Elphame's Choice
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Brenna, wait!" Cuchulainn jogged down the hallway after her.
Brenna looked over her shoulder at him, and for an instant she thought about bolting away. She was almost to the end of the hallway; she could probably make it to the more public areas of the castle before he caught her if she hurried. And then what? Being in public would only make the confrontation worse.
At least here there was no one to witness what passed between them. Brenna came slowly to a halt and turned to face Cuchulainn. She started to duck her head and hide her face when, unexpectedly, the anger she had felt so keenly the night before flared. No, she would meet his pity face-to-face.
"I owe you an apology for my behavior last night."
"You do not owe me an apology, Cuchulainn." Brenna held up her hand to stop him from speaking. To her amazement, he took her hand in his, and before she could protest, pressed it to his lips.
"Of course I do. I had entirely too much wine. I was rude and boorish. Please, forgive me." Still holding her hand his thumb traced lazy circles across the delicate skin he had just kissed.
Brenna felt frozen. To be kissed on the hand... It was such a simple thing. Men and women exchanged greetings thus every day. Yet until that moment no one had ever kissed her hand. Not in greeting, and not in desire. Brenna suddenly had to fight back the urge to weep.
"Please don't touch me like that."
"Why, Brenna?" Cuchulainn's voice was low and gentle.
What could she tell him? That he must not touch her because she wanted it so desperately, or that he must not touch her because he was an injury from which she did not think she was capable of recovering.
She could not say either of those things to him. If she did, she thought she might shatter into so many pieces that she would never find the way to make herself whole again. Instead, she searched for the thread of anger within her and found it when she remembered the sight of his body pressed against Wynne's as their sensuous dance movements mimicked lovemaking.
"Because Wynne would not like it, but more than that - I do not like it." With deliberate scorn she pulled her hand from his grasp. "I accept your apology. I know you did not mean to be intentionally cruel, but you do not need to play a pretty act with me today. It is degrading.
She turned to go, but he grasped her wrist.
"Wait, I - "
Brenna glared down at where his fingers circled her wrist and instantly he let loose of her.
"I won't touch you. Just don't go yet. Let me explain."
"Cuchulainn, there is nothing for you to explain."
"Yes!" The word exploded from his mouth and he ran his fingers though his hair, trying to get his frustration under control. Just talk to her! His mind screamed at him. "Yes, there is," he continued in a more civilized tone. "First, I want to explain to you that I am not interested in Wynne."
"That is no business of mine," Brenna said quickly.
"Brenna! Would you please allow me to continue?"
Brenna shrugged her shoulders, pretending a nonchalance she did not feel.
"Last night I was a drunken sot. My only defense, pathetic as it is, is to tell you that I usually have better judgment - at least where wine is concerned. I allowed the celebration of the evening to interfere with my better judgment." Cuchulainn took a deep breath and looked steadily into Brenna's dark eyes. "When the music began the only thought in my wine-addled brain was how very much I wanted to dance with you. When you refused me I was surprised as well as confused. I thought that you liked me, and as much as it pains me to admit it, the Huntress was right. I am not used to being told no by a woman who has captured my interest. I reacted like a spoiled youth." His expressive eyes sparkled with mischief. "When you said you did not know how to dance I should have sat beside you, whispered dance steps into your ear and told you how very much I would like to teach you to dance - privately."
Brenna reminded herself to breathe.
"I followed you. When I saw that you were gone I tried to find you. Brenna, I don't want Wynne. I want you.
Brenna felt her mismatched face flush with heat and her breath rushed out as her anger spiked. "How can you be so cruel?"
"Cruel? Why is it cruel to tell you that I desire you?"
"Because it's a lie, or a game, or sick, passing fancy."
"Now you insult me."
"I insult you?" She practically spat. "As always, you believe everything is about you. You drank too much
- you thought only of what you wanted - you should have done this or that. Do you never consider the feelings of others?"
"Yes, I - "
"Listen to yourself!" She thought her heart might explode. "Yes, I. What about me? Did you ever consider that I might not want to be made a plaything for the great Cuchulainn? Did you ever consider that I might not desire you? Cuchulainn - " she spoke through gritted teeth" - you are my friend and Chieftain's brother and you are a warrior whose skill is much admired. I will treat you with the respect you deserve as such. And as with any other member of our clan if you are wounded I will stitch you up.
If you become sick, I will try my best to heal you. But I will not be used as fodder for your personal amusement."
This time when she turned her back to him and hurried down the hall, he made no move to stop her.
