Drawn Together
Page 34
And maybe that’s why she’d done it. To test him. But he wasn’t a boy to play with. He was a man. A man who knew what he wanted.
“I have a life. Everything is in order. I like my schedule and how I live. And you come in and in less than a month you’re turning shit upside down and demanding I . . .”
“Share? Tell me about your life? How dare I? Is it that you think I’d judge you? That you don’t think you can trust me to keep your confidences?”
“Look, sometimes you say things and you can’t unsay them. You can’t unknow them.”
“But you already know them. They happened to you.” The anger was gone and his calm was back, laced with a kind of gentleness that tore at her.
“Living them was enough. I’ve spent most of my life trying to forget!” She slammed her fist into her thigh so hard she knew she’d have a bruise.
“Baby, maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you should get it all out and slay those demons.”
The endearment nearly pushed her to frustrated tears.
“Which is so easy for you to say! You grew up with a family. You grew up knowing exactly where you’d sleep every single night. I bet your parents tucked you in. I didn’t even know that was a reality until I was fifteen years old.”
“It is easy for me to say. Certainly easier than for you. And yes, sometimes we got tucked in. Enough that I knew how important it was to tuck my own child in every night. What happened? When you were fifteen, I mean?”
“No. That’s not open for discussion.”
He froze. “Someone hurt you.”
“Lots of someones hurt me, Jonah. Don’t try to avenge me now. I’m past it.”
“No, you aren’t. Or you could talk about it.”
“Have you ever stopped to think, just once, that people don’t like to discuss unpleasant things?”
“Sure. But this is more than that. What happened to your mother?”
She blew out a breath. “She was a drug addict. She had me, dumped me on my grandmother, who was just as much of a mess as my mother was. So I got dumped on her mother.”
“So you never saw her? In your childhood?”
“A few times. She’d come to town, promise me she was better. She stayed with my great-grandmother too. Once she even rented us a house and had a job.”
Tears threatened and she clamped her lips tight, willing them back. Pushing the humiliation, the shame and disappointment as far away as she could.
He must have sensed it because he backed off. For a few minutes anyway.
“What’s your favorite food?”
“Pot roast.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Why do you sound so surprised? Am I not allowed to like pot roast?”
“No.” He laughed. “God, you’re so f**king defensive about everything.”
“And yet you can’t get enough.”
He took her hand, pulling when she tried to snatch it back. He kissed her knuckles. “This is so goddamned true you have no idea. For what it’s worth, I like pot roast too. With roasted potatoes.”
“Hm.”
“That sound manages to be dismissive, annoyed, sexy and funny all at once. I even hear it when I’m not with you.”
“Part of my many charms.”
“They’re legion. My favorite food is tacos.”
“Really?”
“Now it’s my turn to ask why you sound so surprised.”
“You seem like a well-aged-steak-and-scotch sort of dude.”
“No denying the appeal of a good steak and some scotch. But tacos are something I can make. They’re portable. Most places manage to do them well if they’re on the menu.”
“The next time you go to L.A. I can tell you a few places I love.”
“You seem pretty fond of Los Angeles. Why did you come up here then?”
“Brody.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. At first anyway. I met him in L.A. through a mutual friend who does tattoos. I liked him immediately. I mean, what’s not to like? Anyway, then I met Erin and she and I hit it off. She lived in L.A. too. But I came up here a lot to see Brody. He took me under his wing, taught me a whole lot. I started working at his shop. Filling in here and there. He never tried to make me into something I wasn’t. He let me come and go.
“Plus, its cool here. And green and clean. Far, far from Happy Bend. I still go to Los Angeles at least once a year. But I suppose I’ve ended up calling Seattle my home. As much as I have a home anyway.”
“What went wrong with Brody?”
“He’s a good man. In the end he wanted something I couldn’t give. I told him that but he . . . I guess he expected better of me and I disappointed him. Hurt him. And then we were on and off. Truly, better as friends than we were as lovers. Elise came into the picture. God, I hated her at first. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I didn’t really mind her at first. But once I saw he was really into her, that the thing between them was way more than just a flirtation, then I hated her.”
“Why?”
Raven laughed. “Have you seen Elise? She’s gorgeous. She’s perfect. A wonderful mother. She was—is—good to Brody. She’s what he needed in a way that I never had been.” She paused and then just said it. “Erin adores her. Adrian thought she was perfect. And my place there, I was—”
“Worried you’d lose them.”
