Effortless
Page 17
Kellan looked back at me for a split-second, but his attention was quickly diverted back to one of the guys. Sighing, I twisted and left them to their moment of glory. I had to go back to work anyway.
As I meandered over to a couple that had just sat down, I listened to the band in the back corner. Their laughter was loud, their voices gleeful. Several regulars asked me what was going on and I morosely told them.
"They're going on tour. They're going to spread their talent over the nation and some record label is going to notice and sign them up. After that, they'll be played on the radio every five minutes, headline a solo tour in every major city in the world, and be swarmed by people nonstop. They'll be booked on every talk show, play at every award show, and Kellan will end up on every magazine's "Hottest Guys" list. After that, he'll receive invitations from groupies and celebrities alike. Eventually he'll give in to an A-list starlet and they'll be the talk of every tabloid in creation. And I'll be here...pouring you your drink and reminiscing about the rock star that I used to date."
Well, okay, I may have only told the customers that very first sentence, but the rest of the speech echoed in my head on a never-ending loop. Kellan and I could try and trust each other, sure, but that only meant he wouldn't sneak around behind my back. There were no guarantees that he'd stay with me once he was exposed to...well, literally, everyone.
All of the customers had an excited reaction to the news, several walking over to the guys' table to slap them on the back in congratulations, or in the girls' cases, to give them appreciative hugs. Surprisingly, the only person who seemed as un-thrilled over this development as me was Rita. She sulked as much as I did as I approached the bar to get yet another round that someone had bought for the foursome.
Her collagen-injected lips puckered into as much of a scowl as she could make as she arranged their shots. "I can't believe he's leaving," she murmured over the noise in the bar. Glancing up at me, she narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you going to stop this? Put your foot down?"
Looking back at Kellan smiling and shaking Sam's hand, finally looking happy about the idea of singing across the country, I sighed and shook my head. "No, he deserves this. I'm not going to try and keep him from fulfilling a dream."
Rita reached across the bar and smacked me on the shoulder. I glared back at her as she adjusted the deeply plunging neckline of her altered Pete's shirt. "Then you're an idiot." She pointed over to Kellan and the guys and crassly verbalized every fear I had. "He's going to get famous after this little stint. Then he's going to realize that he's famous, and gorgeous, and can screw just about any woman in the world. You think he's going to stay with an ordinary nobody after that?"
Harshly grabbing my tray of shots, a good quarter of the drinks splashing over the edge, I raised my chin to her. With a confidence that I wasn't sure I really felt, I shook my head. "You don't know Kellan, not like I do. He's not like that. He's not interested in the fame, in the power, or in the women." Lowering my chin, I shrugged. "He's interested in me."
Rita folded her arms across her chest and smirked at me. "Right. And he wouldn't dare cheat on you, because he's such a...moral guy."
She eyed me up and down and I flushed all over. By the tone in her voice I knew what she was referring to when she questioned his morality. The affair Kellan and I'd had was never openly admitted by anyone who knew, but with the public fights Kellan and I had shared, followed by Kellan's beating-that we still claimed was a mugging-most people had put the pieces together. Especially after Denny had fled the country.
Not wanting to talk about my life with Rita anymore, since Kellan had once been immoral with her too, I muttered, "You don't know him," and stormed off to their table.
After another couple of free rounds, the guys finally had to leave for a show at another bar. Kellan lingered after the other guys exited to a spattering of cheers and whistles. Before he left, Griffin paused at the door, exclaiming, "Thank you all, my loyal subjects. And don't worry, I won't ever forget you when I'm famous, I'll only refuse to acknowledge your existence!"
Most of the bar laughed at that, maybe thinking he was joking. Knowing Griffin probably meant it wholeheartedly, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Jackass. Someday I was going to have to stage an intervention for Anna. She could do so much better. Well, she certainly couldn't do any worse.
Also rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Kellan strolled up to where I was standing beside a recently emptied table. Giving me a crooked grin, he nodded at where Griffin had disappeared to. "What do you think will do him in first? Drugs, money, or women?"
Smiling, I slung my arms around his waist and raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure it will be a combination of all three."
Kellan chuckled and looped his arms around my waist. As he leaned down to kiss me, I found myself inadvertently spouting, "And what about you? What will be your downfall?"
He paused before our lips touched. He started to frown, then smiled. "You think I'll have one?"
Embarrassed that I'd asked, I shook my head , then shrugged. "It has occurred to me that you're on the path to fame and fame brings certain...hazards with it." Sighing, knowing now wasn't really the time to have this conversation, I stared up at him. "You'll be surrounded by so much...temptation." I bit my lip. "And I've seen 'Behind the Music.' I know what gets offered to rock stars."