"Cu," Elphame's voice carried easily down the hall. Her brother turned slowly and looked at her with an odd, blank expression on his face. "Come here, let's talk."
He nodded and walked back to her chamber. Elphame had never seen him move so woodenly. His usual swagger was gone. His broad shoulders slumped. It seemed as if he was dragging a terrible weight with him. As she watched him, The MacCallan's words echoed through her memory, Wi' that thick head of his the lad is in for a verra hard fall. The wily old spirit had certainly been right.
"Sit." She pointed at the chair Brenna had so recently overturned and closed the door behind him. Then she poured him some fresh tea. "Drink it. Brenna said it's good and strong."
Cuchulainn's bark of laughter was totally devoid of humor. He righted the chair and sat. "If she had known I was going to be drinking it, she would have made it good and strong and poisonous."
"Don't be ridiculous. She said she'd heal you if you were sick. If she'd have known you'd be drinking it, she would just have made it taste awful."
"She hates me, El."
"I don't think she does. Actually, I know she doesn't, but that's not the issue here." She cleared her throat. "Cuchulainn, as Brenna's Clan Chieftain it is my duty to inquire about your intentions."
"My intentions?" He blinked at his sister.
Elphame began to pace back and forth in front of the table. "Don't act so dense, Cu. You know very well that I'm asking about your intentions toward Brenna. You see, I think she had a point, at least about part of what she said. Of course I know you better, so I don't believe that you lied when you said you desire her, but I can't help wondering whether you might be chasing her as a game - after all, you aren't usually told no by women."
Cuchulainn's eyes slitted dangerously. "I am not playing a game with Brenna."
"I'm glad to hear it. Then do you want her because you can't resist giving the scarred girl a thrill? Or maybe you just have to get a peek at the rest of her so you can see just how far those scars really go?"
Her brother's fist slammed against the table with such force that the teacups jumped. "If you were not my sister I would knock those words back into your mouth!"
Elphame stopped pacing, planted her hands on her hips and grinned defiantly at her brother. "I knew it, you are in love with her."
Cuchulainn's head jerked back as if she had slapped him.
"In love? No, I..."
"Is she too ugly for the great Cuchulainn to admit that he loves her?"
"Elphame." His voice lowered threateningly. "If you don't stop talking about her like that, I swear I'm going to -
Her laughter interrupted him. "Then what you're saying is that you don't think she's ugly."
He glared at her. "Of course not. Brenna is beautiful."
"What about her scars?"
"What about them? They're just a part of her. By the Goddess! I can't believe you're saying these things.
I thought she was your friend."
Elphame's taunting smile warmed. "She is, which is why I wanted to be sure of you, Cu. I didn't really think that you'd toy with her, but you had to say it aloud for both of us to believe it."
Cuchulainn looked around the room. "But no one's here except you and me, El."
"Exactly." She rolled her eyes skyward. "You were right. He is thickheaded."
Her brother scowled at her. "Have you been talking to that damned old ghost again?"
"Yes, but again, that's not the issue, either. Try to stay focused, brother-mine. You're in love with Brenna."
Cuchulainn hunched his shoulders, nodded his head, and stared at his cup of tea.
"And she's a little upset with you."
"Hrumph!" he said.
"Okay, perhaps 'a little upset' is an understatement," Elphame amended.
"I think she hates me, El."
"Nonsense, listen - " She pulled her chair close to him and sat down. "Last night I went up to the Chieftain's Tower."
"El, you shouldn't have done that. You know Brenna told you to be careful."
"Yes, yes, yes, she already chastised me," Elphame said impatiently. "Forget that and pay attention to what I saw from above. I watched Brenna leave the castle. She was crying, Cu, so hard that she had to lean against the wall of the castle."
"It was because of me. I embarrassed her. That doesn't mean she loves me, El. That just means I'm as self-centered and unfeeling as she thinks I am."
Elphame shook her head. "No, Cu, that's not what that means. Brenna leaned against the castle wall while I was resting my arm against the tower's balustrade. It's hard to explain, but somehow the spirit of the castle connected me to her and for a moment I actually felt what she felt - despair, pain, loneliness.
Whatever had happened inside didn't just embarrass her or upset her, it broke her heart."
Cuchulainn put his face in his hands and moaned.
"Cu." Elphame squeezed his shoulder. "You can fix this. All you have to do is show her you love her and make her believe she can trust you."
Her brother looked at her through his fingers. "How do I do that?"
