Disarming
Page 2
“Yes, we’re leaving. Right now, actually.” I replied. I sighed, jumping down from my perch and motioning her to follow. She was no longer the one giving commands or instructions. She had checked out of her duties when an enemy hive of vampires had broken her down. I wanted my mother back, but from this, there was no recovery.
“Come on, let’s go before we fry out here.” I stuck my tongue out, trying to joke with her as I held out my hand to her. She was steady on her feet but almost fearful of the surrounding area. Agoraphobia was making her come out less and less. Her mental deterioration was continuing, but it had slowed down at least. She slipped her warm fingers into mine and let me lead her down over the smooth sandy rocks until we reached the bottom of the trail where our Jeep sat.
Slipping into the driver’s seat, I waited until my brother and mother strapped themselves in before putting the car into gear. I was the only one who drove now. I liked to drive, but the silence in the car could become unbearable at times. We rarely talked anymore, unless Jeremy went off on a rant about whatever it was that he wanted to yap about. Usually it was about an episode of the Andy Griffith Show or the school work I had thrown at him. Helen had stopped teaching him his school lessons. She had been so vigilante to keep us at our studies even though it was the end of the world. So now I was the teacher. Though I had been a good student, long division, fractions and grammar were not my strong suits and I hated it.
It made me resent her a bit. She had abandoned us already, even if she was still here physically. How could she let herself go like this? How could she leave us behind as she withered inside her self-imposed prison? I wanted to slap her at times and shake the old Helen out of her. I held out hope that she was still in there somewhere, just lost in the crevices of the endless fields in her mind.
But how could I find her? What would make her return to this place, so empty, hollow and filled with loneliness. Maybe she had found peace some other way, deep inside the vast nothing inside her. Maybe she didn’t want to return at all. Even though I understood her reasons for escape, how could I make her see what this was doing to us?
The thing was, I didn’t think I could save her. Maybe no one could.
Chapter Two
Promise Me This
April
“WE FOUND MORE of them.” Rye slipped down onto a park bench that sat just at the edge of the property where our bunker-slash-cabin was situated. He looked tired and rubbed his face as his gold-rimmed, grey eyes hovered near my face. He was devastatingly handsome and constantly made me avoid his gaze for fear that I’d get lost in his disarming looks. I didn’t want to be in love with anyone. Love was a foolish, pre-epidemic notion. Love was not a necessity; it was a luxury I refused to indulge in.
Rye made it so hard, though. The way his presence sent shivers through me was irresistible and impossible to ignore. Sometimes I wondered if pushing him away would be foolish, especially when he looked at me with those steel-colored eyes of his. How could someone make me feel like an idiot with no words whatsoever? It made my chest arrest for a moment before I’d violently shake it off. No time for that. No time ever.
“More ferals?” I stopped cleaning my weapons as I waited for him to continue. “Were they burned up?”
“Yep. Not so many now, but a lot. They were lining the streets in heaps, like they had been pushed out the windows of some of the hotels.” His lips thinned into a firm line, making him appear overly serious. I sighed, turning back to sorting my blades out across the table I had set up outside. There were ten blades, all sizes. Sharpening and cleaning each one took time, but it was an activity I saved for days like this, when too much was tumbling in my head and peace avoided me like a plague. It was soothing and calmed my frayed nerves.
I felt his fingers slip over my shoulders, giving them a tentative squeeze. My skin tingled with his touch, sending tiny sparks down my arms. I closed my eyes, and tried to control my breathing as he slowly kneaded my muscles, melting my tension away.
“What do you think is causing this?” I flung my eyes open, feeling slightly dazed yet relaxed. I continued to wipe down one particular machete, the one that I had chosen to replace my two favorite and now long lost weapons. I had grieved the loss of those blades, lost over the precipice of the Stratosphere Tower. It helped me turn my focus back to the conversation before I became a stuttering idiot from his touch.
