Embracing the Wolf

Page 12

“Modest and beautiful,” Jill almost sighed. Sighed, for the love of God. Was she crushing on me? I unwound my fingers from hers and took a step back. I know I should have been flattered that the girls in Nevada looked up to me, but all I felt was more pressure weighing down on my shoulders. They would be analyzing everything I did in hopes of catching on and snagging their own alpha. Maybe I should write a book titled: How to Bring that Alpha to His Knees—The Anna Avery Story. Or become the wolf whisperer—a fucking love guru.
I silently wondered how much they’d look up to me if one of the slut twins decided to challenge me, and I lost. Would they want their own alpha and all the drama it entails then? And I hadn’t just snagged an alpha; I’d snagged an olde blood. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, I thought with my own amusement.
“Jill, if you’ll excuse us,” Elle said coming to my rescue. “I have to prepare Anna for the ceremony.” She laced her arm through mine, and together we headed toward my bedroom.
“Of course,” Jill called after us. “I’ll just … mingle with the others.”
When my door clicked shut, I released the breath I’d been holding. My shoulders eased, and all of a sudden I felt … exhausted. I plopped back on my bed, my arms falling over my head. I stared up at the ceiling, my mind awash with thoughts, each clamoring for attention. Find out what Anthony is up to. Adam’s life is in your hands. Train to strengthen your visions. Put on your grr face to scare away the bitches sniffing around. Learn to fight in case you’re challenged. And, above all else, don’t let them know how much all of this is freaking you out.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, sitting up. For a girl terrified of commitment, I’d been thrust into the biggest commitment of all—alpha female. I wanted Adam … without a doubt. Needed him. It was his baggage that had me itching to run away.
Elle knelt in front of me. “Of course you can.” She clasped my hands and smiled up at me. Her copper hair was up in a bun today. Tendrils spilled from its hold, flowing over her bare shoulders. It broke my heart to see how much faith she put in me. Her bright green eyes watched me with compassion.
“Do you understand how monumental this ceremony is?” Elle asked. “Jill may be a little overzealous at times, but she’s right. You’re changing everything. You’re the voice of the common wolves—our hope.”
I frowned at her. “You’re not helping.”
“But you are, Anna,” she said, using my words against me. “For Christ’s sake, you even changed the Leaders’ minds. No wolf has ever done that.”
I looked at her dubiously. “What the hell are you talking about? The Leaders hated me, with the exception of Wade. They almost sentenced me to a lifetime of servitude with the Idaho pack.” I took a breath. “Had it not been for Adam and me bonding, they would have killed me.”
“The eyes, Anna,” Elle said, gripping my hands tighter. “They’d only just met you and already they vetoed their rule about looking them in the eyes. Why? Who were you to them then? You and Adam weren’t bonded yet.”
I stared at her dumbfounded. “I …” I’d never really thought about it. From the beginning, I never cowered under Adam’s stare. Why would I with the Leaders? Maybe they sensed that within me—knew that my wolf would not cower under the weight of anyone’s stare.
“Doesn’t change the fact that they wanted to kill me.”
Elle blew out a breath, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “Anna, wake up,” she snapped. “All of the signs point to your potential to be great, a wolf for our history books. You were made for this.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. What if I failed? What if my failure resulted in Adam’s death? I was no longer just in charge of my own fate. What if …
“So why do I feel like everyone is just waiting for me to crumble?” I saw it every time I met someone’s eyes. My own pack watched me with curiousness, as though they’d betted when I would crack and were just waiting to collect their bounty. Some of the visiting wolves watched me with sympathy as though my fairytale was about to end, while others watched me with contempt. What Elle said was a pretty idea, but it didn’t come with pretty conditions. The phrase thrown to the wolves, held a literal meaning for me.
“They’re waiting for you to step up and embrace your wolf, Anna,” Elle said. I looked up at her. “We’re all waiting,” she added, coming to sit down beside me. “You’re the white wolf, the made wolf that captured the prince’s heart. You’ve already made history, and you haven’t even come into your own yet.” She laughed to herself. “I can’t wait to see what happens once you do.”
A tear slipped down my cheek, too overwhelmed with her assurance to hold it in. Elle slung an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her. She leaned her head against mine, and said, “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You just have to believe in yourself as much as I do.”