She grinned at him. "I have no idea."
Brenna looked over her shoulder at him, and for an instant she thought about bolting away. She was almost to the end of the hallway; she could probably make it to the more public areas of the castle before he caught her if she hurried. And then what? Being in public would only make the confrontation worse.
At least here there was no one to witness what passed between them. Brenna came slowly to a halt and turned to face Cuchulainn. She started to duck her head and hide her face when, unexpectedly, the anger she had felt so keenly the night before flared. No, she would meet his pity face-to-face.
"I owe you an apology for my behavior last night."
"You do not owe me an apology, Cuchulainn." Brenna held up her hand to stop him from speaking. To her amazement, he took her hand in his, and before she could protest, pressed it to his lips.
"Of course I do. I had entirely too much wine. I was rude and boorish. Please, forgive me." Still holding her hand his thumb traced lazy circles across the delicate skin he had just kissed.
Brenna felt frozen. To be kissed on the hand... It was such a simple thing. Men and women exchanged greetings thus every day. Yet until that moment no one had ever kissed her hand. Not in greeting, and not in desire. Brenna suddenly had to fight back the urge to weep.
"Please don't touch me like that."
"Why, Brenna?" Cuchulainn's voice was low and gentle.
What could she tell him? That he must not touch her because she wanted it so desperately, or that he must not touch her because he was an injury from which she did not think she was capable of recovering.
She could not say either of those things to him. If she did, she thought she might shatter into so many pieces that she would never find the way to make herself whole again. Instead, she searched for the thread of anger within her and found it when she remembered the sight of his body pressed against Wynne's as their sensuous dance movements mimicked lovemaking.
"Because Wynne would not like it, but more than that - I do not like it." With deliberate scorn she pulled her hand from his grasp. "I accept your apology. I know you did not mean to be intentionally cruel, but you do not need to play a pretty act with me today. It is degrading.
She turned to go, but he grasped her wrist.
"Wait, I - "
Brenna glared down at where his fingers circled her wrist and instantly he let loose of her.
"I won't touch you. Just don't go yet. Let me explain."
"Cuchulainn, there is nothing for you to explain."
"Yes!" The word exploded from his mouth and he ran his fingers though his hair, trying to get his frustration under control. Just talk to her! His mind screamed at him. "Yes, there is," he continued in a more civilized tone. "First, I want to explain to you that I am not interested in Wynne."
"That is no business of mine," Brenna said quickly.
"Brenna! Would you please allow me to continue?"
Brenna shrugged her shoulders, pretending a nonchalance she did not feel.
"Last night I was a drunken sot. My only defense, pathetic as it is, is to tell you that I usually have better judgment - at least where wine is concerned. I allowed the celebration of the evening to interfere with my better judgment." Cuchulainn took a deep breath and looked steadily into Brenna's dark eyes. "When the music began the only thought in my wine-addled brain was how very much I wanted to dance with you. When you refused me I was surprised as well as confused. I thought that you liked me, and as much as it pains me to admit it, the Huntress was right. I am not used to being told no by a woman who has captured my interest. I reacted like a spoiled youth." His expressive eyes sparkled with mischief. "When you said you did not know how to dance I should have sat beside you, whispered dance steps into your ear and told you how very much I would like to teach you to dance - privately."
Brenna reminded herself to breathe.
"I followed you. When I saw that you were gone I tried to find you. Brenna, I don't want Wynne. I want you.
Brenna felt her mismatched face flush with heat and her breath rushed out as her anger spiked. "How can you be so cruel?"
"Cruel? Why is it cruel to tell you that I desire you?"
"Because it's a lie, or a game, or sick, passing fancy."
"Now you insult me."
"I insult you?" She practically spat. "As always, you believe everything is about you. You drank too much
- you thought only of what you wanted - you should have done this or that. Do you never consider the feelings of others?"
"Yes, I - "
"Listen to yourself!" She thought her heart might explode. "Yes, I. What about me? Did you ever consider that I might not want to be made a plaything for the great Cuchulainn? Did you ever consider that I might not desire you? Cuchulainn - " she spoke through gritted teeth" - you are my friend and Chieftain's brother and you are a warrior whose skill is much admired. I will treat you with the respect you deserve as such. And as with any other member of our clan if you are wounded I will stitch you up.
If you become sick, I will try my best to heal you. But I will not be used as fodder for your personal amusement."
This time when she turned her back to him and hurried down the hall, he made no move to stop her.