“I’m not too sure. It’s the weirdest thing.” Rye’s hands slid away as he propped himself on a chair across from where I sat, his eyes twinkling as though he knew how distracting he was. “Who would go out at night to shove the wildlings out the windows? It’s suicidal.” He ran his hand through those thick, black locks that never seemed to stay put. “And it’s not like the windows are shattered. They look they were either never opened or shut after they did the deed.”
“Hmmm,” was I could muster as I thought things over. I wouldn’t dare hang out in a hotel after dark. The risk of becoming dinner to hundreds of ferals was way too high. Who would be that crazy? The possibility of there being something else at work was unnerving, Despite the massage I tensed back up as I thought of there being another supernatural mutation out there. I really hoped there wasn’t; there was enough stuff already lingering in the shadows, craving flesh and blood. “Nothing else has been discovered out there? Footprints? Blood?”
“No. Whoever is doing this knows what they’re doing, and they’re damn good at it.”
“Have they come after any hybrids?”
He sighed as he shook his head, his frustration painted on his face, making the knots in my shoulders tense up even more. “No, not yet at least.”
“Well, that’s pretty strange. Not sure how to even go about seeing who is doing it unless….” The idea came to me suddenly as I stopped what I was doing and smiled, excited about the thought. “We could put night vision cameras out there, where there the feral pileups are occurring, and see who shows up!”
“No electricity, remember?”
“Duh! Battery operated of course.” I rolled my eyes at the obvious and returned to polishing my weapons. Sometimes he was so stuck in the now that he didn’t want to think outside his little box. Rye sat still, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t smiling. Guilt suddenly ripped through me for being so insensitive. I wasn’t used to apologizing, and I found myself frozen, my mouth uncooperative as I tried to voice an “I’m sorry.” Instead, only a squeak leaked out as I watched him stand up.
“You’re probably right. I’ll run it past Blaze and go from there.” Rye readied himself to leave, tucking away the few weapons he had also been cleaning, and brushed off the particles from his clothes. I paused and watched him, knowing my sarcastic remark had rubbed him the wrong way. I longed to tell him not to go, that I wanted him to stay and chat some more. I loved his voice, the little gestures he made while he spoke. But I couldn’t. The words just never formed, and I didn’t know why.
“Leaving already?” I mustered enough in me to ask him, jumping up and laying my hand on his shoulder. His warmth radiated through the material, enveloping my fingers and making me long to have his arms around me. Rye jerked slightly from my touch, and I pulled my hand back to my side. His face was no longer calm. A burrowed frustration lingered in his eyes.
“Yes, I got loads to do back at the hive.” His solemn voice made my insides twist as I nodded, saddened but not wanting to upset him further. He gave me a wave as he said his farewells to my mother and brother. As he turned away and made his way down the drive, I let my eyes linger after him for a few moments. He was my best friend nowadays, but I didn’t know how to let him in. Even though he and I had felt an instant connection, I had put my walls back up straight away after the battle at the Stratosphere Tower, not wanting to focus on anything but keeping my family safe again. I didn’t know if he understood that. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing either. It felt forced and unnatural to keep him away. Even though my heart was being ripped into pieces, I didn’t have enough willpower in me to let myself love him completely. Maybe one day. But right now didn’t seem to be the time.
I sat back down, exasperated, but tried to shake it off. I missed him when he was gone, but his presence sent me into a tense state that I didn’t want to tolerate for too long. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I wasn’t sure I even had the energy to try and figure it out. If he was going to mean more to me, he’d understand. He’d wait for me, surely.
As I twisted my fingers, I wished I could say I was certain of that.
~~~~~
“APRIL.” HELEN’S VOICE shook me from my sleep. I groaned and sat up glaring at her with puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I mumbled.
“I need you to come and help me.”
I turned to glance at the red numbers on my bedside clock. 2:50 a.m. “It’s late, Mom. Can’t it wait ‘til morning?” I muttered, rubbing the sleep away as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The cool concrete penetrated the warmth of my skin, sobering me up some more as I waited for her to answer. I was exhausted. I had a hard time sleeping as it was, without her interrupting it.