He narrowed his eyes but then laughed. "Wait, 'Behind the Music?' You really have already mapped out my career, haven't you?" Smiling devilishly, he ducked down and looked me in the eye. "So what it is? Booze? Gambling? Buying too many yachts?"
I twisted my lip at his comment and smacked his chest. "No, for you, it's women." Sighing, I shook my head. "Always women."
The smile on his face faded as he looked over mine. "You have to trust me, Kiera." His smile returned a little but it was laced with sadness. "Just like I have to trust you." The sudden seriousness in his face instantly shifted to an impish grin and the air of heartache around us lifted. "I know I'll never find anything out there that will top you, but really, it is quite possible that you may lose interest in me once I've sold out and hit the bottle. Maybe you'll decide you can do better...start dating one of the Jonas Brothers or something."
Laughing, even though my stomach hurt a little at our conversation, I smacked his chest again. Leaning up to kiss him, I muttered, "Never. You're mine, washed up or not."
Chuckling against my lips, he murmured, "Good, because none of that is going to happen." Pulling back, he raised an eyebrow. "It's just a six month tour with a bunch of other bands, most of which are small and unsigned...just like us. And when we're all crammed together in a smelly bus, I'll be wishing that I was back at home with you." Leaning in, he rested his head against mine. "And when the six months is up, that's exactly where you'll find me...in bed with you."
I nodded against him as tears stung my eyes. "I hope so," I whispered.
"I know so," he whispered back, his voice just as wistful as mine. Then his lips crashed down to me and my hands came up to possessively tangle into his hair, holding him against me. Kissing much more aggressively than we usually did in public, I let the feeling of being watched evaporate from me and concentrated only on his touch. He was mine, I was his. This didn't have to be a life altering event if we didn't let it be. It could just be a brief separation while he did something amazing that most people would never get the chance to do. We would both stay faithful to the other and then we'd be back together and all the happier for it.
After that...well, I'd tackle that hurdle once it was upon me.
Chapter 6Time Flies
You are told from the moment you enter school that time is constant. It never changes. It is one of those set things in life that you can always rely on...much like death and taxes. There will always be sixty seconds in a minute. There will always be sixty minutes in an hour. And there will always be twenty-four hours in a day. Time was not fluctuating. It moved on at the same, constant pace at every moment in your life.
And that was the biggest load of crap that I'd ever been taught in school.
Truth was, time did fluctuate. It was easy to lose hours or even days in a blink of an eye. Other times, it was a struggle to get through a mere hour. It ebbed and flowed as relentlessly as the tides, and just as powerfully too. The moments that you wanted to last forever were the ones that were washed away all too soon. The moments that you wanted to speed up, were slowed down to a snail's pace.
That was the truth of the matter. And my life...was flash-forwarding, and there was nothing I could do about it.
It seemed only yesterday that Kellan had reluctantly agreed to go off and tour the continent, but, all of a sudden, his departure was only a few days away. It was Monday morning...he was leaving first thing Saturday. And as much as the last few weeks had rushed by, I knew that the universe would cruelly make the next six months drag on and on. I knew that I would feel every second of our separation and it was going to suck...but I had to let it happen. I would not selfishly guilt another man to give it all up for me. I would never do that to someone again....no matter how much it hurt.
Hearing the door to my apartment being knocked on, I snapped myself out of my thoughts and slapped on a smile. Kellan was having a hard time with the upcoming separation too. I didn't want to make it harder for him by seeming down all the time. Over the last few weeks I'd perfected the art of feigned excitement. Not that I wasn't excited for him, and endlessly proud of him, I just didn't want him to go. If he could somehow have it all, but stay close to my side, well, then my forced smile would be a natural one.
Walking past a folding card table, a wobbly contraption that my sister and I were calling a fancy dining table, even going so far as to classy it up with a thrift store tablecloth, I smiled at the present sitting on top of it. When I opened the front door, Kellan was leaning against the frame. He smiled crookedly at me. I bit my lip as I absorbed his features, then stepped back so he could enter.
Stepping through, he murmured, "Mornin'."
Attaching his lips to my neck, he swung me around and pulled my h*ps into his. Lightly closing the door behind him, I giggled quietly; my sister was still asleep. "Good morning, yourself."
Sighing, he slinked his arms around my waist. "I'm going to miss taking you to school every day," he sighed. Shaking his head, he added, "You'll nearly be graduating by the time I'm back."
Stepping up my smile, even though my heart was breaking, I tilted my head at him and stroked his cheek. "At least you'll be back in time for the ceremony. You can watch me walk down the aisle."
Smiling softly, he cinched me a little tighter. "I'd love to watch you walk down the aisle."
My heart starting to race a little, I suddenly wondered just what aisle he was referring to. I opened my mouth, not sure what to say, but Kellan looked over his shoulder and noticed the bright red gift bag. His expression genuinely gleeful, he looked back to me. "What's that?"
