Dignity
Page 36
I stopped at a bus stop, but remembering Stark’s warning that all buses had cameras nowadays, I quickly changed my mind and slipped into the shadow of a nearby convenience store while I tried to figure out the best way to get out of town without being tracked. Stark could hack into any of the city’s surveillance systems so public transport was out. He could hack into Uber to see if I ordered a ride, even if I used a fake name. If I stole a car, as soon as it was reported, he would have the description and plate number. Getting away from a genius was a lot harder than running away from my family had been . . . in more ways than one.
I decided my best course of action was to hop one of the freighter trains that rolled in and out of the city on a regular basis. The security was lax because everyone knew the good stuff came into town through the docks. Plus, I’d run across many a gutter punk who had made their way from one coast to the other hopping trains. I figured if they could do it, so could I.
It was a long walk to the freight yard, one I spent looking over my shoulder every two seconds. I was breathing hard and was so tired when I slipped through a hole in the chain link fence that surrounded the noisy, dirty trainyard. It sucked that I had no idea where any of the trains were going, that I didn’t get to pick where I was running to, but as long as it was away from the threat of Aaron and the promise of Stark, I wouldn’t complain. It took a minute to find an open boxcar, one that I could toss my backpack into and hoist my body upon. The train started rolling just as my boots left the ground. I threw myself on my back and stared up at the top of the boxcar, telling myself I wasn’t going to cry.
I left. That’s what I did. That’s how I kept myself safe. It was for the best, even if I couldn’t convince myself that was the truth. Goddamn liar.
The train rolled through the Point and out of the city into the Valley. I freaked out when I thought it was going to stop in the place that harbored my biggest fear. Luckily, it kept on rolling, eventually chugging through the foothills and over the slight incline of the mountains. It slowed that night through a quaint, small town that was only a handful of hours away from the Point, but eons away from my home in terms of infrastructure and morality. There were legitimate white picket fences lining the streets and nothing was open after dark.
I worried I was going to stick out like a sore thumb, that the local police would show up and run me out of town before I found a place to sleep for the night, but this town was a throwback to when people cared for their neighbors and watched out for their community. I wasn’t on the street searching for an alcove or alley to camp out in for more than a half an hour when I was approached by a middle-aged woman. Her face was clouded with concern when she asked me if I had anywhere to go or anything to eat.
I opened my mouth to tell her I was fine, that I was just passing through, on my way to somewhere, anywhere, but what came out was a wailing sob that made my entire body shake. I was crying for who I was and where I had come from. I was confused, and for the first time in my life, not sure if I should be moving forward or running backwards.
She took a step toward me, putting her hands on my trembling shoulders and told me, “We see a lot of young kids like you passing through here. They come from the city. It must be an awful, awful place to not notice its young people fleeing. The church has a place you can spend the night and shower. It might be too late to get you something to eat, but if it is, you let me know and I’ll bring you something from home. Let’s get you somewhere warm and safe.” She thought I was pathetic, weak, and pitiful. All the things I’d fought so hard not to be after the first time Aaron ruined my life. She didn’t look any deeper, couldn’t see how much more there was underneath the surface, because she didn’t come from where I was from. Everyone was so much more than they appeared to be, they had to be to survive.
That was all I ever wanted . . . somewhere safe. I was starting to wonder if it was somewhere or someone that held the security and safety I craved.
I wiped the back of my hand over my wet cheeks and took a shuddering breath. “It is an awful place, but the people . . .” Well, some of them were awful, but more often than not, they were special because they survived and sometimes even thrived in a place that was hell on Earth. “The people make it home.”
She lifted her eyebrows as she guided me toward a white clapboard and brick building with stained-glass windows and a steeple holding a bronze bell. It looked like a scene off of a postcard you sent back home. I’d never seen anything so . . . clean and pure. It made me feel a little uneasy and completely out of place. I shouldn’t have been running away, I should have run toward the one person who actually made me feel invincible. Hindsight was always so crystal clear.