“No. Now.” She waved for me to follow her, her face stern and impatient. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the soft glow of the security camera monitors. It sent an eerie color across her pale skin and dulled out the dark coloring of her hair. She was wide awake and had probably not slept a wink all night.
I sighed. When she was determined, there was no telling her “no.”
“Alright, one sec.” My hoodie was balled up on the chair next to my bed. I grabbed it and pulled it on, zipping it up with a forceful tug as I grumbled under my breath. The nights were still cool, sending a ripple of shivers down my arms. Hugging myself, I stood up and followed her to the back storage room.
It was here that we kept extra food that we foraged: cans, bottles of water, bags of cereal, sugar, dried milk, dried eggs, dried everything. One end had a locked cage. It hadn’t had much in it when we’d first come here, just some empty boxes, a sink and a latrine. I wondered often if it was a makeshift prison cell. Who would build that into a shelter? I hadn’t thought about it too much at the beginning, but I did now because it now held more than that: a cot, a bottle of water and some stores of food stacked next to the cot. My mom’s blankets and pillow were thrown on it, and a box full of her clothes sat under it, making me turn toward her in confusion.
“What’s this?” I hissed at her. I was cranky and her strange actions were driving me mad lately. This was going way too far. “Why’s your bed in there? What are you doing?” I waited for her to answer as she turned her cool, calm face toward me.
“I need you to lock the door for me during the night.” At that she stepped into the cell and shut the door behind her with a click. I stared, mouth agape. I was flabbergasted and stood in my place, confused and shocked. Her eyes gleamed at me, unnaturally shiny in the fluorescent light of the storeroom. I could tell from her expression that she was not kidding. Whatever she thought she was doing, she had to be off her rocker. I really hoped she wasn’t doing what I thought she was doing.
“What? No! Why are you doing this? You’re not sleeping in the cage, Mom.”
She was starting to lose her patience with me now as her face shifted to a darker shade of pink, flushing her cheeks as she stared me down. I didn’t move, frowning as she refused to come out of the cage. Her fingers curled around the bars, her face hovered closer to me.
“I have to, April. While you and Jeremy sleep, I can’t. I pace all night and the smell….” She bit her lip as she let the bars go and backed away, turning to start her pacing once more.
“What smell?” I asked. Curiosity had cooled my fury, but I was still seething.
Moments passed as she refused to answer. I waited, knowing she would talk sooner or later. Letting out a long drawn out breath, she stopped her pacing and turned back with fear pouring from her eyes.
“Your blood. I can smell it. Yours and Jeremy’s. And it smells divine.” She curled her fingers around the bars once more, narrowing her eyes at me as she stared. The darkness seemed to swirl in her orbs as my own widened in horror. “I might not be able to resist it anymore. You have to lock me up while you sleep, while your guard is down. I don’t trust myself any longer.”
Her dark blue eyes blinked. A storm of malice tumbled into them, making my breath stick in my throat and my mouth dry. The small sliver of golden halos peaked from outside the blue irises that reminded me of the expanses of ocean I so dearly missed. No, oh no.
I reached forward and pushed the lock together, heard it click and took the key out of its slot, my hands shaking with every movement. I couldn’t breathe, could hardly look up at my mother as I took in the weight of what she had said, what she so plainly had showed me, mostly without even a word. The question now was this: if she’s turning, what will she end up as? Feral or hybrid?
“Thank you, April. Don’t open it until you’re awake and don’t ever leave me alone with Jeremy. You hear me? Promise me that.” I nodded at her, though I could not bear to look at her. “One more thing,” she added. “Promise to end it if it goes bad.” She paused, awaiting my answer, desperation written across her worried face. But no answer came. I shook my head, not wanting to hear her words. “Swear it.”
I reluctantly nodded, closing my eyes which now burned with salty tears. I didn’t want to do what she asked of me. I wanted to turn around and scream at her that she could forget it. Why was this happening? The room spun and felt oddly suffocating. Yet I knew she was right and that I would want the same if the time every came. If the worst ever happened to me, I’d want the same. “I swear.”
