss my nakedness beneath. Kicking off my shoes and socks, I let the material fall to the floor.
My c**k hung heavy between my legs, begging for her touch. It felt alive with want, filling almost painfully with the urge to come all over her. I wanted her to wear my scent—to see my mark all over her white br**sts and soft curls between her legs.
“Goddammit, Zel, you have no idea how much you f**king turn me on.” My hand skidded over my stomach, cupping myself, easing some of the tension throbbing in my length.
She sucked in a breath. “Hold out your hands.”
Heat and a small flare of panic rushed my blood as I slowly unlatched my fingers from my cock. I obeyed.
Locking my elbows, I steeled myself against her gentle touches as she wrapped the entire length of chain around my wrists. Not once or twice, but three loops before gathering a small padlock from the black bedspread and securing me.
I tested the tightness, already feeling sick to my stomach, battling residual recollections of being bound.
This wasn’t a shit hot idea. Not only did I have to fight the conditioning, but now I had to battle the memories of being controlled and bound. I shook as my muscles bunched and quivered. What if I’m not strong enough?
My lungs stuck together as Zel exhaled a small sound of relief. Did she fear me that much? She didn’t look turned on by securing me, more like less ready to bolt out the door.
You’re doing this for her.
“Climb on the bed. Lie on your belly.”
My eyes flared. “Why on my stomach? A vital part of my anatomy isn’t useable unless you intend to teach me how to dry hump a mattress.” I tried to joke, to dispel some of the tense anxiety between us, but Zel’s lips only twitched. I’d mistaken any sense of relief when she secured the padlock—she hadn’t relaxed at all, shaking with tension.
“I want to do something. You let Clara do it. Now, it’s my turn.”
Fuck. She wanted to touch my back. She wanted to look deeper at the tattoos, see beneath the ink to the lash marks and countless other scars hidden beneath the Ghost designs.
I shook my head, about to refuse, but Zel leaned back, inadvertently flashing me her delicate pink flesh between her legs.
All thoughts detonated out of my head. I followed like a lovesick teenager, mouth-watering, wanting so f**king badly to taste her.
I’d never kissed a woman down there. Never brought a woman to cl**ax, or enjoyed the privilege of thighs quivering around my ears.
I wanted her. On my face, in my mouth, down my throat.
My already hard c**k lurched painfully. “I’ll only lie down on my stomach if you do something for me in return.”
A barter system.
Something from her in return for something from me. And I knew exactly what I’d ask for.
Zel moved to the side as I awkwardly made my way high enough up the bed. With my hands locked together, I threw myself onto my back, rather than my stomach.
She scowled. “What do you want?” Little spots of colour danced on her cheeks, her lips growing pinker.
Instead of answering, my eyes dropped down her body, coming to rest between her legs. I stifled the groan, noticing for the first time the streak of glistening wetness on her inner thigh.
Oscar grinned. “I’m happy for you.” He shrugged. “In any case, she’s intelligent as hell. I’d watch her if I were you.”
The secrets she was hiding once again filled me with annoyance.
My back tensed. “Watch her why?” Suspicion rose. Maybe they had talked behind my back. My hands clenched.
“Because the quiet ones are always one step ahead of you. They have everything all figured out while keeping an entire lifetime behind their kind and gentle thoughts.” His eyes gained a wistful look, remembering someone from his past perhaps. “The quiet ones run deep, and no matter how much you think you know them—you never truly do.”
His words struck me. He’s right. No matter how I wished differently, Zel never gave me all of herself. She remained aloof, mysterious, entirely too closed off. And I was done being kept in the dark.
I wanted sunlight and answers and truth.
I wanted to know everything.
I’d been truthful; it was time for her to give me the same f**king courtesy. My eyes scanned the fighting floor one last time before I shoved away from the balcony. “I’m leaving.”
Oscar nodded. “Thought you might. See ya later. I’ve got this.”
Not looking back, I stalked away and headed toward my bedroom. My heart pumped heavily as I unlocked the door and entered. My thoughts full of fists and bruises—contemplating if I could risk another appearance at the Dragonfly.
“Hello.”
My mouth promptly fell open, drinking in the apparition on my bed. All the angry, blood thirsty needs headed rapidly south. My c**k tightened, thickened, hardened.
Bare skin. Bare br**sts. Bare everything.
My feet moved forward, compelled toward the woman I wanted to f**k so badly. “What are you doing in here?” My voice was gruff and gravel from my previous temper, threading with the exploding lust unravelling in my blood.
I cleared my throat, inching forward another step.
Zel never took her emerald eyes off me. Sitting primly like a f**king princess in the middle of my bed, she looked unconquered and entirely regal. Her long, dark hair cascaded over her shoulders, teasing me.
Naked.
Gloriously f**king naked. The only thing she wore was the silver barbell through her right nipple and her star necklace. The chain I’d made was gone, along with the custom designed bracelets. My eyes narrowed, searching for the missing jewellery.