“I have a life. Everything is in order. I like my schedule and how I live. And you come in and in less than a month you’re turning shit upside down and demanding I . . .”
“Share? Tell me about your life? How dare I? Is it that you think I’d judge you? That you don’t think you can trust me to keep your confidences?”
“Look, sometimes you say things and you can’t unsay them. You can’t unknow them.”
“But you already know them. They happened to you.” The anger was gone and his calm was back, laced with a kind of gentleness that tore at her.
“Living them was enough. I’ve spent most of my life trying to forget!” She slammed her fist into her thigh so hard she knew she’d have a bruise.
“Baby, maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you should get it all out and slay those demons.”
The endearment nearly pushed her to frustrated tears.
“Which is so easy for you to say! You grew up with a family. You grew up knowing exactly where you’d sleep every single night. I bet your parents tucked you in. I didn’t even know that was a reality until I was fifteen years old.”
“It is easy for me to say. Certainly easier than for you. And yes, sometimes we got tucked in. Enough that I knew how important it was to tuck my own child in every night. What happened? When you were fifteen, I mean?”
“No. That’s not open for discussion.”
He froze. “Someone hurt you.”
“Lots of someones hurt me, Jonah. Don’t try to avenge me now. I’m past it.”
“No, you aren’t. Or you could talk about it.”
“Have you ever stopped to think, just once, that people don’t like to discuss unpleasant things?”
“Sure. But this is more than that. What happened to your mother?”
She blew out a breath. “She was a drug addict. She had me, dumped me on my grandmother, who was just as much of a mess as my mother was. So I got dumped on her mother.”
“So you never saw her? In your childhood?”
“A few times. She’d come to town, promise me she was better. She stayed with my great-grandmother too. Once she even rented us a house and had a job.”
Tears threatened and she clamped her lips tight, willing them back. Pushing the humiliation, the shame and disappointment as far away as she could.
He must have sensed it because he backed off. For a few minutes anyway.
“What’s your favorite food?”
“Pot roast.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Why do you sound so surprised? Am I not allowed to like pot roast?”
“No.” He laughed. “God, you’re so f**king defensive about everything.”
“And yet you can’t get enough.”
He took her hand, pulling when she tried to snatch it back. He kissed her knuckles. “This is so goddamned true you have no idea. For what it’s worth, I like pot roast too. With roasted potatoes.”
“Hm.”
“That sound manages to be dismissive, annoyed, sexy and funny all at once. I even hear it when I’m not with you.”
“Part of my many charms.”
“They’re legion. My favorite food is tacos.”
“Really?”
“Now it’s my turn to ask why you sound so surprised.”
“You seem like a well-aged-steak-and-scotch sort of dude.”
“No denying the appeal of a good steak and some scotch. But tacos are something I can make. They’re portable. Most places manage to do them well if they’re on the menu.”
“The next time you go to L.A. I can tell you a few places I love.”
“You seem pretty fond of Los Angeles. Why did you come up here then?”
“Brody.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. At first anyway. I met him in L.A. through a mutual friend who does tattoos. I liked him immediately. I mean, what’s not to like? Anyway, then I met Erin and she and I hit it off. She lived in L.A. too. But I came up here a lot to see Brody. He took me under his wing, taught me a whole lot. I started working at his shop. Filling in here and there. He never tried to make me into something I wasn’t. He let me come and go.
“Plus, its cool here. And green and clean. Far, far from Happy Bend. I still go to Los Angeles at least once a year. But I suppose I’ve ended up calling Seattle my home. As much as I have a home anyway.”
“What went wrong with Brody?”
“He’s a good man. In the end he wanted something I couldn’t give. I told him that but he . . . I guess he expected better of me and I disappointed him. Hurt him. And then we were on and off. Truly, better as friends than we were as lovers. Elise came into the picture. God, I hated her at first. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I didn’t really mind her at first. But once I saw he was really into her, that the thing between them was way more than just a flirtation, then I hated her.”
“Why?”
Raven laughed. “Have you seen Elise? She’s gorgeous. She’s perfect. A wonderful mother. She was—is—good to Brody. She’s what he needed in a way that I never had been.” She paused and then just said it. “Erin adores her. Adrian thought she was perfect. And my place there, I was—”
“Worried you’d lose them.”