“Come on, let’s go before we fry out here.” I stuck my tongue out, trying to joke with her as I held out my hand to her. She was steady on her feet but almost fearful of the surrounding area. Agoraphobia was making her come out less and less. Her mental deterioration was continuing, but it had slowed down at least. She slipped her warm fingers into mine and let me lead her down over the smooth sandy rocks until we reached the bottom of the trail where our Jeep sat.
Slipping into the driver’s seat, I waited until my brother and mother strapped themselves in before putting the car into gear. I was the only one who drove now. I liked to drive, but the silence in the car could become unbearable at times. We rarely talked anymore, unless Jeremy went off on a rant about whatever it was that he wanted to yap about. Usually it was about an episode of the Andy Griffith Show or the school work I had thrown at him. Helen had stopped teaching him his school lessons. She had been so vigilante to keep us at our studies even though it was the end of the world. So now I was the teacher. Though I had been a good student, long division, fractions and grammar were not my strong suits and I hated it.
It made me resent her a bit. She had abandoned us already, even if she was still here physically. How could she let herself go like this? How could she leave us behind as she withered inside her self-imposed prison? I wanted to slap her at times and shake the old Helen out of her. I held out hope that she was still in there somewhere, just lost in the crevices of the endless fields in her mind.
But how could I find her? What would make her return to this place, so empty, hollow and filled with loneliness. Maybe she had found peace some other way, deep inside the vast nothing inside her. Maybe she didn’t want to return at all. Even though I understood her reasons for escape, how could I make her see what this was doing to us?
The thing was, I didn’t think I could save her. Maybe no one could.
Chapter Two
Promise Me This
April
“WE FOUND MORE of them.” Rye slipped down onto a park bench that sat just at the edge of the property where our bunker-slash-cabin was situated. He looked tired and rubbed his face as his gold-rimmed, grey eyes hovered near my face. He was devastatingly handsome and constantly made me avoid his gaze for fear that I’d get lost in his disarming looks. I didn’t want to be in love with anyone. Love was a foolish, pre-epidemic notion. Love was not a necessity; it was a luxury I refused to indulge in.
Rye made it so hard, though. The way his presence sent shivers through me was irresistible and impossible to ignore. Sometimes I wondered if pushing him away would be foolish, especially when he looked at me with those steel-colored eyes of his. How could someone make me feel like an idiot with no words whatsoever? It made my chest arrest for a moment before I’d violently shake it off. No time for that. No time ever.
“More ferals?” I stopped cleaning my weapons as I waited for him to continue. “Were they burned up?”
“Yep. Not so many now, but a lot. They were lining the streets in heaps, like they had been pushed out the windows of some of the hotels.” His lips thinned into a firm line, making him appear overly serious. I sighed, turning back to sorting my blades out across the table I had set up outside. There were ten blades, all sizes. Sharpening and cleaning each one took time, but it was an activity I saved for days like this, when too much was tumbling in my head and peace avoided me like a plague. It was soothing and calmed my frayed nerves.
I felt his fingers slip over my shoulders, giving them a tentative squeeze. My skin tingled with his touch, sending tiny sparks down my arms. I closed my eyes, and tried to control my breathing as he slowly kneaded my muscles, melting my tension away.
“What do you think is causing this?” I flung my eyes open, feeling slightly dazed yet relaxed. I continued to wipe down one particular machete, the one that I had chosen to replace my two favorite and now long lost weapons. I had grieved the loss of those blades, lost over the precipice of the Stratosphere Tower. It helped me turn my focus back to the conversation before I became a stuttering idiot from his touch.
“I’m not too sure. It’s the weirdest thing.” Rye’s hands slid away as he propped himself on a chair across from where I sat, his eyes twinkling as though he knew how distracting he was. “Who would go out at night to shove the wildlings out the windows? It’s suicidal.” He ran his hand through those thick, black locks that never seemed to stay put. “And it’s not like the windows are shattered. They look they were either never opened or shut after they did the deed.”