Releasing him, I giggled again. "It's for you. Sort of a going away present."
As I meandered over to a couple that had just sat down, I listened to the band in the back corner. Their laughter was loud, their voices gleeful. Several regulars asked me what was going on and I morosely told them.
"They're going on tour. They're going to spread their talent over the nation and some record label is going to notice and sign them up. After that, they'll be played on the radio every five minutes, headline a solo tour in every major city in the world, and be swarmed by people nonstop. They'll be booked on every talk show, play at every award show, and Kellan will end up on every magazine's "Hottest Guys" list. After that, he'll receive invitations from groupies and celebrities alike. Eventually he'll give in to an A-list starlet and they'll be the talk of every tabloid in creation. And I'll be here...pouring you your drink and reminiscing about the rock star that I used to date."
Well, okay, I may have only told the customers that very first sentence, but the rest of the speech echoed in my head on a never-ending loop. Kellan and I could try and trust each other, sure, but that only meant he wouldn't sneak around behind my back. There were no guarantees that he'd stay with me once he was exposed to...well, literally, everyone.
All of the customers had an excited reaction to the news, several walking over to the guys' table to slap them on the back in congratulations, or in the girls' cases, to give them appreciative hugs. Surprisingly, the only person who seemed as un-thrilled over this development as me was Rita. She sulked as much as I did as I approached the bar to get yet another round that someone had bought for the foursome.
Her collagen-injected lips puckered into as much of a scowl as she could make as she arranged their shots. "I can't believe he's leaving," she murmured over the noise in the bar. Glancing up at me, she narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you going to stop this? Put your foot down?"
Looking back at Kellan smiling and shaking Sam's hand, finally looking happy about the idea of singing across the country, I sighed and shook my head. "No, he deserves this. I'm not going to try and keep him from fulfilling a dream."
Rita reached across the bar and smacked me on the shoulder. I glared back at her as she adjusted the deeply plunging neckline of her altered Pete's shirt. "Then you're an idiot." She pointed over to Kellan and the guys and crassly verbalized every fear I had. "He's going to get famous after this little stint. Then he's going to realize that he's famous, and gorgeous, and can screw just about any woman in the world. You think he's going to stay with an ordinary nobody after that?"
Harshly grabbing my tray of shots, a good quarter of the drinks splashing over the edge, I raised my chin to her. With a confidence that I wasn't sure I really felt, I shook my head. "You don't know Kellan, not like I do. He's not like that. He's not interested in the fame, in the power, or in the women." Lowering my chin, I shrugged. "He's interested in me."
Rita folded her arms across her chest and smirked at me. "Right. And he wouldn't dare cheat on you, because he's such a...moral guy."
She eyed me up and down and I flushed all over. By the tone in her voice I knew what she was referring to when she questioned his morality. The affair Kellan and I'd had was never openly admitted by anyone who knew, but with the public fights Kellan and I had shared, followed by Kellan's beating-that we still claimed was a mugging-most people had put the pieces together. Especially after Denny had fled the country.
Not wanting to talk about my life with Rita anymore, since Kellan had once been immoral with her too, I muttered, "You don't know him," and stormed off to their table.
After another couple of free rounds, the guys finally had to leave for a show at another bar. Kellan lingered after the other guys exited to a spattering of cheers and whistles. Before he left, Griffin paused at the door, exclaiming, "Thank you all, my loyal subjects. And don't worry, I won't ever forget you when I'm famous, I'll only refuse to acknowledge your existence!"
Most of the bar laughed at that, maybe thinking he was joking. Knowing Griffin probably meant it wholeheartedly, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Jackass. Someday I was going to have to stage an intervention for Anna. She could do so much better. Well, she certainly couldn't do any worse.
Also rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Kellan strolled up to where I was standing beside a recently emptied table. Giving me a crooked grin, he nodded at where Griffin had disappeared to. "What do you think will do him in first? Drugs, money, or women?"
Smiling, I slung my arms around his waist and raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure it will be a combination of all three."
Kellan chuckled and looped his arms around my waist. As he leaned down to kiss me, I found myself inadvertently spouting, "And what about you? What will be your downfall?"
He paused before our lips touched. He started to frown, then smiled. "You think I'll have one?"
Embarrassed that I'd asked, I shook my head , then shrugged. "It has occurred to me that you're on the path to fame and fame brings certain...hazards with it." Sighing, knowing now wasn't really the time to have this conversation, I stared up at him. "You'll be surrounded by so much...temptation." I bit my lip. "And I've seen 'Behind the Music.' I know what gets offered to rock stars."
He narrowed his eyes but then laughed. "Wait, 'Behind the Music?' You really have already mapped out my career, haven't you?" Smiling devilishly, he ducked down and looked me in the eye. "So what it is? Booze? Gambling? Buying too many yachts?"