“A home you ran away from, so it must not be that great.” She sounded so sure, so judgmental of the place that had protected me when I really did run away from home. I didn’t like an outsider, someone with no idea of the miles I’d travelled, disparaging the city that had made me.
I rubbed my face with my sleeves and told myself to settle down. I’d been frantic to get away but now it was clear there was nowhere else I belonged. I had space, I had air, I had freedom, and it was absolutely not what I wanted. “I didn’t run away. I just got a little lost.” I could have used some of Stark’s robotic reasoning. It would have stopped me from overreacting and jumping the gun.
The woman opened the doors to the church and I followed silently. I had no choice but to accept the town’s hospitality for the night. In the morning, I was going back to face my double nightmare, knowing I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I was too old, too smart, and too strong to keep running from the things that scared me.
“Well, you have a place here until you figure out what you want.” The woman offered me a smile that I returned.
“I don’t need to figure it out. I know exactly what I want.” And I would bet all of my meager belongings and my foolish, fragile heart that he was already on his way to find me. “He’ll be here in the morning.” I believed that as reverently as I believed he would never, ever let Aaron get anywhere near me.
I needed to go so he could bring me back. Show me my place in life. In this big, bad world. And once he had me, I was going to help him find his heart . . . because that elusive, tricky thing was mine.
Stark
I was sure I would never be cold again.
I was so hot, the fury boiled under my skin melting any part of me that wasn’t blood and bone, leaving behind an uncomplicated, primal, uncaged animal. I wanted to tear my prey limb from limb. I wanted to feel their blood on my hands, smell their fear, and watch as they cowered before me. There was nothing logical or reasonable about my reaction and I was as far from numb as I had ever been.
I felt everything.
There were no more sticky webs wrapped around my thoughts. I was seeing more clearly than I ever had. The spider finally caught the fly and there was no way it was getting free.
Titus gave me a warning look as we watched Goddard and his lawyer speak, their heads bent close together. They were in an interrogation room and I was on the other side of the two-way observation panel, meaning I could see the assholes who ruined Noe’s life, but they couldn’t see me. Titus hadn’t seemed surprised when I called and told him he was getting me in with both men as soon as they hauled Goddard’s ass in for questioning. What he didn’t know was that I was just as interested in the lawyer as I was in the former mayor. He was a good cop so he didn’t bother to ask why I was so insistent. We both knew I was the reason his department was now on its way to being above board and cleansed of all the bad seeds. He owed me.
Nassir called me the second Noe bolted. He wanted to know if he should stop her or have his guys tail her. When he told me she was ready to jump off his building to get away, I knew the best thing to do was let her go. She was panicked, freaking out, and scared. There was no telling what she would do in order to put distance between her and the man who terrified her. I didn’t want her to hurt herself or anyone else. I assured him I would track her down and bring her back. Julia Grace was bewildered and more frightened than she already was. She looked up to Noe, viewed her as a savior. It was hard for her to see that my little thief was nothing more than flesh and bone. A young woman with secrets and scandals that she didn’t know how to fight.
Which is why I was at the police station, teeth grinding together, hands clenched into fists as Titus warned me if I killed anyone, he was going to have to arrest me. He didn’t really seem too concerned about protocol or losing his badge. With the entire police force in disarray, everyone was relying on him to call the shots and pull it all together. He was the last good guy left, the last man anyone trusted. No one was going to report what went on in that interrogation room . . . unless I lost control and someone died. The rage I was feeling was as close to murderous as it had ever been, so I made no promises. If I lost control, if I pictured all the ways those men in that room had abused and manipulated Noe, there was a good chance someone was going to stop breathing.