“Hmmm,” was I could muster as I thought things over. I wouldn’t dare hang out in a hotel after dark. The risk of becoming dinner to hundreds of ferals was way too high. Who would be that crazy? The possibility of there being something else at work was unnerving, Despite the massage I tensed back up as I thought of there being another supernatural mutation out there. I really hoped there wasn’t; there was enough stuff already lingering in the shadows, craving flesh and blood. “Nothing else has been discovered out there? Footprints? Blood?”
“No. Whoever is doing this knows what they’re doing, and they’re damn good at it.”
“Have they come after any hybrids?”
He sighed as he shook his head, his frustration painted on his face, making the knots in my shoulders tense up even more. “No, not yet at least.”
“Well, that’s pretty strange. Not sure how to even go about seeing who is doing it unless….” The idea came to me suddenly as I stopped what I was doing and smiled, excited about the thought. “We could put night vision cameras out there, where there the feral pileups are occurring, and see who shows up!”
“No electricity, remember?”
“Duh! Battery operated of course.” I rolled my eyes at the obvious and returned to polishing my weapons. Sometimes he was so stuck in the now that he didn’t want to think outside his little box. Rye sat still, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t smiling. Guilt suddenly ripped through me for being so insensitive. I wasn’t used to apologizing, and I found myself frozen, my mouth uncooperative as I tried to voice an “I’m sorry.” Instead, only a squeak leaked out as I watched him stand up.
“You’re probably right. I’ll run it past Blaze and go from there.” Rye readied himself to leave, tucking away the few weapons he had also been cleaning, and brushed off the particles from his clothes. I paused and watched him, knowing my sarcastic remark had rubbed him the wrong way. I longed to tell him not to go, that I wanted him to stay and chat some more. I loved his voice, the little gestures he made while he spoke. But I couldn’t. The words just never formed, and I didn’t know why.
“Leaving already?” I mustered enough in me to ask him, jumping up and laying my hand on his shoulder. His warmth radiated through the material, enveloping my fingers and making me long to have his arms around me. Rye jerked slightly from my touch, and I pulled my hand back to my side. His face was no longer calm. A burrowed frustration lingered in his eyes.
“Yes, I got loads to do back at the hive.” His solemn voice made my insides twist as I nodded, saddened but not wanting to upset him further. He gave me a wave as he said his farewells to my mother and brother. As he turned away and made his way down the drive, I let my eyes linger after him for a few moments. He was my best friend nowadays, but I didn’t know how to let him in. Even though he and I had felt an instant connection, I had put my walls back up straight away after the battle at the Stratosphere Tower, not wanting to focus on anything but keeping my family safe again. I didn’t know if he understood that. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing either. It felt forced and unnatural to keep him away. Even though my heart was being ripped into pieces, I didn’t have enough willpower in me to let myself love him completely. Maybe one day. But right now didn’t seem to be the time.
I sat back down, exasperated, but tried to shake it off. I missed him when he was gone, but his presence sent me into a tense state that I didn’t want to tolerate for too long. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I wasn’t sure I even had the energy to try and figure it out. If he was going to mean more to me, he’d understand. He’d wait for me, surely.
As I twisted my fingers, I wished I could say I was certain of that.
~~~~~
“APRIL.” HELEN’S VOICE shook me from my sleep. I groaned and sat up glaring at her with puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I mumbled.
“I need you to come and help me.”
I turned to glance at the red numbers on my bedside clock. 2:50 a.m. “It’s late, Mom. Can’t it wait ‘til morning?” I muttered, rubbing the sleep away as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The cool concrete penetrated the warmth of my skin, sobering me up some more as I waited for her to answer. I was exhausted. I had a hard time sleeping as it was, without her interrupting it.