I twisted my lip at his comment and smacked his chest. "No, for you, it's women." Sighing, I shook my head. "Always women."
The smile on his face faded as he looked over mine. "You have to trust me, Kiera." His smile returned a little but it was laced with sadness. "Just like I have to trust you." The sudden seriousness in his face instantly shifted to an impish grin and the air of heartache around us lifted. "I know I'll never find anything out there that will top you, but really, it is quite possible that you may lose interest in me once I've sold out and hit the bottle. Maybe you'll decide you can do better...start dating one of the Jonas Brothers or something."
Laughing, even though my stomach hurt a little at our conversation, I smacked his chest again. Leaning up to kiss him, I muttered, "Never. You're mine, washed up or not."
Chuckling against my lips, he murmured, "Good, because none of that is going to happen." Pulling back, he raised an eyebrow. "It's just a six month tour with a bunch of other bands, most of which are small and unsigned...just like us. And when we're all crammed together in a smelly bus, I'll be wishing that I was back at home with you." Leaning in, he rested his head against mine. "And when the six months is up, that's exactly where you'll find me...in bed with you."
I nodded against him as tears stung my eyes. "I hope so," I whispered.
"I know so," he whispered back, his voice just as wistful as mine. Then his lips crashed down to me and my hands came up to possessively tangle into his hair, holding him against me. Kissing much more aggressively than we usually did in public, I let the feeling of being watched evaporate from me and concentrated only on his touch. He was mine, I was his. This didn't have to be a life altering event if we didn't let it be. It could just be a brief separation while he did something amazing that most people would never get the chance to do. We would both stay faithful to the other and then we'd be back together and all the happier for it.
After that...well, I'd tackle that hurdle once it was upon me.
Chapter 6Time Flies
You are told from the moment you enter school that time is constant. It never changes. It is one of those set things in life that you can always rely on...much like death and taxes. There will always be sixty seconds in a minute. There will always be sixty minutes in an hour. And there will always be twenty-four hours in a day. Time was not fluctuating. It moved on at the same, constant pace at every moment in your life.
And that was the biggest load of crap that I'd ever been taught in school.
Truth was, time did fluctuate. It was easy to lose hours or even days in a blink of an eye. Other times, it was a struggle to get through a mere hour. It ebbed and flowed as relentlessly as the tides, and just as powerfully too. The moments that you wanted to last forever were the ones that were washed away all too soon. The moments that you wanted to speed up, were slowed down to a snail's pace.
That was the truth of the matter. And my life...was flash-forwarding, and there was nothing I could do about it.
It seemed only yesterday that Kellan had reluctantly agreed to go off and tour the continent, but, all of a sudden, his departure was only a few days away. It was Monday morning...he was leaving first thing Saturday. And as much as the last few weeks had rushed by, I knew that the universe would cruelly make the next six months drag on and on. I knew that I would feel every second of our separation and it was going to suck...but I had to let it happen. I would not selfishly guilt another man to give it all up for me. I would never do that to someone again....no matter how much it hurt.
Hearing the door to my apartment being knocked on, I snapped myself out of my thoughts and slapped on a smile. Kellan was having a hard time with the upcoming separation too. I didn't want to make it harder for him by seeming down all the time. Over the last few weeks I'd perfected the art of feigned excitement. Not that I wasn't excited for him, and endlessly proud of him, I just didn't want him to go. If he could somehow have it all, but stay close to my side, well, then my forced smile would be a natural one.
Walking past a folding card table, a wobbly contraption that my sister and I were calling a fancy dining table, even going so far as to classy it up with a thrift store tablecloth, I smiled at the present sitting on top of it. When I opened the front door, Kellan was leaning against the frame. He smiled crookedly at me. I bit my lip as I absorbed his features, then stepped back so he could enter.
Stepping through, he murmured, "Mornin'."
Attaching his lips to my neck, he swung me around and pulled my h*ps into his. Lightly closing the door behind him, I giggled quietly; my sister was still asleep. "Good morning, yourself."
Sighing, he slinked his arms around my waist. "I'm going to miss taking you to school every day," he sighed. Shaking his head, he added, "You'll nearly be graduating by the time I'm back."
Stepping up my smile, even though my heart was breaking, I tilted my head at him and stroked his cheek. "At least you'll be back in time for the ceremony. You can watch me walk down the aisle."
Smiling softly, he cinched me a little tighter. "I'd love to watch you walk down the aisle."
My heart starting to race a little, I suddenly wondered just what aisle he was referring to. I opened my mouth, not sure what to say, but Kellan looked over his shoulder and noticed the bright red gift bag. His expression genuinely gleeful, he looked back to me. "What's that?"
Releasing him, I giggled again. "It's for you. Sort of a going away present."