The only thing keeping me in check was knowing I had to go after her. I needed to find her and bring her back. She needed to know I would always come for her and it didn’t matter where she hid, I would track her down. She was the only thing that made sense to me. She was the only one who understood me. She was the only person who wanted all of me, and I wasn’t going to fight the fact that I wanted all of her. Everything inside of me had been in disarray and out of order until she broke into my house and into my heart. She was the thing that reset everything, the person who knocked the rust off and started the machine back up. I purred steady and loud now, all because of her.
I decided my best course of action was to hop one of the freighter trains that rolled in and out of the city on a regular basis. The security was lax because everyone knew the good stuff came into town through the docks. Plus, I’d run across many a gutter punk who had made their way from one coast to the other hopping trains. I figured if they could do it, so could I.
It was a long walk to the freight yard, one I spent looking over my shoulder every two seconds. I was breathing hard and was so tired when I slipped through a hole in the chain link fence that surrounded the noisy, dirty trainyard. It sucked that I had no idea where any of the trains were going, that I didn’t get to pick where I was running to, but as long as it was away from the threat of Aaron and the promise of Stark, I wouldn’t complain. It took a minute to find an open boxcar, one that I could toss my backpack into and hoist my body upon. The train started rolling just as my boots left the ground. I threw myself on my back and stared up at the top of the boxcar, telling myself I wasn’t going to cry.
I left. That’s what I did. That’s how I kept myself safe. It was for the best, even if I couldn’t convince myself that was the truth. Goddamn liar.
The train rolled through the Point and out of the city into the Valley. I freaked out when I thought it was going to stop in the place that harbored my biggest fear. Luckily, it kept on rolling, eventually chugging through the foothills and over the slight incline of the mountains. It slowed that night through a quaint, small town that was only a handful of hours away from the Point, but eons away from my home in terms of infrastructure and morality. There were legitimate white picket fences lining the streets and nothing was open after dark.
I worried I was going to stick out like a sore thumb, that the local police would show up and run me out of town before I found a place to sleep for the night, but this town was a throwback to when people cared for their neighbors and watched out for their community. I wasn’t on the street searching for an alcove or alley to camp out in for more than a half an hour when I was approached by a middle-aged woman. Her face was clouded with concern when she asked me if I had anywhere to go or anything to eat.
I opened my mouth to tell her I was fine, that I was just passing through, on my way to somewhere, anywhere, but what came out was a wailing sob that made my entire body shake. I was crying for who I was and where I had come from. I was confused, and for the first time in my life, not sure if I should be moving forward or running backwards.
She took a step toward me, putting her hands on my trembling shoulders and told me, “We see a lot of young kids like you passing through here. They come from the city. It must be an awful, awful place to not notice its young people fleeing. The church has a place you can spend the night and shower. It might be too late to get you something to eat, but if it is, you let me know and I’ll bring you something from home. Let’s get you somewhere warm and safe.” She thought I was pathetic, weak, and pitiful. All the things I’d fought so hard not to be after the first time Aaron ruined my life. She didn’t look any deeper, couldn’t see how much more there was underneath the surface, because she didn’t come from where I was from. Everyone was so much more than they appeared to be, they had to be to survive.
That was all I ever wanted . . . somewhere safe. I was starting to wonder if it was somewhere or someone that held the security and safety I craved.
I wiped the back of my hand over my wet cheeks and took a shuddering breath. “It is an awful place, but the people . . .” Well, some of them were awful, but more often than not, they were special because they survived and sometimes even thrived in a place that was hell on Earth. “The people make it home.”
She lifted her eyebrows as she guided me toward a white clapboard and brick building with stained-glass windows and a steeple holding a bronze bell. It looked like a scene off of a postcard you sent back home. I’d never seen anything so . . . clean and pure. It made me feel a little uneasy and completely out of place. I shouldn’t have been running away, I should have run toward the one person who actually made me feel invincible. Hindsight was always so crystal clear.
“A home you ran away from, so it must not be that great.” She sounded so sure, so judgmental of the place that had protected me when I really did run away from home. I didn’t like an outsider, someone with no idea of the miles I’d travelled, disparaging the city that had made me.
