Earthbound
Page 69
She had it with Quinn.
Now I want it with Benson.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Sobs are wracking my body before I realize I’ve started crying. And almost as soon as I do, I’m laughing, laughing at the power Rebecca’s trying to exert over me as soon as I want someone who isn’t Quinn.
“Get out of my head!” I scream to the sky, and she retreats, but her presence is still there, slowly melding, and I know it’s only a matter of time before it is not her and me, but us.
“Tave,” Benson says, his hands still on my face. I take a calming breath and ground myself by studying him—his wire-rimmed glasses, slightly askew, the streak of mud across his forehead, his lips. They’re red from my rough affections and all I want to do is kiss them again.
I try to speak, but my teeth are chattering from both cold and nerves and I can’t get anything understandable out.
“Come here,” Benson says, opening his jacket to me. I tuck myself close against his chest and he wraps me up as best he can, holding me tight as the chattering turns into full-body shudders, then slowly subsides.
“Can you talk about it now?” Benson whispers.
I don’t lift my head; I’m not sure I can make this confession while looking at him. “I saw the whole thing. The night they were supposed to die.”
“You mean like you were seeing through Quinn?”
I shake my head violently. “No, I had that part totally wrong. This was never about Quinn; it was about me! Quinn’s not trying to possess me—he’s just trying to get me to remember who I am.”
“And who are you?”
“I’m Rebecca Fielding.” Saying it aloud threatens my grip on reality. Less than a week ago, I thought loving a stranger was crazy. Where does that leave me now? “I was. Two hundred years ago, I was her, and I was here. With Quinn. We’re …”
We’re Earthbound. That word in Rebecca’s head. The word Elizabeth spoke. The one I read in Quinn’s journal.
But there’s another word, too. One that terrifies me to my bones.
Gods. I am a goddess. But I don’t say the words out loud. I hardly dare to think them, but their truth resonates through me. Even though I’m still not entirely sure what they mean.
For months I’ve accepted my limitations, accepted the parts of me that will never heal. Accepted that I am less than I once was.
But now I’m not.
I’m more. So much more.
I am forever. I am eternal. I am powerful beyond imagination. It’s why I can make things. Rebecca could. Quinn could. And now I can. The cast-iron covering Benson and I dug up, like the cast-iron manacles I trapped Elizabeth in. I understand why, in that moment, it seemed so familiar.
And that’s only a fraction of what I can do.
Rebecca and Quinn were better than I am now. My creations disappear—two hundred years later, theirs are still here.
I have the potential to do the same thing.
But I have to do something. And not just anything—the most important something in the world.
It will unlock my abilities … . if only I can remember what it is.
My body starts to shake again. That kind of power makes everything more dangerous, more dire. Maybe I can harness it, but if I can’t, it could destroy us all.
“I don’t understand,” Benson says, and his voice is unsteady. “Like, a past life?”
“Yes. And not just one. A hundred. A thousand. At first I saw Rebecca, the same way I’ve always seen Quinn. But then, it’s like my—my soul, I guess, came out of me and I was inside Rebecca, looking out of her eyes and feeling everything that she felt on the night they tried to kill her.”
Benson is silent, but his brow wrinkles in obvious thought.
“And it was … familiar. I knew I’d been in that body before.” It was like coming home, I think. But I don’t say it.
“So, do you … remember things now?”
“Sort of. Flashes. It’s not much,” I admit. “But she … I was so afraid. They’re after her, Benson.”
“Who?”
“The Reduciata.” Just saying the word makes a storm of fear roil in my chest.
He swallows hard.
“And that’s why they’re after me. Because she is me. I can’t let them catch me. They’ll—they’ll—” I don’t know how to end that sentence. But the terror that twists my insides in knots is enough to let me know that I would rather die than be in Reduciata custody.
Again.
Again?
“You can’t even imagine what they’ll do,” I finally say, my voice soft. I shake off the awful memories.
Not even memories—shadows, hints of memories.
“We can’t go to the Curatoria either. I have to do this on my own.” Panic quivers inside me and I spin back to Benson. “Not alone,” I emphasize when I see the despairing expression on his face. “Please help me?”
He reaches for my shoulder, then changes his mind and lets his hands drop. “What do you need me to do?”
“I need—”
The necklace. Rebecca’s voice, I think. It sounds so much like my own.
“The necklace,” I obediently parrot. “The one Quinn wrote about in his journal—then I’ll remember.” I don’t want to give Rebecca more access to my head—to my heart—but somehow I know that getting the necklace will give me more power, not less. I have to have that power.
