Distraction
Page 20
“Sven,” I whisper as tears clog my throat.
“No, Mags, I’ve given you time. I’ve done everything but write it in the sky, and you still do not understand I’m in love with you. I loved you before I even understood the pain you caused in my chest.” He steps toward me then pauses as his eyes sweep over me and go soft.
“Then you gave yourself to me last night, gave me a gift that I know I’m not worthy of, but I took it anyway, only to wake up this morning in a fucking nightmare,” he says, and my heart that had been soaring begins to crash to the ground in a fiery ball of flames. “I’m at a loss, baby. For the first time in my life, I feel lost on what to do. I love you, but if this isn’t what you want, I need you to just leave, because I don’t have the strength to do this anymore.”
Tears begin streaming down my cheeks and I try to swipe them away, but they are coming so quickly that I don’t have time to catch them all. There is no way I can walk away from Sven, but the idea of being with him scares me.
“Why?” I shake my head, not sure what I’m asking. Why does he love me? Why is he telling me this now? Why is he doing this to me? Why am I not jumping for joy?
“Why?” he repeats, taking another step toward me and I nod. “I’m not sure. I wasn’t even looking, but then one day you were there and I knew you were it.”
“I’m not even your type,” I point out on a quiet sob as I cover my mouth.
“What type would that be?” he asks tenderly, pulling me up against his body, where I go willingly, melting into him. “The beautiful, sassy, smart type?” he questions, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
“You’re my boss.”
“Yeah, and if you’re mine…” He smiles a smile I’ve never seen before then dips his face closer to mine. “I’ll finally be able to do what I’ve wanted to do every time you’ve pranced around my office in those tight skirts and tights with the sweet little designs on them.” I feel heat hit my cheeks then duck my head so he can’t see how his words affect me. I have always been attracted to Sven, but to know he feels the same thing for me is overwhelming.
“We have to talk about last night.” I swallow and pull away, needing to put some distance between us so I can think clearly.
“Let’s go sit down.” His tone has my eyes flying up to meet his. Long gone is the sweet smile, and in its place is rage.
Leading me over to the couch, he sits then pulls me down onto his lap.
“Maybe I should sit over there.” I point to the chair that sits catty-corner to the couch.
“No, I need you right here when we talk about last night.”
Searching his gaze, I agree with a quiet, “Okay.”
“What do you remember about last night?” he asks, pushing some hair behind my ear as his eyes run over me.
“Nothing,” I say, feeling a chill slide down my spine.
“Nothing,” he repeats as his hand on my thigh moves in soothing strokes. “What was your last memory from yesterday?”
“I didn’t want to come home, so I went down to the bar to hang with Eva for awhile. When I got there, she still had customers, so she poured me a cranberry juice and we talked a bit, but she was busy.” I end letting my words hang in the air between us.
Leaning back, he pulls his hand from my thigh and runs it over his face. “When I got to the club, you were laughing and having a good time, but you weren’t blitzed.”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even remember seeing you.”
“Jesus,” he groans, wrapping his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. “You had to have been roofied and I didn’t even think about it. I just knew you were finally opening up to me and that was all I saw, so I took my shot.”
“Wouldn’t I have been passed out or something?” I whisper.
“I would never have gone there if I believed for one second that was the case, Mags. You have to believe that.”
I do actually believe he wouldn’t take advantage of me. I know deep down that if he thought for one second I had been drugged, I would have been in the hospital, not in his bed doing whatever it is we did last night.
“I believe you,” I tell him, running my hand through his hair. When his face comes out of my neck, the worry in his eyes is still there. I hate that look on him, but I have no idea how I can fix it.
“Where do we go from here?” he asks so quietly I’m not even sure those are the exact words.
“What do you mean?”
“You told me last night you were in love with me. Was that real? Do we even have a shot at fixing this?”
