Effortless

Page 47

Thinking that this new quarter at school might be the best one I've had there, and the hardest, Cheyenne and I decided to duck out for some much needed coffee after poetry class one frigid February afternoon. The professor had been discussing how different interpretations could alter the meaning of the work completely. The flowery language was a little hard to wrap my head around, but Cheyenne was actually very intuitive on the subject.
I listened to her explanation of our latest assignment, enraptured. I was finally starting to feel like I understood the piece. That was how I ended up walking right into someone. I'd never actually had that happen to me before, collision-coursing into someone, and my face turned about five shades of red. While Cheyenne giggled at my clumsiness, I quickly apologized to the stranger I'd nearly steamrolled over.
He took a step back, steadying himself, and we both locked onto each other's eyes at the same time, each stammering apologies. "I'm sorr-"
I couldn't finish my sentence as I stared into a warm set of deep brown eyes. Brown eyes that I'd been sure I'd never stare into again. Feeling all the blood drain from my face, I whispered, "Denny?"
He inhaled a deep breath, holding it for a second before releasing it in a rush. With a soft smile, he quietly said, "Hi, Kiera."
Hearing his accent curl around my name in person, gave me an ache in my stomach. I stared at him, shocked into momentary silence. Denny Harris. He looked the same as the last time I'd seen him, over a year ago. The same, yet different, too. His dark hair was a bit longer than before, styled back away from his face in a way that made him seem older. The scruff along his jaw was thicker too. Nowhere near a beard, but heavier than he used to keep it. It also aged him. In fact, everything about him seemed older, from his clearly more expensive clothes to the way he stood just a little taller. It was almost like he'd left Seattle a boy, and returned a man.
"You look good," I finally whispered, my throat feeling painfully dry.
He smiled uncertainly, his eyes drifting over my body for a second. "So do you."
A tension built up as we stared at each other. It must have made Cheyenne uncomfortable; I know it was making me feel that way. I just never expected to literally run into my ex on the street.
Placing her hand on my shoulder, she murmured, "I should go...I'll see you later, Kiera."
I nodded at her, never once taking my eyes from Denny. People hustled around us on the chilly sidewalk but I ignored them. The impossibility of Denny before me was all I could focus on. After another long moment, when Denny started looking around, like he didn't know what to say, I sputtered, "You're back...in Seattle?"
He looked at me and smiled and I felt stupidity flow right through me. Of course he was back...I was staring right at him. Shaking my head, I added, "I mean why are you back?" Closing my eyes, knowing I was sounding rude and flustered, I took a deep breath before I spoke again. Reopening them, I calmly told him, "I mean...it's good to see you."
He ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip before answering. "It's good to see you too."
Shaking my head at him, only one thought kept crashing around my head. Well, second thought really, right behind the first one that I'd already rudely asked him. Thinking this one wasn't quite so rude, I allowed myself to ask it. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Fourteen hour flights weren't exactly spur of the moment things after all, and Denny and I did talk on occasion, although, not since Kellan had left, back in November.
Denny looked around the street, then over to the coffee shop Cheyenne and I had been heading towards. He motioned to it with his hand. "Do you want to go inside? Talk somewhere...warm." He shivered and I smiled, knowing that he was used to warmer climes now, especially this time of year.
After I nodded an agreement, we silently walked towards the shop. Walking beside him, a small part of me wanted to hold his hand. It was odd to feel that way, after so much time apart, but it was still in me, somewhere. I didn't, though. I'd made a promise to be true to Kellan, a promise encircled on my finger. I wasn't about to break it.
Denny paused at the door, holding it open for me like the gentleman he was. I smiled and thanked him and he looked away, a flush lightly coloring his tanned face. It would seem I wasn't the only one holding onto a lingering attraction. But I knew Denny wouldn't do anything about it either. He was loyal when he was with someone, and right now, he was with Abby. As we moved to order our drinks, I idly wondered if she was in the city with him.
I ordered a latte, Denny ordered tea. I smiled at the familiarity of it all. Sitting at a quiet booth, we both sipped our steaming cups in silence. I was the one that broke it first. "So, do you need your car back?"
I cringed, both over asking him that right out of the gate, and at the fact that Anna had so girlified his vehicle that he probably wouldn't want it back. Denny smiled and shook his head. "No, the company got me a rental. You can keep it." He tilted his head and smiled warmly before returning to his mug.
I cleared my throat, tucking some hair behind my ears. "The company? So, you're here for work?"
Denny nodded, not looking up at me. "Yeah, they're expanding, opening branches in the U.S., in Seattle." He shrugged. "Since I know the area and have a lot of contacts here, they gave me the assignment." He looked back up at me. "I'll be running the office here."
A ghost of a smile formed on his lips as my mouth fell open. He was so young, still a few years from thirty, and he was going to be in charge? I always knew he was brilliant, but...wow. "Oh my God, Denny, that's...incredible. Congratulations."
His smile widened. "Thank you."
Shaking my head, still amazed, I murmured, "Abby must be so proud of you. Is she here?" I looked around like she was suddenly going to appear beside one of the tables.