“No. Now.” She waved for me to follow her, her face stern and impatient. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the soft glow of the security camera monitors. It sent an eerie color across her pale skin and dulled out the dark coloring of her hair. She was wide awake and had probably not slept a wink all night.
I sighed. When she was determined, there was no telling her “no.”
“Alright, one sec.” My hoodie was balled up on the chair next to my bed. I grabbed it and pulled it on, zipping it up with a forceful tug as I grumbled under my breath. The nights were still cool, sending a ripple of shivers down my arms. Hugging myself, I stood up and followed her to the back storage room.
It was here that we kept extra food that we foraged: cans, bottles of water, bags of cereal, sugar, dried milk, dried eggs, dried everything. One end had a locked cage. It hadn’t had much in it when we’d first come here, just some empty boxes, a sink and a latrine. I wondered often if it was a makeshift prison cell. Who would build that into a shelter? I hadn’t thought about it too much at the beginning, but I did now because it now held more than that: a cot, a bottle of water and some stores of food stacked next to the cot. My mom’s blankets and pillow were thrown on it, and a box full of her clothes sat under it, making me turn toward her in confusion.
“What’s this?” I hissed at her. I was cranky and her strange actions were driving me mad lately. This was going way too far. “Why’s your bed in there? What are you doing?” I waited for her to answer as she turned her cool, calm face toward me.
“I need you to lock the door for me during the night.” At that she stepped into the cell and shut the door behind her with a click. I stared, mouth agape. I was flabbergasted and stood in my place, confused and shocked. Her eyes gleamed at me, unnaturally shiny in the fluorescent light of the storeroom. I could tell from her expression that she was not kidding. Whatever she thought she was doing, she had to be off her rocker. I really hoped she wasn’t doing what I thought she was doing.
“What? No! Why are you doing this? You’re not sleeping in the cage, Mom.”
She was starting to lose her patience with me now as her face shifted to a darker shade of pink, flushing her cheeks as she stared me down. I didn’t move, frowning as she refused to come out of the cage. Her fingers curled around the bars, her face hovered closer to me.
“I have to, April. While you and Jeremy sleep, I can’t. I pace all night and the smell….” She bit her lip as she let the bars go and backed away, turning to start her pacing once more.
“What smell?” I asked. Curiosity had cooled my fury, but I was still seething.
Moments passed as she refused to answer. I waited, knowing she would talk sooner or later. Letting out a long drawn out breath, she stopped her pacing and turned back with fear pouring from her eyes.
“Your blood. I can smell it. Yours and Jeremy’s. And it smells divine.” She curled her fingers around the bars once more, narrowing her eyes at me as she stared. The darkness seemed to swirl in her orbs as my own widened in horror. “I might not be able to resist it anymore. You have to lock me up while you sleep, while your guard is down. I don’t trust myself any longer.”
Her dark blue eyes blinked. A storm of malice tumbled into them, making my breath stick in my throat and my mouth dry. The small sliver of golden halos peaked from outside the blue irises that reminded me of the expanses of ocean I so dearly missed. No, oh no.
I reached forward and pushed the lock together, heard it click and took the key out of its slot, my hands shaking with every movement. I couldn’t breathe, could hardly look up at my mother as I took in the weight of what she had said, what she so plainly had showed me, mostly without even a word. The question now was this: if she’s turning, what will she end up as? Feral or hybrid?
“Thank you, April. Don’t open it until you’re awake and don’t ever leave me alone with Jeremy. You hear me? Promise me that.” I nodded at her, though I could not bear to look at her. “One more thing,” she added. “Promise to end it if it goes bad.” She paused, awaiting my answer, desperation written across her worried face. But no answer came. I shook my head, not wanting to hear her words. “Swear it.”
I reluctantly nodded, closing my eyes which now burned with salty tears. I didn’t want to do what she asked of me. I wanted to turn around and scream at her that she could forget it. Why was this happening? The room spun and felt oddly suffocating. Yet I knew she was right and that I would want the same if the time every came. If the worst ever happened to me, I’d want the same. “I swear.”