“You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose that,” I tell him my deepest fear. Before Sven, I didn’t have anyone to lean on, anyone to protect me. I wasn’t sure I could trust what he was asking of me, but I also knew in my heart I would be stupid not to find out.
“What exactly are you looking for?”
“Forever,” he says immediately, catching me off-guard.
“I’m barely accepting the fact you would want to be with me. I mean, there was a woman in the house naked when I came home tonight.” A woman who looked like she could have been on the cover of Maxim, for God’s sake, I think but leave out. I know I’m pretty. I have been told that my whole life. I have no qualms about my size-twelve shape, but I have curves that take a lot more to cover.
“I have no idea who she was or how she got inside. I haven’t touched another woman since the night we met. I want you, Mags, and no one else.”
“You haven’t been with anyone sin…since we met?” I breathe out, searching his face for any sign of deceit.
“No one.”
I swear I feel my eyes pop out of my head at that comment. Sven is young, wealthy, and attractive. I know for a fact women throw themselves at him all the time. I have been there on more then one occasion when it’s happened, but if I really think about it, he’s not lying. I have not seen him return any of the advances he’s received. I don’t even see his phone light up constantly like it used to when I first started working for him, with names like Bambie and Lexus. I haven’t heard of him hooking up with anyone at the club.
“I’m no good at relationships,” I admit.
“I’ve never been in a relationship, so my standards are pretty low.” He smiles and I shake my head, wrapping my fingers around the side of his neck, needing him to understand how serious I am.
“After I broke up with Wyatt, I did some soul searching,” I say, ignoring the way his nostrils flare at the mention of my ex. “I realized I’ve constantly picked men who couldn’t let me down, because I didn’t have any expectations for them to live up to. Like Ace—I knew he wasn’t looking for anything serious, or Wyatt, who lived hundreds of miles away. I wasn’t invested in them, because I didn’t have to be.”
“Don’t put me in the same category as them,” he flips me to my back, making me squeak as he moves his face above mine. “This is me and you. I’m invested in us, and I expect you to be, too. I won’t let you off the hook or let you downplay what we have between us.”
“No, Mags, I’ve given you time. I’ve done everything but write it in the sky, and you still do not understand I’m in love with you. I loved you before I even understood the pain you caused in my chest.” He steps toward me then pauses as his eyes sweep over me and go soft.
“Then you gave yourself to me last night, gave me a gift that I know I’m not worthy of, but I took it anyway, only to wake up this morning in a fucking nightmare,” he says, and my heart that had been soaring begins to crash to the ground in a fiery ball of flames. “I’m at a loss, baby. For the first time in my life, I feel lost on what to do. I love you, but if this isn’t what you want, I need you to just leave, because I don’t have the strength to do this anymore.”
Tears begin streaming down my cheeks and I try to swipe them away, but they are coming so quickly that I don’t have time to catch them all. There is no way I can walk away from Sven, but the idea of being with him scares me.
“Why?” I shake my head, not sure what I’m asking. Why does he love me? Why is he telling me this now? Why is he doing this to me? Why am I not jumping for joy?
“Why?” he repeats, taking another step toward me and I nod. “I’m not sure. I wasn’t even looking, but then one day you were there and I knew you were it.”
“I’m not even your type,” I point out on a quiet sob as I cover my mouth.
“What type would that be?” he asks tenderly, pulling me up against his body, where I go willingly, melting into him. “The beautiful, sassy, smart type?” he questions, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
“You’re my boss.”
“Yeah, and if you’re mine…” He smiles a smile I’ve never seen before then dips his face closer to mine. “I’ll finally be able to do what I’ve wanted to do every time you’ve pranced around my office in those tight skirts and tights with the sweet little designs on them.” I feel heat hit my cheeks then duck my head so he can’t see how his words affect me. I have always been attracted to Sven, but to know he feels the same thing for me is overwhelming.
“We have to talk about last night.” I swallow and pull away, needing to put some distance between us so I can think clearly.
“Let’s go sit down.” His tone has my eyes flying up to meet his. Long gone is the sweet smile, and in its place is rage.