Now I want it with Benson.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Sobs are wracking my body before I realize I’ve started crying. And almost as soon as I do, I’m laughing, laughing at the power Rebecca’s trying to exert over me as soon as I want someone who isn’t Quinn.
“Get out of my head!” I scream to the sky, and she retreats, but her presence is still there, slowly melding, and I know it’s only a matter of time before it is not her and me, but us.
“Tave,” Benson says, his hands still on my face. I take a calming breath and ground myself by studying him—his wire-rimmed glasses, slightly askew, the streak of mud across his forehead, his lips. They’re red from my rough affections and all I want to do is kiss them again.
I try to speak, but my teeth are chattering from both cold and nerves and I can’t get anything understandable out.
“Come here,” Benson says, opening his jacket to me. I tuck myself close against his chest and he wraps me up as best he can, holding me tight as the chattering turns into full-body shudders, then slowly subsides.
“Can you talk about it now?” Benson whispers.
I don’t lift my head; I’m not sure I can make this confession while looking at him. “I saw the whole thing. The night they were supposed to die.”
“You mean like you were seeing through Quinn?”
I shake my head violently. “No, I had that part totally wrong. This was never about Quinn; it was about me! Quinn’s not trying to possess me—he’s just trying to get me to remember who I am.”
“And who are you?”
“I’m Rebecca Fielding.” Saying it aloud threatens my grip on reality. Less than a week ago, I thought loving a stranger was crazy. Where does that leave me now? “I was. Two hundred years ago, I was her, and I was here. With Quinn. We’re …”
We’re Earthbound. That word in Rebecca’s head. The word Elizabeth spoke. The one I read in Quinn’s journal.
But there’s another word, too. One that terrifies me to my bones.
Gods. I am a goddess. But I don’t say the words out loud. I hardly dare to think them, but their truth resonates through me. Even though I’m still not entirely sure what they mean.
For months I’ve accepted my limitations, accepted the parts of me that will never heal. Accepted that I am less than I once was.
But now I’m not.
I’m more. So much more.
I am forever. I am eternal. I am powerful beyond imagination. It’s why I can make things. Rebecca could. Quinn could. And now I can. The cast-iron covering Benson and I dug up, like the cast-iron manacles I trapped Elizabeth in. I understand why, in that moment, it seemed so familiar.
And that’s only a fraction of what I can do.
Rebecca and Quinn were better than I am now. My creations disappear—two hundred years later, theirs are still here.
I have the potential to do the same thing.
But I have to do something. And not just anything—the most important something in the world.
It will unlock my abilities … . if only I can remember what it is.
My body starts to shake again. That kind of power makes everything more dangerous, more dire. Maybe I can harness it, but if I can’t, it could destroy us all.
“I don’t understand,” Benson says, and his voice is unsteady. “Like, a past life?”
“Yes. And not just one. A hundred. A thousand. At first I saw Rebecca, the same way I’ve always seen Quinn. But then, it’s like my—my soul, I guess, came out of me and I was inside Rebecca, looking out of her eyes and feeling everything that she felt on the night they tried to kill her.”
Benson is silent, but his brow wrinkles in obvious thought.
“And it was … familiar. I knew I’d been in that body before.” It was like coming home, I think. But I don’t say it.
“So, do you … remember things now?”
“Sort of. Flashes. It’s not much,” I admit. “But she … I was so afraid. They’re after her, Benson.”
“Who?”
“The Reduciata.” Just saying the word makes a storm of fear roil in my chest.
He swallows hard.
“And that’s why they’re after me. Because she is me. I can’t let them catch me. They’ll—they’ll—” I don’t know how to end that sentence. But the terror that twists my insides in knots is enough to let me know that I would rather die than be in Reduciata custody.
Again.
Again?
“You can’t even imagine what they’ll do,” I finally say, my voice soft. I shake off the awful memories.
Not even memories—shadows, hints of memories.
“We can’t go to the Curatoria either. I have to do this on my own.” Panic quivers inside me and I spin back to Benson. “Not alone,” I emphasize when I see the despairing expression on his face. “Please help me?”
He reaches for my shoulder, then changes his mind and lets his hands drop. “What do you need me to do?”
“I need—”
The necklace. Rebecca’s voice, I think. It sounds so much like my own.
“The necklace,” I obediently parrot. “The one Quinn wrote about in his journal—then I’ll remember.” I don’t want to give Rebecca more access to my head—to my heart—but somehow I know that getting the necklace will give me more power, not less. I have to have that power.