My temper rose once again, pissed off she’d removed it. I put it on her—I marked her as mine. She had no right to take it off without my permission. It was a slight against me—as if she no longer wanted me.
“Where’s the silver?” I crossed the bedroom, prowling toward the warm glow of light beside the bed. “Why did you take it off?” And why are you here? She should be in bed with her daughter, barricaded by a door, so I couldn’t hurt either of them.
Zel sat higher on her knees. “I took it off. It’s not me who should be chained. It’s you.”
Even though I’d come to the same conclusion, it didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t stomach the thought of being captured against my will—just like all those days in Russia. I shook my head. “I’m done being bound and owned.”
Zel dropped her head, soft locks drifting over her face. “Tonight will be the last time. I promise.” Taking a breath, she murmured, “If you do what I say, I think I can help.”
Shifting sideways, she gathered a length of chain from the covers around her legs. I couldn’t see where she’d pried the links undone, but I stood transfixed as she crawled on her hands and knees toward me. Her br**sts swayed erotically, and the gentle clink of metal set off a warning in my muscles. She cast a spell over me so effortlessly. I didn’t want any part in being bound, but I knew I would say yes. Whatever power I had was useless against this woman.
My muscles locked as Zel reached the end of the bed, sitting on her heels. “I’ve seen your back and chest so you don’t have to hide anymore. You let Clara touch you. It’s only fair to let me do the same. I’m going to break you, Fox. I’m going to stroke you and touch every inch. I’m going to take you and show you how to love me properly, and I’m not going to accept no for an answer.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed hard, hinting at the fear she kept locked away.
The tension in the room thickened until I breathed it deep, clogging my lungs with need. “And if I don’t agree?”
She shrugged, drawing my eyes to her exposed perfect br**sts. “Then you don’t get what you want.”
“And what do I want?”
“Happiness.”
She couldn’t have toppled me with any other word. Happiness. The one thing I hungered for and the one thing I didn’t think I’d ever achieve. Even with her and Clara, it still felt fleeting—as if I’d wake up one morning and find it’d all been a dream. Snatched away and burned, leaving me with cinders and grief.
Despite all that, I might’ve believed her if it wasn’t for the glitter of sadness in her eyes. My stomach rolled; I muttered, “I know you’re hiding something from me. Clara knows it, too. She senses whatever you’re trying to mask, and I’m done waiting for you to tell me. I want to f**king know.”
She shook her head, hair whispering over perfect skin. “There is something you should know. Two things, actually. And I promise I’ll tell you. But not tonight.” Her eyes captured mine, filling with need. “Not right now. Tonight is for us. For you. For our future.” Passion resonated in her voice, drawing me closer, drugging me until all I saw was her.
I didn’t know I moved until my knees crashed against the edge of the bed. I nodded, allowing her one more night of secrecy.
Breathing shallowly, Zel moved closer. Her body heat struck me first, along with her sweet, exotic scent. Her mouth came within a millimetre of mine, her breath feathering over my lips. “I want to kiss you, but I need to tie you first. I don’t want to run the risk of what happened before.”
I groaned, balling my fists to stop from reaching out to grab her.
Her eyes trailed down my front, scorching me with fire. “Strip.”
The command made me shudder, made me drunk on the anticipation of sex. I gawked at her nakedness, revelling in her flat stomach and perfectly formed br**sts. Her ni**les pebbled, bunching into tiny buds, reacting to my gaze. My mouth watered to suck. I wanted to lick her all over, rain kisses, and bite. I wanted to give her the same explosive pleasure she gave me the other night.
I growled, “And if I agree to you taking control, what then? You’ll refuse to let me touch you? Will you prevent me from f**king you? From claiming you and making you mine?” I leaned forward, so, so close to kissing her swollen lips. “I’ve been dreaming of being deep inside you, Hazel. No matter what restraints you put on me, it won’t stop me from taking what I want, from driving deep and hard, stroking you with my c**k until you disintegrate around me.”
Zel panted; her arms twitched at her sides. She sucked in a fluttering breath. “If you can prove to me I can touch you without you killing me, then you can take me however you want.” A shaky hand raised, dangling silver from her fingers. “But for now…I’m going to make love to you. I’m going to teach you the difference.” She spoke with such control and strength, sending a riot of conflicting confusion through me.
I loved she was strong enough not to fear me—to allow me close to her—to be vulnerable around me, but I wasn’t comfortable with her taking full control. It was too similar to my past. My stomach rolled at the thought of being chained by my ankles and hands and throat.
“See this collar, Fox?” My handler tugged on the leash attached to the leather cuff around my neck.
“Yes, sir.”
This is so you know who you belong to. You carried out your assignment last night, but you took two hours too long. Next time, if you’re not back in time, I’ll attach one of these to you and hang you from the f**king ceiling. Got it?”