Denny sighed softly and I looked back at him. Sadly peering into his cup, he shook his head. "No...she's still in Australia."
Recognizing the loss in his face, I put a hand on his arm. Even though I didn't want there to be, I felt something in that brief connection. Something warm and familiar, something that reminded me of being held, being comforted, being loved. I dropped my fingers when he snapped his eyes up to mine, his reflecting the same remembrance that I was feeling. In a whisper I told him, "I'm sorry the two of you didn't work out."
He bunched his brows and shook his head. "No, we're still together. She just...she couldn't make it up yet." He frowned and looked back at the doors. "We work for the same company and they wouldn't let her out of her current assignment. She has to finish up with the client before she can fly out here. It's a long job...it may be months before she can make it."
He looked back at me. "Why would you assume we broke up?"
I froze, not exactly sure how to answer that. Mainly, I'd just assumed he'd been forced to choose between a girl and his dream job. I assumed that, once again, he'd taken the job. Studying my face, his mouth dropped a little. "Because I took the Tucson job, right?"
I shrugged, still not wanting to say it. He sighed and reached across the table to grab my hand. "You know I'm sorry for that, Kiera. I think...I think that's really the only thing I regret with you." I looked up from our joined skin to lock eyes with him. He smiled a little. "Well, that and..." He nodded at my head and I cringed, not wanting to remember that either. Sighing, he shook his head. "But Tucson...I should have called you. I should have talked to you first, before I just...took it."
I bit my lip, not wanting to start crying. I'd cried enough over Denny and I. His thumb idly stroked mine as he searched my face, his deep eyes looking soulfully apologetic. Knowing that I had way more to apologize to him for than his one mistake with me, I smiled reassuringly. "Everything is okay now, Denny. You don't need to feel bad about that anymore."
He nodded, but didn't seem any less sorry. Searching his eyes, I again marveled at the oddity of seeing him here, in my city, practically on my doorstep. Shaking my head, I again asked, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"
Denny looked away, not answering. Seeing his jaw tighten under the thicker hairline, I surmised what he didn't want to say. "You were hoping you wouldn't see me. You were hoping the city would be large enough that we'd never cross paths." He looked back to me and sighed. I shook my head. "I'm right, aren't I?"
Shrugging, he looked down at our hands. Somewhere in my questions, I'd laced them together and we were now holding each other across the table. I didn't pull away. He didn't either. Instead, he shook his head and whispered, "Talking with you on the phone is one thing, but I wasn't...I didn't know if I could handle seeing you." He looked up at me, his eyes glossy. "You're so..." He sighed, his eyes drifting over my face, and didn't finish his thought.
Swallowing, he looked back at our hands. "I was just hoping that I could come back secretly and then we'd still have the long distance friendship thing. I wanted to avoid this...confusion."
He sighed again and I finally released his hand. Patting the top of it, I pushed it back towards him. "There isn't any confusion, Denny." He looked up at me and I smiled at him. "You're with Abby and you're happy with her, right?" Smiling softly, Denny nodded. I nodded too, ignoring the ever-so-slight pang I felt. "And I'm happy with Kellan."
His face flinched just fractionally, so swiftly that I would have missed it if I hadn't been looking for it. Not allowing myself to dwell on the guilt building, I smiled and shook my head. "So, if we're both happy, then there's no reason to fear a face-to-face friendship." Tilting my head, I sighed, my eyes stinging. "And I've missed that friendship...so much."
His eyes even glossier, he returned his hand to mine. "I have too, Kiera."
Pulling back his hand, he laughed a little and ran it through his hair. I laughed a little as well, the emotion releasing from me. We'd been friends for far too long to let this awkwardness permanently alter our relationship. If he was going to be here for a while, we'd find a way to move past it.
Smiling, I picked up my coffee and took a long sip. He did as well, his eyes flashing to the ring on my finger. He didn't react to seeing it, though, so I wasn't sure if he understood what it meant. Lots of people wore rings on their right hands. It wasn't always symbolic. I didn't intend to tell him what it meant either. He'd probably find it morbidly funny that Kellan had given us a physical reminder to be faithful to one another. Looking at the gift through Denny's eyes, the tender exchange between us seemed a little...sad.
A thought struck me that made me frown. There was no way I could tell Kellan that Denny was here in Seattle, not while Kellan was thousands of miles away. He'd flip out. He'd drop everything and come back here. He was friends with Denny, considered him a brother, but there was way too much uncertainty between us...our rings were proof of that. And Denny was the one person on this earth that I had actually cheated on Kellan with.
That wasn't really what had happened; technically I was cheating on Denny, not Kellan. But I'd made love to Kellan, told him that I was his...then I'd slept with Denny one final time. Kellan knew about it...it ate at him. Denny was the one person Kellan would never trust me with. I just couldn't risk him throwing away his dream on an unfounded fear. And I'd never hurt him like that again. Never. Not even if Kellan cheated on me and I hated him. I'd break it off with him before I ever touched another man. I would not be a whore again. I just couldn't live with the consequences.