Leading me over to the couch, he sits then pulls me down onto his lap.
“Maybe I should sit over there.” I point to the chair that sits catty-corner to the couch.
“No, I need you right here when we talk about last night.”
Searching his gaze, I agree with a quiet, “Okay.”
“What do you remember about last night?” he asks, pushing some hair behind my ear as his eyes run over me.
“Nothing,” I say, feeling a chill slide down my spine.
“Nothing,” he repeats as his hand on my thigh moves in soothing strokes. “What was your last memory from yesterday?”
“I didn’t want to come home, so I went down to the bar to hang with Eva for awhile. When I got there, she still had customers, so she poured me a cranberry juice and we talked a bit, but she was busy.” I end letting my words hang in the air between us.
Leaning back, he pulls his hand from my thigh and runs it over his face. “When I got to the club, you were laughing and having a good time, but you weren’t blitzed.”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything. I don’t even remember seeing you.”
“Jesus,” he groans, wrapping his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. “You had to have been roofied and I didn’t even think about it. I just knew you were finally opening up to me and that was all I saw, so I took my shot.”
“Wouldn’t I have been passed out or something?” I whisper.
“I would never have gone there if I believed for one second that was the case, Mags. You have to believe that.”
I do actually believe he wouldn’t take advantage of me. I know deep down that if he thought for one second I had been drugged, I would have been in the hospital, not in his bed doing whatever it is we did last night.
“I believe you,” I tell him, running my hand through his hair. When his face comes out of my neck, the worry in his eyes is still there. I hate that look on him, but I have no idea how I can fix it.
“Where do we go from here?” he asks so quietly I’m not even sure those are the exact words.
“What do you mean?”
“You told me last night you were in love with me. Was that real? Do we even have a shot at fixing this?”
“You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose that,” I tell him my deepest fear. Before Sven, I didn’t have anyone to lean on, anyone to protect me. I wasn’t sure I could trust what he was asking of me, but I also knew in my heart I would be stupid not to find out.
“What exactly are you looking for?”
“Forever,” he says immediately, catching me off-guard.
“I’m barely accepting the fact you would want to be with me. I mean, there was a woman in the house naked when I came home tonight.” A woman who looked like she could have been on the cover of Maxim, for God’s sake, I think but leave out. I know I’m pretty. I have been told that my whole life. I have no qualms about my size-twelve shape, but I have curves that take a lot more to cover.
“I have no idea who she was or how she got inside. I haven’t touched another woman since the night we met. I want you, Mags, and no one else.”
“You haven’t been with anyone sin…since we met?” I breathe out, searching his face for any sign of deceit.
“No one.”
I swear I feel my eyes pop out of my head at that comment. Sven is young, wealthy, and attractive. I know for a fact women throw themselves at him all the time. I have been there on more then one occasion when it’s happened, but if I really think about it, he’s not lying. I have not seen him return any of the advances he’s received. I don’t even see his phone light up constantly like it used to when I first started working for him, with names like Bambie and Lexus. I haven’t heard of him hooking up with anyone at the club.
“I’m no good at relationships,” I admit.
“I’ve never been in a relationship, so my standards are pretty low.” He smiles and I shake my head, wrapping my fingers around the side of his neck, needing him to understand how serious I am.
“After I broke up with Wyatt, I did some soul searching,” I say, ignoring the way his nostrils flare at the mention of my ex. “I realized I’ve constantly picked men who couldn’t let me down, because I didn’t have any expectations for them to live up to. Like Ace—I knew he wasn’t looking for anything serious, or Wyatt, who lived hundreds of miles away. I wasn’t invested in them, because I didn’t have to be.”
“Don’t put me in the same category as them,” he flips me to my back, making me squeak as he moves his face above mine. “This is me and you. I’m invested in us, and I expect you to be, too. I won’t let you off the hook or let you downplay what we have between us.”