My heart bucked, but there was only one answer I could give. “Yes, sir.”
I shook my head, dispelling the short flashback. “You can bind my wrists, but that’s all.”
She narrowed her eyes, dropping them to focus on my hands by my sides. Uncertainty and fear swarmed in her gaze. She’d had first-hand encounters with how deadly my fingers could be.
I cursed myself for not having the strength not to hurt her, but no matter what she asked of me—I couldn’t give her full body immobilisation. It would kill me.
“I promise I’ll keep it together this time. Just don’t—don’t push me too far.”
She shook her head. “But that’s the point. I need to push you to help you past whatever barriers are in your mind.” She glanced at my hands again.
She didn’t know I’d killed men with my legs, elbows, ankles, even my skull. Every part of me, not just my hands, were fatal. I had no wish for her to know either. I’d let her tie my hands, but the real chains would be self-imposed. Only my willpower could stop me from killing her. Ropes and restraints wouldn’t work if I wanted to snuff out her life.
But I didn’t.
Never.
Hazel was mine.
After a long pause, Zel nodded. “Fine. I’ll bind your wrists and nothing else.” Her gaze dropped to the hard bulge in my trousers. “Now, strip.” She licked her lips, a flash of passion glazing her eyes. “I’m wet for you.”
My c**k lurched, cursing the restriction of my trousers. I wanted to slip inside her that very f**king second.
My hands trembled pulling off my shirt. The moment the material landed on the floor, I tensed. Hating my skin, the scars, the memories. Even though I’d stood before her and Clara and allowed them to see what I hid from the world, it still didn’t stop the overpowering urge to cover up.
Rejection and self-hatred were fellow emotions as Zel’s eyes swept over me, lingering on some areas, coasting over others.
“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.
My stomach flipped and my heart no longer beat—it strummed for her. Only for her. Breathing hard, I brought my hands up to unbuckle my belt. Her lips parted as her eyes followed my every move. I inched the zipper down, feeling air kiss my nakedness beneath. Kicking off my shoes and socks, I let the material fall to the floor.
My c**k hung heavy between my legs, begging for her touch. It felt alive with want, filling almost painfully with the urge to come all over her. I wanted her to wear my scent—to see my mark all over her white br**sts and soft curls between her legs.
“Goddammit, Zel, you have no idea how much you f**king turn me on.” My hand skidded over my stomach, cupping myself, easing some of the tension throbbing in my length.
She sucked in a breath. “Hold out your hands.”
Heat and a small flare of panic rushed my blood as I slowly unlatched my fingers from my cock. I obeyed.
Locking my elbows, I steeled myself against her gentle touches as she wrapped the entire length of chain around my wrists. Not once or twice, but three loops before gathering a small padlock from the black bedspread and securing me.
I tested the tightness, already feeling sick to my stomach, battling residual recollections of being bound.
This wasn’t a shit hot idea. Not only did I have to fight the conditioning, but now I had to battle the memories of being controlled and bound. I shook as my muscles bunched and quivered. What if I’m not strong enough?
My lungs stuck together as Zel exhaled a small sound of relief. Did she fear me that much? She didn’t look turned on by securing me, more like less ready to bolt out the door.
You’re doing this for her.
“Climb on the bed. Lie on your belly.”
My eyes flared. “Why on my stomach? A vital part of my anatomy isn’t useable unless you intend to teach me how to dry hump a mattress.” I tried to joke, to dispel some of the tense anxiety between us, but Zel’s lips only twitched. I’d mistaken any sense of relief when she secured the padlock—she hadn’t relaxed at all, shaking with tension.
“I want to do something. You let Clara do it. Now, it’s my turn.”
Fuck. She wanted to touch my back. She wanted to look deeper at the tattoos, see beneath the ink to the lash marks and countless other scars hidden beneath the Ghost designs.
I shook my head, about to refuse, but Zel leaned back, inadvertently flashing me her delicate pink flesh between her legs.
All thoughts detonated out of my head. I followed like a lovesick teenager, mouth-watering, wanting so f**king badly to taste her.
I’d never kissed a woman down there. Never brought a woman to cl**ax, or enjoyed the privilege of thighs quivering around my ears.
I wanted her. On my face, in my mouth, down my throat.
My already hard c**k lurched painfully. “I’ll only lie down on my stomach if you do something for me in return.”
A barter system.
Something from her in return for something from me. And I knew exactly what I’d ask for.
Zel moved to the side as I awkwardly made my way high enough up the bed. With my hands locked together, I threw myself onto my back, rather than my stomach.
She scowled. “What do you want?” Little spots of colour danced on her cheeks, her lips growing pinker.
Instead of answering, my eyes dropped down her body, coming to rest between her legs. I stifled the groan, noticing for the first time the streak of glistening wetness on her inner thigh.