I rubbed my face with my sleeves and told myself to settle down. I’d been frantic to get away but now it was clear there was nowhere else I belonged. I had space, I had air, I had freedom, and it was absolutely not what I wanted. “I didn’t run away. I just got a little lost.” I could have used some of Stark’s robotic reasoning. It would have stopped me from overreacting and jumping the gun.
The woman opened the doors to the church and I followed silently. I had no choice but to accept the town’s hospitality for the night. In the morning, I was going back to face my double nightmare, knowing I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I was too old, too smart, and too strong to keep running from the things that scared me.
“Well, you have a place here until you figure out what you want.” The woman offered me a smile that I returned.
“I don’t need to figure it out. I know exactly what I want.” And I would bet all of my meager belongings and my foolish, fragile heart that he was already on his way to find me. “He’ll be here in the morning.” I believed that as reverently as I believed he would never, ever let Aaron get anywhere near me.
I needed to go so he could bring me back. Show me my place in life. In this big, bad world. And once he had me, I was going to help him find his heart . . . because that elusive, tricky thing was mine.
Stark
I was sure I would never be cold again.
I was so hot, the fury boiled under my skin melting any part of me that wasn’t blood and bone, leaving behind an uncomplicated, primal, uncaged animal. I wanted to tear my prey limb from limb. I wanted to feel their blood on my hands, smell their fear, and watch as they cowered before me. There was nothing logical or reasonable about my reaction and I was as far from numb as I had ever been.
I felt everything.
There were no more sticky webs wrapped around my thoughts. I was seeing more clearly than I ever had. The spider finally caught the fly and there was no way it was getting free.
Titus gave me a warning look as we watched Goddard and his lawyer speak, their heads bent close together. They were in an interrogation room and I was on the other side of the two-way observation panel, meaning I could see the assholes who ruined Noe’s life, but they couldn’t see me. Titus hadn’t seemed surprised when I called and told him he was getting me in with both men as soon as they hauled Goddard’s ass in for questioning. What he didn’t know was that I was just as interested in the lawyer as I was in the former mayor. He was a good cop so he didn’t bother to ask why I was so insistent. We both knew I was the reason his department was now on its way to being above board and cleansed of all the bad seeds. He owed me.
Nassir called me the second Noe bolted. He wanted to know if he should stop her or have his guys tail her. When he told me she was ready to jump off his building to get away, I knew the best thing to do was let her go. She was panicked, freaking out, and scared. There was no telling what she would do in order to put distance between her and the man who terrified her. I didn’t want her to hurt herself or anyone else. I assured him I would track her down and bring her back. Julia Grace was bewildered and more frightened than she already was. She looked up to Noe, viewed her as a savior. It was hard for her to see that my little thief was nothing more than flesh and bone. A young woman with secrets and scandals that she didn’t know how to fight.
Which is why I was at the police station, teeth grinding together, hands clenched into fists as Titus warned me if I killed anyone, he was going to have to arrest me. He didn’t really seem too concerned about protocol or losing his badge. With the entire police force in disarray, everyone was relying on him to call the shots and pull it all together. He was the last good guy left, the last man anyone trusted. No one was going to report what went on in that interrogation room . . . unless I lost control and someone died. The rage I was feeling was as close to murderous as it had ever been, so I made no promises. If I lost control, if I pictured all the ways those men in that room had abused and manipulated Noe, there was a good chance someone was going to stop breathing.
The only thing keeping me in check was knowing I had to go after her. I needed to find her and bring her back. She needed to know I would always come for her and it didn’t matter where she hid, I would track her down. She was the only thing that made sense to me. She was the only one who understood me. She was the only person who wanted all of me, and I wasn’t going to fight the fact that I wanted all of her. Everything inside of me had been in disarray and out of order until she broke into my house and into my heart. She was the thing that reset everything, the person who knocked the rust off and started the machine back up. I purred steady and loud now, all because of her.