I swiped the tear away, shaking my head. “You’re right,” I told her. “I have to put on my grr face and not second guess myself.”
Elle laughed. “Exactly. Convey with your eyes that’ll you’ll cut a bitch if she even sniffs in your mate’s direction. Make them second-guess everything they thought they knew about you, my lean, mean, alpha-bitch Queen.”
I burst out laughing. “What would I do without you, seriously?”
“Oh, you would be a mess. A complete and utter mess.” She bumped my shoulder playfully. “Now, let’s get you ready for the ceremony.”
Chapter Nine
My lungs constricted, making it hard to breathe. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, the drag of my long, white silk gown against the grass, and the beautiful man awaiting me up front. Anything but the weight of eyes that was pressing down on me, or the abusive slam of my heart. I wasn’t ready for this, but then, would I ever be?
Elle spent the last hour and half doing my hair, makeup, and tried her best to make me laugh. Her company had helped, but now that it was time, all of that relaxation left my body, and I was as tightly wound as I’d been before.
Whoever set up the ceremony had done an awesome job. I walked down an aisle lined with pots of pink and white roses. Twinkle lights crisscrossed over my head, illuminating my face. White chairs sat on either side of the raised stage, too many to count. All of the wolves were here, faces I didn’t recognize or hadn’t met yet. The sky was twilight. Purple and orange smeared across the clouds, lending a beautiful backdrop.
Two women in midnight blue gowns held flutes to their lips, serenading the ceremony attendees. The music was so gentle, just a whisper of wind instruments, but it soaked through me. My wolf metaphorically puffed up her chest at the Native American tune. Pride leaked through me and helped me down the aisle. Elle and Jill were right; this was history in the making. I was a made wolf on her way to becoming an alpha. I held my chin high, relishing in my wolf’s strength. While I’d been unsure about where I belonged and what I could handle, she’d never wavered in knowing this was right where she was supposed to be. From day one, she thought of herself as an alpha, and now she would be—we would be.
I clenched my gown as I ascended the stairs to the stage. Adam was waiting for me with an outstretched hand. My eyes found the mark on his palm, and all semblance of doubt washed away. I clasped his hand and allowed him to lead me to the center. My pack circled around us, knelt on one knee with their heads bowed. My lungs no longer constricted, but my heart did. If there was one sure way to humble a girl, it was this moment. Tears stung my eyes, but I kept my chin high and my face blank. I could not break down, not before the ceremony even started.
“I am honored to share this moment with you my friends,” Adam began. He was wearing ivory linen pants and nothing else. His chest gleamed against the golden hue of the falling sun. When he looked over at me with pride-filled eyes, my own blurred more.
“To find one’s soul mate is a legend we long thought was lost,” Adam continued, looking out into the audience. “As wolves, we breed and mate all in the name of forming alliances. But love rarely fits into the equation.” He looked over at me again, squeezing my hand in reassurance. I tried for a smile, but it felt shaky on my lips. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.
“I am not a man who experiences insecurities,” Adam said with a smile. A hushed round of laughter circled around the crowd. “But when Anna walked into my life she caused just that.”
Hmm, that didn’t sound good.
“I was raised with one way of thinking, and this woman,” he signaled to me. “This beautiful, stubborn woman knocked me off my axis. The mere sight of her caused me to call everything I knew into question. We are each born with a piece missing, and it’s only through the sheer design of fate that we find that missing link. Anna is mine—the piece that makes me whole.” Adam stared into the audience. Aside from the soft music, silence settled over the ceremony as though everyone was holding his or her breath. I know I was holding mine.
“To know that sort of love, that completeness,” Adam paused. “I wish that for each and every one of you. So when I say that I am honored for all of you to stand witness to one of the most important rituals of my life, I say it with truth and humbled pride.” Adam bowed to the crowd. I wasn’t sure if I should follow suit or not … maybe curtsy? I nodded my head slowly instead, hoping I hadn’t offended anyone.
Adam leaned into me and whispered in my ear. “I have never seen you look more beautiful, my Chante.”
All I could do was nod. My voice left with my breath. My legs trembled beneath my dress, and a single tear escaped and slipped down my cheek. With a soft graze, Adam brushed the drop away, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Are you ready?”
I cleared my throat and managed to whisper, “Yes.”