"Cu," Elphame's voice carried easily down the hall. Her brother turned slowly and looked at her with an odd, blank expression on his face. "Come here, let's talk."
He nodded and walked back to her chamber. Elphame had never seen him move so woodenly. His usual swagger was gone. His broad shoulders slumped. It seemed as if he was dragging a terrible weight with him. As she watched him, The MacCallan's words echoed through her memory, Wi' that thick head of his the lad is in for a verra hard fall. The wily old spirit had certainly been right.
"Sit." She pointed at the chair Brenna had so recently overturned and closed the door behind him. Then she poured him some fresh tea. "Drink it. Brenna said it's good and strong."
Cuchulainn's bark of laughter was totally devoid of humor. He righted the chair and sat. "If she had known I was going to be drinking it, she would have made it good and strong and poisonous."
"Don't be ridiculous. She said she'd heal you if you were sick. If she'd have known you'd be drinking it, she would just have made it taste awful."
"She hates me, El."
"I don't think she does. Actually, I know she doesn't, but that's not the issue here." She cleared her throat. "Cuchulainn, as Brenna's Clan Chieftain it is my duty to inquire about your intentions."
"My intentions?" He blinked at his sister.
Elphame began to pace back and forth in front of the table. "Don't act so dense, Cu. You know very well that I'm asking about your intentions toward Brenna. You see, I think she had a point, at least about part of what she said. Of course I know you better, so I don't believe that you lied when you said you desire her, but I can't help wondering whether you might be chasing her as a game - after all, you aren't usually told no by women."
Cuchulainn's eyes slitted dangerously. "I am not playing a game with Brenna."
"I'm glad to hear it. Then do you want her because you can't resist giving the scarred girl a thrill? Or maybe you just have to get a peek at the rest of her so you can see just how far those scars really go?"
Her brother's fist slammed against the table with such force that the teacups jumped. "If you were not my sister I would knock those words back into your mouth!"
Elphame stopped pacing, planted her hands on her hips and grinned defiantly at her brother. "I knew it, you are in love with her."
Cuchulainn's head jerked back as if she had slapped him.
"In love? No, I..."
"Is she too ugly for the great Cuchulainn to admit that he loves her?"
"Elphame." His voice lowered threateningly. "If you don't stop talking about her like that, I swear I'm going to -
Her laughter interrupted him. "Then what you're saying is that you don't think she's ugly."
He glared at her. "Of course not. Brenna is beautiful."
"What about her scars?"
"What about them? They're just a part of her. By the Goddess! I can't believe you're saying these things.
I thought she was your friend."
Elphame's taunting smile warmed. "She is, which is why I wanted to be sure of you, Cu. I didn't really think that you'd toy with her, but you had to say it aloud for both of us to believe it."
Cuchulainn looked around the room. "But no one's here except you and me, El."
"Exactly." She rolled her eyes skyward. "You were right. He is thickheaded."
Her brother scowled at her. "Have you been talking to that damned old ghost again?"
"Yes, but again, that's not the issue, either. Try to stay focused, brother-mine. You're in love with Brenna."
Cuchulainn hunched his shoulders, nodded his head, and stared at his cup of tea.
"And she's a little upset with you."
"Hrumph!" he said.
"Okay, perhaps 'a little upset' is an understatement," Elphame amended.
"I think she hates me, El."
"Nonsense, listen - " She pulled her chair close to him and sat down. "Last night I went up to the Chieftain's Tower."
"El, you shouldn't have done that. You know Brenna told you to be careful."
"Yes, yes, yes, she already chastised me," Elphame said impatiently. "Forget that and pay attention to what I saw from above. I watched Brenna leave the castle. She was crying, Cu, so hard that she had to lean against the wall of the castle."
"It was because of me. I embarrassed her. That doesn't mean she loves me, El. That just means I'm as self-centered and unfeeling as she thinks I am."
Elphame shook her head. "No, Cu, that's not what that means. Brenna leaned against the castle wall while I was resting my arm against the tower's balustrade. It's hard to explain, but somehow the spirit of the castle connected me to her and for a moment I actually felt what she felt - despair, pain, loneliness.
Whatever had happened inside didn't just embarrass her or upset her, it broke her heart."
Cuchulainn put his face in his hands and moaned.
"Cu." Elphame squeezed his shoulder. "You can fix this. All you have to do is show her you love her and make her believe she can trust you."
Her brother looked at her through his fingers. "How do I do that?"
She grinned at him. "I have no idea."
